Ascension

Chapter

1

Moisture stirred in Chance’s lungs and hung from his fur. The familiar aroma of the foliage and clay earth triggered fear, sadness and hunger. Sounds of the jungle permeated the air: birds chirped, leaves rustled and insects buzzed with movement. The humidity made every breath heavy and thick.

He salivated as he stared out from under the cover of the fronds of a large bush. A woman stood twenty feet away from him, hanging her laundry on a clothesline. Long dark hair hung around her shoulders and she hummed as she worked. Her energy was a beacon to him and pulled him closer, his feet moving him across the overgrown grass. All he could think about was absorbing her power.

The sounds from the birds, insects and monkeys all quieted. He paused, an arm’s length away from her. Her melodic song stopped and she turned around. Ana’s emerald eyes blinked at him and she smiled.

"Where have

you

been

?"

Chance tried to respond but couldn’t speak. He wanted to say he loved her and that he’d missed her, but instead, his teeth parted, freeing a deep growl from his chest. His body kept moving forward. He wanted to stop—it was only Ana. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

Claws slashed out and connected with her soft, pink skin. Red blood streaked across her body. Despite the wound, she continued to smile at him. Why wasn’t she protecting herself? He wanted to yell at her, to tell her to run away, but he couldn’t. He was in the conductor’s seat of a runaway train—and he was the train. Positioned to hurt and destroy what was in

his

path

.

"I

love

you

."

He looked up, expecting to gaze into Ana’s innocent eyes, but instead found the blank stare of Balam’s

dead

wife

.

No!

Chance sat straight up in bed, his heart thundering in his chest. His covers, wet with sweat, tumbled into his lap. He dropped his head into his hands and gasped

for

air

.

It was just a dream, he tried telling himself. It wasn’t real. But the fear was real and it persisted at his soul. Every waking moment filled with memories, echoed

with

evil

.

No light came in through the window of his room and the clock on the nightstand said that it was five o’clock. He knew from experience he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so he collapsed backward onto his pillow and stared at the gray ceiling. He’d just have to lie around, stuck in his own head until everyone else

woke

up

.

His thoughts turned to the conversation he’d had with Batukhan nearly twenty-four hours ago and pinched his eyes shut. It was all he’d been thinking about since then. How was he supposed to feel about Batukhan leaving to find Mac, his nomadic shapeshifter friend? Chance had attacked him—bludgeoned him with a lit branch, all while under the powerful influence of another shifter’s voice. This sickness had poisoned him, swaying him to behave in uncharacteristic ways. Made him hunger for power. Would Mac forgive him? A more important question was branded in his mind—can I forgive myself?

Chance rubbed his eyes, which didn’t help the dull ache that seemed to be permanently housed there now. He needed more sleep. If self-loathing could leave its mark, it

certainly

had

.

Calm yourself. Breathe deep and relax. Niyol’s melodic voice soothed his thoughts and his breathing slowed. At least he still had his grandfather’s internal guidance. Chance didn’t miss the memories or echo from Nastas, Markus and the nameless man who’d poisoned all of their lives. Mac had helped push some of the voices away and with much effort and struggle, Ana had removed the poisonous energy from his soul. Although it was a relief not to have them arguing and pushing him around anymore, the damage had

been

done

.

That was ridiculous though. He was a strong young man with the kind of abilities people could only imagine and here he was, having panic attacks between the covers of his bed. He should be a pillar of strength for Ana. Be the person she fell in love with. The person she thought she was

engaged

to

.

He didn’t want her to see him like this: paranoid and frightened of the ghosts in his head. But there was no one who could soothe him like she could. Her touch was the healing balm his heart needed. Chance lifted the gray comforter and sat up in bed. The cool air touched his bare chest, drying the sweat on his skin. The pajama bottoms he’d borrowed from Derek kept his legs warm as he crept out of Ryan’s abandoned room. He moved lightly up the steps, careful not to make noise while he emerged on the main level of

Lifen’s

home

.

