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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Scris de Emily Nagoski
Povestit de Emily Nagoski
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***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER***
An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
Acțiuni carte
Începeți să ascultațiInformații despre carte
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Scris de Emily Nagoski
Povestit de Emily Nagoski
Descriere
***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER***
An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works-based on groundbreaking research and brain science-that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist-but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others' experiences. Because women vary, and that's normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman's arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman's sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
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I wish I could make everyone I know -especially women and those who have sex with women - read this book. It’s deeply empowering.
Rating: 5
Every now and then a book comes along and the only way to rate it highly enough, would be to down-rate all the other books I've reviewed. This is a super piece of writing. I hope I can make time to read this book again some time in the hope the advice and wisdom of this science can resonate deeper as I grow and learn to apply it.
Rating: 5
A must read! This will be my new wedding present to all!
Rating: 5
"The Big O" of this read was more like "Oh My, what a Book". I loved it, and I recommend it to everyone - women AND men. Sure, the first few chapters go through female anatomy, but we could all benefit from learning - or testing what we already know!
I did not expect this to be a book about self-development, but it truly was. What Nagoski describes and refers to in terms of sexuality can easily be copied to other aspects and areas of life. She provides amazing, frank advice on breaking up with unhealthy thought-patterns, accepting one's challenges and becoming one's own best friend.
Once more, warmly recommended! Great read, from beginning to end!
Rating: 5I did not expect this to be a book about self-development, but it truly was. What Nagoski describes and refers to in terms of sexuality can easily be copied to other aspects and areas of life. She provides amazing, frank advice on breaking up with unhealthy thought-patterns, accepting one's challenges and becoming one's own best friend.
Once more, warmly recommended! Great read, from beginning to end!
This book taught me so much about my own body and the way I feel about it. I made connections between by action and reaction to context I have never thought before. It made me cry and smile and say aaaaaaahhhhh... that makes sense... so many times that I started taking notes and journaling. Amazing book and a tremendous eye opener.
Rating: 5I loved this book so much, and I wish I’d had it much earlier. Let’s make it part of the sex ed curriculum.
Rating: 5
It's helped me to open my mind and understand more about the depth of women's sexual science and context. It walked me through the science behind feelings or experiences I've had or heard of. Simply mind-blowing.
Rating: 5
This book is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand their body, mind and sexuality better. It is filled with information most of us are never taught and touches many aspects of everyday life that influence our sex life. You really understand how it is all interconnected.
The author did a great job with the narration as well.
My only criticism is that I didn't like the way an example would be presented, partially explained and then it would say "but more on that in chapter XYZ". It created some confusion and reader unsatisfaction for me. Also, the book is quite dense and even though the writing is very approachable, I would not recommend reading/ listening to it in 2 days as I did. Take your time to truly understand the concepts the book presents.
Rating: 4The author did a great job with the narration as well.
My only criticism is that I didn't like the way an example would be presented, partially explained and then it would say "but more on that in chapter XYZ". It created some confusion and reader unsatisfaction for me. Also, the book is quite dense and even though the writing is very approachable, I would not recommend reading/ listening to it in 2 days as I did. Take your time to truly understand the concepts the book presents.
The simplicity in which Karen educated myself on my sexuality and the fact that I AM NORMAL and despite what society and sex partners have made me thing, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with how I live my sexuality, but I must look at the context I’m at. LOVE THIS BOOK!
Rating: 5Just what I needed to hear. Recommended to me by my therapist and I have since recommended to my friends. My boyfriend and I listened to it together and he found it useful as well.
Rating: 5
This book is everything. Completely changed my world view for the better. I didn’t even know what I didn’t know - I had an “aha!” moment every other page. Seriously. Read this book.
Rating: 5A very worthwhile book to listen to for growth in the area of sexuality and beyond.
Rating: 5
Provides excellent and holistic insight on female sexual health and behavior. Opened my eyes to a lot!
Rating: 5I absolutely loved this. I think that the repetition of main ideas were golden for the audio version (they may have been annoying had I been reading the print version) and helped solidify them in my mind. I also think the TL;DR sections in the back half of the book were great had I been reading the print version. I plan to gift this to my daughter when I feel she’s ready and mature enough to handle/appreciate it.
Rating: 5
Everybody should read this book! So insightful about relationships, identity, stress and gender issues... Plus a completely different and more beautiful way of understanding sex and love. Highly recommended!
