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Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Audiobook7 hours

Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Written by Gary Thomas

Narrated by Gary L. Thomas

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

4.5/5

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About this audiobook

What if God designed marriage to make you holy instead of happy? What if your relationship isn't as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God?

In Sacred Marriage, bestselling author Gary Thomas uncovers the ways that your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God and with each other. Join over one million others who have already uncovered Thomas's tips for fostering a sacred marriage.

Within the pages of Sacred Marriage, Thomas invites you to see how God can use your relationship with your spouse as a discipline and a motivation to love God more and reflect more of the character of his Son.

In addition to life-changing insights from Scripture, church history, and time-tested wisdom from Christian classics, you'll find practical advice and techniques to make your marriage happier by becoming holier husbands and wives.

In Sacred Marriage, Thomas will give you all of the tools you need to:

  • Turn marital struggles into spiritual and personal appreciation
  • Love your spouse with a stronger sense of purpose
  • Confront your weaknesses and sin in order to grow your relationship with God and with your spouse
  • Partner in the spiritual growth and character formation of your spouse
  • Transform a tired marriage into a relationship filled with awe and respect

Thomas reveals that sacred marriages teach us to love God and others well by fostering a healthy sex life, a strong prayer life, and a rich spiritual life. God uses our marriages to help us grow in character, in prayer, in worship, and in service--we just have to recognize that the purpose of marriage is holiness, not happiness.

Each copy also includes thought-provoking discussion questions designed to spark conversation between couples and small groups, allowing you to dive deeper into the lessons that Thomas shares in Sacred Marriage.

Join the one million others who have already started on their journey to transforming their relationship with their spouses and with their Creator.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherZondervan
Release dateAug 9, 2016
ISBN9780310347002
Author

Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas's writing and speaking draw people closer to Christ and closer to others. He is the author of twenty books that together have sold more than two million copies and have been translated into more than a dozen languages. These books include Sacred Marriage, Cherish, Married Sex, and the Gold Medallion-award winning Authentic Faith. Gary holds a bachelor's degree in English Literature from Western Washington University, a master's degree in systematic theology from Regent College (Vancouver, BC), and an honorary doctor of divinity degree from Western Seminary (Portland, OR). He serves as a teaching pastor at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, Colorado.

