The Tank

PROLOGUE

Elizabeth Anne Walker is downstairs earlier than usual on this most unusual of days. As she has done for the past year, she gets the coffee brewing, sets the kitchen table and slices some cranberry nut bread for her and her father Nate. He comes down and sits nervously at the table as he butters his bread and waits for his coffee to be ready. Usually her dad would drink his coffee, have his breakfast and be off to work, but not today. Today will be different. Today he is going to bring Elizabeth’s mom home from what she has been calling the insane asylum. In reality, her mom has been an inpatient at the Institute for Living in Hartford, Connecticut for the past twelve months and is coming home today to spend her first weekend outside of the facility to see how she handles the loosely controlled environment of home. So yes, Elizabeth and her father are a bit apprehensive.

It is going to be a beautiful late-June-in-New England kind of day. It is the middle of 1967 and Elizabeth has just completed her last day of seventh grade with distinction and by the end of the summer she will turn thirteen. In the background, the radio is broadcasting news reports of thousands of anti-Vietnam War protestors waiting outside the hotel in Los Angeles where President Lyndon Johnson is expected to speak. The next news story is about race riots breaking out in Buffalo, New York. To Elizabeth it is just noise as the only news her friends are talking about is the release of the new Beatle’s album, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and how it will change music for all time. All Elizabeth can think about is how her mother coming home would change her life for all time.

Nate finally stands up, grabs his keys and sets out towards the front door. With his hand on the doorknob he turns and says, Lizzie, everything is going to be ok. This weekend we will show mom how much we love and need her and we will all go back to normal and be a family again, you’ll see. In her mind, Elizabeth can’t even imagine that anything could ever go back to normal but she smiles and says, I know everything will be great Daddy.

OK then. You hold down the fort and I’ll be back in an hour or so with your mom. Remember, she’ll probably be tired so try not to overwhelm her. Have some of her favorite tea ready and we will see what happens. We have all weekend to get re-acquainted so let’s not try to rush anything. I love you punkin-dunkin. Lizzie smiled as she heard the familiar nickname from when she was little. I love you too Daddy, see you soon.

Lizzie spends the next hour nervously pacing around, fluffing pillows, putting away dishes and checking to make sure the house is spotless and that her mother’s favorite knick-knacks are displayed where she can see them. She takes special care to make sure that the family pictures highlighting all the good times in their lives are dusted and placed all around to give her mother a sense that she has something positive to come back to. She does everything in her power to make sure that there are no reminders of the night that her mother was found wandering the neighborhood streets at two a.m. wearing nothing but a sheer silk slip. In a small town like Garnet Springs, Connecticut it wouldn’t have been long before everyone was buzzing with gossip about the entire event. Thankfully, the town constable who found her was a family friend who called Nate and Vivian was quietly admitted to the Institute that night. She was diagnosed with manic-depressive illness culminating in a complete nervous breakdown, but all Lizzie knew was that suddenly and without warning, her mom was gone.

As her father’s car returns and pulls into the driveway, Lizzie feels a rush of emotions; elation, fear, love and an overwhelming desire to run out and grab her mom and never let go. Instead, she finds that she is frozen at the window looking out as her father helps her mother out of the car and they come up the walkway. Elizabeth snaps back into the moment and opens the door just as they climb up the steps.

Hi, Mom.

Lizzie’s mother, Vivian, looks up at her and begins to cry. For a few tense moments, Lizzie feels a premonition that something is terribly wrong and her mom is going to turn and go back to the car. Vivian stops and seems to gather her resolve and says to her, Lizzie, you are so beautiful and I have missed you so much! With the ice broken, Lizzie’s fleeting feeling of doom passes and she welcomes her mom home. Vivian scoops Lizzie into her arms and hugs her as though she will never let go. Lizzie is both stunned and thrilled. It’s as though her dream has come true, her mom is home and really loves her!

The small family spends the rest of the day getting re-acquainted. They walk through the gardens, have iced tea in the gazebo and just talk and talk about all that has happened in Lizzie’s life since her mom left. No mention was made of the breakdown; they all treated it as though Vivian has been on an extended vacation. Vivian has not wanted any visitors at the Institute so there is so much to catch up on. They talk, they laugh and they cry over the time that has been lost.

