Stress: Overcoming Real-Life Issues with God: Finances, Health, Marriage, Parenting, Careers, Employment, Workplace Violence, Eating Disorders, Grief

Momma

Chapter 1

WHAT’S GOING ON?

I’ve worked there for twenty-five years, and they just gave me a pink slip.

My life’s saving were wiped out in one day because the stock market crashed.

My house is going into foreclosure.

My son was killed by a stray bullet.

My bank was closed by the government, and I lost all my savings.

My mother just died of a massive heart attack.

My son was sent to prison for twenty years for drug possession.

My daughter just married another woman.

Stressful scenarios like these are all too familiar. The question is, what do we do with the strong feelings that result when our world seems to be falling apart? How do we cope when it seems our plates are being piled high with more and more, and we know we can’t take one more thing? We try to keep in mind the Scripture that says something about God not putting more on us than we can bear. But we wonder, doesn’t He know when enough is enough?

Yes, He does, and He knows what it will take to mold us into His image, so He allows circumstances in our lives to shape us, whether we think we can handle them or not. We should note that the Bible verse we may think of when feeling overwhelmed actually says that God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear … (1 Cor.10:13). Not God will not put more on us than we can bear!

OUR QUESTIONS

But doesn’t God see when we are at our breaking point? After all, He is omniscient. Can’t He see our fear, hurt, uncertainty, and tears? Is He not hearing our petitions for relief from our intense pain and duress?

Philippians 4:4-7 comes to mind: "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God …" (Emphasis mine).

If we are praying and asking this way, why are we still struggling with sleeplessness, lack of appetite, lost motivation, and difficulty in focusing, concentrating, and remembering? Is He not hearing, or is He hearing and just not answering? Come on, God—we need a breakthrough!

For the record, the sovereign God always answers our true and sincere prayers. And it is as simple as has often been said: yes, no, or not now. But, if we are sick, can’t we claim healing? If we are in severe financial strain, if we pray, fast, and read the Bible, doesn’t He have to give us the monetary blessings we are seeking? If a loved one is dying of cancer, doesn’t Romans 4:17 talk of calling things that are not as though they were? Doesn’t this mean we can command the cancer to come out from him or her?

Actually, the verse reads: "As it is written: ‘I have made you a father (Abraham) of many nations,’ he is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were" (Emphasis mine). God can do this because He is God. Whatever He thinks or speaks, it will occur because of His sovereign power. He has done this: we are walking around on a planet that He formed out of absolutely nothing. However, we only have the power and capabilities that God bestowed upon us. Therefore we can’t call things into existence unless it is part of God’s plan.

Can we not petition God for jobs we really want because Psalm 37:4 states, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart?" The word delight in this passage intimates to enjoy, to rapture, or to please oneself in Him. It also can mean to become obsessive about doing His will. In the process of working to do His will, He will give us what He has deposited into our spirit, before time began. These desires of our hearts will fall in the category of God’s plans for our lives. Therefore, whatever He blesses us with is not something we can conjure in our own will, desires, or volition.

In other words, our desires start and end with Him. Many of us are stressed, frustrated, angry, and ready to give up on God because we have the wrong notion of how He actually operates.

GOD’S ANSWERS

Before we go further, let’s talk a little bit about God’s answers of yes, no, and not now. There are times when God says yes to requests we make, but because He answers differently than we expected, we don’t recognize His yes. Perhaps we have asked for a financial blessing because we need to pay a bill. We prayed in earnest for money, but God may have touched the heart of the creditors, prompting them to give more time to pay the bill. Technically, we have received a reprieve—which is a blessing, and God’s answer to our prayers—but what we really wanted was money.

Our perception then, is that God didn’t answer our prayers, because we were looking for money, not favor, so we keep praying for what God has already done. He may have taken this action because He wants to teach us things about ourselves, such as the need to tighten our spending.

God does answer with a no. Many of us don’t want to accept this answer, not even from God, but He knows exactly what He is doing. If the no is because it is not in His plan for our lives, then shouldn’t we be willing to accept it? For one reason we have a limited view of Him and His powers. We believe we know better than He does what He should or should not do.

Many of us add more stress to our lives by desiring what we shouldn’t have and then attempting to massage God into giving us our requests. But God is not whimsical; His no means no. Some of us have manipulated others so often we now believe we can also manipulate Him, but we can’t. Before we even think that we can barter or bargain with Him we should remember that He knows what we are going to think even before we do. As Psalm 139:2 says, You understand my thought afar off.

Many people take not now as a no. We don’t want our requests delayed. We don’t care what it is going to cost to receive our requests prematurely; our emotions and immaturity override our judgment. They prevent us from developing the insight or foresight needed to consider the ramifications of receiving ahead of time what we are not ready to handle. We want what we want, and we want it now!

We live from this perspective a lot. We get tense and frustrated when we have to wait in the checkout lines. We go into road rage when someone in front drives too slowly. We borrow money from payday loan stores, against our next checks. We know that what we are doing is going to cost too much, but we don’t want to wait on our next paycheck.

