Bondage Snippets

Bondage Snippets

By Verianna LaCroix

Copyright 2011 Verianna LaCroix

Smashwords Edition

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Bondage Snippets

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Introduction

Chapter 2 – Comments From Female Submissives

Chapter 3 – Comments From Male Submissives

Chapter 4 – Comments From Female Dommes

Chapter 5 – Comments From Male Doms

Chapter 6 – Comments From Switches

Chapter 7 – Comments From Vanillas

Chapter 8 – Comments About Women

Chapter 9 – Comments About Men

Chapter 1 - Introduction

This is a book with various comments, observations, and vignettes from a lot of different people about bondage (primarily) and sexual submission (secondarily). There is also a minor theme of gender differences running throughout the book. At least for me, each of these bondage snippets is funny, erotic, insightful, thought provoking, entertaining, or just plain interesting. I hope you agree. I don’t personally endorse (or want to do!) everything said in every snippet, nor would I expect you to.

I collected these snippets from various people over the course of 4 years. The people I interviewed were gracious enough to share with me their thoughts, observations, and experiences regarding BDSM and their sexuality. (See below for an explanation of terminology and acronyms.) I conducted many of the interviews in person, but some were done over the phone or via the Internet. I’ve tried to avoid being overly lurid in my descriptions of what they said or described.

I should probably explain a little bit about who I am and how this book came about. I have been a submissive female (slave girl) for more years than I would like to admit. My current Master insisted from the very beginning of our relationship that I keep a daily journal. This was to be mostly for my benefit. Each night, I was to record my orders for the next day, update my to do list, document things I had learned during my training or about my Master’s preferences, write down any questions I wanted to ask or ponder, and generally record my thoughts and feelings about being his sub. I initially found it challenging to keep this journal, but over time I came to recognize the wisdom of it. First of all, it kept me organized and better able to serve my Master. But beyond that, being totally owned by a man can be a very intense and confusing experience at times, and being forced to regularly express some of my thoughts, worries, questions, and feelings (at least to my journal) turned out to be very therapeutic.

My Master has always been involved in a vibrant social network of BDSM friends (both dominants and submissives), and I was, of course, automatically made part of that network as well. I found myself paying rapt attention to some of the stories that many of his dom, domme, and sub friends would share at our gatherings, or stories they would tell about the experiences of other BDSM people. I recorded a number of them in my journal.

My Master, seeing that I was extremely interested in other people’s perspectives on BDSM, encouraged me to actively interview people about their BDSM thoughts and activities, and summarize the interesting ones in my journal, and eventually this book.

To better understand this book, you should know that while I very much enjoy submission, I am absolutely enthralled with bondage. I love it, love it, love it! For me, there is nothing more intensely exciting, fulfilling, and (paradoxically) comforting than being tied up securely by my Master and treated as a desirable sexual prize. It makes me wet just to think about it. As a consequence of this, while the snippets in this book certainly involving a lot of issues of dominance and submission, there is a definite bias towards commentary and vignettes involving bondage or some kind of sexual helplessness. If you are interested in domination and submission, but just aren’t that much into bondage, I think and hope there is still probably plenty of stuff in this book that you will enjoy. If you are an open-minded vanilla (see definitions below), the stuff in this book might seem baffling or even sophomoric to you, but you might nevertheless still be entertained by some of the wackier anecdotes.

In reading this book, please also keep in mind that I am a firm believer in safe, sane, and consensual BDSM between sober and competent adults, and I favored comments from people who share this viewpoint.

In terms of bondage, I take a middle ground. Certainly I have little use for light bondage, so I avoid discussing it. Light bondage is where, for example, a scarf may be lightly wrapped around the victim’s wrist suggesting a restraint. In my view, pretending doesn’t cut it. The girl (or guy) should be utterly incapable of escape, or the whole thing is rather pointless. This doesn’t at all mean, however, that bondage must be cruel, although I must admit that a little caring cruelty can be fun.

