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    How to Write an Awesome Blog
    How to Write an Awesome Blog
    How to Write an Awesome Blog
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    How to Write an Awesome Blog

    By Tim Boyle

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    About this ebook

    In the new millennium, blogging has become one of the easiest forms of self-expression through the written word. There are no rules and anyone who has access to a computer can create a blog. The best part is you can talk about any subject you want on your blog. It’s a truly beautiful thing and shows the era we live in today.

    Unfortunately most people are incredibly boring, one-dimensional, and waste their time writing about nonsense nobody cares about. For those people I have decided to gather up some of my best blog posts I have written with the hope you can learn what makes a blog awesome.

    The passages in this book are from Tim Boyle’s Wordpress blog where he writes under the name Mooselicker. These pieces have been rewritten slightly at times to better format this book. In addition to simply rehashing old material, advice is offered at the beginning of each section as to why certain subjects should be talked about to give your blog a very well-rounded appearance. The mission with this book is simple, not to tell you how to write an awesome blog but show you how to do it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTim Boyle
    Release dateFeb 26, 2013
    ISBN9781301610785
    How to Write an Awesome Blog
    Author

    Tim Boyle

    With a unique world perspective, a head filled with strange opinions, and a dark sarcasm in everything he does Tim Boyle is must read. In the summer of 2012 he published his first book, a humorous fictional tale titled "Satan: Little League Superstar" about Satan joining a little league baseball team. In November of 2012 he published his second book, a short diary based story about a man's outlandish battle with mother nature during Hurricane Sandy called "Surviving Sandy: A Battle Against That Deadly Whore Mother Nature." So far in 2013 he has added to his collection "Silence: My Worst Stand-Up Comedy Performances and Experiences." Unlike the previous two published works, this is autobiographical. Tim recounts his days as a stand-up comedian and as the title suggests, he covers some of the most cringe worthy moments he during his stint in the business. In addition to writing books, Tim Boyle is an aspiring screenwriter. Since 2011 he has been writing a [mostly] humor blog which can be found at http://mooselicker.wordpress.com Stay tuned for more works from Tim Boyle in the coming months.

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      Book preview

      How to Write an Awesome Blog - Tim Boyle

      How to Write an Awesome Blog:

      Volume 1

      By Tim Boyle

      Blog: http://mooselicker.wordpress.com

      E-mail: TimBoyle109@yahoo.com

      Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/mrtimboyle

      Twitter: @warlordtimboyle

      How to Write an Awesome Blog

      Published by Tim Boyle at Smashwords

      Copyright 2013 Tim Boyle

      What Makes A Good Blog?

      Like many things in life, this question is completely retarded. Anything that’s good is subjective. There’s nothing in existence that everybody enjoys. Even sex grosses some people out and sex, pardon my French, is fucking awesome.

      The following words you’re about to read have been taken from my blog I have maintained since April 2011. The blog name is Mooselicker. Look it up, enjoy new posts.

      I’ve edited through these old pieces a little bit to make them more book relevant. My hope is to in each section give you a little bit of insight into what questions you should ask yourself when writing a blog and different pieces I wrote that answer these important questions I feel are necessary to building up a blogging audience. In other words, it’s an excuse to make this more than just a rehash of old things I’ve written. Some bloggers don’t bother changing a thing. Those bloggers are, pardon my German, fucking assholes.

      I am by no means famous, successful, or all-knowing. I simply would like to share with you some of my favorite pieces I have written for my blog since it began while giving you a few lessons along the way. Do I sound like a condescending asshole at all? I really hope not.

      Enjoy these pieces from my blog about my life, worldly opinions, and other inane nonsense about everyday life.

      ***

      Who Are You and Where Do You Live?

      This is not to say you are required to give out every bit of information you can about your personal life. If you want to keep your name private that’s fine. The same goes for your location. If you don’t want people knowing where you live then continue being a creepy catfish. Facts will show you that no blogger has ever been stalked down and killed, quit worrying. And if someone ever is stalked down and killed because of their blog, think about the hits it will give you!

      On my blog I started off not giving out too much information at all. I too was worried people would find out stuff about me that I didn’t want anyone knowing. Quickly I learned the best thing to do is reveal who you are. It’s impossible to build up a fanbase if nobody knows a thing about you. Don’t be a man or woman of mystery. Embrace who you are and everything about it. Most of all don’t get killed. It would look me really bad if you got killed after implementing my advice.

      My Names: Originally Posted 9/30/2011

      Hello. My name is Tim Boyle.

      That’s how none of my conversations ever start. They probably should start that way, but they don’t. I’m too awkward for that. Most of my conversations with strangers start with me judging them on a physical flaw. I’ll nod and hope I never have to see them again. I usually get my way because I am constantly rolling my eyes while others speak.