After a late lunch Vivian announces that she’s exhausted and wants to take a little nap before dinner. Nate, do you think we could have Chinese take-out for dinner tonight? It’s been so long since I’ve had something besides hospital food that some sweet and sour chicken would really hit the spot.

Anything you want Viv. After your nap, we can order whatever you like from that place on Clark Street you love. Nate looks at Lizzie with a smile and a wink and for that moment, all seems right with the world.

Vivian gives Nate a slight half smile and a peck on the cheek and turns to Lizzie with a big kiss and the tightest bear hug ever. Mom, you’re crushing me! We’ll have plenty of time for hugs this weekend so ease up a bit will ya? Even though she tries to sound irritated, Lizzie loves the feel and smell of her mom so close. Vivian lets her go and says, Ok, Ok, I hear you. I just want to make every hug count. I love you baby girl, no matter what happens, always remember that. I’ll see you both in a bit. Lizzie watches as her mom goes into the bedroom and cannot help but be troubled by the phrase ‘no matter what happens’. She shakes off her dark thoughts and looks forward to the rest of the weekend that she hopes will be the first step in having her mother home for good.

While Nate goes outside to do some yard work, Lizzie tries to keep herself busy as she waits for her mom to wake up from her nap. Her imagination runs wild thinking about life for her family getting back to what will most definitely be a new normal. But just having her mom in the house is a terrific start.

After an hour or so, Lizzie hears her mother stirring and can’t resist going to the bedroom door and taking a peek to see if she could go in and have some alone time with her. She creeps up to the door and slowly opens it just a crack in case her mom is still sleeping. Lizzie sees her sitting at her dressing table; just gazing into the mirror with the most heartbreakingly sad expression Lizzie has ever seen on anyone.

On the table, Vivian has set up a variety of family photos in a row so she can see them all. Lizzie starts to go in and then suddenly stops as her mom bows her head in what seems to be prayer. In the reflection of the mirror, Lizzie sees that her mom is fumbling with something but from her angle of sight she can’t quite make out what it is. Vivian is trying to work a latch or a fastener of some sort. It looks as though frustration is setting in so Lizzie opens the door a bit more and starts to go forward to help.

Startled, Vivian looks up into the mirror as Lizzie approaches. Vivian’s expression softens and her eyes fill with tears as she mouths the words I’m so sorry. Confused, Lizzie stops just in time to hear the sound and feel the concussion of an enormous explosion. As if in slow motion, she sees what seems to be the back of her mother’s beige dress explode into shredded ribbons of red as the shotgun blast blows her beloved mother’s heart out of her chest.

I grew up in a town with one red light

How that train would rattle me in the middle of the night

But I slept like a baby in that bed

‘Cause mama kept me warm and she kept me fed

July 3rd was a dreaded friend of mine

We’d all go down to the family plot in the Louisiana pines

Staring at that little baby’s grave

Stella was as young as she was brave

And what I’d give to go there again

Kiss my daddy’s face, hold my mama’s hand

Little did I know soon they would be

Lying right beside her, gone away from me

Gone away from me

Holly Williams

ONE YEAR LATER

Nate and Lizzie stand somberly on a hill in the town cemetery in front of the Walker family stone. It was a beautiful June day, much like on this date one year ago when what seemed like everyone in town gathered here to say goodbye to Vivian Walker. All around are stones with the familiar names of family, friends, parents and grandparents of friends and the names of casual acquaintances made throughout a lifetime in a small, close-knit town. Nate has braced himself for this anniversary with a couple of belts of whiskey. Like most alcoholics he thinks he is hiding it well and Lizzie doesn’t know. He is not fooling her one bit. As he leans against her to keep himself from swaying like a tree in a strong breeze, she can smell the whiskey on his breath and see his unfocused eyes when he looks at her. She can almost excuse him this escape as they gaze at the gravestone and remember the misery of the past few years. Almost.

