The Power of Respect: Benefit from the Most Forgotten Element of Success
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About this ebook
Want respect from others? Scientific research says, try giving it.
There is power in respect. And it comes with multiple benefits.
In business:
- Higher sales
- Lower employee turnover
- Less exposure to lawsuits
At home:
- A stronger marriage
- Healthier family dynamics
- More polite children
In your personal life:
- More self-respect and confidence
- Closer friendships
- Higher standing in the community
Respect, a lost value in our world today, is the latest subject of research for Inside Edition anchor and best-selling author Deborah Norville. Citing scientific studies and using stories based on personal interviews, Norville makes a compelling case for the Power of Respect—the simple act of treating people as though they really matter.
In The Power of Respect Norville details the specific dollar savings in business and dramatic improvements in student test scores that are directly attributable to respect. She says, "Now that I've seen the research done by some of the greatest minds in the field, I am stunned to see the impact of being respected and giving respect. I am also mystified. Why wouldn't someone want to put it to work?"
Respect tips, sprinkled throughout the text, and Respect Reminders, at the end of each chapter, add to the clarity of the message and help reinforce the personal benefits. Start practicing this most overlooked ingredient of success and find out what it means for you!
Deborah Norville
Deborah Norville is the anchor of Inside Edition, the nation’s longest running, top-rated syndicated newsmagazine with five million viewers. The two-time Emmy-Award winner and lecturer is also a New York Times best-selling author. She and her husband have three children.
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Reviews for The Power of Respect
2 ratings1 review
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I remember the days of watching Deborah Norville on television so eloquently reporting the latest news happenings. Now it is my privilege to tell you a little about Deborah's new book, The Power of Respect: Benefit from the Most Forgotten Element of Success that I just finished reading. The book starts with Deborah and the Dictionary's definition of respect, "How you look back at yourself and others." And so the journey of self respect begins at home with Deborah sharing many insightful stories, resourceful quotes, facts and scriptures that bring us back to the necessary foundation in relationships with our families, businesses and schools. If you desire to be more creative, happier and more helpful, learn about this most valuable tool called respect that Deborah shares so beautifully with us in her writings. I loved this book and especially this quote - "Respect is music the deaf can hear and the blind can see." We all have value and importance. I give this book 5+ stars!
Book preview
The Power of Respect - Deborah Norville
PRAISE FOR
The Power of Respect
Aretha Franklin has nothing on Deborah Norville when it comes to understanding the power and importance of respect. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to do anything with anyone else.
— Dick Parsons
Chairman, Citigroup; and
Former Chairman and CEO,
Time Warner
"Deborah Norville reminds us all of what is really important in life. The principles in this book work! If you want to be happy and healthy and change your life for the better, READ THIS BOOK!"
— Sean Hannity
FOX News
In her terrific new book, Deborah Norville proves that respect never goes out of style. It offers a fresh take on a simple but powerful truth: treating others well is the cornerstone of good business and a good life.
— Leonard A. Lauder
Chairman Emeritus, The Estée
Lauder Companies, Inc.
"This book could not be more timely! Deborah Norville reminds us of the crucial importance of respect in everyday life and why everyone wins when we treat others—and ourselves—respectfully. The Power of Respect should be required reading at home; in businesses, schools, and nonprofit organizations; and in leadership-training programs. In short, every relationship will benefit from the insights contained in Ms. Norville’s valuable book."
— Bruce Weinstein, PhD
The Ethics Guy® and Author,
Is It Still Cheating If I Don’t Get
Caught?
Deborah Norville is the perfect person to explore respect in this inspiring and practical book. With scientific research, she proves that valuing ourselves and each other is not only important but vital to a strong life.
— Marcus Buckingham
New York Times Best-Selling
Author, Now, Discover Your
Strengths
Deborah Norville uses respect to build integrity into our relationships and honor into our lives.