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Reviews for Sacred Marriage

Rating: 4.698019801980198 out of 5 stars
4.5/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    "What if god designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"Thomas is from a Catholic background. This is an interesting proposal. Each chapter is about a different aspect of holiness. It seems to be written with men in mind. Chapter titles:1. Greatest challenge in the world: a call to holiness more than happiness2. Finding God in marriage: marital analogies teach us truths about God.3. Learning to love: marriage teaches us to love4. Holy honor: marriage teaches us to respect others (particularly our spouse)5. Soul's embrace: good marriage can foster good prayer6. Cleansing of marriage: how marriage exposes our sin7. Sacred history: building the spiritual discipline of perseverance8. Sacred struggle: embracing difficulty in order to build character9. Falling forward: marriage teaches us to forgive10. Make me a servant: marriage can build in us a servant's heart11. Sexual saints: marital sexuality can provide spiritual insights and character development12. Sacred presence: how marriage can make us more aware of God's presence13. Sacred mission: marriage can develop our spiritual calling, mission, and purposeQuotes from the book:Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. There is much in Christian history that has unofficially considered married believers to be second-class Christians who compromised their integrity. Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value. if the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me happy, then I'd have to get a new marriage every two or three years. The ultimate purpose of this book is not to make you love your spouse more. It's to equip you to love your God more. He planted marriage among humans as yet another signpost pointing to his own eternal, spiritual existence. Marriage creates a climate where this love is put to the greatest test. The problem is that love must be acquired. It must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced. A man who says "I've never loved you" is a man who is saying essentially this: "I've never acted like a Christian." It's easy to love God because God doesn't smell, have bad breath, or reward kindness with evil like humans. Can it mean, then, that if my wife is unhappy, I'm failing God? Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. 1 Peter 3:7 Peter tells us that we should improve our marriages so that we can improve our prayer lives. Dissension is a major prayer-killer. The institution of marriage is designed to force us to become reconcilers. That's the only way we'll survive spiritually. What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. Don't give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Biblically speaking you can't swap your spouse for someone else. The mature response, is not to leave but to change ourselves. We live in a nation of quitters. Today you can virtually define marriage with perseverance or the maintenance of a long-term relationship. When you divorce your spouse, you have no idea what the future hold for him or her. If you're reading this after you've gone through a divorce, you serve no one, least of all God, by becoming fixated on something you can't now undo. That's what forgiveness and grace are for, a fresh start, a new beginning. By remaining faithful in the midst of unfaithfulness (being divorced), her eyes were opened to God's presence in a new way. By remaining faithful to an unfaithful husband, she demonstrated the truth of a God who remains faithful to an unfaithful people (like us). This tendency to avoid difficulty is a grave spiritual failing that can and often does keep us in Christian infancy. Strength comes from facing the struggle head-on, not when we run from it. A good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. Marriage can never remove the trials. But even difficult marriages to difficult men can give women the strength to become the people God created them to be. The opposite of biblical love isn't hate, it's apathy. Many men don't realize the damage they do simply by remaining silent. These are not profiles in courage; they are monuments of male shame. Marriage presumes the gift of self. The absence of conflict demonstrates that either the relationship isn't important enough to fight over or that both individuals are too insecure to risk disagreement. Glossing over disagreements and sinful attitudes and behaviors isn't fellowship; it's polite pretending. I believe one of marriage's primary purposes is to teach us how to forgive. Forgiveness is so unnatural an act that it takes practice to perfect. In an arranged marriage, sex is something he expects to receive, not something he plans to give. Marriage creates a situation in which our desire to be served and coddled can be replaced with a more noble desire to serve others. The vast majority of people do not enter marriage with a view to becoming a servant. God is always worthy of being obeyed, and God calls me to serve my spouse. Most of us are introduced to sex in shameful ways. Sex cannot pay spiritual dividends if its currency is shrouded in unfounded and illegitimate guilt. Marriage provides a context that encourages spiritual growth by moving us to value character, virtue, and godliness over against an idealized physical form. A godly marriage shapes our view of beauty to focus on internal qualities. Continuing to give your body to your spouse even when you believe it constitutes damaged goods can be tremendously rewarding spiritually. Sex may be God's way of calling us to connect with each other. We can learn to use the sex drive to groom our character. Communication calls us our of ourselves. Becoming a more mature person is just as honoring to God as is doing the right things.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    There was quite a bit of good material in the book. However, the author's continued focus on mystical / contemplative Christianity was a somewhat large distraction for me.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I'm never sure what I'll get when I pick up a Christian book on marriage; some can be gimmicky or cliched or simply tiresome. But there are definitely some gems out there, and I count [book: Sacred Marriage] among them.

    Instead of asking how spirituality shapes married life, Gary Thomas asks how marriage can shape our spirituality. This is the very question I have been pondering since I began thinking about marriage as a form of radical discipleship. Thomas considers what it means to say that marriage is more about our sanctification than our happiness; how marriage exposes our sin, teaches us servanthood and forgiveness, and schools us in perseverance; and above all how Christian marriages should strive to testify to the faithfulness of God.

