High Political Heresy Volume #1

Warning: For Men Only; R Rated

HIGH POLITICAL HERESY

Satire, Science, History and More

By Damocles

Published by W.D.Templeton at Smashwords

Copyright 2010 W.D.Templeton

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

FOREWORD

Bursting in like a bold philosopher (or armed-robber) from the Twilight Zone, Damocles strives to be an entertaining and edifying amalgam of Darwin, Swift and Rasputin. (Well-read readers may detect some Kafka, nicely garnished with the barest hint of Mengele).

He seeks to shed light (or perhaps darkness, from the perspective of some) on various illusions demanding disabuse, which sadly pre-Damocles are running amok among the body politic.

Liberals, Al Gore supporters and aggressive feminists are particularly advised to avoid this work at all costs, in order not to incur severe intellectual indigestion and possibly disrupted belief system, which even Obama-care may not cure.

DEDICATION

This book in general, and the chapter on Global Climate in particular, is dedicated to Al Gore and Joseph Goebbels, in due recognition of their pioneering work in the fields of propaganda and sophistry.

Date: April 28, 2009

Note to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Neal Boortz:

Dear [ ] :

I'm a long-time listener who admires your intellectual approach to things and your patriotic devotion to our founding fathers' ideals. You are Reagan's Paladin.

I share virtually 100% of your skepticism and concern regarding issues such as (a) man-made global warming, (b) the Obama administration's assault on prosperity, (c) the abysmal state of our inner-city schools and the fate of those condemned to serve time in them, (d) the theft of money today from our children and grandchildren, (e) the awful transformation of our heretofore fine country into a sort of feminized and castrated version of the Soviet Union, (f) etc.

I'm hoping to positively impact all the above and more with various literary endeavors, which use copious facts from science and history (along with generous portions of High Satire) to intellectually dissect today's political and cultural phenomenon in a fashion which, if I say so myself, is unique (as well as entertaining, edifying, scintillatingly brilliant, etc ).

As a gesture of good will and to provide a taste of what I'm trying to bring to the conservative intellectual table, here's a piece entitled Why our Taxes are Insane, which uniquely examines our tax system using the seminal scientific work of BF Skinner.

I particularly hope you like the accompanying political cartoon, Pigeon’s Tax Kebob.

Neither econometric projections, gnarly tax details, Torquemada Tim Geithner nor his filing friend Duke Daschle of Doubtful Deduction have been consulted in the creation of this piece of Heresy. It's copyright protected but I give it to you for free, out of respect and hope, to put on your website (and/or pass on to other allies) if you deem it worthy. I hope you and your listeners and other fans will find it an entertaining, edifying and timely piece of intellectual conservative ammunition.

However, I suspect the Noble Washington Democrats will dislike it more than merely somewhat. In addition to Duke Daschle these include:

-- Princess Pelosi of Private Plane, Wyvern of Waterboard

-- Duke Dodd of Deadbeat

-- Baron of Bank Barney the Smarmy*

*Per Webster’s: "[smarm, to gush, slobber]"

-- Duke Durbin the Daft (reminiscent of WW2's Lord Ha Ha)

-- Regent Reid [in] the Red (the valiant Sir Reid's un-coerced staunch support of our warriors

rivals that of the coerced Tokyo Rose)

-- Count Kerry of the Purple [heart], Suzerain of Swift-boat

-- Margrave Murtha of Mean Marine (a former Marine, Sir Murtha’s brave immediate attack on

Mean American troops’ alleged and unproven Nazi-like murders of Iraqi civilians draws…

…proud support from Duke Durbin, Count Kerry, Regent Reid and other Loyal Democrat Nobles)

-- Sir Teddy Kennedy the EverReady (sadly gravely ill)

-- Sir Specter, Squire of Squirrelly

-- Baronet Biden the Blowhard, Gargoyle* of Gaff

*Per Webster’s: a grotesque ornamental figure

-- Her [almost] Highness Hillary the Horrible and her Royal Consort Sir Bill of Butt

-- Al Gore the Green, Prince of Propaganda

-- Sir Schumer of Rumor and Smear, Squire of Smug and Smeg

-- Baroness Boxer the Barmy, Barbara of Booby

-- And yea, even High Lord OhMyGod! Obama himself

A Historical Figure, like Vlad and mighty Shaka the High Lord Obama favors impalement, except he prefers the Tax Code over a sharp wooden pole. (In his infinite wisdom Lord Obama accurately perceives this is superior because it takes much, much longer and like Prometheus the victims recover for next year's torturous deep penetration).

Lord Obama’s dread High Executioner Rahm of the Rack correctly perceives tax brackets in terms of inches (or, for the evil rich, feet) of penetration. Together with Torquemada Tim of the IRS (Inquisitors of Revenue Slavery), these Paladins of the Pole hope to create a forest to rival Prince Vlad’s original.

For Ruthless Rahm, Ravager of Rich Republicans, April is the best month since it’s tax time. For him, April showers are copious from crises Bracket Blood (and other Income Impalement detritus), none of which he wastes.

Also attached is another essay entitled Water-Boarding – Yesterday and Today. Water-Boarding is the hue and cry today, so a technical discussion of just how our limp and watered-down version (which causes no actual damage) compares with its actual bona-fide torturous predecessors seems appropriate and timely.

I have other examples of heretical dissection and analysis which you may also find to be exotic, rapier-like pieces of potent Reagan Conservative intellectual weaponry partially listed on the following page.

I hope to speak with you on the radio too, if you think that will help our cause, preferably after you've reviewed and judged both this communication and the attached.

Thank you for your time and attention. I would greatly appreciate any response reaction you have.