I also take a middle ground in regards to pain. There is no all-out sadism, masochism, or brutality in this book, though admittedly one person’s sadism is another person’s quiet night at home with the main squeeze. I myself have been known to thoroughly enjoy a walloping of my bottom by a handsome gentleman to remind me I’m not in charge. But I don’t find severe pain or over-the-top physical or emotional abuse or violence against women (or men) sexy. Snippets that made me wince or feel yucky or upset did not end up in this book. So if you are really into rough stuff beyond, say, nipple clamps, or if you like a lot of anal craziness, this book may not do it for you.

Note that some of the interviewees talk about rape (their term), but if you look at the context, they are really talking about totally consensual play. There is, of course, nothing sexy about rape. Rape is about violence and hate, not sex.

I certainly did a fair amount of editing of material for content, language, and style. Many of the people I interviewed offered steam-of-consciousness commentary that required considerable organizing and editing. (Some seem to get so sexually aroused when recounting past BDSM incidents, that they were less than clear headed!) I think, however, that all my snippets are true to the original meaning of the quote, observation, or anecdote. Sometimes I added dialog to an anecdote, but again, I think I was being true to the original story.

Are all of the accounts and anecdotes true and accurate reflections, lacking any embellishment, of events that really occurred? I doubt it. Some of them my well have been fantasies, but I think from the way the anecdotes were told, most probably happened more or less as described. Because, however, many of the men and women were recounting one of their favorite bondage or submission incidents from the past, the event may have taken on certain mythic qualities in their minds over time and thus become embellished.

I stayed away for the most part from self-proclaimed BDSM experts who want to preach dogma about the right way to do BDSM. I was much more interested in the general population (especially amateurs) out there having fun with BDSM without making it into some kind of super-serious religion or business.

The name of each person being interviewed appears with each snippet. The names I used were those offered that weren’t their sub or dom/domme name. (Frankly, I find a lot of people’s top/bottom names incredibly silly. Certainly the idea of having a special sub name separate from your real name makes total sense because a lot of subs enjoy getting out of their regular persona and becoming some fantasy person during submission. But why such silly names?) For some people, I made up a name for them to maintain anonymity.

Ages given for each person were the age they offered at the time of the interview, not their age now. (Some for the women may have been a tad optimistic.) I also identify each person’s gender and whether they are dominant, submissive, switch, or vanilla. Some weren’t sure of the latter and/or I wasn’t sure, so I included a question mark. Each snippet also has a phrase describing the interviewee’s job based on what they told me they did for a living. I don’t know why, but I always find such information fascinating.

You may notice that the demographics of the people I interviewed are skewed. Well-educated and well-established professionals are over represented compared to blue collar workers and people in their 20s. Partially this is a function of my own and my Master’s station in life, as well as the BDSM social network he is plugged into. I certainly interviewed quite a few blue collar workers and 20-somethings, and a number do indeed make an appearance in this book. Generally, however, the well educated professionals in their 40s and 50s tended to be more articulate. They’ve had more time to think about BDSM and analyze their feelings. Perhaps most importantly, they’ve had more BDSM experiences to draw upon when I asked about their most memorable scene.

Input from gays and bisexuals certainly appears in the book, but the majority of the material is oriented towards straight people. No slight or discrimination intended. It’s just that straight sex is more along my lines of interest, plus I simply had a lot more straight contacts to talk with than non-straight.

I ended up being surprised at how forthcoming people were with me about some very intimate details of their sex life—especially the people who aren’t public about their BDSM interests and activities. My Master says it is my aura. He claims I have an empathy aura around me that makes people comfortable with sharing their thoughts and feelings. There might be something to this. All my life, strangers sitting next to me on trains or planes have told me highly intimate details about their lives 5 minutes after sitting down.

One general observation I can offer is that a lot of the female subs I interviewed are baffled about their male Masters (even when they are their husbands!). They really are confused about how they think. I don’t know if this is more about not understanding men than it is about not understanding doms. Male Masters, on the other hand, seem to think (unconvincingly, in my view) that they understand their slave girls, yet seem totally confused about women in general. Well, Viva La Difference! Maybe some of these snippets can help narrow the divide.

