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    Awful to Awesome
    Awful to Awesome
    Awful to Awesome
    Ebook169 pages1 hour

    Awful to Awesome

    By Hanli Terblanche

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Awful to Awesome is a story of mental illness and coping with bipolar disorder. It is an account of time spent in a psychiatric clinic and the circumstances that led to being admitted to the clinic. How and why we self medicate. Diagnosed with Bipolar disorder only a few years ago, a lot of past behaviour was explained. Some psychological conditions and disorders and other illnesses are investigated. A lot of trauma came to light during hypnotherapy, such as being raped and keeping it secret for many years. Dealing with the truth and not feeling ashamed or guilty about it, helped with the healing process.
    It is stories and history of different human experiences of bad and good, of despair and eventually repair. People living close to me could not deal with the bizarre behaviour of the bipolar monster that regularly had outbursts. People said I acted like a crazy attention-seeking woman who drinks too much, swallow pills like candy and do nothing else but sleep all day long.
    I found out how losing people I was supposed to protect, influenced my life. Having miscarriages, being molested and raped leaves a permanent scar on the subconscious and may be the cause of many troubles later in life. I have lived through huge trauma when my brother died of HIV Aids and had feelings of guilt because I thought I was still supposed to protect him like I did when we were small.
    When you've hit rock bottom, how can you get back hope? How can you regain what you have lost? What I did know was that I would have to fight for my home family to take me back. Even if it meant I would have to fight inside myself with myself. It took a huge amount of work on my side to be accepted again, but it can be done.
    Then there were the relapses. Every time I decided to stop taking my medication, I had a relapse. Eventually I realised that I had to be on medication to feel better or kind of normal again.
    People with bipolar disorder can live a splendid life. I am a good example of that.
    Read my story of the Bipolar Adventure and if my story can give hope to others in the same boat, I have achieved my goal.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHanli Terblanche
    Release dateMay 6, 2013
    ISBN9781301139156
    Awful to Awesome
    Author

    Hanli Terblanche

    Hanli Terblanche has a B-degree in Communication (Journalism, Public Relations) from the University of Johannesburg. She lives in the Kroonstad area in South Africa where she spend her days in front of the laptop, as well as doing different types of art forms and cares for a few pets - and humans. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder five years ago, she has a passion to educate and enlighten people about this condition. Awful to Awesome is her first book.

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      Book preview

      Awful to Awesome - Hanli Terblanche

      Awful to Awesome

      - MY BIPOLAR –

      (Mental illness in a psychiatric clinic

      And the road to a splendid life)

      By Hanli Terblanche

      ***

      Copyright

      Hanli Terblanche

      Awful to Awesome

      © 2013,Hanli Terblanche

      Self publishing

      (hanli.terblanche@gmail.com)

      Smashwords Edition

      **

      ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person,please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard workof this author

      I dedicate this book to my family.

      Thank you for not letting me go and supporting me throughout my awful to awesome expedition.

      One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now. - Paulo Coelho

      ~~

      When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu

      ~~

      Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go. – Christian Larson

      ~~

      Man becomes what he thinks about. - Moris Goodman, The miracle man

      Table of Contents

      FOREWORD

      PREFACE

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      DISCLAIMER

      CHARACTERS

      INTRODUCTION

      Despair To Repair

      -Linda: I was Awful

      -Speraza Clinic

      DAY 1 SUNDAY

      -Psychiatric Clinic

      -Shaun the Police detective with PTSD

      DAY 2 MONDAY

      -Positive Thinking

      -Justin the Heroin Addict

      DAY 3 TUESDAY

      -Linda’s history

      -Chemical Dependency

      DAY 4 WEDNESDAY

      -44th Birthday

      -Coleen has fibromyalgia

      -Motivation

      -The Secret

      DAY 5 THURSDAY

      -Little Linda

      -Anger management

      -A registered envelope

      DAY 6 FRIDAY

      -Occupational therapy activity session Fabric painting

      -Coping with Anxiety

      -Relaxation therapy: Progressive relaxation

      -Linda’s First Hypnotherapy

      DAY 7 SATURDAY

      -Relaxing at the Pool

      -Kathleen: Bipolar and a rape survivor

      DAY 8 SUNDAY

      -A Letter to a rapist

      -Ronel was molested

      DAY 9 MONDAY

      -Occupational therapy, Leather for Linda

      -Physio therapy with dry needling

      -Relaxation therapy: guided imagery

      -Regaining hope

      DAY 10 TUESDAY

      -Leatherwork

      -Linda’s Second Hypnotherapy: from twenty to zero

      -Dreams and interpretation

      -Regaining values & dignity

      -Panic Attack

      DAY 11 WEDNESDAY

      -Stress management

      -Gail a rape survivor

      -Linda & Gail purging

      -Telephone calls

      DAY 12 THURSDAY

      -Abuse in home environment

      -A letter to my children

      DAY 13 FRIDAY

      -A Good hair day

      -Linda’s Third Hypnotherapy

      -A Healthy Balanced Diet

      -A Letter to Jamie

      DAY 14 SATURDAY

      -Day pass and shopping

      -Making jewellery

      DAY 15 SUNDAY

      -Reading Relaxing Recreation

      -Manuel had Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease

      DAY 16 MONDAY

      - Questions about the future

      -Facing the future

      -A letter to everybody who loves and cares about me

      DAY 17 TUESDAY

      -Assertiveness

      -Preparing to leave the Clinic

      DAY 18 WEDNESDAY

      -Dealing with adversity

      DAY 19 THURSDAY

      -Last visit to my Psychiatrist

      AWESOME LINDA

      -What happened after Speraza?