So when God makes us wait, we develop an attitude toward Him. We believe He should understand how important it is that we receive immediately what we have asked for. We equate waiting with stress.

Stress is powerful because if we don’t do something to eradicate it, it will ravage every part of our being. Pressure causes us to not think clearly. It propels us into doing things that will harvest consequences we know we don’t want to experience. We eat, drink, and smoke too much because we want to alleviate the undesirable feelings caused by our stress.

We don’t want to face our responsibilities when we are encountering emotional resistance; everything we do seems to add more burden to our lives. Stress affects our relationships with everyone, including God. We need to learn how to handle it before it handles us.

If we are in need, isn’t God supposed to help us eliminate the affects of stress? Absolutely, yes. His help always comes with a price, however—and for the most part, we aren’t willing to pay it. We desire the God we want, instead of the sovereign God He is. Let’s consider the challenge this presents, through examining the life of the Apostle Paul.

PAUL’S MINISTRY

We know God used Paul mightily in many situations, including his writings to the churches he established during his three missionary journeys. Those powerful, God-inspired writings were used by the churches he established for spiritual guidance and encouragement, and are still used by Jesus’ followers today.

In 2 Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul talks about a vision and revelation from the Lord. The occurrence, which had transpired fourteen years before, had happened in the third heaven, he says. He isn’t sure whether it was an in-body or an out-of-body experience. He concludes that only God knows. While there, Paul writes, the man concerned heard inexpressible things he was not permitted to tell. Paul says he will not boast about himself, except about his weaknesses, because he doesn’t want anyone to think more highly of him than they should.

In verses 7-10 we read: … to keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me (extreme stress). Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (Emphasis mine).

We don’t know the condition that was causing Paul difficulties and affecting his work; the Bible is silent regarding it. This means that from God’s perspective all we need to know is that Paul’s request that the circumstance be removed was denied. We can surmise, because Paul asked three times for the condition to be taken away, that he was not okay with God’s denials. Apparently Paul felt that, whatever the condition, it was affecting his ministry.

This apostle’s life was not his own. We know that he considered himself to be a slave to Christ (Rom. 1:1). He strove to please God—no matter the level of stress required—in everything he did. We know he had a very effective ministry, because God used him to perform great miracles and further the Gospel by teaching and preaching the Good News of Christ to all people. Keep in mind that Paul’s request was denied even though he had performed great feats. Instead of granting Paul’s request, God’s answer was, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (1 Cor. 12:, NKJ).

What kind of answer is that? we might wonder. In weaknesses, Your strength is made perfect? We know You’re strong, but we were not asking about You, we were asking You to eradicate this condition that is causing us problems. God, look at all we have done for You! Surely we deserve to be delivered.

God can’t or won’t use us with that kind of thinking. We must remember that He is the potter and we are the clay. He is the One who determines what He is going to do with our lives—not us.

In Isaiah 42:8 God says, My glory I will not give to another. He determines if He is going to heal us or use our afflictions to correct or strengthen us. He put us on earth to do a predestined job, and when He has deemed us finished, it is time for us to leave this life.

THE COST OF MATURITY

Let’s scrutinize God’s response to Paul and attempt to make sense of it. For the most part, we believe that we should be able to handle whatever comes at us. If we handle life’s challenges well, we are viewed as mature. However, if not so well, then we are viewed as immature. We pride ourselves in demonstrating to others how well we have handled our life’s tests. In fact, our self-worth may be predicated upon our abilities to cope with the bombarding issues in our lives.

The CEOs of major corporations receive big bucks because they are identified as problem solvers. Most of us want to be seen as someone who can resolve issues like the sought-out problem-solvers of this world. The more tumultuous conditions we come through, the more highly we think of ourselves.

The problem is that self-autonomy —a self-governing sense of independence: We don’t need anyone, we can do all for ourselves—is actually the opposite of what God desires in His children. He prefers we live totally dependent on Him. Whatever we do, He wants it done with pleasing Him in mind: striving to do everything He will want us to do (Acts 13:22).

The more capable we believe we are at resolving issues with our finite resources, the less we depend on Him. When we believe we are strong, there is little reason to think about what is important to Him. However, when we acknowledge we can’t fix our dilemmas, when we operate in our weaknesses or are totally dependent on Him, then God can operate fully and effectively in our lives.

Paul understood all that he needed to accomplish in his ministry was to be done by God. It was not going to happen because he was an apostle, or because he was educationally accomplished, or because he had established several churches. Nor would it be due to the fact he had written letters of substance to the churches, and performed miracles.

He knew the more weakness he saw in himself, the more dependent he would be on God. He knew this dependency would allow God’s strength to operate in his life; God’s power would exponentially multiply as he decreased or became weaker. This thinking allowed him to handle many stressful situations because he was depending on God to negotiate him through the circumstances he was encountering. Paul understood his limitations equated to the strength of the Almighty operating in his life; therefore, he could boast in gladness regarding his own weaknesses.

