Fated

1

Disjointed visions of violence and pain shift in and out of focus in my mind. Blondie laughing as he drags a sharp blade across Will’s throat. Jared attacking me with no will of his own under the influence of Zoe’s mind control. Blondie and Will fighting. Oceans of warm blood pouring from the gaping hole in Jared’s chest, leaving my hands stained red. Blondie shoving me off a cliff in a fit of anger. Devastating energy rushing from me with enough force to fling Jared and Zoe away as the Earth splits apart. Will pinning me down as he hits Zoe with a ball of purple light created from blood and whispered words. The world in silence, everything moving in slow motion as Blondie buries a knife into Jared’s chest. Zoe forcing me to strangle Will after getting into my head and then making me jump into a chasm afterwards. Blondie slicing his knife down my arm. The wind rushing around my body as I fall forever downward until I inevitably hit the surface of Lake Haven and the icy cold depths of it pull me under. And then finally, the symbol on my wrist as it glows softly to the slow beats of Jared’s heart under my hands.

I sit up with a start, my hand on my wrist, Jared’s name on my lips. My chest aches with each struggling breath as my eyes squeeze shut against the brightness of the sun.

The sun?

I force my eyes open, taking in the vast open meadow around me. Flowers of every color imaginable spread out as far as the eye can see. It’s beautiful. It’s wrong. I shouldn’t be here. I should be in the lake. Unless… unless I died, and this is…

No.

No. I can’t be dead. I don’t want to be dead. I’m not done. Jared doesn’t know who he is. He’s not safe because he doesn’t know, and I can’t tell him because I’m here—wherever here is. I have to go back. I have to warn him before Blondie figures out I lied. I have to protect him.

The symbol.

The symbol can take me back. It has to take me back.

I remove my hand from my wrist. Smooth, unblemished skin greets me. It’s gone. How can it be gone? Sharp pain slices through my chest, my vision going hazy as a memory forces its way to the surface. Like the images before, the memory comes in fragments. Dark water, a disappearing world reflected against the surface, and the soft glow of the symbol as it fades away into nothing.

No. No. It can’t be gone. This can’t be happening. Who’s going to protect Jared now? Who’s going to keep him safe when Blondie realizes he’s not dead?

Footsteps approach from behind. A boy moves to stand before me. The sun shines at his back, casting a golden halo all around him, making it hard to see his face. He lowers his hand. Hesitating only a moment, I accept his help in standing up.

Am I dead? I ask, terrified of what this strange boy will say.

He shakes his head. No.

That voice. I’ve heard it before. I know you. He studies me while I study him: big brown eyes, dark brown hair, gray t-shirt, blue jeans, and red Converse. And then it hits me and I feel ashamed for not knowing right away because I should have. Sam.

He nods.

A warm breeze blows through the meadow, stirring up the fragrance of the flowers. Taken by their scent, I breathe in deeply. There’s something calming about it, almost anesthetic. I close my eyes in surrender, and with each inhale, my shame for not knowing whom Sam was right away, along with my fears for Jared’s safety, begin to fade. Everything begins to fade, all my worries, all my fears, all my memories of my family, my friends. Jared.

No. I pop my eyes back open. This place is trying to make me forget. I’m not ready to forget. I don’t want to forget.

What is this place? I ask.

It has many names, but I like to call it The In-Between, Sam answers. It’s where the soul goes when it’s in between life and death.

So what happens now?

Now you either choose to stay, or choose to go back, Sam says. A quiet sadness lurks within his big brown eyes that’s impossible to hide, no matter how hard he’s trying to.

Did you get a choice?

He lowers his eyes with a slight shake of his head. No. It was too late for me, he whispers. But it’s not too late for you. There’s a look of determination in his gaze as he looks back up at me.

Then I choose to go back. I take a deep breath. It hurts, almost as if I were breathing in water instead of air.

Sam smiles. It reminds me of Jared’s smile, minus the dimple. Taking my hand, he flips it over then rubs his thumb over the place where the symbol he marked me with used to be. A symbol that not only allowed me to see and experience his memories as if they were my own, but if what Will said was true, allowed him to share his soul with me too. If you choose it, I can return the symbol to you marking you as a Guardian. He looks up, meeting my eye. I never gave you a choice the first time, and for that I’m sorry. It must have been terrifying.

It was a little scary, I admit. He looks at me with a slight smile and a questioning expression that says ‘only a little?’ "Okay, so it was a lot scary, but I understand why you did it and if I was in your place, I probably would have done the same thing."

