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    A Christmas Carol The Parody
    A Christmas Carol The Parody
    A Christmas Carol The Parody
    Ebook51 pages59 minutes

    A Christmas Carol The Parody

    By Peter Allchin

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    About this ebook

    A Christmas Carol The Parody is a modern rewrite of Dickens' novella, A Christmas Carol. It is set in the twentieth century. Many of the characters are the same in name and the ghosts are still Christmas past, present and future. Here, however, the similarities end. Now, we have a dysfunctional Cratchit family, bizarre Christmas parties, a gay ghost, a ghost in a tutu and a ghost that is a dog. Journey with Scrooge and the ghosts for a totally new Christmas Carol experience, where the warmth of Dickens meets (a degree of) toilet humour to make this A Christmas Carol like no other.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPeter Allchin
    Release dateSep 22, 2012
    ISBN9781311761828
    A Christmas Carol The Parody
    Author

    Peter Allchin

    I have been writing for quite a few years - short stories; poetry, and two novels, one of which was published in Australia in paperback in 2007. Owing to unforeseen problems, the book is no longer available. I have also been published in magazines, although my style of writing - usually, but not always, black comedy and horror, is not for women's mainstream magazines. I also write poetry, preferring rhymes rather than free verse. And rhymes, as opposed to 'proper' poetry, is something I love to write, especially simple, silly verses, many of which are suitable for young children. I write because I enjoy creating something out of what might be an acorn of just a few words, or a phrase that came to me, or overheard in a conversation.

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      Book preview

      A Christmas Carol The Parody - Peter Allchin

      A Christmas Carol

      The Parody

      by

      Peter Allchin

      Copyright 2012 Peter Allchin

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Also by Peter Allchin:

      Tales From a Twisted Mind: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/239666

      Table of Contents:

      Chapter 1: And So It Begins

      Chapter 2: The Ghost of Christmas Past

      Chapter 3: The Ghost of Christmas Present

      Chapter 4: The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come

      Chapter 5; A New Beginning

      The story I am about to relate is about an old uncle of mine, Ebenezer Scratchbollock Scrooge. Although now passed away, dear old uncle Ebenezer lives on in the darkened recesses of my mind. This, my friends, is his tale.

      Chapter 1: And So It Begins.

      Marley was dead. It must be understood that this is a clear, undisputed, fact; unless of course the undertaker somehow managed to revive the deceased Marley with a liberal intravenous shot of embalming fluid and whisky; which, for the want of a miracle, was highly improbable.

      So I repeat - old Marley was dead. In fact, he was as dead as a doornail, and buried to boot.

      Scrooge knew he was dead, of course he did, how could it be otherwise; after all, it had been cunning Ebenezer Scratchbollock Scrooge, (Marley’s so-called best friend and business partner), who had persuaded Marley that jogging until your heart was pumping ten-to-the-dozen, and feeling that your head was about to explode, and, collapsing in a panting, sweating-like-a-pig, heap, was actually good for you.

      Just before Marley’s sixtieth birthday, Scrooge, with as much care as he could muster, cajoled and conned him into making Scrooge the sole beneficiary of his will. After all, said Scrooge, almost busting a gut to curl his lips into a sickly smile, should the unforeseen happen, and God forbid that it won’t, I’d be more than willing to look after your dear, dear lady wife. At the word 'God', Scrooge crossed his fingers so hard, the knuckles turned white.

      Marley, believing Scrooge to be his life-long friend, agreed to change the will. After all, what did women know about money matters? Shagging, cooking, cleaning and ridding men's underpants of skid-marks were all they were fit for, (Marley’s observation, not the narrator of this story, although it sounds pretty good to me, er, but I digress).

      Just two weeks later, poor Marley was as dead as a day old turd, somewhat discoloured, firm to the touch and rather smelly. It wasn’t the jogging that killed him, oh no. It was the number 49 bus, whose driver had swerved onto the pavement to avoid colliding with a drunken yob having a pee in the middle of the street.

      Death was quick and painless. Poor Marley was crushed like a swatted fly. However, some witnesses swore they heard him scream Oh shit! moments before impact.

      The funeral took place four days later, with Ebenezer Scrooge as sole beneficiary, and sole mourner, (Marley’s wife being too upset and indisposed to attend).

      Marley’s original will had been made out to his wife, ‘an ageing old crone’ according to Scrooge, and at the reading of the new will, Scrooge rubbed his grubby little hands together as Marley’s considerable estate now belonged to him! ‘The old bat will get nothing, and bollocks to Marley, he is dead and buried now and has bugger all to do with anything’, he thought.

      Homeless, penniless and needing round the clock nursing, poor old

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