      -A Few Relapses

      -How I helped myself & How I am living with my bipolar disorder.

      EPILOGUE

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      Where to find Hanli Terblanche online

      DEFINITIONS:

      - What is Bipolar Disorder?

      - What is Depression?

      - What is ADHD in Adults?

      - What is Anxiety Disorders?

      - What is Panic Disorder?

      - What is PTSD?

      RESOURCES

      Foreword

      Csays:

      "Hanli!

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You ARE awesome!! Beyond any doubt!!

      This book is sure to strike a familiar chord with anyone who has suffered with bipolar disorder. Your journey is an inspiration to all who are facing into the darkness, in despair of ever finding a way out. Thank you for shining the light of hope to help guide us out of the pit!

      Love and love"

      This part makes me so sad:

      "Especially when the minister of our church told me the sad news, that it WAS ENTIRELY MY OWN FAULT. I believed him; he said it was completely my fault that my husband and kids do not want me anymore."

      Why do people do that? And good for you for realizing that

      "when I thought about it afterwards, the man of religion did more bad than good"

      Again,I am crying for you:

      "People said I acted like a crazy attention-seeking woman who drinks too much, swallow pills like candy and do nothing else but sleep all day long."

      This is fantastic:

      "How can you get back hope? How can you regain what you have lost?

      - We were feeling DESPAIR and were going to have to replace that with REPAIR.

      -Where we were DESPONDENT (hopeless, nowhere to go from here), we were going to be RESPONDENT - (where you were not communicating, you must now start communicating.)

      -We were DESTITUTE but we must have RESTITUTION. Restitution is a swing around, a turn around to have a goal in your life again.

      Here I am cheering so hard for you:

      "What I did know was that I would have to fight for my home family to take me back. Even if it meant I would have to fight inside myself with myself."

      And for this, too:

      "I decided to try to feel good every day."

      Preface

      The following is an account of people living with psychological conditions and disorders.

      I asked myself why somebody would want to read about my life, what makes it different from anybody else’s? Perhaps because I am unique or seeing that I had all these bad experiences in life which I truly do not want to revisit. However, if I tell the story of how it came about, that I now live a happy, peaceful, somewhat normal life, perhaps I can help somebody still in distress. Somebody who may be asking themselves this question:Why, why, why is this happening to me? I asked the same question to myself on many occasions. At first, I was diagnosed and treated for severe clinical depression. Later the speculation of having ADHD was made. Finally, we concluded and I accepted that I have bipolar disorder. I used all kinds of antidepressants, moodstabilisers, antipsychotics and an anticonvulsant used for bipolar treatment. I believe some medication may have made my situation worse.

      In the past few years since I have been healthier again, I often told my story to people. That would include old friends, new friends and total strangers too. I was told on many occasions: You must write a book and tell your story. This is not the only motivation why I wrote the book, I always wanted to be a writer, an author of great books. It was my dream since I was a little girl and still is. By writing this story, I live my dream, writing books and stories.

      My dad wrote a few stories, books and historical dissertations. He had one little historical book published. He wrote a novelette but only made a few copies for friends. Then he wrote his novel. He did not finish it before he passed away in November 2012. He told my mom what the end should be and they asked me to finish the book. I thought I first wanted to write my own books before I can even attempt to walk in his footsteps and finish that which he started.

      Acknowledgements

      I want to thank everybody who helped me on the way with reading and suggestions to get this book ready for publishing.

      Disclaimer

      This is not a medical or psychiatric document and all the advice is to be used at own risk.

      Any information shared is for educational and entertainment use only and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider, psychiatrist or psychologist first if you have any questions regarding medical or psychological conditions.

      Characters

      Linda – her story is based on my life.

      Kathleen – was 50 years old, a rape survivor and Bipolar.

      Shaun - a Police detective with PTSD.

      Justin - a heroin addict now suffers from PTSD.

      Gail - 18 years old, a rape survivor.

      Ronel – Linda’s neighbor in the room next door. Molested as a child.

      Colleen – suffers from fibromyalgia.

      Sandra – a hairdresser with depression.

      Graham - a gay hairdresser with severe clinical depression and several suicide attempts.

      Anet - was abused by her partner.

      Manuel – suffering from Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease and was going to die.

      Jamie – Linda’s brother.

      Mike - a rapist.

      City family - Dad, Mom and Sister.

      Home family - Husband

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