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    Chill Bill: The Lighter Side of Being a Cop
    Chill Bill: The Lighter Side of Being a Cop
    Chill Bill: The Lighter Side of Being a Cop
    Ebook84 pages34 minutes

    Chill Bill: The Lighter Side of Being a Cop

    By James Holland

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    About this ebook

    I want to set the record straight: Police officers are not the dark, humourless souls you see on TV and in the movies.
    I should know; I’m an ex Metropolitan (London) Police Officer.

    Yes, police work is stressful and dangerous. Police men and women see and do things that would make your hair stand on end.

    But through it all we keep our sense of humour. In fact, the humour is the secret weapon that keeps police officers sane and makes doing a tough job just that little bit easier.

    You won’t find stories about the dark side of police work in these pages, although that obviously does exist. Behind the uniform you will catch a glimpse of the laughter, pranks, good natured teasing and lifelong camaraderie that exist between police officers.

    To protect the guilty, some of these stories are from a place some cops call ‘rumour control’ but most are true stories that I experienced during my time in the police service during the late eighties and early nineties.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateJul 1, 2013
    ISBN9781483502328
    Chill Bill: The Lighter Side of Being a Cop
    Author

    James Holland

    James Holland was born in Salisbury, Wiltshire, and studied history at Durham University. A member of the British Commission for Military History and the Guild of Battlefield Guides, he also regularly contributes reviews and articles in national newspapers and magazines. He is the author of Italy's Sorrow: A Year of War, 1944-1945; Fortress Malta: An Island Under Siege, 1940-1943; Together We Stand: North Africa 1942-1943 – Turning the Tide in the West; and Heroes: The Greatest Generation and the Second World War. His many interviews with veterans of the Second World War are available at the Imperial War Museum. James Holland is married with two children and lives in Wiltshire.

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      Book preview

      Chill Bill - James Holland

      9781483502328

      INTRODUCTION

      I want to set the record straight: Police officers are not the dark, humourless souls you see on TV and in the movies.

      I should know; I’m an ex Metropolitan (London) Police Officer.

      Yes, police work is stressful and dangerous. Police men and women see and do things that would make your hair stand on end. But through it all we keep our sense of humour. In fact, the humour is the secret weapon that keeps police officers sane and makes doing a tough job just that little bit easier.

      You won’t find stories about the dark side of police work in these pages, although that obviously does exist. Behind the uniform you will catch a glimpse of the laughter, pranks, good natured teasing and lifelong camaraderie that exist between police officers.

      To protect the guilty, some of these stories are from a place some cops call ‘rumour control’ but most are true stories that I experienced during my time in the police service during the late eighties and early nineties.

      I hope you enjoy them because they still bring a smile to my face.

      Enjoy!

      James

      SECTION ONE

      WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

      What did you just say?

      A London police station control room is the hub of police activity. It’s manned by a team of officers and police civilian staff who handle incoming emergency calls and the deployment of police officers in the streets. At any given time, the average London police station is buzzing with the activity of a staff of more than 200 made up of dozens of civilians in administrative roles, plain clothes detectives, officers on patrol, uniformed officers manning the desks, and senior officers supervising.

      Despite the stresses and strains of their high-pressure jobs, you would be hard pressed to find a bigger group of pranksters.

      It’s common practice for someone in the control room to call the police canteen looking for officers. When the canteen phone rings, the nearest officer is expected to answer the call and relay the requested officer’s name to the canteen loudly enough for everyone to hear and respond.

      Repeatedly, calls came in searching for Mike Hunt.

      Every time a call would come in for Mike Hunt the answering officer -- if he was gullible enough -- would dutifully shout to the canteen: Is Mike Hunt here? Mike Hunt? Is Mike Hunt available?

      Strangely, Mike Hunt never appeared.

      Do you know where Mike Hunt is?

      Excuse Me

      It takes time to learn all the things about being a police officer in the London suburbs, but what you eventually realize is that there is no ignoring the public. Every time you attempt to put off a good citizen, it somehow comes back to bite you in the bum. Some of us learn faster than others, and for those who seem to have particular trouble with this lesson, it makes for great storytelling.

      During a routine vehicle check, an Asian man got out of his vehicle after being stopped by the police car.

      As is routine, the officer asked the man his name and he replied, Fuck you!

      Taken aback by the response and thinking perhaps the man had misheard him, or that he had misunderstood the man. Again, he asked, Sir, your name, please?

      Again the man said emphatically, Fuck you!

      The officer, now losing his temper but not quite understanding why the man would be so disrespectful asked, between clenched teeth, Sir, may I see your driver’s license please?

      The man got his license out his wallet and dutifully passed it to the officer. Studying the license, he read the name over and over, his face turned bright red. Indeed, the license itself had a clear picture of the driver and the printed name of ‘Fuk Yu’.

      No Good Deed Goes

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