Rating: 5
I would've appreciated it if the author talked more about female sexual disfunction, and the importance of acknowledging it, instead of trying to tell me to accept my vaginismus and intimacy issues-riddled body as it is. Other than that, it was a decently educational book that a lot of women should know about.
Rating: 3A very excellent book. I thought I knew just about everything that popular culture got wrong about sex, it turns out my knowledge was pretty much limited to the facts. Emaily Nagoski's book was not only super easy to read, it also helped me to figure out what was holding back my own sex drive and how to better think about sexuality in general.
Rating: 5
This book changed a lot for me and I think all womxn can benefit from ready it.
Rating: 5
Loved this! The author narrates and does such a good job. I learned so much
Rating: 5This book is written primarily for cisgender women. As a cisgender heterosexual male, I found it insightful.NormalThe first thing I was struck by in the book was Nagoski’s extensive and creative use of the term “normal,” and the gender-stereotypical insecurity its usage implies. “Normal” is generally used in a statistical sense. Here it is used to be psychologically comforting and statistically meaningless, as Nagoski relentlessly insists that everyone is “normal.” If we set aside this unusual use of the word, we’re still confronted with a question: why would someone want to be normal? Personally, I would much rather be exceptional, noteworthy, interesting, or even unusual. Only if I’m trying to disappear do I aim for normality. All of this points towards a conclusion: that most women feel “abnormal” in regard to their sexual selves, and with a negative connotation. This is unfortunate news.Mechanistic AnalogiesThe second thing I’m struck by in the book is the author’s use of mechanical analogies. Women are living organisms with a high degree of complexity. Often in the book I feel as though Nagoski oversimplifies women, turning them into machines. An example: her most frequently used analogy is that of accelerator and brake. When you think of these two terms, what image comes to mind? For me, it is a car. Regardless of the utility of this analogy, there are some significant hazards of thinking of a woman as a car, not least of which is that it then has a driver that is necessarily not the car. The one analogy in the book that I enjoy is that of a woman’s sexuality as a garden. Nagoski looks at different biomes and explores diversity through this analogy. Like women, gardens are living systems.Understanding Women Through MenThe third striking aspect of the book is that Nagoski begins with indictment of the way that female sexual education is taught through a male lens—and then goes to explain everything by the analogies to male anatomy and response. In other words, the presentation of this books appears to reinforce (rather than counteract) this narrative. That said, I did learn some fascinating things. For example, that there are “homologues” for every aspect of male and female genitalia.Female Orgasm as Non-EvolutionaryThe fourth surprising aspect of this book is that Nagoski states that the female orgasm is evolutionarily unnecessary (as opposed to the male orgasm, which is associated with sperm). She notes that her students don’t like this story—and I can understand why!Science and ValuesThe fifth oddity is that the book ultimately aims to change the way that women feel about their sexuality, but attempts to do so through science. There is incongruity to this approach; good science is unbiased. On the other hand—values, by their nature, are biased. So the reader is left wondering—what happens if the science veers off in another direction, and if, in a generation, we’ll realize that women should feel poorly about their sexuality? By fastidiously citing the science, Nagoski undermines her aim of reassuring women of their own worth and own experience. Both sexual science and sexual values are important, but to try to further one with the other denigrates both.ContextIf there’s one thing I’ve learned from this book, it is about the importance of female context. Eighty-five percent of women have responsive desire, meaning that becoming turned on is a phenomenon emergent from their context (psychological environment, physical environment, relational environment, etc.). There is an aspect of hazard that Nagoski overlooks in her exploration of this topic (possibly because the book was written before the #MeToo era). Responsive desire is a contributing factor to why we have stereotypes surrounding that men initiate sexual advances, and also a contributing factor to the ways in which men persist even after receiving no for an answer.In conclusion, there were a number of aspects of this book that I found distracting, but ultimately it was an interesting read and I did learn more about female sexuality.
Rating: 3Brilliantly covers a whole range of body-related issues. Let’s teach girls to love their bodies!