— Mehmet Oz, MD
New York Times Best-Selling
Author, The You Series
"It’s the one commodity with zero cost and unlimited gain. It won’t shrink your wallet or reduce your list of friends. It’s respect. And as Deborah Norville skillfully reminds us, practicing the power of respect could quite possibly improve the course of society. Thanks, Deborah, for this insightful study. Count me in!"
— Max Lucado
Pastor and Best-Selling Author
Just what the doctor ordered! Respect means consideration of others, and Deborah Norville makes a powerful and respectful case as to why we would enrich our own lives and of those around us by making a more conscious effort to live up to this ‘forgotten’ element of living.
— Steve Forbes
President and CEO,
Forbes Magazine
"The foundation of every relationship, whether at home or work, is respect. If you don’t respect the people in your life, then you’ll never become someone they can respect. In The Power of Respect, Deborah Norville shines a spotlight on our self-focused society and reminds us of the life-changing power of valuing other people above ourselves."
— Dave Ramsey
Radio Talk Show Host;
Best-Selling Author; and FOX
Business Network Host,
The Dave Ramsey Show
It is impossible to achieve self-respect, respect for others, or respect from others until each one of us is willing to hold ourselves accountable for our own choices and actions. We have become a blaming society, and as such, Deborah Norville’s book could not be more timely for a nation in need of healing on all fronts.
— Christy K. Mack
Cofounder and President,
The Bravewell Collaborative
"The Power of Respect radiates a warm glow of human dignity. In an age when basic values are easily overwhelmed by the frenetic pace of events seemingly larger than ourselves, it is vital to remember core truths of human fulfillment. In this charming and graceful book, Deborah Norville reminds us that respect for others is a key to self-respect as well as to personal accomplishment."
— Philip K. Howard
Chairman, Common Good;
and Author, Life Without
Lawyers
"The Power of Respect identifies a critically important element of individual success. When applied together with other individuals, the culture of mutual respect activates the acceptance of leadership and the empowerment of collaborative innovation for the future."
— Richard E. Caruso, PhD
Founder and Chairman,
Integra LifeSciences and
Uncommon Individual
Foundation
"Deborah Norville’s The Power of Respect is a beautifully written, old-school lesson for a new generation about the life-changing value of respect. It’s a great how-to handbook for parents, couples, students, and all of us in the workplace. It should be a part of the book collection of anyone who is committed to living a full and successful life."
— Byron Pitts
CBS News
Respect requires giving people the grace to be heard and the warmth of being understood. You don’t have to forfeit your identity, ideals, or ideology to have it, just your hostility! Bravo, Deborah Norville, for returning civility to our discourse and respect to our ever increasingly diverse world.
— Bishop T. D. Jakes
Dallas, Texas
Deborah Norville reminds us that respect is one of the underestimated powers of life. She is a wonder, and so is this book. Both give wise, practical counsel that will immediately help you in friendships and life—at work, school, and play. Deborah’s writing is smart, useful, and passionate. Read it, enjoy, and learn the difference it can make in your life.
— Dan Rather
Global Correspondent
and Managing Editor,
Dan Rather Reports, HDNet
OTHER BOOKS BY DEBORAH NORVILLE
Back on Track
I Don’t Want to Sleep Tonight
I Can Fly
Thank You Power
Knit with Deborah Norville
Title page with Thomas Nelson logo© 2009 Deborah Norville
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson .com.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version®. © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NCV are from the New Century Version®. © 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Norville, Deborah.
The power of respect: benefit from the most forgotten element of success / Deborah Norville.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7852-2760-1 (hardcover)
1. Respect. 2. Success. I. Title.
BJ1533.R4N67 2009
179'.9—dc22
2009024965
09 10 11 12 13 QW 5 4 3 2 1
Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook
Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.
For those who cross the finish line that matters
by letting others go first
and
those who know that
we rise higher when we let others shine.
Human behavior is a fascinating thing to observe. Change your tone of voice or alter your body language, and you can totally change the way another person reacts.
Try it. Reply to someone in a series of short, curt responses, and you’ll witness their transformation from calm and blasé to cranky and irritable. But the reverse works too.