Lizzie has spent the past year trying to make sense of what her life has become and how it descended from a somewhat normal family of four into two broken and lonely people trying to find their way back to a world that no longer exists for them. Lizzie realizes that the answer is right in front of her in the name next to her mother’s on the Walker family stone.

Sarah Jean Walker

November 17, 1959 – July 3, 1965

It was July 3, 1965. Every year the extended Walker family and friends met down the road at the Tankerhoosen Lake affectionately called the Tank to celebrate the July 4th holiday. As everyone who has grown up, learned to swim, had their first kiss (or more) and discovered the secrets about all things nature agrees, the Tank is a place that never changes and is always there to welcome them back at the official beginning of the summer vacation season.

From the moment they all tumbled out of the car and raced down the gentle grass covered slope to the beach, the anticipation made all of the kids whoop and holler like banshees. For some reason that year was not the same for Lizzie. As she made her way down the slope she felt as though she was in some kind of fog. Those feelings that she had begun having recently were like visions or premonitions that she did not understand. She had the feeling that something was wrong – but how could anything possibly be wrong? That first day at the Tank was the moment she looked forward to all year. Now that Sarah was six years old and a pretty confident swimmer, she and Lizzie would be able to swim together and team up on some of the other cousins in all the water games. Lizzie! Sarah shouted, Hurry up so we can get the biggest tube! Lizzie snapped out of her funk and sped up to a full run as Sarah jumped on what appeared to be an inner tube from a freakishly huge tractor tire. It was the biggest on the beach and those who were able to snag it for the day found they could float for hours without their butts ever touching the water at all. Lizzie got to Sarah just as she was trying to defend her tube from their cousin Jackie. Lizzie gave him a little shove and said Sorry loser, we claim this for the day. Jackie was not going to risk being banned from the lake as punishment for fighting so he backed off, but not without blowing a big fat loogie on their prize tube. Since Lizzie was already a very tall ten years old, soon to be eleven, the stocky twelve-year-old Jackie was just a bit intimidated by the younger Lizzie so he turned and walked away. Sorry Jackie but you’re not just a loser, you are a SORE loser! The loogie was washed off and the Walker girls floated away on their prize.

After lunch, everyone settled into their own activities. The men drank beer and argued about sports. Soon, they left the beach to go to the basketball hoop up on the level ground next to the road for an informal game. The women drank wine and caught up on the gossip of the day. There were seven kids altogether and some drifted off in a group to play and swim while some found solitary pursuits, either in or out of the water. The women were facing the water in case of emergency but they relied on all of the kids watching each other since finding someone doing something tattle worthy was tantamount to a sport with this group of cousins. Every now and then, one of the moms would look up and do a head count and then return her attention to the group and whatever juicy story was being told.

Lizzie was floating on her tube while Sarah pretended she was a mermaid swimming among the water lilies that were near the shore. When it was Vivian’s turn to do the head count she found only six. Lizzie! she shouted, Where’s Sarah? Lizzie was floating, half asleep when her mother jolted her out of her daydream. What? she yelled back. Where is your sister? Vivian’s question had a panic in it that Lizzie had never heard before and she jumped off the tube and into the water to check the last place she had seen Sarah. Mom, she was right over by the shore playing with the water lilies a minute ago! It was probably more like ten minutes ago but Lizzie was not going to admit she had lost track of time. Vivian began to scream Sarah’s name as she waded into the water. Everyone else had turned their attention to Vivian and each mom started scanning the water and the picnic area to find Sarah and make sure their own kids were safe. Vivian rapidly waded into the thick patch of lily pads, parting the flowers, looking for clues. After several minutes she reached down and grabbed hold of a small hand and yanked as hard as she could. Sarah’s limp body came up out of the water with her feet and legs hopelessly tangled up in the vines of the lilies. Vivian screamed Nate, Nate, get down here and help me! The men had already started down to the shore at the sound of all the commotion and now broke into a dead run. Nate ran so fast into the water it looked to Lizzie as though he skipped right on top of it. He lifted Sarah up out of the water as Vivian viciously ripped the vines from her small legs and feet. Nate ran to the shore, put Sarah on the ground and began to pump her chest and blow into her mouth. Nate’s brother Davey ran up the hill to the Dwyer’s house and called for an ambulance. Nate kept pumping Sarah’s chest and Nate’s sister Rita, a nurse, took over blowing air into Sarah’s mouth.