DOES HE KNOW STRESS?

Still, Paul’s affliction was a source of stress for him. It bothered him enough to petition for God to remove it. Some have experienced excruciating and debilitating back pain, and had to fight depression. Some have faced various forms of cancer and its treatments, and had to fight hard to maintain sanity. Or we have suffered migraines, the flu, staph infections, or injuries that have impeded our abilities to function, precipitating different levels of stress. Anyone who has experienced physically debilitating conditions knows that stress follows.

Paul wanted relief just like the rest of us do when encountering uncomfortable conditions. He was just like us. When we read how God used him, we tend to want to make him some sort of superior entity, but he was only human. He had the same frailties, fears, concerns, and needs. He wanted to be loved, appreciated, affirmed, and acknowledged. So when he experienced those things that challenged him mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, he had to fight them off with God’s power.

Outside his thorn in the flesh, what other stressful situations he endured demonstrated his understanding of weakness being an opportunity for God’s strength to be displayed?

To begin to understand this, we need to dissect 2 Corinthians 11:23-29: "Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move.

I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness."

Paul’s experiences epitomized stress in many ways. Extreme pressure, constant challenges to the walls of integrity, and to his mind, his body, his emotions, and his spirit. Why didn’t he break? Why didn’t he have a nervous breakdown, a heart attack, a stroke, or an aneurysm? Why didn’t he womanize, abuse alcohol, use drugs, or search for other ways to relieve the feelings of being stressed?

We don’t read anywhere in the Word of God of Paul cussing someone out, being abusive or insensitive, or exploiting others because he was under duress. If stress suppresses our immune system—which it does, bringing susceptibility to all kinds of conditions like pneumonia, plagues, or tuberculosis—why didn’t he fall prey to them?

DO WE MATTER?

If Paul’s life had mattered to him, if he had been preoccupied with the what-ifs, then the stress of his endeavors would have broken him. However, he understood that by operating as though his life was God’s, he didn’t have to handle anything—because God was handling it all.

Paul was in a sovereign bubble, which negotiated his life. He was not operating the bubble, he was only a passenger; therefore, he could only go where the Operator took him.

If the Operator took him into fire, he would be in the flames. He would feel the heat, he would see the fire’s destruction, but the fire did not scorch him because he was protected by the strength of the Operator. God used trying situations in Paul’s life to grow him into the person He had preordained him to become. He used unthinkable trials to refine him. The tests helped him to dissipate, which allowed the strength of God to increase. He didn’t succumb to his maladies because he allowed God to determine the results of whatever He took him through.

ENDURANCE

If any of us attempted to endure the circumstances of Paul’s life without God’s help, we would collapse, give up, harbor bitterness, or even curse Him in hopes of dying, as Job’s wife encouraged him to do in the midst of his trials. Can you imagine the stress of being beaten with a razor whip, receiving thirty-nine lashes at least five times? Think about the mental anguish, just knowing you were going to be stricken with razor straps that would cut into your flesh. How would you handle painfully exposed flesh that constantly poured blood, and was exposed to infection, not knowing how many days it would take for healing to occur?

Today, when we suffer an open wound, we get it disinfected immediately, while receiving medical attention. Not Paul; he was put into a cold, germ and bacteria-infested cell, with leg irons attached to prevent him from moving. His straitjacketed position wouldn’t allow him to find solace. If he received medical attention at all, it was from, perhaps, a guard, who could care less whether he lived or died. Then, upon release, he would return to preaching, teaching, and performing miracles for the God that brought him to face such tumultuous difficulties.

Keep in mind, too, that Paul’s message was one of love, and he went back to God’s work advocating love even to the people who had just mistreated him so injuriously, almost to death. It would not have been humanly possible for him to do such a thing without the power of God operating in his life. To withstand his continuous harmful circumstances—insurmountable stress—he had to be full of the Spirit of God which automatically canceled out his very essence.

THE SPIRIT OF GOD

What is meant by being filled with, or full of, the Spirit of God? Does it make you think of attending church? Or perhaps the number of Scriptures you can quote? Maybe the concept seems to refer to your particular church or denomination. Could it have something to do with others proclaiming we are people of God? The answer is no to all of these responses. It is important that we understand that only Jesus can produce within us His powerful Spirit. It is a gift we must receive, if we are going to be used by Him to perform Pauline-like tasks.

NICODEMUS’ QUESTION

John 3 can help us envision this power we need to be able to live as Paul did. Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council, approached Jesus Christ at night. He had witnessed the awe-inspiring power of Jesus as He performed miracles, and wanted to inquire about how he could receive what Jesus was offering.

Verses 6-11 tell us: He came to Jesus at night and said, ‘Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him.’ In reply Jesus declared, ‘I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.’ ‘How can a man be born when he is old?’ Nicodemus asked … Jesus answered, ‘I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to the spirit.’

Further on, in verses 16-21, Jesus continues: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever