If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating
Published by Penguin Random House Audio
4/5
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About this audiobook
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Award-winning actor Alan Alda tells the fascinating story of his quest to learn how to communicate better, and to teach others to do the same. With his trademark humor and candor, he explores how to develop empathy as the key factor.
Alan Alda has been on a decades-long journey to discover new ways to help people communicate and relate to one another more effectively. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? is the warm, witty, and informative chronicle of how Alda found inspiration in everything from cutting-edge science to classic acting methods. His search began when he was host of PBS’s Scientific American Frontiers, where he interviewed thousands of scientists and developed a knack for helping them communicate complex ideas in ways a wide audience could understand—and Alda wondered if those techniques held a clue to better communication for the rest of us.
In his wry and wise voice, Alda reflects on moments of miscommunication in his own life, when an absence of understanding resulted in problems both big and small. He guides us through his discoveries, showing how communication can be improved through learning to relate to the other person: listening with our eyes, looking for clues in another’s face, using the power of a compelling story, avoiding jargon, and reading another person so well that you become “in sync” with them, and know what they are thinking and feeling—especially when you’re talking about the hard stuff.
Drawing on improvisation training, theater, and storytelling techniques from a life of acting, and with insights from recent scientific studies, Alda describes ways we can build empathy, nurture our innate mind-reading abilities, and improve the way we relate and talk with others. Exploring empathy-boosting games and exercises, If I Understood You is a funny, thought-provoking guide that can be used by all of us, in every aspect of our lives—with our friends, lovers, and families, with our doctors, in business settings, and beyond.
“Alda uses his trademark humor and a well-honed ability to get to the point, to help us all learn how to leverage the better communicator inside each of us.”—Forbes
“Communicating is at the heart of connectedness. Alda, with his laudable curiosity, has learned something you and I can use right now.”—Charlie Rose
“Sit back and enjoy Alan Alda’s scientific journey of communication.”—Barbara WaltersRelated to If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
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Reviews for If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
83 ratings7 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I listened to this book as an audiobook, so I had the added treat of hearing Alan Alda himself narrate his experiences with communication and science. This book is really a teaser or an extended argument for the need of better communication in general and better communication of science and technical expertise in particular. Alda presents an overview of much of the research done on communication, with a focus how acting techniques like improvisation can enhance communication, and merges that with his personal interest in seeing scientists better convey their research. Overall, I found the book fascinating and as someone who often works with academic literature, I'm heartened to know that someone is tackling the issue of helping experts communicate their ideas in less technical language.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5I really wanted to like this book because I really like Alan Alda as an actor. I tried and tried to make myself read the entirety, but I just couldn't make it through. Each chapter seemed the same.The point of the book is that clear, effective communication is critical, particularly in science and medicine. Alan Alda suffered a serious mishap with his dentist because he didn't understand what the dentist would be cutting in his mouth. The result was that Alda was unable to smile properly when filming a movie.This led him to create the The Alan Alda Center for Communicating Science at Stony Brook University on Long Island. His method relies on improvisational techniques used to teach acting. The chapters of his book lead you though many of the techniques, and how they improve communication. The problem is that each chapter is so similar to the others, that it's hard to read this book. Rather than a 213 page book, Alda could have communicated this content better in a magazine article.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Yes! Alda's message of clear, empathetic communication is revelatory and so needed in today's climate. Every scientist, business person, humanities, and artist needs to read this. It's a cross-disciplinary and universal message.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5As a very successful actor, I figured Alan Alda probably had something significant say on the subject of communicating. I was expecting something along the lines of a celebrity keynote speech at a corporate gathering. Good thing I listened to the audiobook anyway.While I loved him in M*A*S*H, I never followed Alda's career closely, so much of this was news to me. I was somewhat aware that he hosted a series sponsored by Scientific American, I was not aware this lasted 11 years. Nor was I aware it was on his own initiative that he was an active host/interviewer throughout the show, initially he was expected to merely introduce the topic. For all of his success as an actor, Alda is a scientist at heart.As further cred for this book, Alda founded the Alda Center for Communicating Science. This book contains stories of some of the research and findings this institution has produced. It discusses research that Alda has not only funded by actively participated in. While Alda does not presume himself to be a scientist, his joy at having his theories scientifically tested no matter what the outcome is prevalent throughout this book.There are a lot of lessons here for those who need to communicate. He's not speaking to actors in this book (although they wouldn't be excluded either). One of his theories is how storytelling is a far more effective way of communicating than, say, rattling off factual bullet points. The more technical the information, the less likely it is for another person to fully grasp what is being said. Once engaged, the other party will begin to ask questions, which greatly increases comprehension.Alda uses this theory of communicating through story telling to drive home his thesis throughout the book. The result is something quite easy to grasp - the hows and whys of this form of communicating are inseparable. His research shows time and again outcomes improve as communicating skills improve; and this is illustrated in everything from autistic children to doctors relaying treatment instructions to their patients.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I like Alan Alda so much that I chose this book based alone on the fact that he was narrator, and I can tell you I was not disappointed. I had no idea he was so into science or that his smilectomy was the reason he has a crooked smile.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Not really sure what to make of this. Felt there could be more exercises in the book that would make this applicable on a daily basis.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Alan Alda is a joy to listen to and he's a good writer. This book, despite its fun title, is a serious tome-focused on getting across how important it is to communicate clearly and effectively. Examples are cited, and exercises and games are detailed to help you do exactly that.
Focusing on the other person in a conversation, (not just waiting for your turn to speak), and noting their facial expressions and body language are key. According to Alda, if you are not willing to be changed by a person/conversation then you are NOT really open and listening.
It turns out that empathy is really important in effective communication. One of the exercises in this book mentions watching a person's face during a conversation and specifically noting and NAMING, (silently), the emotions you see on their face. This will sometimes tell you what they are going to say or do next. It tells you if they're understanding what you're saying, or if instead they are bored or confused. At times and with practice, it will sometimes seem to people that you can read minds, but what you're really doing is truly LISTENING.
Because Alan Alda has such a warm, comfortable style I learned a lot from what in less capable hands could have been a very boring book. It also might be due to the fact that Alda is an extremely effective communicator. I have already started to put some of these games and exercises into practice and I believe they have already helped me in certain areas of my life. If you are open, (read: WILLING TO BE CHANGED), then I highly recommend this book!
*I borrowed this audiobook from my awesome public library. Libraries RULE!*