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    Happier Jokes
    Happier Jokes
    Happier Jokes
    Ebook90 pages1 hour

    Happier Jokes

    By James David

    5/5

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    About this ebook

    A good laugh has great long-term effects. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders and Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMahesh Dutt Sharma
    Release dateFeb 9, 2014
    ISBN9781310920172
    Happier Jokes
    Author

    James David

    A prestigious author and journalist. Written more than 250 books. A freelance writer and writing is his passion.

    Read more from James David

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      Book preview

      Happier Jokes - James David

      Happier Jokes

      By James David

      Published by MdSharma

      Smashwords Edition

      © mds e-books 2014

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Preface

      A good laugh has great long-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

      Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders and Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

      -Publisher

      Table of Contents

      Chapter One: Impregnable

      Chapter Two: No, I’ll win

      Chapter Three: Drive back home

      Chapter Four: Roared the Father

      Chapter Five: How Much for that One

      Chapter Six: Who wants green Cheeks?

      Chapter One: Impregnable

      Three French men were practicing English in Conversation. They were telling about their families.

      One said, ‘I have no family. My wife cannot have children. You might say she is unbearable.’

      ‘You mean,’ said the second, ‘that she is inconceivable.’

      ‘I believe’, said the third, ‘the word is impregnable.’

      ####

      Auction sales of automobiles in thief bazaar of Mumbai: ‘You will be guaranteed a second hand automobile in first condition against cash payment.’

      ####

      While swimming in the node at a deserted north coast beach, the young chap sustained painful sunburn over his entire body, and later that night, while in bed with his date, he found the agony almost unbearable. Stepping into the kitchen, he poured a tall glass of cold milk and submerged the object of his greatest discomfort.

      ‘My God!’ the girl gasped, watching him from the doorway, ‘I’ve always wondered how men load that thing!’

      ####

      Susan: ‘Sister must be able to see in the dark.’

      Mother: ‘How so?’

      Susan: ‘Because last night when she was sitting with Mr. Smith, in the drawing room, I heard her say, ‘Why Smith, you haven’t shaved.’

      ####

      Customer: ‘I heard my friend owes you for a suit for the last five year.’

      Shopkeeper: ‘Have you dropped in to settle his accounts?’

      Customer: ‘No, I’d simply like to have the same terms from you.’

      ####

      And have you heard this interesting story about Lord Carnival.

      A truck driver had collided with him and when asked why he hadn’t the sense to drive round, the truck driver replied:

      ‘I had the sense, sir, but I hadn’t the petrol.’

      ####

      Manager, dictating letter to an Iron and Steel company.

      ‘Form the comparative size of your coal shipment and your bill; I should say you got them mixed. You should have sent iron by mail ad bill truck.’

      ####

      Judge: ‘So you want divorce from your husband—do you?’

      Young lady: ‘Yes, my Lord!’

      Judge: ‘But what’s the reason?’

      Young Lady: ‘You see, My Lord, my husband hasn’t turned up for the last three years!’

      Judge: ‘And when were you married?’

      Young Lady: ‘Just two years back.’

      ####

      How can you tell if a guy’s a loser?

      He hires a hooker and she tells him, ‘Not on the first date.’

      ####

      Want ad: Secretary wants job; no bad habits; willing to learn.

      ####

      Scout Master: ‘Jimmy, what good deed did you do today?’

      Jimmy: ‘Well a lady who got on the bus I was on had lost her purse and couldn’t pay her fare…’

      Scoutmaster: (interrupting): ‘And you paid the fare, I presume?’

      Jimmy: ‘Oh, no! I told her the short cut of her, walk downtown.’

      ####

      ‘She’s angry! The boss wouldn’t give her the afternoon off!’

      ####

      Gerald Siegel, the handsome Hollywood actor, offered this little hunk:

      Baker was walking along the Santa Monica beach early one Sunday morning when his foot landed on a hard metal object. Baker pulled it out of the sand and discovered it was a lamp. He rubbed it, and out came a genie.

      ‘Oh, this is just a dream!’ cried Baker.

      ‘No, master. It is real,’ said the genie.

      ‘Because you have released me, I will give you three wishes. You may have anything you want, but your worst enemy will have double!’

      ‘Okay,’ said Baker. ‘I want five million dollars.’

      ‘You shall have it. And your worst enemy will have ten million.’

      ‘I want one hundred gorgeous girls to be at my beck and call twenty-four hours a day.’

      ‘Done. And your enemy shall have two hundred girls,’ said the genie. ‘And now what is your third wish?’

      ‘Cut off my left nut!’

      ####

      Did you hear about the retired brassiere manufacturer who still liked to keep his hand in the business?

      Rita: Tell me, mum, what is a consulting physician?’

      Mummy: ‘He’s doctor who is called in the last minute to share the blame.’

      ####

      Boxing instructor (After first lesson): ‘Now, have

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