Does that mean you want it back then?

I don’t know how to answer. Having this symbol the first time around turned my whole life upside down and there were a few dark moments where I would have done anything to get rid of it. But then there were also times where it saved my life, where it saved Jared’s life, and I would do anything to keep Jared safe. If having the symbol back means I can protect Jared from Blondie and The Fallen, then there’s really no decision to make. The choice is obvious.

I take a deep breath, steadying my nerves. Yes. At my answer, Sam places his hand over my wrist. A soft glow shines out from under his hand. Wait, I say before he can go any further. He looks up. Will it be like it was before?

No, not like before. You and I will no longer be connected, but you will have everything you will ever need.

Okay. So, no memories of his life or soul sharing, just inhuman super powers I have no idea how to control. I can handle that. Right?

Ready?

Not in the slightest bit.

I nod.

Sam closes his eyes, whispering words under his breath. The glow beneath his hand intensifies. My skin warms. All the hairs on my arm stand on end as electricity courses through my veins, spreading outward until my whole body is alive with it.

Releasing my arm, a new symbol emerges. It’s basically the same as the one before, with pale blue lines looping and intersecting over one another. The only difference is that now there are two small dots, one on top of the other, in the same shade of pale blue just off to the right side of its center. I run my finger over the lines, tracing its shape.

A breeze stirs the flowers nearest me. My fingers fall from my wrist as their scent overwhelms my senses. I breathe it in until my lungs can’t hold anymore, until I start to forget that I want to leave.

It’s so peaceful here.

Maybe I should stay.

It’s time, Sam says.

Time for what? The way the slight curls around the edges of his hair ruffle in the breeze reminds me of something. No—someone.

To go back.

Back? I reach out touching a strand of his hair, trying to remember who he reminds me of. Jared. His hair curls like Jared’s. All of my fuzzy memories clarify. Jared. I have to go back for Jared.

Come on. There isn’t much time. Sam holds out his hand for me to take and as I do, a white door appears in the distance, standing alone in a field of flowers. He leads me to it. At my questioning look he says, All you have to do is open the door.

There’s a sad longing in the way he looks at the door that breaks my heart. He died so young and so violently before he ever had a chance to really live. It’s not fair. Come with me, I say.

The corners of his mouth lift in a sad sort of smile. I can’t. This door is only for you. Letting go of my hand, he takes a few steps back.

I wish there was some way the powers that be could make an exception in his case. I wish you could come.

Me too. He takes a few more steps backward.

I reach for the doorknob. It feels like ice against my skin. I start to twist.

Hanna.

I look over my shoulder.

Tell Will I don’t blame him. Tell him it wasn’t his fault.

I will. The sun at his back intensifies until I can no longer see him standing there. Turning back to the door, I twist the knob.

Everything hurts. I can’t breathe or open my eyes, and the ground under my back is hard and cold. A great force shoves down rapidly against my chest, causing my ribs to ache under the pressure. Once the shoving stops, air is then forced into my burning lungs. Water pours from my mouth as my head is turned to the side, and each breath I take after feels like tiny knives slicing away at my throat and lungs.

The sensation of water dripping onto my face pulls my thoughts away from the pain of my breaths. I slowly open my eyes to harsh light and blurry shapes. After several blinks, a pair of deep blue eyes comes into focus, peering at me, heavy with relief. Will sighs, smiles, and then scoops me up in his arms to hold me tight against his chest.

He kisses my forehead. You scared the hell out of me. For a moment there, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to bring you back. He hugs me tighter, then semi-releases me to look down at my face. That’s twice now, you know.

What? It hurts to talk, and my voice sounds like it’s being dragged over gravel.

He smiles. That I’ve saved your life in the last twenty-four hours. His fingers brush across my cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. A pained sort of longing flickers in his eyes, but he shoves it away so fast, I can’t really be sure it was there at all. So, He tugs at the ends of my hair playfully. I’m wondering if this is going to become a recurring thing, my constantly saving you, because if so, I’m going to have to rearrange my schedule.

Is he being serious right now?

You know, in some cultures it wouldn’t be unheard of to say that you’re now indebted to me, he says with a sly grin.

I get shoved off a cliff, nearly die, visit The In-Between where I’m re-branded with a symbol from Sam and now Will is… is making jokes and… and flirting with me? I don’t even know how to respond to that right now.

I’ve started making a list, he continues, voice very serious though his eyes are teasing.

