Fire Your Shrink and Read This Book Instead

Fire Your Shrink And

Read This Book Instead

Fix Your Life for Less Than the Cost of a Co-pay

David M. Klein

Copyright © 2013 DMK Media Holdings Inc.

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Publication Information

Published by:

DMK Media Holdings Inc.

PO Box 277

New York, NY 10150

www.davidmklein.com

Printed in the United States of America

14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Control Number:  2013900791

Cover Photo: Ronen Riskovich - Action Studios

Klein, David M., 1966-

Fire your shrink and read this book instead : fix your life for less than the cost of a co-pay / by David M. Klein.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-9888820-0-3 (softcover)

ISBN 978-0-9888820-1-0 (Kindle)

ISBN 978-0-9888820-2-7 (ePub)

1. Self-help techniques. 2. Change (Psychology)

I. Title.

BF632.K54 2013

158.1

QBI13-600007

Disclaimer

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Any perceived slights of specific people or

organizations are unintentional.

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About the Author

David M. Klein has an interesting and diverse background that has given him the experience and knowledge to help others deal with their problems.

Mr. Klein grew up in Queens, New York in a normal middle class neighborhood. Money was always tight, but his parents provided all of the family necessities. His parents ingrained in him a strong work ethic. Starting at an early age, Mr. Klein worked on many different jobs to earn extra money, including flipping burgers, cutting lawns, driving a delivery truck, and working as a busboy. After attending college at Cooper Union in New York, where he earned a degree in electrical engineering, Mr. Klein moved to California where he worked for several years as an electrical engineer on the B-2 Bomber.

At the end of the Cold War, Mr. Klein decided that a new career was necessary. He moved back to New York, where he attended New York University School of Law. Over the next 20+ years, Mr. Klein had a career as a technology and intellectual property lawyer. During this time, he was Partner at some of the world’s most prestigious law firms.

Mr. Klein has four children, who have been embattled over in his divorce, and who he misses greatly. His experiences in going through the divorce process have taught him many lessons, but most importantly have forced him to deal with the heartache of not being able to see his children and the injustice of having his character and reputation, which he spent his entire life building, destroyed in his community.

When asked what qualifies him to write a book to help people change their lives, he answers Life. Having faced bankruptcy and foreclosure, and having endured multiple careers, multiple job losses, a broken marriage, an acrimonious divorce, and other challenges, he is truly The Life Coach who has Lived.

For enjoyment, Mr. Klein loves to spend his time in the great outdoors. On virtually any weekend, you can find him hiking, kayaking, snowshoeing, climbing or otherwise enjoying his home state of New York. Advice is free to anyone joining him on one of his hiking trips.

Dedications

I would like to dedicate this book to my parents, Louise and Theodore Klein. For the many years of my marriage, I did not spend enough time with them, and for that I am truly sorry. I am especially saddened by the fact that my children have never had the opportunity to spend time with them and see what wonderful grandparents they have.

Mom. You instilled in me a sense that I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to. I genuinely believe that my sense of independence, my internal strength and my successes in life came from the example you set. I have only recently come to know some of the challenges you faced in your own life. Instead of bowing to these challenges, you rose to meet them and moved on with your life with a positive attitude. You would make a great role model to many of those reading this book undergoing their own challenges.

Dad. You taught me an entirely different set of values, many of which I have come to appreciate only as I have gotten older. You are a person filled with compassion and good humor, who values family above all, and who is always pleasant to be around. Since I have not always had some of these traits, you have given me something to aspire to. I hope some day to be loved for my good spirit and good humor as your children and grandchildren love you today.

I would also like to dedicate this book to my wonderful children, Adam Gabriel, Brian Everett, Haley Rose and Samantha Grace. You will not appreciate how much I love and miss you until you have children of your own. You are always in my heart, and not a day goes by when I do not long to be with you.

Adam Gabriel. You are a model of strength and character. You are the glue that holds your siblings together, and a role model for each of them. I am sad that you were unnecessarily forced to turn into the man of the house prematurely. I know you will always make me very proud. My wish for you is that you never lose your smile as you go through life.

Brian Everett. You are the perfect combination of intelligence and emotion. You possess a compassion and ability to love deeply that I aspire to achieve, and that is so much a part of your Grandpa Teddy. I have always had a great appreciation for your independent thinking, even if it frustrated me at times. I hope that as you get older, you never lose that zest for life that you had when you had curly blonde locks of hair.

Haley Rose. You are my first daughter, and I cried the day you were born. You are so intelligent and sweet, and have a creative side that ever amazes me. You impress me with both your wit and knowledge, and the wonderful creations you put on paper. I have never had an artistic side, but I have experienced it vicariously through you. Every girl needs a Daddy, and I will always be there for you.

Samantha Grace. I have never met a girl with such strength of spirit and zest for life. Instead of bending to the world, you make the world bend to you. Keep it up and you will achieve everything you desire in life. Your deep smile goes right through to my heart. Take on the world with that glowing smile, and I will always be right next to you as your biggest cheerleader.