Sincerely,

Damocles

TABLE OF CONTENTS -- High Political Heresy #1

Introduction – Email to Neal Boortz, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh

Table of Contents

List of Illustrations

Spring, 2009 Essays

Chapter 1 -- Washington’s Carthaginian NobilityThis is an intellectual vivisection of the anti-voucher Washington Democrat Nobility which uses the ancient, mysterious Carthaginians as a fine combination of scalpel and magnifying glass. Certain members of the Democrat Elite might be displeased.

Chapter 2 -- An Easy Socialist Experiment

Hypocritical Socialist Professors will accurately perceive this to be a gauntlet of challenge thrown at their feet.

Chapter 3 -- Why our Taxes are Insane

A trenchant discussion of tax policy which uses the established science of BF Skinner’s Operant Conditioning in lieu of the more traditional approach of econometric projections, tax details or fiscal studies as the foundation for analysis.

Chapter 4 -- Selling the Fair Tax to the People

This is pure Demagoguery Jiu-Jitsu, which hopefully will assist in the effort to replace our existing confiscatory, productivity-punishing tax structure with a sane one. The Democrat Nobility may dislike this piece somewhat.

June, 2008 Essays

Chapter 1 -- Global Climate on a Scale from 1 to 10

This began as my initial Heretical endeavor, aptly enough during Memorial Day weekend 2008, right around the time Barak Obama became the Presidential favorite. It enlists paleontology, geology, history, anthropology and other sciences, and together with the Aztecs attempts to assess today's global climate. Al Gore the Green, along with the other Washington Democrat Nobility, may be perturbed.

Chapter 2 -- Tyrannosaurus Rex: Predator, Scavenger or Neither?

This piece attempts to answer a burning question in Paleontological circles, and in doing so enlists a possibly new idea for T. Rex, assisted with some brief illustrative discussion of the Mafia, hedge fund managers, lions and feminists.

Chapter 3 -- Backyard Excitement with Spider and Wasp

This is a direct personal experience which still fills me with awe and wonder.

Chapter 4 -- To Pee or not to Pee, that is the Fish Question

This begins as a factual zoological discussion of fish luminaries and little-known fish potty habits. It ends with a Modest Proposal regarding man-made global warming.

Chapter 5 -- Procrustes, Pol Pot and Title IX

This polemic uses a marvelous allegorical figure from Greek mythology to discuss genocide, feminists, and college wrestlers, with assistance from Plato and Stalin.

Chapter 6 -- The Perfect Feminists

This is a learned and factual discussion of the unusual zoological characteristics of Spotted Hyenas, with exceptional assistance from genius Shaka of Zulu fame, and some fleeting comparison with medieval art and oil company executives. Her [almost] Highness Hillary the Horrible may be miffed.

Chapter 7 -- Why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

This possibly insensitive essay attempts to answer the age-old questions regarding the lack of synchronicity between the sexes, enlisting copious factual examples from the natural world. Sadly, neither Sir Teddy Kennedy the EverReady nor Sir Bill of Butt was available for expert consulting in the development of this piece. Some may find this chapter a bit offensive, inasmuch as it has been structured to accommodate neither political correctness nor, arguably, common sense good taste. So, the excessively prudish have been forewarned.

Chapter 8 -- The Happy, then Sad, Backyard Bird Feeder

Hopefully no explanation of this poem is required. Otherwise, God help us, for we really are not Jovian after all, since we truly are not linked with nor akin to the Gods ourselves (or more accurately, when we think we are, we are really, really lousy at it).

Chapter 9 -- Peoples

This one should require no explanation, hopefully. And hopefully no Stake, too.

Appendix

--Thank Yous

--Letter to Rush Limbaugh, Neal Boortz and Sean Hannity

--Background and Disclaimers

--Partial List of Possible Future Heretical Experiments

--About the Author and the Artists

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS -- High Political Heresy #1

Illustrations for Spring, 2009 Essays (political cartoons)

Chapter 1 - Baal’s Public School

Chapter 2 - Marx’s Marks: A+ or C- ?

Chapter 3 - Pigeon’s Tax Kebob

Chapter 4 - The Fair Tax Mace

Illustrations for June, 2008 Essays

Chapter 1 - Chilly Earth

- Hungry Aztec Sun eager for Hearty nourishment

- Some of Man’s Previous Efforts at Climate Control

Chapter 2 - Tyrannosaurus Rex

Chapter 3 - Spider and Wasp Main Event

Chapter 4 - It’s All Wet

- Another version of the same, with a urinal instead of a toilet.

Chapter 5 - Thank You Title IX.

- Another version of the same, but with more complete amputation.

Chapter 6 - Perfect Alpha Feminist (burning her bra)

Chapter 7 - Worlds Apart

- Another version of the same, but with a somewhat less voluptuous

woman

Chapter 8 - Bird Feeder Earth.

Chapter 9 - (Imperfect) Man

WASHINGTON’S CARTHAGINIAN NOBILITY

In the past several decades, archeologists have unearthed certain aspects of the Carthaginian culture which provide a truly matchless metaphor for certain problematic activities and associated hypocrisy among some of Washington DC’s finest denizens. This essay will discuss (a) what about the Carthaginians was so uniquely disquieting as to disgust even the Romans, and (b) what the House and Senate Democrats, as well as President Obama himself, are doing today that’s metaphorically identical or worse.

The Carthaginians

Carthage arose on the North African coast (around where Tunisia is today) over two thousand years ago from a trading outpost of the ancient Phoenicians, and grew in wealth and power to rival mighty Rome for predominance in the Mediterranean world around 300 BC or thereabouts. They were a trading and voyaging empire much like the Phoenicians from which they derived, and worshipped the same deity, Baal.

The Carthaginians were master carpenters and shipbuilders, and constructed war and trading ships that were second