A list? Why am I even entertaining him?

Of all the ways you can pay me back, of course.

Really? And what’s on this list of yours? This is stupid. I shouldn’t even be playing along. What I should be doing is asking about Jared, but after everything that’s happened, i.e., getting mixed up in a war between The Fallen and The Guardians, nearly dying at Blondie’s hand, finding out my boyfriend is destined to either save or destroy the world because some prophecy says so—a little harmless fun doesn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounds really nice.

Things. He winks then flicks his eyes to my mouth where they linger long enough to make me blush. A slow grin spreads across his face. Get your mind out of the gutter, Hanna Harper. Although…

Ugh, I shove away from him. You’re insufferable, you know that? I say, despite the smile I’m so desperately trying to keep from forming.

Uh-huh, sure I am. He smiles suggestively. Anyway, number one on the list is laundry. I was thinking you could do mine from now ‘til forever. I hate doing laundry.

Um, no. Let’s not forget that I’ve saved your life a few times too. I’d say we’re even.

Will scrunches his face up in a thoughtful expression. I suppose we could call it even—for now, anyway. There’s always tomorrow.

God, I hope not. Nearly dying twice in one day is enough. Although with the insane life I’m now living there’s a very good chance one of us will be saving the other soon, just hopefully not tomorrow. With Blondie in the dark about Jared being alive, I’m hoping for a bit of a breather before everything goes to hell again.

My thoughts drift back to my near death as I stare up at the cliffs above Lake Haven. If Will hadn’t pulled me out when he did, things would be very different right now. I look over at him from the corner of my eye. Thank you, by the way, for saving my life.

I told you before, you don’t have to thank me. He nudges me with his shoulder. "I’m just glad I got here when I did. When you didn’t show up at the church and you weren’t answering your phone I knew something was wrong. I got here just in time to see Blondie shove you off the cliff. So I jumped in after you. It took me forever to find you and when I finally did, you were so cold and blue and I thought, I’m too late. I’m really glad I wasn’t."

Me too. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs to hold them tight. Do you know why he shoved me over?

You mean other than the fact that he’s an evil bastard? Will says in a half joking tone. He’s trying to make light of the mess we’re in and I have to say, I appreciate it. Without these little moments to lighten the weight, we’d all be completely crushed by now.

He made me see what I was fighting so desperately to protect, what Sam died for to protect, I say softly. Sam and I may no longer be linked, but I still remember how he felt when he saw his brother for the first time. Terrified, extremely nervous, and optimistic all at once. He had so much he wanted to share with him, and now that’s all gone.

I glance over at Will. A struggle shows within his dark blue eyes despite the blank expression on his face. He wants to know what happened the night Sam died and at the same time he doesn’t. He lowers his eyes to the ground. Tell me.

Sam performed a ritual that night, linking himself to his brother through their shared blood. Following the pull, he ended up at The Iron Knife where a halo of light surrounded a boy standing in line. He could only see the back of him, so he ducked into the alley to get a better view. He was so nervous about what to say or how to approach him that he started freaking out and pulling at the ends of his hair.

Will smiles at this. Sam always does…I mean did that when he got nervous or upset about something. Half the time he looked like he’d been caught in a windstorm with his hair sticking up every which way.

His brother does the same thing.

Will looks over at me curiously. You know who his brother is?

I nod. So do you. And so does Blondie. Except Blondie thinks the person he’s been searching for is dead. He doesn’t know Jared’s still alive.

Jared? Will's eyebrows gather together in bewilderment. Sam’s brother is Jared? Your Jared?

Yeah.

Huh. Will lowers his eyes back to the ground as he absorbs this bit of information. So Jared’s the Chosen One. Didn’t see that one coming, although now that I’m thinking about it, there is a resemblance between them. He pauses, half smiling to himself. Sam always wanted a brother. He glances back up long enough for me to see the pain and guilt he’s holding on to. Did I ever tell you that? I shake my head. He used to tell me all the time how lucky I was to have siblings and how he wished he did too. And then he finds out he does, only to have it taken away before he can even experience it because of one of my sibling. How ironic is that? He slowly shakes his head from side to side. If only I’d been there with him that night, maybe things would have been different. He glances back up. Sam would have been a great brother.

I put my arm around his shoulders, hugging him. What happened to Sam wasn’t your fault. He wanted to find Jared on his own, and he did. What happened after that, no one could have predicted. He doesn’t blame you.

