A Champion's Resolve

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Introduction

I spent 25 years of my life searching for love in all the wrong places. I was desperate to belong to someone or something. I looked everywhere for what I have finally found – perfect unconditional love. I grew up on a rough council estate called Jackmans, in Letchworth Garden City in Hertfordshire. I was the only child of Lionel and Janis Joy. My parents didn’t get married until I was 5 years old. My mum had two daughters, Nichola and Tracey from her first marriage and the five of us lived together at 4 Denby on the Jackmans Estate. The only reason my parents were married at all was because one day my mum found Jesus Christ as her Saviour. Before her conversion, she was a heavy drinker, gambler and smoker. She would hang out with the loud-mouthed and heavy-drinking crowd at the Jackmans Community Centre where my two sisters and I could often be found too, glass of coke and packet of crisps in hand, in the corner of the smoky, boisterous club.

My father was, however, very anti-God and only agreed to marry my mum because she made it clear that either they got married or she would take us to live somewhere else. He finally gave in and they were married. I don’t have a single memory of their wedding or anything else up to the age of about 7 or 8. I have vague memories of things like holidays and the odd memory of my junior school. Other than that, to this day when I wrack my brain for anything to remind me of my childhood, nothing comes to me – nothing except the memories of the constant rows, shouting, screaming and plates being thrown. I remember crying a lot and begging them to stop fighting, but I have no memory of love being shown in our home. None at all. I know my parents tried very hard in very difficult circumstances, but experts say that unless you get the first four or five years of a child’s life right it becomes very difficult to reverse any damage done. Well, that may be true and that may be why I went the way I did.

My mum had been searching for answers to questions she had about God and who he was. Did he really exist? What was his character like? She became a Jehovah’s Witness and became the most zealous member of a small congregation. My mum had fallen in love with God and wanted to tell all who she met about her new religion. However, six months later, while talking to a former Jehovah’s Witness who had become a born-again Christian, she instantly had a revelation. Confused and troubled by what she had heard, she decided to close her bedroom door and cry out to God for an answer. Her prayer was this ‘Lord God, whoever you are, show me where you want me to be.’ While asleep on her bed, she had a dream. In this dream, she saw herself standing behind large wooden doors and the sound of angels was all around her. She fell to her knees. The large wooden doors reminded her of the ones she had seen at the Free Church down the road from where we lived. The following Sunday, she entered those wooden doors with a curiosity and excitement burning in her heart. After speaking to the minister there, he confirmed she was now a born-again Christian and she never once looked back. That was in 1984 and so began my mum’s journey with Christ, and she faithfully started to pray for her children. My sister Nichola, when she was 19, after living the ‘high’ life which consisted of immorality and drugs, found herself in Tenerife with nothing but a failed relationship. She rang my mum to say she was coming home. When she arrived at the airport with no money and no belongings after having everything stolen, she found the open arms of our mother and also the open arms of the Saviour, Jesus. Much like my mum, Nichola instantly fell in love with him and joined my mum in praying earnestly for Tracey and myself. This was in 1992. Tracey had been heavily addicted to drugs and was very rebellious, aggressive and hardened. In addition to this, she was living with a very violent man, who physically abused her. Just a few months later in the same year, she also bowed the knee and recognized her need for Jesus Christ. All of them joined together in praying for my salvation.

I was the youngest and was, by far, the most wayward in the family. I had become consumed with rage and violence. At just 16, I was drinking heavily and taking drugs. I had no fear or conscience and had no qualms about attacking people in pubs using my hands and feet as weapons. I would use anything I could get my hands on such as ashtrays, chairs, bats and even guns to hurt and intimidate others around me. My reputation began to grow as a villain, a thug and a drug addict. I served 18 months in a young offenders institute and later a further two years in an adult jail all for serious violent offences: two counts of grievous bodily harm (GBH), two of actual bodily harm (ABH), one count of violent disorder and another for the use of an offensive weapon. I was a very angry man with no hope, no future, no dreams and no life. On the outside, I could pretend to be someone, but on the inside I was dead. I thought the world had it all but yet the world had taken it all. Where did I go to from here? What was the point of living? Well, if you have read my other book Internal Revolution, you will already know most of my story. A story which shows how in 2005, after twenty years of my mum and sisters praying for me, I finally surrendered and bowed the knee to the only man who has ever shown me the real meaning of life: Jesus Christ.

