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    52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference
    52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference
    52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference
    Ebook221 pages2 hours

    52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference

    By Jay Payleitner and Josh McDowell

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    About this ebook

    “God, please help me…another game of Candy Land…”

    Quite a few dads spend time with their kids. However, many have no clue what their kids really need.

    Enter author Jay Payleitner, veteran dad of five, who’s also struggled with how to build up his children’s lives. His 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad combines straightforward features with step-up-to-the-mark challenges men will appreciate:

    • a full year’s worth of focused, doable ideas—one per week, if desired
    • uncomplicated ways to be an example, like “kiss your wife in the kitchen”
    • tough, frank advice, like “throw away your porn”

    And, refreshingly…

    • NO exhaustive (and exhausting) lists of “things you should do”
    • NO criticism of dads for being men and acting like men

    Dads will feel respected and empowered, and gain confidence to initiate activities that build lifelong positives into their kids. Great gift or men’s group resource!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarvest House Publishers
    Release dateMar 1, 2010
    ISBN9780736937573
    Author

    Jay Payleitner

    Jay K. Payleitner is a freelance writer and radio producer for Josh McDowell Radio, Today's Father, Prime Timers Today, and other nationwide broadcasts. His work has helped send millions of Bibles to China, hundreds of volunteers to Russia, and thousands of Christmas gifts to the children of inmates, with Chuck Colson's "Angel Tree" project. Jay also created the fast-selling America Responds audio series and the very first print ad for Left Behind. Jay and his wife, Rita, have five kids and live in St. Charles, Illinois.

    Read more from Jay Payleitner

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    • 4/5
      52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference by Jay K. PayleitnerWhy I picked up this book: I was in the airport going to New Mexico for a conference to get CME’s and had the Black Elk Speaks book. I was at the airport too early and finished that book before our departure so I went into the gift shop to get a new book. The title interested me and it is something I try to do with my 5 amazing children so I grabbed it. I also know this publisher puts out Christian books so I wanted to read it.Why I finished this book: It was a quick read, a Christian perspective had some good topics and some realistic and simple things to consider. Thoughts: There were 52 different ideas that included simple rules, advice and experiences the author sees as important to pass on to other fathers that I wanted to take in. Rating: I’d give it a 3.5 out of 5 star rating because it had some good ideas and others I did not like too much so I’d rate it as I did.

    Book preview

    52 Things Kids Need from a Dad - Jay Payleitner

    dust.

    Kids Need Their Dad…

    To Help Them Beat the Odds

    Think of the top ten social crises of our time: Drug abuse. Teenage pregnancy. School shootings. Gangs. Spiritual confusion. Overcrowded prisons. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Domestic violence. Drunk driving. And so on.

    We can make the case that the most devastating rips in our social fabric would be radically reduced if dads were getting the job done at home.

    Statistically, what happens when dads aren’t around?

    • Eighty-five percent of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.¹

    • Children who live apart from their fathers are 4.3 times more likely to smoke cigarettes as teenagers than children growing up with their fathers in the home.²

    • Fatherless boys and girls are twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.³

    • Seventy-five percent of all adolescent patients in chemical-abuse centers come from fatherless homes.⁴

    • Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a parent has been absent.⁵

    • Adolescent females between the ages of 15 and 19 years reared in homes without fathers are significantly more likely to engage in premarital sex than adolescent females reared in homes with both a mother and a father.⁶

    Sound hopeless? Just the opposite. If father absence is devastating, leading to all kinds of bad decisions and societal ills, then father presence is the solution, right?

    This hard data, along with all kinds of anecdotal evidence, is rarely brought into the light. Even with all the research, too many segments of society express little regard for fatherhood. The media, school administrators, television scriptwriters, judges, church leaders, and state agencies seem to say fathers don’t matter. Or they’ve given up on fathers. Or worse, we’re told fathers are part of the problem. The result is, men are driven away from their families, fathers are disenfranchised, and dads are afraid to hug their own kids.

    But the inverse is true and must be said. Men need to hear, Dad, you matter! Your children need you. Your wife (or the mother of your children) needs you to be more involved and more invested in the daily lives of your kids. Without strong male role models, families suffer both short- and long-term. Children make bad decisions. Communities weaken. Government agencies flounder to fix problems after the fact. Taxes go up. Our streets aren’t safe. As soon as they graduate high school, young people turn their back on Jesus. The vibrant potential of the next generation is lost—in many cases, for eternity.

    An oft-quoted survey found that if a mother attends church regularly with her children, but without their father, only 2 percent of those children will become regular church attendees. But if a father attends church regularly with his children, even without their mother, an astounding 44 percent choose to become regular church attendees on their own.⁷

    Yes, dads matter. Do you want more proof?

    All you have to do is ask a kid.