By the time the ambulance arrived, Nate and Rita had been working on Sarah for over fifteen minutes. The ambulance medics took over and worked on Sarah for another fifteen minutes before stopping. Bill Carol was the medic that took charge and he was also the Walker’s neighbor. He looked at both Nate and Vivian with tears in his eyes and said, I am so sorry, she’s gone. Vivian let out a low guttural primal scream and collapsed into Nate’s arms. Nate’s face was ashen as he helped Vivian to the ground and stood up. He just stared first at Sarah’s body, then at Bill and then at everyone else. In a voice filled with confusion and devastating anguish he looked up at the sky and asked, How could this happen? And then with an anger and venom that was truly terrifying he looked down at Vivian and screamed And where the hell were YOU? Nate seemed to transition from a helpless state into a blind rage. He paced in circles wanting more than anything else to just walk away but not being able to leave his precious baby girl lying in the grass. He picked Sarah up, cradled her in his arms, rocking her and speaking softly into her ear as he slowly carried her up to the ambulance with Bill right behind him. Still cradling Sarah, he got into the ambulance and continued to hold her like that while Bill and his partner Chuck drove hem to the hospital for the formal pronouncement of death by drowning.

Vivian, stunned into silence by Nate’s accusation, was helped to her feet by the rest of the family and taken by her brother-in-law Mark to the hospital to say goodbye to her youngest child. She would not speak again for another two months.

Lizzie, with the tragic drama playing out around her, was all but forgotten as she stood with the rest of her cousins watching in horror as the youngest of them was taken away. Once the ambulance and Vivian were gone, Rita took charge and started to give gentle directions to the rest of the shocked aunts and uncles to get everything cleaned up, packed and ready to go home. Aunt Rita had all the children sit in a circle on the grass and calmly explained what had just happened in terms they could understand. She could see that each and every one of them was terrified, especially Lizzie who looked to be in shock. Rita picked up one of the beach towels that had been warming in the bright July sun and wrapped it around Lizzie, snuggling her close. She calmly directed the other kids to go help their parents pack up. Since Rita’s husband Mark drove off with Vivian, she was without a car to pack. Everyone gathered up Rita’s stuff and decided that it would be best to drop Rita and Lizzie at the Walker’s until Nate and Vivian came home. Everyone else would get their children home and settled and wait for word as to what would happen next.

Once everyone else left and Rita and Lizzie were alone in Lizzie’s living room, they settled down on the couch and Rita just held Lizzie for a long time. Finally Rita asked Lizzie to say something, anything so she would know if Lizzie were ok. After a few minutes, in a voice so soft that Rita could barely hear her Lizzie said, I knew something was wrong. Rita was confused. What do you mean by wrong Lizzie? she said. When we got to the lake, I had this awful feeling that something was wrong, but I didn’t see anything so I just forgot about it. Lately, I’ve been getting these feelings about things, kind of like I can see what’s going to happen, but nothing is clear. Today, for just couple of seconds, I felt a sense of danger or something, but then it went away. I think I should have paid more attention to my feelings; maybe I could have saved Sarah. Aunt Rita, was this my fault?

Rita blanched at the thought that Lizzie would believe that Sarah’s death was her fault. Lizzie, look at me. Lizzie looked up with her tear filled eyes. There is no possible way that Sarah’s accident is your fault. This is nobody’s fault. This was an accident. Every one of us will blame ourselves for what we think we could have or should have done. There was nothing to suggest that playing in the water lilies was dangerous in any way. None of us gave it a second thought. But all of us grownups were in charge – not you kids and for you to think that this was even a little bit your fault is unacceptable. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are the best big sister in the world and what happened to Sarah is just an accident that nobody can explain.