So, seven years later, here I am serving God full time and enjoying every minute of it. A lot of it is hard and I’m having to grow up fast and learn a lot of lessons, but I am growing up and I am learning those lessons and I am set on my journey. My heart belongs to him now, the Saviour of my soul, and it’s for him that I live. It’s him that I’m chasing, and it’s him I’m in love with. I now have hope, I now have a future. I have many, many dreams and I have life to the full, all thanks to the persistent prayer of those who love me and the Lord Jesus Christ. He has won my heart and rescued me from hell. Early this year I felt like God was asking me to write another book (it just seemed to be something I had to do), to write it like a journal, a journal of my journey. This is that book. I hope it strengthens you and causes a fresh passion for truth. You are going to need a Bible with you at all times as you read this book if you want to get the most out of it.

Chapter 1

Warts and All

I was encouraged by a good friend to do what is unusual among writers and preachers, that is to confess all and open my life up in such a way that you will see just how big a mess up any of us can make of our life in God. Yet we can still find victory through perseverance and a heart set on him. Regardless of what the world throws at you and regardless of how big a mistake you make there is always one more round. Always.

You see, during the first years of my Christian walk, I made more mistakes and fell into more sin than I care to remember. This sin had a huge effect not just on me but on many around me. It is important here to understand that not everyone has this same story. Many have such a transformation at their moment of salvation that they never ever return to any of their old life, but that sadly is not my story, although at my moment of salvation I was so impacted on the inside I immediately knew that all sin was wrong. That was a major miracle in my opinion! It is also very important that no one reading this dares to think that it is now OK for them to go and do as they please because Rob messed up bad and God still pulled him through. I believe God did that because in my heart I was so determined and desperate to get it right for him.

I disgraced the name of Jesus and caused many to stumble. The reason I am about to testify to some of the most outrageous and shocking sins is because I believe it will offer countless thousands hope, faith and encouragement. I fell down repeatedly, but the cross was still enough, the blood of Jesus was still enough and his grace was and always will be enough to help us overcome. The things I am about to confess I want to assure you I am free of now. I no longer fall into the same sins. I have many weaknesses and issues but I no longer feel the guilt and shame and I no longer allow those mistakes to prevent me from reaching the destiny upon my life. This book is all about becoming a champion, a warrior and a son. No champion ever became a champion after just one round. I hope that, as you read this chapter, you can allow me the same grace that Jesus has and rejoice with me that only a truly wonderful Saviour and loving Father could set a man like me free.

I had been a passionate Christian for nearly two years when I was introduced to the platform to preach. The gifts were obvious in my life, but my character was far from ready for a platform ministry of any kind. I was going to share my testimony in my old hometown and preach about the power of God to change lives. However, the week before I had very foolishly agreed to meet a girl I knew who had contacted me to ‘hear about God’. I knew I shouldn’t be going alone to meet a girl, but I went anyway. As I was telling her about Jesus she flirted constantly with me and I found it very hard to ignore. My spirit was willing but my flesh was very weak. It soon became obvious to me that this girl had no real desire to know about God, but had very different intentions. We ended up having sex that same day and my witness to her was seriously damaged. I felt so ashamed and condemned that I ended up drinking and taking drugs. I slipped head first back into my old nature.

I spoke to my new pastor and managed to convince him I was still OK to go onto the platform and preach, I should never have been allowed to do so as I was still so full of shame and needed to be restored. I had kind of repented and spent a few days trying to get my heart right before God but I was not the same man after that. I preached a message from a heart of shame and was amazed when people still got saved and healed in the meeting. The Bible says that the gifts are irrevocable (see Romans 11:29) and God still wanted to touch people, but many in the meeting knew of my sin and hardened their hearts as a result. I was mocked and so was