    His prose doesn't sweep you off your feet like Mike Mason's does in [book: The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle]. It's just consistent, humble, and wise. The book as a whole I found refreshing, sobering, and encouraging. I have added it to the list of resources that I hope my fiance and I will treasure and return to in the course of our marriage.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The subtitle is a good summary of the book. Despite traditions that say a person is more holy by remaining celibate and single, the author points out how the marriage relationship can be a training ground for becoming all that God wants us to be. For a society where marriage is no longer sacred and where Christians also seem to be giving up too easily, the author calls us to commitment. The book is full of great illustrations from history and individuals who the author counseled.Each chapter is on a different attribute that should be learned in marriage: forgiveness, service, prayer, love, perseverance, respect, etc. There is a chapter on sexual intimacy and one of balancing family responsibilities with our mission for God which is very appropriate for ministers.A great resource to have before teaching or preaching on marriage, doing any marital counseling, and just for your own marriage.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    What an informative yet challenging book. It challenges us in various parts of our marriage- but, not just for the marriage for for ourselves and more importantly, God. I learned so much…and am actively applying. Recommended highly!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    So good! For married couples wanting a deeper spiritual book to go through together, this is perfect.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Edifying and interesting. The discussion on the perspective of marriage is grounded on solid biblical grounds. A read for all in and entering marriage. Highly recommend. Go slow and think about the writing. Talk about it with others. This book will change you if you let it. In doing so, it will change your marriage.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Great book! This has really re-shaped my view of marriage in terms how it can help my Christianity. I’ve heard so many of my married friends and church members talk about how marriage detracts from Christianity that it almost seems like the most effective way at being a Christian is to remain single. But Gary offers a really cool and unique perspective! Marriage can be amazing grounds for developing holiness and becoming more like Christ. Family can challenge us in ways singleness never could. So happy I read this!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Steeped in scripture, this is an amazing perspective on biblical marriage, and how marriage can draw us into a closer relationship with God. I read this years ago and I am now re-reading it with someone I am dating. We both plan on rereading it even again.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I would highly recommend this to all couples: dating, engaged or married! Worth a listen/read. Plan on making it something I listen to every few years if not yearly and a good reminder of how you should be directing your marriage towards God.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Listened to this at a very low point in my marriage life and it was soul lifting. I think it should be taught to singles before they get married. Thank you for helping my marriage.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Great book. Every marriage goes through trials. This book sheds light on ways to get through the trials as sons and daughters of God.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I love his emphasis on the biblical view of family and found that all his points can be practiced and intentionally developed now; whether single (in preparation for marriage) or married.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    The Author lost me on the opening quote of Socrates.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A really good perspective on marriage, married life and the like!
    It’s a great read even if you aren’t currently married, or are going through some stuff.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was a wonderful book for me to read with my fiancé! I encourage others to do the same. I know it has helped me see her differently and seek God far above her, which, in turn, helps my relationship with her. Thank you Gary! Most of all, thank God!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Such an inspiring listen!! Highly recommend it! Good for everyone
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    My wife and I haven't finished this yet, but for the most part we've enjoyed the book. It's a bit light, but makes enough useful points to be worth reading.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The author has taken the relationship of the married couple and made it into a special relationship with God in the Christian experience. Many personal stories illustrate the author's points, as do Bible citations. The bottom line is that marriage is a specific way for two people to have a closer relationship with God than on their own and that this marriage can be a testing ground for spiritual development.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is another great book by Gary Thomas. I recently finished Sacred Parenting and the Sacred Parenting bible study. I read this book in preperation for the bible study that goes with it. After finishing this book I am all the more eager to do the bible study at church! Gary Thomas does an excellent job of addressing the issue of marriage from a very practical and biblical point. It is easy to relate to the illustrations. This book is not a "how to" book on marriage but rather a book that points to the fact that marriage is designed by God and is essentially for God and the deepening of a relationship with God. As this personal relationship deepens so does the marriage and it also is fortified and strengthened by this personal relationship. God is a God of love and that is what marriage is all about. To better understand this one must seek out God on a personal level. This book is an excellent book to be read with your spouse, however, it is also worth reading even if your spouse does not wish to read it with you. Be challenged to apply God's word to your every day life.Thank you Zondervan for providing this review copy.