Lizzie listened but Rita could tell that she did not quite accept the explanation. Then Lizzie said, If this is nobody’s fault then why did Daddy scream at mom and ask her where the hell she was? Does Daddy think it was Mom’s fault?

Rita was also shocked when she heard Nate say that to Vivian and she knew it was something that would cause devastating damage to Viv and could never be taken back. Until this moment, the thought had not occurred to her that all the children heard that same remark and would remember it and wonder about it for the rest of their lives. An accusation like that can break any family and Rita feared that not only would it break Vivian’s marriage but would crush her very soul.

Lizzie, your dad was crazy with grief, he lashed out at your mom but I can’t believe that he meant to blame her in any way. People say and do inappropriate and crazy things when they are faced with an overwhelming event, I am sure your dad has already apologized to your mom and when they get home you will all get through this together as a family. Rita knew that what she just said was pretty much all bullshit, but her main concern was to make Lizzie feel that everything would be all right.

Soon, the stress took its toll and Lizzie fell asleep snuggled into her Aunt Rita. Rita gently laid Lizzie on the couch and replaced the beach towel with a light soft blanket and left Lizzie with the gift of sleep. She set about making a pot of coffee and found some cookies in the cabinet that she put out on a plate. A very feeble attempt at offering comfort, but how do you go about offering refreshments for an event like sudden death. Her next quest was to find any liquor that might be in the house in case anyone needed a drink – because she sure needed one right now. She found the cabinet where Vivian kept her party booze for when friends stopped by and was pleased to see a good selection of vodka, bourbon and rum. She poured herself a bourbon and coke and sat down to wait for whatever would happen next.

Rita had downed a couple of drinks when she heard cars pull into the driveway. She rushed over to the window and saw Nate drive up in his car and then Mark pulled up in his and Rita’s car with Vivian in the front passenger seat. Rita thought that it was not a good sign that Vivian was riding with Mark rather than with Nate. Rita steeled herself against what was sure to be a tense situation and thought to take the phone off the hook so there would be no phone calls until Nate and Vivian were settled and had a chance to talk to Lizzie. She went to the front door and just as she opened it, Nate burst in and headed directly to the kitchen for a drink. He poured a water glass full of vodka and drank it right down in a couple of gulps and then poured another. After he drank that he just stood at the sink looking out the window over the back yard and began to sob uncontrollably. He walked out the back door and sat on one of the Adirondack chairs in the middle of the yard. Rita could see the heaving of his massive shoulders as he wailed in utter despair.

Vivian was just the opposite. Mark helped her up the walk and into the house. Her head was down and she was silent. She walked past Rita, stopped at the couch and lightly put her hand on her only remaining child’s sleeping head and went straight to her bedroom, closed the door, took off her shoes and crawled into bed.

Mark and Rita just stared at each other. What do we do now? Mark asked. I have no idea. Rita sighed while scrunching up her shoulders. I’ve been drinking since Lizzie fell asleep so I need a minute to get myself together. Come in the kitchen and have some coffee with me while I try to get a handle on all of this. What went on at the hospital?

Mark took a breath, poured himself some coffee and began to recount the past couple of hours. It was awful. Bill and Chuck got Sarah into the hospital and a private cubicle right away. The doctor came in immediately, did his exam and pronounced her dead. Then one of the secretaries handed the doc a death certificate and he signed it and she took it back to the desk. Then they took Sarah to the morgue and advised Nate and Vivian to go home and make funeral arrangements. I don’t think Nate or Viv heard a word anyone was saying, they just stood there, never taking their eyes off Sarah until the elevator doors closed and she was on her way to the morgue. The secretary came back and tried to hand Nate an envelope of paperwork to give to the funeral home but he just stared at it and wouldn’t take it. I took it from her and we left. On the way home, we stopped at the Tank and got Nate’s car.

Rita asked, Did either Nate or Viv say anything to you about anything?