Rating: 5This is a bit more of a personal review for me, so skip this if you're not interested - I picked up this book after my therapist recommended it. Sexuality and understanding my body are something I've recently come to realize I've always struggled with. This book is full of science and has really given me understanding about the way I work and helped me see some of the reasons as to why I feel the way I do currently. It's a lot to take in and a book I'd recommend that you be prepared to highlight and annotate (yes, really!) - my own copy is tabbed and highlighted so that I can revisit some especially pertinent sections and better absorb them. Each section has some activities you can complete right in the book as well. If you're struggling to understand your sex drive, whether it be high or low, I think you'll find this book useful. In fact, you'll learn that sex isn't even a drive! I'm not one of those people to ever feel like a book is life-changing, but this one comes pretty close. I don't read much in the way of self-help, but this book was so helpful that it makes me wonder what else is out there. Nagoski explains the science she's studied in a very relatable way. I would especially recommend this if you've ever felt "broken" when it comes to desire, drive, etc. It was incredibly important to me to be able to understand not only the way I feel, but that the way I feel isn't broken or wrong. It's normal and understandable.I'm not yet sure how I'll apply all I've learned, but I'm so glad I read this book.
Rating: 5This is a wonderful book - that I wish had been around when I was a young man. This is a science grounded and practical account of female sexuality that all men should inform all men as well. If I had read this as a younger man - my relationships and my masculinity would have all been enriched.
Rating: 5This is, without a doubt, the best nonfiction book I've ever read. This should be required reading in schools. Society would surely benefit. Please, please, please read this.
Rating: 5First, I liked this book a lot. It's high quality, full of important information, and very well read. However, until track 75 you could get away with reading one in five sentences while after that track it's more like one in three. Same goes for chapters: one in three. Also despite her claims about science, this is at most sociology and good sense. The only really important sciencey piece is about sexual non concordance. Still, hiugh quality stuff on this subject is hard to come by so it might be worth reading, or at least skimming.
Rating: 4This book is fantastic, and way out in front of its peer group (Bonk, I Love Female Orgasm, etc.). Nagoski is an astute observer, a compelling storyteller and a brilliant, curious thinker about female sexuality. I wish this book had been published 10 years ago :)
Rating: 5This was an excellent read, full of interesting advice on how to deal with sex and sexuality issues and should be encouraged reading for all teens and most adults as part of a pre-marriage course. Her mantra was that everyone is an individual and that your mileage may vary. Important things to realise when the world presents everybody as one type.I found it very good food for thought.
Rating: 5Accessible and informative discussion of female sexuality, what the science says about how it works, how it differs from male sexuality, how the brain and the emotions are involved, and what to do if things aren't working as you might like. Fascinating, fascinating science here, and absolutely worth a read whether or not you think your sex life needs transforming (I think some of the cover copy sells the book short, actually; it reads a bit like this is a self-help book, and while it has those aspects, it's also great lay science about sexuality and the way emotions function in human beings). Some of the presentation is a little touchy-feely for me, but the book is highly readable, and the sex-positive, body-positive, woman-positive message is awesome. Recommended. See if you can find an interview online with Nagoski for a taste of what the book's like. She's great in person, and catching a snippet of one was what lead me to pick up the book.
Rating: 4The good: the book is inclusive; the author makes clear that she’s writing for cis women but is aware of the variety among women. Everyone is normal, she insists, and tries to convince the reader that no one is broken or unhealthy unless they’re actually experiencing pain. The concepts are clearly stated, even repeated a bunch of times, which is probably useful when you’re dealing with painful topics. Nagoski has a slightly different take on recent sexuality research than other popular works; she contends that when studies show that women are “aroused” by images of all sorts of sexual activity regardless of their sexual orientation, even images of bonobos mating, other commentary has mistaken a physical response for arousal. That response, she says, represents awareness of sexual relevance, but true arousal is in the head. She calls this nonconcordant desire, where the body and the mind aren’t quite in sync, at least in the male-oriented model of sexuality that predominates. Simply stated, not getting wet doesn’t mean you’re not aroused, and getting wet doesn’t mean you want sex, just that your body has noticed a sexually relevant situation. Some men and many women experience nonconcordant desire.Nagoski structures her advice around the idea of a sexual accelerator and brakes. The accelerator leads to desire for sex and the brakes lead to non-desire or even revulsion. Stepping hard on the accelerator won’t help unless you’ve let up on the brakes. Thus, she suggests that people identify where their perceived problems come from—is it stress and other barriers braking a level of desire, or is it that it’s hard to get started? Relatedly, she argues that having responsive desire is normal: if you only want or enjoy sex after it’s been initiated, and don’t “naturally” desire it yourself, that’s fine.The meh: the language is colloquial, extremely so. You have to be comfortable with reading about your “feels,” not your feelings.The not so good: despite the broad, accepting language, the advice all assumes that the reader has previously had satisfying sex with a partner and is trying to get back to that. Thus, the exercises center around figuring out what worked before and what elements need to be restored.
Rating: 4