You’ve probably noticed the service is a little more solicitous when you’re friendly to the waitress. Could a kind word or gesture result in more than just speedy service?
Yes!
If you want to get ahead in your job or get more out of your workers . . .
If you want harmony at home or congeniality at the office . . .
If you want to minimize the possibility of legal action . . .
If you’d just like the world to be a more civil place . . .
If you want to be more creative and more confident . . .
You might be surprised at how all these things and more can be accomplished through one powerful concept:
RESPECT
Contents
Acknowledgments
1. The Most Forgotten Element of Success
The Power of Respect
2. It All Starts at Home
The Power of Respect at Home
3. The Glue That Keeps Us Together
The Power of Respect in Relationships
4. Taming the Blackboard Jungle
The Power of Respect at School
5. The Best Business Tool—and It’s Free!
The Power of Respect in Business
6. The Leadership Magnet
The Power of Respect for Leaders
7. It’s on the Inside
The Power of Self-Respect
Conclusion
Appendix: Values in Action—Strengths of Character
Notes
About the Author
Acknowledgments
I had no idea how rich a topic I was exploring when I first began this project. Though it costs absolutely nothing, respect may be one of the most valuable tools any of us can use to achieve our own goals or to help others do the same. It truly is the grease that lubricates the wheels of society—a bit more of it and we might lessen some of the headline-making problems of the world. I am deeply indebted to those researchers and academicians whose studies on the relationship of human interactions have made it possible for me to state with authority the many ways this can be achieved. One professor expressed his frustration that too often their illuminating findings remain buried in dusty academic journals. I am honored to bring a bit of light to the affirmative work being done by so many gifted investigators.
I am lucky to have the advice and friendship of my literary agents at Dupree-Miller, Jan Miller and Shannon Marven, the most dynamic duo in publishing. Ours has been a partnership for many years, and I hope it never ends. I also gratefully acknowledge the team I have been privileged to work with again at Thomas Nelson Publishers. Debbie Wickwire immediately understood the concept of this book, and her sharp editorial intellect added greatly, every step of the way. It is equaled by her sensitivity to the realities of life. Her understanding of the author’s challenge of trying to meet publishing deadlines while juggling a full-time job, two school application processes, and other family responsibilities was a godsend. Jennifer Stair’s editorial guidance was a welcome addition to the project. Her fresh set of eyes and careful reading of this material was invaluable at a critical juncture. Paula Major also contributed greatly with her assistance as the project neared completion. I hope we all get to collaborate on more projects going forward.
This book began with enormous amounts of research. Hearty thanks and appreciation to Nina Endrst. Her guidance in helping me access the databases I relied upon for initial and follow-up research was hugely important. Many of my observations of how disrespect has permeated our society are made as I am anchoring my daily TV show. I am grateful for my colleagues at Inside Edition who day in and day out do such outstanding work. Too often our time-pressured television world doesn’t permit the proper amount of appreciation to go their way, and I want to acknowledge their work and that of others at CBS Domestic Television Division.
The Power of Respect begins at home, and certainly that is where I first learned it. To my father, Zack Norville, and my late mother, Merle Olson Norville, thank you for insisting on respect in our home and for teaching your children how to find it in themselves.
It is a lesson I have tried to pass along to my own family, which receives my final acknowledgment. To my husband, Karl, huge thanks for putting up with what proved to be a literary process that usurped far more family time than I ever intended. The way you weave concern for others into both your business and personal affairs is a model for me and so many others. To my children, Niki, Kyle, and Mikaela, the many moments when you’ve shown special mindfulness for others has lifted my heart even higher than you already do on a daily basis (though I did think it was kind of disrespectful to roar through my tiny office with power drills as you installed an Internet line while I was trying to finish this book!).
Finally, I thank God for the curiosity He has given me and the energy to act on it. I know You have me here for a purpose, and I hope this book, in part, helps to fulfill it.
