The Clumsies make a Mess of the Big Show
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About this ebook
Here are the Clumsies in their third and hilarious book! Full of the surreal invention and sparkling wit we’ve come to expect, this latest instalment will have everyone checking under their desks for talking mice…
Howard's evil boss Mr Bullerton has decided to put on a Big Show at work – and he wants Howard to sing!
Trouble is, Howard's singing is worse than awful… and Mr Bullerton knows it. Now Howard faces an epic humiliation. Can the Clumsies help by turning Mr Bullerton's concert into total chaos?
Silly question.
Sorrel Anderson
Sorrel Anderson hasn’t always been a writer. Once upon a time she worked as a civil servant, and it was there that she found the inspiration for her characters – quite literally. One morning she came into work to find a pair of mice in a plastic bag under her desk, eating up her biscuits. She named them Purvis and Mickey Thompson, and that very day, the Clumsies were born!
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Book preview
The Clumsies make a Mess of the Big Show - Sorrel Anderson
Trolley
t was a Tuesday morning and the Clumsies were enjoying their breakfast when the door crashed open and Howard staggered in, muttering.
‘Extraordinary,’ he muttered.
‘What is?’ asked Purvis.
‘Must have gone mad,’ he muttered.
‘Who must?’ asked Purvis.
‘It’s over,’ he muttered, ‘and I should know, I had to work right through it. We don’t need one now. Especially not one that looks like that.’
‘Ggntgggdgng
gggtggggddggt?’
said Mickey Thompson, with his mouth full of banana.
‘Eh?’ said Howard.
‘He said what don’t we need one of that looks like what?’ explained Purvis.
‘Ygsh,’ confirmed Mickey Thompson.
‘Tut,’ said Howard. ‘Don’t speak with your mouth full, Mickey Thompson.’
‘Shggyg,’ said Mickey Thompson, adding a spoonful of egg.
‘So what is it we don’t we need one of that looks like something?’ asked Purvis.
‘A Christmas tree,’ said Howard. ‘It’s the middle of January! The time for Christmas trees has been and gone, butMr Bullerton’s just put one up in the foyer.’’
‘Whosha
ggmshggggmshgg?’
crunched Mickey Thompson.
‘What did I just say?’ said Howard, brushing toast crumbs off his face.
‘G-gumf,’ swallowed Mickey Thompson.
‘What’s a Christmas tree?’
‘Well. . . you know,’ said Howard.
‘No, we don’t,’ said the mice.
‘Well, it’s. . . it’s. . . ’ Howard fluttered his hands up and down. The mice stared at him, uncomprehendingly.
‘It’s a tree,’ said Howard. ‘That you have at Christmas time.’
The mice stared at him, baffledly.
‘And you decorate it with lights and stars and fairies and stuff,’ said Howard.
Purvis and Mickey Thompson started bouncing and squeaking.
‘And then you take it down again,’ said Howard, ‘which is part of the point. Stop that – it goes right through my head.’
‘Can you take us to see it?’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘Can you? Can you?’
‘I expect so,’ sighed Howard. ‘As long as you’re quiet.’
‘When?’ said Purvis. ‘Wh— Oh!’
‘What?’ said Howard.
‘Post!’ said Purvis, and the Clumsies dived under the desk. There was a clacketty, rattley noise out in the corridor and the postman arrived, pushing a trolley piled high with post.
‘Delivery for Howard Armitage!’ announced the postman, coming in with a large box. ‘It’s work. From Mr Bullerton.’
‘Marvellous,’ said Howard.
‘He said to say you’re to do it straight away.’
‘Wonderful,’ said Howard.
‘It gets better,’ said the postman, going out and coming in again with another large box. And another. And another. And another.
‘Done something to upset his highness?’ asked the postman, cheerfully.
‘Very probably,’ said Howard.
‘Behaving strangely, he is,’ said the postman, ‘what with the tree and everything. It’s the complaints, you know.’
‘Err, what is?’ said Howard.
‘People have been complaining about him making them work all through Christmas,’ said the postman, ‘and he hasn’t taken it well. Come to think of it, Howard, he hasn’t been right since that conference you went on together.’
‘Hmm,’ said Howard, guiltily.
‘Don’t mind if I do,’ said the postman. ‘Got a thirst on, all those boxes.’
‘Bother,’ whispered Mickey Thompson, to