He passed by the rice paper doors to the meditation room and walked to the end of the hallway. Chance placed his hand on Ana’s doorknob and glanced at Lifen’s door before letting himself in. Although it was still dark, he could see Ana’s shape beneath the covers of her bed. He latched the door, lifted the edge of her comforter and joined her beneath the sheets.

She adjusted in her sleep and mumbled something he couldn’t understand. Warmth radiated from her body and he slipped his arm around her waist while nuzzling his face against her back. As soon as he came into contact with her, his angst was pacified. Chance closed his eyes and let the rise and fall of her ribcage carry him off to sleep.

Back where he belonged, by her

side

.

Home

.

Chapter

2

Heat overcame her and Ana woke with a start. An arm was looped around her waist and Chance’s thick fingers intertwined with hers. She closed her eyes and grinned, happy to have him close.

This wasn’t the first time she’d found him in her bed. Having him pressed against her back felt better than anything she could imagine. As much as she enjoyed it, she knew he wasn’t joining her just to snuggle. He hadn’t talked about his time away from her, but it had changed him. She hoped he could heal from the internal scars that had been left behind. That she could

help

him

.

Ana lifted their intertwined hands to her mouth and kissed his knuckle. In response, Chance squeezed her and his hot breath tickled the hairs of her neck. She shivered and whispered, Good morning.

Morning. His voice was absorbed by her back and she drank

it

in

.

Did you have another bad dream?

"

Mm

hm

."

Ana turned over so she could look at Chance. His hazel eyes were heavy with sleep, and afflicted with pain and fear. That much was obvious, at least to her. She traced her fingertips along his brow, pushing healing energy into him. His eyes shut lazily and he took a deep breath.

Feel like talking about it? Ana asked. "You haven’t said much since Batukhan left yesterday morning. Or

at

all

."

His free hand brushed up along her waist and settled at the center of her back. Her heart skipped a beat as his leg hooked over her thigh. Chance’s lips pressed against hers and any form of thought evaporated. She allowed herself to be swept away with him, but only for a minute. Breathless and woozy from his attention, she slurred, "Chance, wait. Stop trying to

distract

me

."

Chance’s hands burned on her flesh. It took everything in her to attempt to push him away and calm her heartbeat. He resisted her touch and wouldn’t

slow

down

.

Her affection turned to frustration when he didn’t listen. This wasn’t like him. "

Chance

!

Stop

!"

His body moved away and he frowned at the ceiling. "How many times do I have to say that I don’t want

to

talk

."

Sure, he’d always had an edge, but he oozed anger now and it scared her. She lifted up on her elbow to look into his eyes. "I’m sorry. But you might feel better sharing

with

me

—

"

He avoided her gaze. His lips formed a tight line when he responded. "Now look who’s not stopping. I told you, I’m not ready yet. I’d rather just lay here with you

all

day

."

I know. After so long apart, there’s nothing I’d rather do either, but we can’t hide away. We’re not alone in this house. You’ve barely said a word to anyone. I know you’ll like the guys if you give them a chance.

Not long ago, I was enough for you. Maybe it’s time we should go out on our own. We don’t need anyone here. Without looking at her, his fingers trailed down her back and she grabbed them before they reached

too

far

.

Stop, she said. You mean just as must to me now as you ever have. But I disagree—I don’t think we should go. I don’t know if I can help you recover all by myself.

"I’m fine. I don’t need

anyone’s

help

."

A lump formed in Ana’s throat. She didn’t know what to say. In the space of a few minutes, what felt like an abyss had formed between them. Even when they’d been hundreds of miles apart, he didn’t feel as far away from her as he

did

now

.

Ana couldn’t stand this. It was obvious that a lot had happened to him, but he wasn’t sharing with her. How could she help if he didn’t let her in? She tried using his own technique against him and nuzzled her nose against his neck. Her voice came out soft and low. Well, we can’t make any plans until we tell Mom that we’re engaged.

