Parlez-Vous Franglais?
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About this ebook
Le Français, c’est difficile. Difficile? C’est impossible. C’est maddening. C’est une peine dans le neck. Mais le Franglais est une doddle…
Welcome back to the absurd yet joyful world of Miles Kington's legendary Franglais guides! C’est une des grande mixtures de l’histoire, comme gin et tonique, oeuf et bacon, ou les deux Ronnies. Cette combinaison de Français et Anglais vous permet une expérience mind-blowing.
MAINTENANT UNE SCRATCH ET SNIFF ÉDITION EBOOK SPECIALE! CHOIX DE TROIS FLAVOURS: GAULOISE/VINAIGRETTE/TARTE TATIN
Si vous comprenez le blurb, essayez l’interieur.
Vous ne serez pas le loser.
Miles Kington was one of Britain’s most renowned and best loved journalists. Born in County Down, he grew up in Wales and was educated in Scotland, which was all a big mistake as he was actually English. A presenter, playwright, polymath and wit, he wrote columns for The Times, the Independent, Punch and The Oldie. His other acclaimed titles include Someone Like Me, How Shall I Tell the Dog? and The Franglais Lieutenant's Woman.
Miles Kington
Miles Kington was literary editor of Punch and a writer for the London Times. He also wrote a regular column for The Independent, from its earliest days until the week he died. The author of several bestsellers in the UK, he died of cancer in January 2008.
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Parlez-Vous Franglais? - Miles Kington
Bon.
Lesson Deux: A l’Opéra
Jack: Eh bien, que pensez-vous du premier acte?
Jill: C’est wonderful! Les voix… les costumes… la scénerie… ah, j’aime Spontini!
John: Ce n’est pas Spontini. C’est Martini. C’est son L’Aperitivo.
Joan: Tu es sur? Je pensais que c’était La Differenziale de Ferrari.
Jack: Regardons le programme.
John: Gros lot de use. Il n’y jamais rien dans le programme, excepté a) les reviews de restaurants b) une histoire du Jardin du Couvent c) les biographies mendacieuses et fallacieuses de chanteurs.
Joan: Mais c’est un opéra italien, nest-ca-pas?
John: Pourquoi?
Joan: A cause de tout le mayhem, et le dos-stabbing, et la hanquille-panquille. Et les mots sont italiens.
Jack: Allemands, je crois.
Jill: Ah non! Ce n’est pas Wagner, par hazard?
Tous: God forbid!
Jack: Phew.
Joan: En tout cas, Sodaström est fantastique.
Jill: Oui, Sodaström est divine.
Jack: Quelle dommage qu’elle ne soit pas ici ce soir.
Jill: Mais—ce n’est pas elle? La mère? La mère du fils? La mère du fils avec la fiancée? La fiancée qui est horriblement out of tune?
John: Non. C’est Victoria de San Francisco. Le fils est Otto Matik.
Jill: Et qui est le bloke avec la busty blonde?
Jack: C’est Bernard Levin.
Jill: Non—sur la stage?
Jack: Le bloke qui a chanté l’aria: ‘Good friends, I go to fish for herrings’?
Jill: Oui.
Jack: C’est Dietrich Fischer-Disco.
John: Un moment. Un moment. S’il a chanté en anglais…
Tous: Oui…?
John: C’est un opéra de Benjie Britten!
Tous: Ah non! C’est affreux! Quelle horreur! Une soirée de rubbish anglais! etc…
Annoncement: Le rideau du deuxième acte de Snape River par dear old Ben se lèvera en trois minutes. Je répète: back to your stalls immédiatement!
John: Non! Je rébelle! Dans une société libre, il est permis de dire: j’opte out.
Tous: Nous aussi!
Jack: Bon. Je propose une visite au Club de Ronald Ecossais, où Georges Mêlée chante.
Tous: Top trou! Absolument! Bloody bonne idée! etc…
Lesson Trois: Le Catering de Noël
Maman: Chéri?
Papa: Mmm?
Maman: Il me faut £50.
Papa: Pourquoi? Tu es dans le grip d’un blackmaileur?
Maman: Non. Mais aujourd’hui je vais commencer le shopping pour le jour de Noël, et le dinner Noëlesque.
Papa: £50 pour un dinner? C’est extortion.
Maman: Non, mais réfléchis. Il faut acheter un turkey, sprouts de Bruxelles, pud de Noël, sauce de Cognac, dattes, nuttes, figges, tangérines, gâteau d’Xmas, ecstase Turquoise, des craqueurs, pies de mince, chocs aux liqueurs, stuffing de sauge et oignons…
Papa: Un moment, un moment! Est-il vraiment nécessaire, ce spread, ce blow-out? Pourquoi, toutes les années, un banquet Felliniesque, une orgie de Yule, une explosion Alka-Seltzérienne?
Maman: Tu as une suggestion alternative?
Papa: Oui. Un repast frugal. Un peu de céléri, un peu de fromage, un Perrier. C’est parfait.
Maman: Perrier? Le Noël? Perrier, c’est pour le Jour de