Another general observation is that I was highly impressed at how intelligent, articulate, and just plain nice many of the subs and doms/dommes I interviewed were. I have heard this before about BDSM people, but it was pleasant to have this stereotype reaffirmed. I found I really liked most of these people. The doms/dommes were, for the most part, gracious, charming, and non-condescending, even though I am a mere female sub. The subs were generous with their time and willing to share intimate details about their sexuality, feelings, and kinky experiences. Most of the men and women I interviewed were remarkably well-adjusted individuals. A few were pretty fucked up, but then so are a significant (and probably higher) percentage of normal people I know. Some of the people I interviewed certainly had been abused, molested, or traumatized as children, but (contrary to the stereotype) the vast majority had not.

I was also surprised—though I probably should not have been—at the lively (sometimes over the top) BDSM play that many of the long-established romantic couples (married or otherwise) seem to enjoy on a regular basis. For a number of the couples, BDSM isn’t just a fun way to have sex and do things together, it is actually a tool they use for keeping the relationship strong by, for example, working out frustrations, practicing communication, paying attention to each other’s needs, demonstrating trust and vulnerability, exploring gender roles, etc.

Just a note on terminology. If you are interested in this book, you probably already know the following terminology, but let’s be sure we are on the same page. People typically (though not always) use the acronym BDSM to stand for an amalgamation of Bondage & Discipline (BD or B&D), Domination and Submission (DS or D&S), and Sadism & Masochism (SM or S&M). I will use BDSM that way, but also sometimes refer to the separate acronyms for B&D, D&S, and S&M. Novices or Vanillas (see below) sometimes don’t realize that a person who claims she is interested in BDSM isn’t automatically interested in all aspects of it (though she might be).

Bondage, of course, is tying or chaining somebody up, or maybe putting him or her in a cage or bag or box, usually with some kind of overt or implicit erotic intent. Discipline (at least in this book) is controlling, ordering them around, regimenting, training, punishing, and/or roughing them up for sexual pleasure. Dominants (doms or the female version dommes) sexually dominate Submissives (subs). A Master is a (male) dom, while a Mistress in this context means a (female) domme. (I can’t get too excited about whether Dom or Domme should or should not be capitalized. I choose an upper or lower case letter based on what I think makes the most sense for each snippet.) A top is a dom or domme, and a bottom is a sub.

Switches (a very interesting breed) like to be both dominant and submissive, though usually not at the same time and often with different partners. Vanillas are people who are not sexually interested in BDSM, and prefer their sex to be conventional, plain old vanilla. (Of course, that is not how they necessarily see it.)

Subspace is a vaguely defined psychological state that some subs (usually females) find themselves in during (and after) intense BDSM play. It can involve euphoria, but more often is a kind of mental checking out, contentment, or trance state. While in subspace, subs may become incoherent or almost comatose, but sometimes (paradoxically) go into a frenzy. Most subs describe subspace as being a very pleasurable experience. (That is certainly my experience.) Tolerance to pain increases in subspace, but both men and women can tolerate pain more readily when sexually aroused, so it is not clear how much is due to subspace versus simply being sexually excited.

Some female subs get all wound up about whether they are a slave girl or a sub, feeling that the terms slave and/or girl are demeaning. I find this a little silly. If you have to do what your Master says, you are his slave. And in this context, is girl really all that demeaning? I interviewed a 71 year-old sub who happily called herself a slave girl. Besides, the term slave woman seems kind of bizarre, and plenty of Dommes refer to their male subs as slave boys. Throughout this book, I use slave girl or slave boy or sub based on what I think makes the most sense for the context. If this offends the purists, I am sorry.

Vanilla women sometimes give female subs a hard time, claiming that submission demeans women. I find such thinking absurd. A woman is only truly free when she can follow her own sexual interests without worrying about what society thinks is politically correct or the proper rigid role for females.