Chance groaned and punched his fist into the comforter. "Do we really have to go home to

do

it

?"

I promised Mom that I’d come home for Christmas and if I blow that off and tell her that I’m getting married on the phone—well, angry won’t begin to cover it. Ana sighed and stared at the bear heartline and jade jaguar pendants that hung around Chance’s neck. You know how she was when we went down to Mexico. And when I told her I was coming up here to work, instead of going to school, well, she didn’t like it. Getting married . . . that’s a totally different level. We’d better go home and tell her together. If you want to take off, let’s go visit our families. What day do you want to head back to Idaho?

Lines formed on Chance’s forehead and he squinted at her. "That’s not what I meant. If I leave, it won’t be to go back home. Not yet. I know I have to talk with my parents too. I left a note for them on my way up here and I left a message the other day. They’ll probably need a lot more than that to be satisfied that I’m okay, but I don’t want to deal with

that

yet

."

He’d said close to nothing about the time he’d spent away from her. Ana hadn’t realized he’d even driven through Clark Bend. It was strange that he hadn’t stayed to visit with his mom and dad, but she didn’t want to ask any questions. Not during his obvious irritable mood. An awkward silence fell

over

them

.

His face hardened while his eyes closed tight, like he was hiding away from her. He muttered, "It’s hard, Ana. There’s a lot

I

just

…"

When he reopened his eyes, the darkness reflected within made her anxious. It hurt her to see him like this. He’d changed. He had never been very talkative, but at least he spoke to her. But now, he was so distant. And dark. If Niyol were alive Chance could have confided in him, but now if he wouldn’t talk to her, who could he

talk

to

?

It’s okay, she answered, trying to assure

them

both

.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway. Chance tilted his head and she could tell he’d heard them too. Great, time to go. Don’t want Lifen glaring at me again—I swear, that woman could freeze water.

A deep rumble came from her stomach. Does that mean you’re coming to join us for breakfast today?

Maybe.

Ana forced a smile, but felt empty inside as she watched Chance slide out from between the sheets and stand with his hand on the doorknob. He peered out into the hallway and disappearing from sight. Ana waited a minute before jumping out of bed and heading to the bathroom. She hoped the hot water would wash away her fears. If she could only be so lucky…

Dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater, she went to the kitchen, ready for some tea. Jordan and Derek were already there and in the middle of their breakfast preparations.

Derek saw her first and greeted her. Morning, Ana. Your other half gonna show himself today?

Hey guys. She shrugged and pushed past the urge to cry. I’m not sure. He’s still not feeling like himself.

Derek shook his head and Jordan’s brow wrinkled in response. It had been a couple days since Chance and Batukhan had come to Lifen’s house and Ryan had left, but the guys were still acting different. When Ana had first arrived here over a month ago, they weren’t very close with one another, although during her stay they’d all become friends. Now they were—the best way she could describe it—moping. She supposed they weren’t the

only

ones

.

Without looking either of them in the eye, too afraid the answer would be the same, she asked casually, "Still

no

word

?"

Derek replied, You know I’d tell you if Ryan had called.

Ana nodded and bit her lip. Her eyes traced over the statue of the kitchen god, sitting in his nook in the wall. Ryan had told her the story. She’d tried to focus on the fact that Chance was safe and had returned to her, but now, her friend was gone. Had taken all of his belongings that night and left without

a

word

.

She grabbed a mug from the cupboard and said, "I’m telling you, something’s not right. He wouldn’t just leave like that. We should go and look

for

him

…"

Jordan and Derek shared a glance. "I don’t

know

,

Ana

."

What? She got the distinct feeling they were holding something back. "If you know something, you should tell me. I’m his

friend

too

."

Ana crossed her arms and stared at Jordan, who avoided her attention and turned his back to her. Derek stared at the ceiling and rubbed his chin. He wandered to the kitchen doorway and looked out. "You and Chance were with each other so much there wasn’t a good opportunity to

tell

you

."