Not a peep. Rita, Viv is as close to catatonic as I have ever seen anyone. It is pretty scary. Nate is so angry that I kept waiting for his head to blow right off his shoulders at any moment. I didn’t want him driving but he insisted that he get the car because he said he never wants to go near that ‘God damned Tank’ again as long as he lives.

Mark, are you ok? This has been rough on you too.

No, I am definitely NOT ok. Pour some of that bourbon into my coffee please.

It was about an hour before Nate came back in the house. He sat down at the table with Mark and Rita. After a minute of tense silence and without looking up at them, he asked Rita, Is Lizzie ok? Rita put her hand on Nate’s arm and said she was stunned but will be better when she wakes up. Rita thought it best not to repeat what Lizzie had told her, at least, not for the time being.

After another minute or so, Nate finally looked up at Mark and Rita and said,

You guys have been great, but you should go home. I need some time alone here to sort everything out so I can act normal when Lizzie wakes up.

Rita tentatively asked, What about Vivian? Is she going to be all right?

"I can’t think about Vivian right now. I know it’s not rational or fair but

I am so angry with her that I can’t even look at her. Hopefully she will just stay in bed until I can figure out how to deal with all of this. I will call Jimmy Holmes; he took over his families funeral business after his dad retired so he will tell me what I need to do. You remember him from high school, right?"

Yeah Rita said. Mark’s sister dated him for a while so I saw him around Mark’s house a lot. He seemed like a good guy. He’ll take good care of Sarah.

Nate looked up at Rita with tears in his eyes and said, It’s good that I know him. I couldn’t bear the thought of handing my baby over to a stranger. As it is this whole thing is unbelievable. How could this happen? Aren’t I a good father? Did I do something to deserve this? Nate just stared at both Mark and Rita, searching for an explanation for such and unexplainable tragedy.

Nate, this was not your fault. Mark insisted. This was an accident; it was not anybody’s fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this and neither did Vivian or Lizzie. Shit happens, life sucks and that’s just the way it is. You need to let yourself off the hook and be there for Viv and Lizzie until enough time passes that you can breathe again. Rita listened as Mark consoled her brother and she couldn’t help but feel comforted by her husbands’ words.

Still, Rita feared for Vivian. Ever since they met, all those summers ago at the Tank, Rita sensed a fragile, delicate, troubled soul who seemed serene on the outside but somehow broken on the inside and she wondered if the loss of Sarah would be the event that would finally break her down.

Finally, Rita got up, cleaned up the few glasses that they had used and she and Mark reluctantly left for home. Nate, if you need us for anything at anytime just call. One of us will be near the phone for the next few days for whatever you need. Ok? Rita waited for Nate to acknowledge the offer and then, as the tears welled up in her eyes, she turned to go.

Thanks for everything you guys. I will call you when I know what the arrangements are going to be. Can you call everyone and let them know what’s going on? I just can’t talk to anyone right now. Nate said as they turned to go. They said of course they would and he should get some rest.

Nate was also afraid of what this was going to do to Vivian. For the past several years she had been becoming more withdrawn and quiet. She seemed to be just going through the motions of daily life, but not really living it. He was still furious with her, blaming her for what happened but also afraid that maybe he had sent her over the edge and terrified that there was no coming back from this for any of them.

Oh, say, don’t you remember? They called me ‘Al’

It was ‘Al’ all the time

Say, don’t you remember? I’m your pal

Buddy, can you spare a dime?

- Jay Gorney/E.Y. Harburg

Queens

Vivian Lorraine Connor was born on February 2, 1929 in Manhattan, NY. Her parents lived a comfortable life in a four-room apartment on the Upper East Side. Ray, Vivian’s father had a good job with one of the Wall Street financial firms and Emily, her mother, was a housewife.

On October 29, 1929, eight months after Vivian was born, the stock market went into a free fall and everyone in the Connors’ social circle became jittery about what might be in store for the future. Most of the men worked for the financial industry in some capacity and their livelihoods depended on the financial wizards of Wall Street to get things back to normal. All of Emily’s friends had been told by their husbands to start tightening their belts and not buy anything that was not absolutely necessary until they saw where things would shake out. It didn’t take long for the cascading effect of financial disaster to hit everyone in the city. On New Years Eve of 1929, Ray lost his job. Most of his friends lost theirs as well and life, as Ray and Emily had known it, was over.