I once asked my Master a question that arose from my journal about whether he viewed me as inferior given that I was his slave sexually and in other ways, and whether he thought women in general were inferior to men. His answer was illuminating. First off, he said, It’s quite clear that women, on average, are biologically superior to men. (He was a biology major in college.) Women live longer than men, have fewer genetic diseases, and a greater resistance to hypothermia. They require fewer calories and have a larger brain-mass-to-body-mass ratio. They have superior manual dexterity, sense of smell, color perception, and language and social skills. They are better at multi-tasking and nurturing. Men are better on average only at a few things like strength, heat resistance, and (arguably) mathematical/spatial/geometric reasoning and translating thoughts into concrete action. Now in regards to you personally, my pet, you’re a tiny little girl that I could crush like an egg shell, and your sense of direction is so bad you could get lost in a phone booth. (He was right on both accounts.) You’re also an emotional train wreck, like most women. (Ok, so he’s not totally free of chauvinism.) But you do almost everything better than I do. You can whip my ass at darts, bowling, cooking, choosing wine, negotiations, and most video and board games. You’re really smart and you read at the speed of light. You have spooky women’s intuition and can read people accurately in an instant. If you (or women in general) were inferior creatures, what fun would it be to dominate you? It’s only fun to dominate a woman who’s at least my equal, if not my superior. That’s true power exchange. In my experience, stupid or doormat women make terrible subs." So there, all you narrow-minded people in Vanilla World who think being submissive is damaging to self-esteem!

Finally, I am very grateful to my wonderful Master for encouraging me and helping me with this project, and for freeing up some of my time serving him. I also thank R (you know who you R) for his suggestions, editing, and handling of publishing details.

I especially want to thank all the people who graciously took time out of their busy schedules to be interviewed, and who opened up to me. Most people even let me record their comments on a tape recorder, as long as I erased it as soon as their comments were transcribed (which I dutifully did). Things are getting better, but the vanilla society still tends to condemn BDSM and so it takes real courage to talk freely about such personal, intimate things, especially with a woman that many of them didn’t really know. Many of the people I interviewed enthusiastically referred me to two or three other BDSM friends or acquaintances (or BDSM events or organizations) they thought would offer interesting material, so my universe of interview subjects grew exponentially with little effort on my part.

If I interviewed you, but didn’t use your comments or anecdote, I hope you won’t feel slighted. Sometimes I had similar material from other people. Some input was just too complicated to reliably describe, or it didn’t resonate with me (which should not be taken as a bad reflection on you since I have a definite perspective and interests which may not match yours, or even most of the BDSM community). But please be assured that, even if I didn’t include your material, I enjoyed talking with you and you greatly helped me better understand BDSM and its practitioners by providing background information.

Please enjoy this account of my amateur anthropological expedition into BDSM. If at least some of this material gives you a fresh perspective, new ideas, or just makes you a little wet or hard, I’m glad.

Chapter 2 - Comments from Female Submissives

Why Choose?

(Kari, female sub, age 31, engineer)

I can’t decide which I like better: the stuff I like that my Master makes me do, or the stuff that I hate that he makes me do.

Topping from the Bottom

(Meg, female sub, age 41, travel organizer)

A good slave girl can get what she wants from her Master at the same time that he thinks he is imposing his will on her.

Closet Pirates

(Meloni, female sub, age 28, teacher)

One lazy Sunday afternoon, I was placed naked and securely tied inside my bedroom closet, with the door closed.

The whole thing was kind of overkill.

I was sitting down with my back against the closet back wall, my bottom resting on the closet carpet, and my legs stretched parallel on the floor, with my feet almost touching the closet door. My ankles were locked together with leather cuffs and a small padlock. My hands were similar restrained behind my back with leather cuffs attached with a small padlock, allowing little play.

I was thoroughly gagged and blindfolded, the latter being redundant since the closet was quite dark already, with just a little light leaking under the door. There were earplugs in my ears, again pretty redundant since not much sound entered the closet. A stretchy nylon hood went over my head and face, keeping everything in place, but still making it easy for me to breathe.

A dog collar was locked onto my neck, again with a small padlock. The collar, in turn was connected to a chain that was padlocked to a low, horizontal hanger rod. The chain let me move around to some extent, but I had to remain seated to