Ana’s stomach rattled nervously and sank to her feet. She didn’t know why this had anything to do with Chance, but she wanted answers. "What? Is

Ryan

okay

?"

Derek remained in the kitchen’s entrance as he spoke. "There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I wasn’t sure how to. Jordan and I have talked about it and we’re not totally convinced there’s anything really wrong with Ryan. At least nothing a little time

can’t

heal

."

"Enough with the riddles—would you just tell me what’s

going

on

?"

The last few weeks we’ve all grown close. We’ve become friends. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for each other. Derek sighed and looked Ana in the eye. "Ryan cared about you. It’s not like we sat around eating popcorn and talking about our feelings or anything, but…it was something we kinda picked up on. Ana, I don’t think he wants to be here right now. Not with Chance here

with

you

."

Ana leaned against the kitchen counter while the words sank in. They didn’t make sense to her. Not completely. So, hold on. Are you saying Ryan liked me, like more than a friend?

Derek shrugged and Jordan muttered, That’s what we think.

She thought back to all of their interactions and tried to make it fit. He was just an obnoxious jerk who was afraid of letting anyone close to him. At least, that was her first impression of him. She’d discovered he had a serious side when he wasn’t cracking jokes and teasing everyone. But could she imagine he’d cared for her as more than just a friend?

Without her knowledge he had followed her the night she left to find Chance. Ryan had crashed into them, thinking he was helping Ana while she was in the process of freeing the foreign energy from Chance. A large burst of light had illuminated the sky and afterwards Ryan disappeared without any explanation. All Ana could worry about was that he’d absorbed the evil she’d worked so hard at removing from Chance. She feared he’d contracted the shifter sickness.

Ana? Should I have kept it a secret? Derek joined her and put his hand on her shoulder.

She frowned and forced herself to speak. "No. You did right telling me. It’s just, I wasn’t expecting anything

like

that

."

I didn’t want you rounding up a search party looking for him if he’s just looking for some distance, Derek said with a sad smile. Just give him some time and maybe we’ll hear from him soon. Don’t worry about him. He knows how to take care of himself. Plus, you’ve got other things to focus on like wedding veils and flowers ’n stuff.

Right.

She didn’t understand why that would excuse Ryan from at least contacting them to let them know he was okay. It made her angry that he could be so selfish after she’d been worrying about him, but her anger eased into sadness. She seemed to recall a strange expression on his face after being introduced to Chance. Ana would never want to cause him pain. Maybe Derek was right. Just let him have his space for a while.

Ana finished making herself some tea and peered into the fridge. Rather than her typical yogurt, sensing it wouldn’t be enough, she grabbed a leftover burrito and then reached for a muffin

as

well

.

She followed the guys into the dining room, sat at the long wooden table and stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows. White snow covered everything outside: the trees, rocks and mountains. The sapphire blue water of the lake at the base of the valley below them was barely visible at its center. Opaque ice covered most of its surface and reflected the first rays of the

morning

sun

.

Between bites she asked, "So, you guys think we should go to the meditation room, or is it going to be another

free

day

?"

Jordan said, "I’m going to do morning meditation anyway, even if Lifen doesn’t

show

up

."

Derek finished a particularly large bite of his breakfast toast and with his mouth full he was able to say, It’s just so weird around here now. Lifen’s not sticking to her schedule—it’s chaos! Up is down, sad is happy—I don’t know if I can adjust. Then there’s Batukhan, who I can’t seem to figure out. And you lovebirds are one thing, but it’s just freaky having Lifen wandering around with a smile. It’s depressing, really.

Aw, Derek. Ana blew on her morning tea. "We’ll find you someone. Someone who won’t drop you because you’re too animal

for

her

."

At mention of the change in schedule, Jordan’s unmistakable look of concern crossed his face. Ana may not have known him for long, but she knew he was a creature of habit and he wasn’t fond of change. He thrived on Lifen’s rigorous schedule and her attention. For the last few days he’d been operating as if nothing had happened, despite the fact that Lifen had disappeared into her room with Batukhan for most of the time until he’d left yesterday.