Contents

Part I: Introduction

1. The Four Shrinks

2. The Prophet Bob Newhart

Part II: Start By Accepting Others

3. People are Flawed

Part III: Fix The Way You Think

4. Is Change Possible?

5. Breaking Your Bad Habits

6. Who are You?

7. Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?

8. You Have More Strength than You Think

9. Stop Looking in the Rearview Mirror

10. Accept Personal Responsibility

11. Mommy and Daddy Issues – Meeting Others’ Expectations

12. The Three Cancers: Blame, Regret, and Hatred

13. Blame

14. Regret

15. Don’t be an Assman (or Asswoman)

16. Anger and Hatred

Part IV: Get Rid Of Your Negative Traits

17. Winnie the Poohand Tigger Too

18. Stop Criticizing

19. Be a Complimenter

20. Overanalyze and Overthink = Overboard

21. Don’t be a Truth-and-Justice Person

22. Don’t Value Possessions

Part V: Some Tools For Your Toolbox

23. Arthur the Orderly and the Importance of Breathing

24. Should it be Einstein or Newton

25. Overcoming Fear: Lessons to be Learned from Start-up Companies and Dating

26. There is No Such Thing as Luck

27. Let Go or be Dragged

28. The Cheat Sheet

Join the Fire Your Shrink™

Online Community Now

This book is about changing your life and the way you think about yourself and other people and situations. My goal is to help make you a happier person with good feelings in your heart every day. The reality is that it takes support and effort to change the way you think. That is why I have created the first online social community to help people change their lives– the Fire Your Shrink™ Online Community. The Fire Your Shrink™ Online Community brings together people from all walks of life with one common goal–to provide support to each other in changing their lives.

Join the Fire Your Shrink Online Community

now at davidmklein.com by entering

Online Access Code: 1kc5xh3m3

In the Community you will be able to:

Sign up for the 30 Day Change Challenge™. In an anonymous and unpressured environment, tell the Community about what you would like to change in your life and receive their support to help make those changes. You will be reminded daily about your 30 Day Change Challenge™, and asked to provide updates to the Community, who will support you during the entire process to help you successfully complete your challenge.

Be inspired and motivated by reading about the success stories of other Community members who have changed their lives, and inspire others by sharing your success stories.

Receive the Thought of the Day to reinforce your new mindset.

Take advantage of inspirational and educational videos to help you navigate your personal challenges and improve your life.

Sign up for webinars and one-on-one coaching with David M. Klein.

Twitter: @fireyourshrink

Facebook: facebook.com/fireyourshrink

Part I

Introduction

How did an introverted, socially awkward lawyer who never had a class in psychology wind up writing a book about self-improvement, acceptance, and empowerment? The answer to that question is what should give you strength and hope that you can find a new way of thinking about yourself. The fact that I wrote this book means that I have overcome my fears, changed myself in many different ways, and survived very difficult circumstances in my life, all while remaining optimistic, upbeat, and hopeful for the future.

All of us, to some extent, are controlled by negative and self-defeating thinking habits or thought patterns that stand in the way of achieving our full potential. But there are ways to jettison these negative and self-defeating thought patterns that are controlling your life. In fact, you can replace the negative thought patterns that are holding you back with a new way of looking at your life, filled with positive and hopeful thought patterns. If I can write a book about achieving self-improvement, acceptance, and empowerment using the tools in this book, then you can accomplish anything you want with these tools.

I have been asked repeatedly whether this book is autobiographical. This book is not about my life, although some of the anecdotes are based on my own life stories. While I started writing this book in 2012, its origins began in November 2010, just after I decided to move out of the house I had been living in with my wife and children. I had been married for eighteen years, and my oldest son was fifteen at the time. I had been living in a terrible marriage for many years and finally had the courage to move out. The reasons it took so long for me to move out are my own demons. What matters is that I had made choices in the past that resulted in my present difficulties, and I was now in a position where I had to look forward to a very uncertain future. I was sad, scared, and lonely and had to find ways to keep myself sane. We all face choices in life, and I was faced with a very simple choice—look forward or look backward.

At some point before I moved out, I decided I needed to see a shrink. I wanted to go to a therapist to try to understand several things about myself. Most importantly, I did not understand why I could not bring myself to leave a marriage that was so mentally unhealthy for me. Why did I allow myself to stay in a bad marriage for such a long time? One thought that went through my mind was that I must have been some sort of masochist. But I knew I wasn’t a masochist. I had strong self-esteem and was fundamentally a happy person despite the stresses I was under.

I also went to a shrink because, while I realized that my marriage was destroying me, I couldn’t bring myself to leave because I was paralyzed with fear. I was afraid to give up a life that I knew and that I wanted to believe in, and I was afraid of the effect it would have on my children. I was also petrified of losing everything that I had worked for financially over the course of twenty years and winding up a pauper. Which of these was the real explanation for why I couldn’t bring myself to leave my wife? I don’t think it matters.

What matters are the changes that I made in my life in response to the