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    Funny Fantasies
    Funny Fantasies
    Funny Fantasies
    Ebook55 pages47 minutes

    Funny Fantasies

    By John McDonnell

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    About this ebook

    Another hilarious collection of short stories from John McDonnell, "Funny Fantasies" has tales about an Irish genie in a lamp, a bratty teenager abducted by aliens, a princess and a zany dragon, a village pharmacist who has customers who've been turned into werewolves and gnomes, a Greek god who doesn't get any respect on the New York City subway, a Bertie Wooster style English twit whose adventures will remind you of a P.G. Wodehouse story, and much more. You'll roar with laughter from the opening lines of these classic stories. They're all imaginative and great fun. If you liked John's other humor books, including "Larry The Alien", you'll love "Funny Fantasies". Every story has funny lines that will have you laughing till you have to catch your breath. We need more humor in the world, and "Funny Fantasies" will help to correct that situation!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJohn McDonnell
    Release dateJun 26, 2012
    ISBN9781476001517
    Funny Fantasies
    Author

    John McDonnell

    John McDonnell is a British Labour Party politician who was appointed the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer in September 2015. He became the Member of Parliament (MP) for Hayes and Harlington at the 1997 general election, and has retained his seat from then onwards.

    Read more from John Mc Donnell

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      Book preview

      Funny Fantasies - John McDonnell

      FUNNY FANTASIES

      John McDonnell

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2012 John McDonnell

      Discover other titles by John McDonnell at Smashwords.com

      John McDonnell's Fiction Blog

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      PRINCESS QUEST

      ALIENS IN OUR MIDST

      COUSIN VITO'S SOLUTION

      RESTART

      SOCIAL NETWORKING WITH THE GODS

      ALIEN INTERLUDE

      THE LIFESAVER

      RULES ARE RULES

      THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES

      THE HOLY MOUNTAIN

      PRINCESS QUEST

      By John McDonnell

      It had been blazing hot all morning, and Princess Meredith was perspiring when she came around a bend on the mountain path and saw the wooden bridge stretching across the gorge. There was a white-bearded old man in a long robe standing near the bridge, and she was not happy about this. He was probably one of those old men who make you answer three questions before they let you cross their bridge, and she wasn’t in a mood to answer questions.

      Hello, blind man, she called, as she approached him. She could tell he was blind because his eyes didn’t focus on anything. Also, because he was looking at a tree instead of her.

      Hello, he said, bowing to the tree. Charmed to meet you.

      I’m over here, to your left.

      Sorry. I’m blind, you know.

      She sighed. I thought old blind bridge keepers had a really keen sense of hearing, but you obviously don’t.

      Well, I’ve never had good ears. Nor a good nose, for that matter. But, I can tell everything about a person by touching them. For example, he said, running his hands all over her, I can tell you’re female, you’ve been perspiring, you’re 19, and you have very big—

      She slapped him across the face. Keep your hands to yourself, you cheeky devil!

      Sorry, he said. I don’t see many young girls around here. Last one must have been two years ago. Princess, she was. On a quest. The dragon ate her, I’m sure.

      Oh, fudge, Princess Meredith said, stamping her foot. You mean there’s a dragon over there? She pointed at the other end of the bridge.

      Why yes, Miss, he said, chuckling. There’s always a dragon, isn’t there?

      Is he big?

      Oh, he’s a roaring big sort of a fellow, with nasty breath. Even I, with my dodgy sense of smell, I can tell his breath is terrible bad.

      Well, that’s no good. I have to get over there, because I’m on a quest. An evil witch has put a curse on my father, and turned him into a lampshade, and she won’t turn him back until I return with a ring from the treasure cave across that bridge.

      Ah, yes. All the witches like to send people to the dragon’s cave. It’s a common enough quest. Of course, there are alternatives. You could be sent to a wizard’s castle to pluck his beard. Or, you could sneak up to a dwarf’s forge and steal his hammer. Or, perhaps take an ogre’s supper from him? Ah, that would be an interesting one. . .

      Yadda yadda, she said. I don’t have time for this, and she started across the bridge.

      Wait, miss, if you please. I’m the guardian of this bridge. You can’t get past unless I let you.

      And how will you stop me? You’re blind.

      He smiled. "Yes. But I have special powers. What kind of a bridge keeper would I be

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