    Just opening this book and reading this far proves you want to be the kind of dad your kids need. You can do it, Dad.

    I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.

    SIGMUND FREUD (1856–1939)

    Kids Need Their Dad…

    To Stop and Catch the Fireflies

    Afriend of mine and I were reminiscing about growing up. He shared with me his single most vivid memory of his dad. You might think it would be some well-planned vacation or some expensive, extravagant gift. But it wasn’t. You see, my friend’s father was on the road a lot, a busy important man—things to do, people to see. Well, one evening this father and his eight- or nine-year-old son were driving. My friend could not recall the destination, but it was business-related. Clearly, it was someplace important and they were running late.

    On a quiet stretch of two-lane highway, all of a sudden this dad pulls off the road. It wasn’t an emergency-type stop. But my friend recalled that he was frightened for just a moment. The entire situation reflected the urgency of a flat tire, but there had been no galumphing sounds or shaky steering. Within seconds, this dad had hopped out of the car, rolled up his shirtsleeves, loosened his necktie, and opened the trunk. He didn’t pull out the tire iron or a suitcase. Instead, he came around to the side of the car, tapped on the passenger window, and held up an empty glass jar. He motioned for his son to follow him and then—wingtips and all—he ran into the field…to catch fireflies. Lightning bugs. The field was full of them, and the hovering, dancing, flashing creatures blended into the clear starry sky. All told, that father and son weren’t in that field very long at all. With their bare hands they caught scores of the bugs, letting most of them go. The dad poked some holes in the lid of the jar, the boy tossed in some grass because that’s what you do, and he carried the jar back to the car like a trophy. The entire episode lasted less than ten minutes.

    Now, we can never be sure what motivated that father at that moment to create the stuff of which memories are made, but we can speculate. Maybe the sight of those flashing insects just off the road had triggered memories of his own youth. Maybe he’d been carrying that jar around for months for just that purpose. Maybe, some heaven-inspired paternal instinct kicked in. Whatever it was, the lesson is clear: Dad, pull over to catch the fireflies.

    Never miss a chance to stop and make a memory. Sometimes you may even want to orchestrate those moments yourself.

    A man’s real possession is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.

    —ALEXANDER SMITH (1830–1867)

    Kids Need Their Dad…

    To Carry the Calf Every Day

    There’s a story—I don’t know how true it is—of a farmer’s teenage son who wanted to build up his muscles. Old Bessie, the family cow, had given birth that summer, so the boy moseyed out to the barn and with little difficulty picked up that calf, put it on his shoulders, and walked three times between the barn and corn crib.

    The next day, he did the same thing. And the next. And the next.

    Of course, the calf was growing during this time. But as the story goes, since the boy could pick it up and take a short walk around the farmyard one day, he certainly should have been able to do it the next. After all, how much could one little cow grow in 24 hours?

    You probably know where we’re headed here. By the next summer, the boy was strolling around with an 800-pound full-grown cow on his shoulders, and he went on to become an Olympic clean and jerk gold medalist, NFL lineman, or something equally impressive.

    The point? The point is that as parents, we need to get into the habit of spending time with our kids.

    Allow me to apply the principle. How many of you dads can imagine yourselves hugging your teenage son in public? Hmm. Not many. Well, how many of you can imagine getting a great big hug from your kindergartner right in front of his classroom when you come to pick him up after the first day at school? Most of you…all of you.

    If you can hug him when he’s 5 years, 117 days old, can’t you also hug him when he’s 5 years, 118 days? Or 5 years, 119 days? And every day of the school year and beyond?

    What’s more, that kindergartener enjoys those hugs, needs those hugs, and begins to expect those hugs. What a wonderful security it is to be able to know that a hug is always waiting for you.

    Similarly, it’s easy to tuck in a four-year-old. You read a story, talk about the day, say a prayer, kiss them goodnight, and that’s it. If you dedicate the right amount of time to it—say about 20 minutes—it can be a truly magical moment. With a little perseverance, a father can develop a bedtime ritual that continues until the day you drop them off at their college dorm. Over that 18-year span, the schedule will change, the topics of discussion will surely evolve, and you may miss a night or two. But if you are tenacious about tucking in your kids, you will build a connection with them that will last through the toughest times.

    And by the way, that time together does more than make a positive connection—it actually protects your relationship from harm. For example, during any given day, you may have said some harsh words to your family. Your son may have disrespected his mother after school. Your daughter may be pouting over some unkind words said by a schoolmate. But at bedtime, the magical moments you’ve had over the years will help the walls fall down, and in the glow of the nightlight you can talk it out, trade apologies, put it all in perspective, and look forward to a new day.

    Call it availability. Call it consistency. Our kids need to know they can count on us. They need to expect hugs, goodnight kisses, and other warm fuzzies over the long

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