Will shrugs off my arm. How could he not blame me? I’m betting the only reason he wanted to go on his own was because I told him I didn’t believe him. Covering his face with his hands, he growls against them. Peeking over with red-rimmed eyes, he tries so hard to not cry. I told my best friend I didn’t believe him and he died, Hanna. There’s nothing anyone could ever say to take that guilt away.

Taking a deep breath, I wipe away my own tears at watching Will fall apart. I’ve always been a sympathetic crier, and now is no different, especially when I can relate to how he feels. I promise, Sam does not blame you and he doesn’t want you to blame yourself either. I know this because he told me to tell you that.

What do you mean he told you to tell me? Will asks, confused. He wipes away a fallen tear from his cheek with the edge of his sleeve.

When I was in the lake, I wasn’t just in the lake. Will looks at me perplexed. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know I sound crazy, but I swear, part of me went somewhere else and wherever it is that I went, Sam was there. Before he sent me back, he gave me a new symbol, and he told me to tell you he doesn’t blame you and that what happened to him wasn’t your fault.

Can I see it? Swallowing hard, Will holds out his hand. I give him my wrist. He sits in silence with my hand held loosely in his. No questions about Sam, no questions about The In-Between, just silent contemplating stares. After a while he touches it. Running his finger over the surface, it shimmers with a slight iridescence that’s nowhere near as radiant as it used to be. Maybe it only glowed so brightly before because the part that was Sam was acknowledging Will through me. But that part is gone now.

What little iridescence is left is probably only in reaction to the fact that Will is a Guardian in The Order. An elite group of super humans/witches or whatever it is they are, whose mission it is to keep the world safe from The Fallen. Possessed humans taken over by fallen angels trapped in purgatory who want nothing more than to escape the chains that hold them captive for their own nefarious reasons.

A tear splashes against the center of the symbol where it glows a pale sparkly blue. Will lets go of my wrist to wipe his eyes. He’s really gone. It’s no louder than a whisper, yet it’s strong enough to break my heart. It may have been me who relieved Sam’s memories, and me who felt his feelings, but maybe in some strange way my connection to Sam was Will’s connection to him too. And now that that connection is gone, Sam’s really gone, and for Will, maybe that’s like losing his best friend all over again.

Will, I say gently as I take his hand.

I’m fine, he says. He’s not. He gives my hand a small squeeze, then stands, pulling me up with him. Come on, everyone is waiting for us back at the church and Blondie isn’t going to think Jared’s dead forever.

Hand in hand, Will leads us to a path that’ll take us out of the woods. All of my thoughts become consumed by Jared, some of them happy bringing a smile to my face, and some of them not so happy leaving an unbearable ache in the center of my chest.

Will. I stop, forcing him to stop too since he’s still holding my hand. I’m half afraid to ask because I know how hard the subject of Zoe is for him, but with everything that she’s done: mind controlling Jared into almost killing me, mind controlling me into almost killing Will, and then mind controlling me into almost killing myself. I really don’t want to be anywhere she is. It’s about Zoe. His body goes rigid at the sound of her name. Will she…

You don’t have to worry about Zoe. Letting go of my hand he stares at the pale white scar on his palm. She can’t hurt you now. She can’t hurt anyone.

Except for you, I think to myself.

He trails a finger over the scar, and I wonder if he’s thinking about how he subdued her with that purple ball of energy he manifested. I know I am.

What if she wakes up? I ask as gently as possible.

She can’t. His hand falls at his side. Not until I release her. My blood made her sleep and only my blood can make her wake.

Oh. I can’t even begin to image how he must feel. If Adam betrayed me the way Zoe betrayed him, I’d be a total basket case. If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I’m here for you, okay?

I know.

We stare at each other somewhat awkwardly for half a second before he breaks eye contact. With a half smile to himself, he turns to continue down the path, leaving me to follow behind.

Talking about siblings makes me think of Adam. Suddenly I’m utterly homesick. Adam would never betray me the way Zoe did Will. Not ever. And I know it’s not really a betrayal on my part either, but I feel really bad about missing dinner with him last night even though I didn’t have a choice in the matter because figuring out who Sam’s brother was had to take precedence. But Adam didn’t know that. All he knew was that I blew him off with a note saying I’d be back later. Guilt at the thought of him coming home with a big bag of take out then having to eat it alone eats away at me.

Will. Ahead of me by a good ten feet, he slows down so I can catch up. When you were looking for me, did you happen to come across my phone? I really need to call Adam and let him know I’m okay.