Ray’s accounting background had always helped him to live the watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves lifestyle, so he and Emily had few debts and did not live lavishly like a lot of their friends. After the shock subsided, Ray sat down and created a new temporary budget relying on their savings. The Federal Reserve System had already cut interest rates from 6% down to 4% and that was taking a big bite out of the interest income on their savings, but Ray and Emily were ready for the challenge, confident that Ray would not be out of work for long. The first thing that would have to go was their apartment. It was in a conservatively priced neighborhood, but still one that they would not now be able to afford so he gave the landlord notice that they would be moving at the end of the month and he and Emily began packing. Fortunately, Ray’s older sister Doris had a fairly large house in Ozone Park, Queens where they could live for less than half of what their current rent was.

Doris’ husband Alfred died of cancer in 1928. They had no children so Doris used the proceeds from his life insurance policy to pay off the mortgage on their house. There was enough money left over to support Doris for quite a few years, but after having been cooped up in the house during Alfred’s long illness, she took a job in the ticket booth at the Lowe’s Valencia movie palace on Jamaica Avenue. She worked long boring hours in the booth for very little pay but she met a lot of people and got to watch the movies for free. Working at the Lowe’s was the first job Doris ever had and at thirty-four years old she felt she was seeing the world through the movies. Movies with sound called talkies were coming into their own and Doris was enthralled with the stories and the actors. Her favorite was The Kiss with Greta Garbo. It was to be Garbo’s last silent film. The first movie with sound that Doris saw was titled The Broadway Musical. To Doris it was a magical film combining talking, singing, music and a short sequence that was in color! It was then and there that Doris fell in love with movie musicals and would watch every one she could until the day she died. She loved the Marx Brothers comedy movie Animal Crackers and marveled at Whoopee! Starring Eddie Cantor. It reminded her of seeing the Ziegfeld Follies with her mother over twenty-five years earlier.

When her brother Ray came to see her to ask if she would take them in, Doris was thrilled. She had been so lonely since Alfred’s death and needed the company and the extra income would give her more financial security. Doris was older than Ray by two years. They were raised in a typical working class family until 1911 when their mother was killed in the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire. It was late afternoon when Doris and Ray were waiting outside the factory with their father for their mother to get off work so they could walk her home. Doris saw smoke coming from one of the windows in the upper floors and was confused. She could not imagine that within minutes the top floors of the building would be engulfed in flames. She knew her mother worked on the ninth floor and hoped that she was already on her way down to leave with them. As the fire ravaged the upper floors, Doris and Ray were terrified as they listened to the screams of dozens of women who were trapped. They started to see bundles of fabric coming out of the windows and crashing to the sidewalk. Someone screamed that those were people jumping from the fire. Women were scrambling out of one of the windows onto a fire escape that groaned under their weight and finally crumbled hurling the women down eight stories to their deaths. Doris’ father told them to stay right where they were so he could find them later and he raced off to see if he could help the women and find his wife. It took almost forty-five minutes for the fire department to arrive and then their ladder only reached as high as the sixth floor. The women who had been waiting on the ledges of the eighth, ninth and tenth floors were forced by the heat and smoke to desperately jump to their deaths. Doris held Ray’s hand tightly as they watched the firemen put out the fire. It only took them about thirty minutes to douse the flames but it was already too late.

The badly burnt bodies were all taken to a covered pier and lined up for identification. Doris’ father took her and Ray home and told them to eat something and go to bed; he would be home with their mother once all the confusion was sorted out. He said she was probably at the hospital getting patched up but in his heart he feared she would be among the bodies at the pier. Once the truth was known and the funerals were over, Doris knew that she would be responsible for Ray and keeping house for him and their father for years to come. From that day on Doris had a crippling fear of being burned to death and would not venture past the first floor of any building for the rest of her life. She moved all of her things out of her second floor bedroom and down onto an enclosed porch in the back of