Don’t worry, Jordan. I’m sure it’ll be fine, Ana assured him. His brown eyes swept over her face and he gave half

a

nod

.

Lifen’s clear voice echoed through the room. Good morning, everyone.

An almost joyful exclamation came from Jordan. Morning, Lifen! Are we back to our schedule today?

Her lips parted and the corners lifted up before she responded. I will get to that in a moment. First, I would like to offer my apologies for the last few days. Batukhan and I have had a lot to discuss. We needed to catch up on lost time and determine what would happen moving forward. Her flowing dress rustled while she moved past the table and stood at the window. Her long black hair was swept up in a bun on the top of her head and there was something lighter about her. I think I should address something that has been weighing heavily on Ana. I hope you all forgive me for reaching out to your thoughts and feelings, but I know she has been concerned about the circumstances of Ryan’s departure. The others seem to think it is nothing to be alarmed about and I tend to agree, being privy to some of his emotions in the days prior to his departure. We will give him his space for now. If you wish to discuss this with me further, you may do so in private. And now, it is time I involve you in our plans. I have asked Batukhan to remain here with me and he has accepted. He is a very skilled shifter who has a lot to offer you as a mentor. I worry I have not been as helpful as I should have to my shifter students. It pains me to say I have been slightly misguided in some regards. She met Ana’s gaze for a moment and

looked

away

.

Jordan’s voice cracked as he spoke. Are you leaving?

All eyes were on Lifen as she answered, "Only for a little while. I hope to be gone no more than a few weeks. I will be back for the Christmas holiday,

I

hope

."

Jordan fidgeted with his napkin and asked, When are you leaving?

Ana looked at Lifen, who walked to Jordan’s side. "I will be leaving today. Batukhan will take over your lessons while I’m gone. With him here, it will allow me to focus on what I realize I should have all along—healing. He has mentored many in his lifetime and I have full confidence

in

him

."

Jordan’s eyes narrowed while Ana spoke up, a little confused. "But Batukhan isn’t here. When is he

coming

back

?"

"He’s on his way back now with the friend he went to find. He’ll be

here

soon

."

Derek spoke up. A shifter?

Yes, a shifter. Batukhan thinks very highly of him. Lifen moved past Jordan to the doorway. I think it would be good for all of us to join together to meditate before I depart.

Derek, Ana and Jordan carried their dirty dishes to the kitchen in silence before they went to the meditation room. When they got there, Lifen was already perched cross-legged on a round cushion with her back to the windows. They copied her and settled onto their own cushions. Ana turned to look over her shoulder at the door, hoping Chance would appear ready to join them. But he didn’t. Her chest grew heavy.

Please clear your minds. Lifen’s voice resonated through the room. Feel the energy around you, soothing your senses and giving you peace. Allow yourself to connect with your power and sit in stillness.

Ana’s body was tight with tension. Her shoulders dropped an inch while slow breathing relaxed her muscles. It had only been a couple days since she’d meditated with Lifen and the boys, but the stress of the other night and past few days had certainly taken its toll. She’d been entirely focused on Chance and Ryan and had neglected to realize the effect it’d had

on

her

.

After her conversation with Derek, she felt like she had permission to let go of her fears regarding Ryan’s safety. He just needed time away from them and hopefully he’d come back. For now, she could put all of her focus on Chance and his recovery.

She let go of the noisy thoughts rattling around in her head and took a deep sigh. A chill traveled down Ana’s back and the hairs on her arms rose. Then a distant, unrecognizable voice, barely discernable, echoed in her head…should not do this, protect yourself.

Ana’s eyes snapped open in surprise. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. That had definitely not been her own internal voice, but a male’s. It seethed with anger and paranoia.

Anything wrong, Ana? Lifen inquired from her meditation pillow.

With a dry throat, Ana croaked in

response

. "

No

."

And she hoped she was right.

Chapter

3