1
The Most Forgotten
Element of Success
The Power of Respect
The test had been announced in advance, which meant the students had the chance to study and come to class well prepared. Test papers were handed out, and the college exam commenced. The room was silent, except for the scratching of pencils and the occasional tapping as a student tried to figure out an answer. Until the last question. One by one, as students reached the end of the test, they read the final question with consternation. Some grunted in disgust. One student exclaimed, You’re kidding, right?
Another asked, Does the last question count toward our grade?
It had to be a joke. Yes, it does,
replied the teacher, somewhat tersely.
When all the papers were handed in, the professor finally explained. The last question was, What is the first name of the man who cleans our school?
Virtually every student had been stumped. All of them saw him almost every day. But his name? If kids spoke to him, it was usually Hey, dude.
Few students knew his name was Otis.
The professor told the class, "As you go forward in life, you will meet many people. All of them are important. No matter what their position, everyone you cross paths with deserves your attention and respect, even if all you do is just smile and say hello. Especially the people you see every day."
I heard that story years ago, and its impact has stayed with me. No one is too unimportant to be ignored. No one is so significant that others don’t matter.
DO UNTO OTHERS . . .
It’s a ridiculously simple concept and the first step in the Power of Respect: acknowledging the existence of another person. We all can rattle off a dozen platitudes about it. Walk a mile in their moccasins. The Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
¹ Put yourself in their place. Whatever way you say it, when you do it, incredible things can happen.
Doing that brought about an enormous change in Candice Harris’s life. She was a young woman in her early twenties, working hard to make it on her own in Atlanta. Growing up, Candice never heard anyone say, You can do it.
She has no recollection of anyone ever encouraging her or pushing her to excel. Candice grew up in a world of lowered expectations. She had never felt she was very important—either at home or at her school. She says her family didn’t expect very much of her and made a point of letting her know that. They actually said it to her. Candice told me, It was like, ‘This is the extent of what’s possible for you.’ I felt like it was a good thing if I was small for them.
You mean like out of the way?
I asked.
Yeah, like, ‘Just keep quiet. Don’t make demands. We can only do so much.’
That was especially true when it came to Candice’s teeth. They were uneven with huge, noticeable gaps between them. Braces could have solved the problem, but growing up, Candice says she was made to feel she wasn’t worthy of them. My teeth were left that way as a child. Almost like, ‘You are not worth the extra dental bills for getting this fixed,’
Candice told me. She continued, That was even more of a hindrance for my confidence than what my teeth looked like.
Candice paused before she continued. I never quite believed any of it, or I wouldn’t have left home so young.
She moved away from home when she was only seventeen and settled in Atlanta two years later. She was a determined young woman, but everything was a struggle. She says it took her a long time to learn some of the basics, like how to rent an apartment or open a bank account. By the time she was twenty-one, she was working as a waitress, dating a not-so-terrific guy, and still hoping to scrape together the money she’d need to get her teeth fixed.
About this same time, Dr. David Garber went out to dinner with some of his business partners at a restaurant in Atlanta. They noticed their waitress, an attractive young woman in her twenties who never seemed to smile, no matter how funny their jokes. When the waitress spoke, they noticed huge gaps between her teeth. Candice was their server. She thought the men were leering at her—like they were dirty old men.
As it happened, her customers were dentists in partnership with Dr. Ronald Goldstein, one of the world’s leading innovators in cosmetic dentistry.
The dentists persuaded Candice to come in for a consultation. She was painfully shy about how her smile looked. In fact, she was so shy that it was difficult to get her to even smile so Dr. Goldstein could take dental photos for evaluation. There was no way Candice could afford the kind of dental work that would give her a smile she’d be proud of. In fact, ironically, she had made inquiries just that week about trying to obtain credit to pay for the procedure.
Dr. Goldstein isn’t just any dentist. He pioneered many of the techniques in cosmetic dentistry and literally wrote the book on aesthetic dentistry. His scholarly articles have been widely published. But Dr. Goldstein, who graduated from dental school in 1957, has made a lifelong practice of