Yeah, um, about that. Reaching into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, he pulls out a very wet, very dead phone, dripping with lake water. If it’s any consolation, He takes his phone out of his back pocket. It looks worse than mine. Mine’s met its untimely demise also.

Great. Guess my phone call to Adam will have to wait a little longer.

I can take you home first before we go to the church, if you want? Will offers when we reach his black Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. It’s parked right beside Jared’s yellow Jeep at the edge of the woods.

I run my hand along the side of the Jeep, wiping away a section of condensation. I can’t go home yet. Not until I see Jared first and I know he’s truly okay. Adam would understand if he knew what’s been going on.

I grab one of the helmets hanging from the handlebars of Will’s bike. No. I need to see Jared first. Let’s go to the church.

Will pulls in beside an enormous black SUV parked outside of the church. It must be Eric’s, a.k.a. Will’s older brother, a.k.a. Officer Jensen. Dismounting the bike, I try peering into the windows with no success. Is it even legal to have windows tinted this dark? I wonder what he’s trying to hide in there?

You coming? Will asks. He’s already halfway up the hillside.

My heart starts to pound faster with each step I take. A huge part of me wants to see Jared so bad every bone in my body is literally aching for it. And then there’s another smaller irritating part of me that’s absolutely terrified, because he’s no longer just Jared. He’s so much more now, and he has no idea. And when I tell him, his whole world is going to turn upside down. What if he hates me for it? I don’t think I can take it if he ends up hating me.

Nearing the back of the building, I start to drag my feet a bit. My insides are a quivering mess of raw nerves, what ifs, and utter excitement.

I think I might throw up.

With a sweep of his arm, Will moves aside the vines covering the hidden door at the rear of the church. I can tell him who he is, if you want?

No, that’s okay. I should be the one to tell him, I say, even though my hands have become completely sweaty and gross and my heart is about to fly out of my chest with the rate in which it’s beating.

You sure? He asks. I nod. He opens the door. After you.

By the time we reach the sanctuary, my hands are shaking so badly I have to put them in my pockets to keep them still. I’ve never been so nervous to see Jared in my whole life.

At first I don’t see him, but then our eyes meet and the whole world stands still. His hair is disheveled, his clothes caked in dirt, but his eyes—his eyes are so green and so, so alive. I forget all about being nervous.

Everything around us fades away as we walk toward each other. Time slows, every detail intensifying. All I want to do it touch him, feel his skin beneath mine and know that he’s really here, because in my mind’s eye, all I can see is blood pouring from his chest.

Hey, Jared says as he reaches me. It’s such a small inconsequential word. It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. He could literally say anything and it would be music to my ears. Wiping a tear from my cheek, he smiles before leaning down to kiss me. My hands twist around the fabric of his shirt, drawing him in closer. I don’t ever want to let go.

Inevitably, we pull apart.

Lost in the sight of him alive and breathing my fingers explore his face, taking in everything from the warm smoothness of his skin, to the softness of his lips, to the shape of his jaw.

Everything about him is amazing.

Moving downward, my fingers trail from his face to the hole in his shirt just over his heart where Blondie stabbed him. There’s no scar and no signs of blood, but in my mind that’s all I see, bright red blood, covering his chest, covering my hands, draining his life away. Under normal circumstances, he shouldn’t be standing here because people don’t survive the kind of wound he sustained. He shouldn’t have survived it. But here he stands. Living. Breathing. And with a beating heart pounding in his chest under my hand because I saved him. He was dying, and I saved him.

I saved him.

Lifting up my chin with the tip of his finger, Jared’s eyes roam over my face. I’m okay. Especially now that you’re here. Biting his bottom lip, he smiles, then kisses me again. Getting lost, I savor every moment of his lips against mine because after I tell him whom he really is, he may not want to kiss me anymore.

2

J ared, I say against his lips. There’s something I have to tell you. Taking his hand in mine, I lead him toward the back of the sanctuary for privacy. My hands are shaking like I’ve just downed a pot of coffee and I know Jared can feel it, but I can’t seem to make them stop. With every step we take toward the conversation we’re about to have, the more nervous I become.

When I first found out about the prophecy and that it was my mission to find the boy mentioned in it, I never imagined it would turn out to be someone I know. If it were a stranger, I could just blurt it out, be done with it, and go from there. But because it’s Jared, a boy I’ve known almost my whole life, my best friend, the boy I fell in love with, all my words are failing me. I can’t just blurt it out to him. I have to be delicate. I have to be comforting, because after this moment, nothing will ever be the same.