      Tim isn’t a bad first name. It’s not as great as Deacon, Lexington, Jackson, or something else that makes me sound like a gay biker. I’ve never been made fun of for my name. That’s a good thing. I’ve known people who have been. Any bit of cleverness has to come from my last name. I had a teacher call me Tim Hard Boyle’d Egg. It got a lot of laughs from the 6th grade class. I had a rough year.

      There isn’t anything too heinous that could relate to my last name that would be plain offensive. I guess if I had been boiled alive it could offend me. At that point, why would I care? I survived being mixed in a giant black pot by cannibals. Everything after is cake because they didn’t have the opportunity to turn me into cake. Little known fact about cannibals, they love cake.

      I’m not positive about the meaning of either of my names. My mom told me that Timothy means honoring God. I used to live up to my name, but my interpretation of the name God is being there for those in need. There are about a dozen commercials with malnourished children and battered women who think he needs to work on living up to his name as well. If he doesn’t have to live up to his name, neither do I.

      From what I know about my last name, there is a city in Ireland called O’Boyle, or so I was told. I’ve never found any evidence to back it up. I had the opportunity to talk to three people from Ireland once and they had never heard of the city. Someone lied to me. But does it really matter where the name came from? It’s still mine and doesn’t change who I am, unless of course it means cocksucking ape in Gaelic which I doubt it does because there are few apes in Ireland.

      Sometimes people share my name. Tim is a pretty common name. There’s Tim Allen who had a hit sitcom with Home Improvement. There’s Timothy McVeigh who blew up a building with children in it. There’s that fiction writer Timothy who worked on The Bible. Tims have a reputation for being successful. We rarely fail. Ask Timothy Dalton. Oh wait you can’t because he’s too busy racing dune buggies in his giant mansion.

      My last name is also shared. Susan Boyle unfortunately happens to be the most famous. She’s the fat mess who was popular a few years ago for having a lovely singing voice and a monster’s ass for a face. I’m sure you remember her. How could you ever erase her face from your mind? She’s just too damn ugly.

      Other people have the last name Boyle. I don’t believe any of them have ever accomplished very much. The owner of Columbia Sportswear shares my exact name. I tried to get discounts but they refused because he’s a jerk. That actually never happened. He still is a jerk though. He should share the wealth with his namesake. He hogs it all with his mother Gert. Now that’s a terrible name. Gert sounds like a type of growth on the bottom of a foot. Irish people aren’t good at giving out names.

      Overall, I don’t mind my names. Eventually I plan on changing my name to Timo Theebuille to fool people into thinking I am ethnic, thus getting hired faster or not at all, depending on the company policies. The beauty of it is if you say it fast enough it’s pronounced the same as Timothy Boyle, my birth certificate name. I could be crazy in doing that and by then there will be a huge backlash against affirmative action. Until then I’ll stick with the names I was given at birth.

      Locations: Originally Posted 5/15/2011

      I live in the most boring place in the Universe. At least, I’ve convinced myself this.

      I live on planet earth. I know this doesn't come as much of a surprise to anyone reading this as the Internet connection on Neptune is quite poor. They still use AOL. Earth is the worst named planet of them all. The other planets are named after ancient Gods. I don't know where earth gets its name from, probably from the holiday Earth Day which was created some time in the 1970s. Earth is the only planet that you don't capitalize in the middle of the sentence. I think so at least. I remember one of my teachers correcting me when I capitalized it. Then she hit me with a globe.

      On earth I live on the continent North America. This is a continent so lame that it has to have north thrown into it. The continent I live on has, what, three countries? I'm not sure what continents some countries fall into. Greenland and Iceland are in the middle of nowhere. Greenland is also very icy and Iceland is very green. Someone fucked up at the Country Naming Bureau. The name America comes from an old man named Amerigo Vespucci. I went to school with a fat girl with the last name Vespucci. She was the size of America. I always find this ironic. When she would fall asleep in class we would draw to scale maps on her body. It seemed wrong not to.

      In North America I live in the worst named country in the world, The United States of America. Maybe it's not the worst named country. But you have to admit, it is a terrible name. The fact that our country averages a civil war every 250 years shows we are not united. It scares me that we're due for another civil war. I don't want South Dakota invading Iowa. Actually that wouldn't bother me. I'm not a big fan of corn or dream catchers. Countries like Germany, Ireland, Taiwan, and Uzbekistan have such unique interesting names that might mean something. The United States of America means exactly what it says. It really isn't much different than how China calls itself The People's Republic of China. Usually when countries have more than one word in its name they're bullshitting someone. I think we're bullshitting ourselves.

      In the United States of America I live in New Jersey. This is a state so bad that it couldn't have an original name. We had to take it from England. The assholes who settled here had no imagination. Jukilfrog isn't a word. Why not name it that? I never got why you would name something a newer version. The

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