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Brutally honest. Unlike any other marriage book I've ever read. Not a step-by-step, thank God!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Originally I was hesitant to buy this book; I am not a fan of "self-help" books, but it isn't one. It's a treatment on the role of marriage in relationship to God and man. I read this before getting married, and frankly, it has helped us move beyond ourselves and grow closer to each other. I would recommend reading this before marriage; it will prepare you for issues. As someone else stated, the writing is a little light at times, but overall his insights are somewhat refreshing.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Thomas addresses the interdependence of one's relationship with God and the marriage relationship in this volume. He advocates that couples should be pointing each other in the direction of God as their relationship grows. He makes a lot of good points. The biggest problem with the book lies in the mechanics of writing. Thomas sometimes tries to make a story a point rather than an illustration for a point, particularly in the first portion of the book. The book has several grammatical problems which I found distracting. These should have been addressed in the editorial process. While the focuses are slightly different, I really preferred Timothy Keller's The Meaning of Marriage to this one. That is not to say that I did not benefit from Thomas' thoughts and views on the matter. In fact, I downloaded a NetGalley copy of the author's A Lifelong Love as I was reading this volume.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    There are tons of books out there on how to improve your marriage. It seems that no matter how many tomes are written on love-languages and conflict resolution and communication, no matter how many idealized visions of marriage are put to paper, Christian marriages still struggle. Sometimes there are things about your marriage and spouse that just aren't going to change — at least not in the foreseeable future. What then? Do we just put our heads down and grind away at just staying together? Or is there something higher we can find even in the day-to-day challenges and struggles? The premise of Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage is God has designed our marriage relationships — good or bad, happy or hard — as a unique instrument to draw us closer to Himself. The subtitle asks this provocative question: what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? Seen in this light, marriage becomes less about romance and personal fulfillment. Instead it takes on a deeper meaning, as one of the most sanctifying and God-glorifying tools that He uses to make us more like Christ. This is wonderfully freeing because it shows us marriage is not an end in itself. It has a purpose outside of our own personal fulfillment and pleasure, a purpose that is both eternal and immediate. The truth is, in marriage we don't get to hide. The other person gets to see it all — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Since our sin thrives in secrecy and darkness, exposure is uncomfortable but ultimately essential if we are to change. Thomas's spin as an author seems to be meshing the Christian tradition, Scripture, and our modern experience to intersect with the issues we face every day. In this book he talks a lot about how historical Christianity has largely failed in its view of marriage, traditionally seeing marriage as lesser than God intended and married people as second-class Christians. One notable exception was a sixteenth-century bishop, Frances de Sales, who viewed marriage as a desirable state for spiritual growth. Thomas quotes many of de Sales's letters to people who were dealing with difficult marriages, and those snippets are both fascinating and practical today. My marriage is very blessed. I have a godly husband who is striving to become more like Christ daily, and who works hard to lead our family. But Thomas's exhortations to those in difficult marriages are still applicable to those in easier circumstances, because no marriage is perfect and we all have moments of disappointment, conflict, and pain. It is helpful in difficult times to look beyond the immediate way in which my needs aren't being met and ask what God wants me to learn from the experience, how I can use this to become more like Christ. It isn't always easy to do this, but it becomes easier with practice. It gives such hope... because a painful marital situation may be God's most effective tool for sanctification. I would recommend this book to married Christians, especially those struggling with difficult circumstances in their marriages. God may not lift that burden, but it is only because He wants to give you something better: holiness and fellowship with His Son. You will be comforted, rejoiced, and encouraged by that to the extent that you value Christ. To sum up, marriage has the potential to draw us closer to God through Christ — and that is why it is sacred.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Excellent, excellent book!
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Besides the overall mysticism found throughout this book, I found Thomas' major premise lacking biblical support.Genesis 2:18 states, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."Certainly a man and wife might be more holy because of the influence and support of their spouse, but to say this is the primary purpose of marriage is an overreaching and non sustained argument on Thomas' part.Not to say there are not some valuable helps in the book, but there are better books available more worthy of our time and meditations.