Together, we sit, stirring up the dust layered on the pew. Jared wraps his hands around my shaking ones to hold them still. Watching me intently, knowing that I’m nervous, he waits for me to speak. I start the conversation over and over in my head, trying to find the right thing to say.

The words never make it past my lips.

Hanna, what is it? You’re shaking like a leaf and it’s starting to freak me out.

I swallow hard, trying to muster my courage. I have to tell you something and what I have to say is going to change everything.

Ooookaaay. He looks at me with a mix of foreboding curiosity.

I know who Sam’s brother is, I start. Something flickers in his eyes, but it’s gone before I can register what it means. I pause, wondering exactly how much I should tell him. Should I tell him everything? How Sam found him, how he felt when he did, how he felt when he realized he’d never really get to meet him? Or should I just tell him he’s Sam’s brother and leave it at that? Arguing with myself for a few minutes longer, I decide to tell him everything. He deserves to know it all. If it were me, I’d want to know it all.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself, I begin and the whole time I talk, Jared’s eyes never leave the floor. When I’m finished, he doesn’t say a word, which is understandable. After everything I just told him it's not surprising, he'd need time to process. Or maybe he’s skipped processing and is in total denial. Or maybe he completely spaced out and never actually heard a word I said at all because I'm getting nothing from him. No reaction whatsoever. Jared, did you hear me? You're Sam’s brother.

I know, he says in a barely there whisper. It’s not an ‘I know’ as in ‘I just heard what you said’, but an ‘I know’ as in ‘I already know’. I was expecting him to deny it, to yell at me and call me a liar, not to quietly accept it.

When did you know? This is all so messed up. Here I’ve been all tied up in knots, dreading how he might react, preparing myself for the worst even. Worried that he’ll hate me just for telling him and all this time he already knew. Why didn't he say anything?

Jared takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes focused on the floor at his feet. When we were down in the cellar. I knew it the moment I saw the picture of Emily holding her baby all wrapped up in the blue crocheted blanket with the little teddy bear stitched in the corner. His eyes flick to mine, full of conflicting emotions before returning to the floor. When I was little, I used to carry it around with me everywhere I went. I think I was six or seven before my mom could convince me I was too old for a security blanket. I still have it tucked away in a box somewhere in the basement at home. I’m surprised you don’t remember it.

I think back to when Jared and I were little kids. Me in my dresses and pigtails and him with a cape constantly tied around his neck. He was so adorable. He liked to pretend he was a superhero, and I was the damsel in distress he had to save. Wait, do you mean that ratty frayed looking thing that you used to pretend was your cape?

A small smile tugs at his lips. That’d be the one.

But how did you know the blanket in the photo was the same blanket you have? There could be lots of blankets like that in the world.

He shrugs his shoulder. I just… knew. He studies my face. Is that weird?

After everything I’ve seen and done, who’s to say what’s weird and what isn’t anymore. Reaching into the front pocket of my hoodie, my hands seek out the little silver box Jared found in the cellar containing the photo in question along with a note Emily wrote to her newborn baby. Why didn’t you say anything before?

With another shrug of his shoulders, he lowers his eyes back to the floor. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to believe it, because if I did, then I’d have to accept that my whole life’s been a lie.

Leaving the silver box in my pocket, I take his hand in mine. He glances over from the corner of his eye. Your life has not been a lie, Jared. Some of the details might have changed, but you’re still the same person you’ve always been. You’re still Jared Vaughn.

"Yeah, but which Jared Vaughn am I? Am I the Jared who grew up thinking his parents were Karen and Bruce Vaughn? Am I the Jared who thought he was just like everyone else with two loving parents and a stepdad who’s an ass? Am I the Jared who fell absolutely in love with his best friend from the very first moment he saw her? Am I the Jared, whose future is wide open with possibilities?

Or am I the other Jared? The Jared, whose real parents are a Guardian and a Fallen? The Jared, who’s been chosen by some stupid prophecy to determine the fate of the world? The Jared, whose future has already been decided? The Jared, who’s not even human? Giving into the war raging inside him, he shakes his head in defeat. Everything has changed for me now, Hanna. Everything I thought I was, everything I thought I had, it’s all been taken away. The family I thought was mine isn’t. The life I thought was mine isn’t. It was all a lie and this whole time, all I’ve been doing is playing pretend.

"That’s not