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    But I Love Him
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    But I Love Him
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    But I Love Him
    Ebook213 pages3 hours

    But I Love Him

    By Amanda Grace

    4/5

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    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this ebook

    Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him. It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself. At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved - and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything - and everyone - in its path. This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherFlux
    Release dateMay 8, 2011
    ISBN9780738728520
    Unavailable
    But I Love Him
    Author

    Amanda Grace

    Amanda Grace is an alias for Mandy Hubbard, who is the author of Prada & Prejudice, You Wish, Ripple (all published by Razorbill/Penguin), But I Love Him and In Too Deep (both published by Flux). In Too Deep has been named a Junior Library Guild selection. She is a literary agent for D4EO Literary, where she represents authors of middle grade and teen fiction. Grace is currently living happily ever after with her husband and young daughter in Tacoma, Washington. For more information, visit her online at: AmandaGraceBooks.com.

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    Reviews for But I Love Him

    4/5

    66 ratings12 reviews

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    • 4/5
      it was really good. i especially liked how it wasn't written in a chronological order, so it started from the present and went back to the past. i found that to be a very unique and symbolic way to write a book.
    • 5/5
      Told in reverse chronological order, readers learn of the great love between Ann and Connor. After just a few weeks of dating, they are in love. Ann is drawn more and more to Connor, and soon finds herself without any friends because all she wants to do is be with Connor. No one understands how much he needs her, how much she helps him. Nobody knows that when Connor gets angry it's because she must have done something wrong, so she'll make sure not to talk to anyone anymore so he won't get angry. When Connor first yells at her, then pushes her, then beats her Ann is sure everything will be okay, except nothing will be okay ever again. Amanda Grace takes the reader on a roller coaster ride of an abusive teen relationship and its repercussions.
    • 4/5
      Wow. A very interesting look into an abusive relationship. And the choice to tell the story in reverse adds so much to the learning experience and understanding of abusive relationships.
    • 5/5
      Anna knows what buttons send her boyfriend, Conner, into a rage, but as the relationship progresses it becomes harder and harder to say and do the right thing. She's pushed everyone away just to be with Conner- to be needed. But I Love Him begins at the end of the toxic romance and is told in reverse chronological order to the very beginning.This novel from the very first sentence enthralled me: "I lie in pieces on the floor." Anna's voice is so true and unpretentious that I can't help but like her even though I want to shake her. Even Conner, the villain of the story, is undeniably human, but terribly wounded to the point of cruelty. A fast, but engrossing must read for young adults (adults too, of course).
    • 3/5
      I did enjoy this book, but i think i went in with to high expectations. I just feel like it was glossed over to quick, I didn't feel how the intensity of their relationship got that far that quick. I did enjoy the book but, I was hoping for more it's a 3-3.5 for me.
    • 5/5
      After reading Stay by Deb Caletti I didn't think I was ready to handle another book on abusive relationships so quickly. I didn't think I had the strength to get so emotionally involved in a another intense book. But I picked it up anyway and I devoured it.But I Love Him is told in reverse order (I know everyone's mentioned this in their reviews, but trust me, it's important) and in between certain dates, we get a glimpse of the present, where Ann is laying bleeding and broken on the floor.I'll admit, at first this reverse order stuff confused me. I was constantly flipping back pages just to make sure I wasn't... I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking but let's just leave it as for awhile, I was confused. After the first 50 pages it starts to make sense and everything starts to pick up. I agree that an opening like the one this book has definitely grabs you. You want to know why Ann is broken on the floor. You want to know why she let it get this far and you want to know if she'll get revenge on Conner. No? Was it just me? It couldn't had just me who thought that! As the story unfolds or folds or whatever it's doing, you start to see the insane parts of their relationship first but you also feel the struggle that Ann has to deal with. Why she feels the need to stay when she knows deep down inside Conner can't be saved. But it's not told in an annoying-she's-so-stupid way. You can feel her concern, her panic and her hope for him. The thing that sets this book about this subject apart from all the others is the detail, the detail and being right there with the character. While all the other books based on abusive relationships take place after the relationship, this one pulls you right in there with Ann from the very first page.Amanda Grace stated in an interview in the back of the book that she wanted to show that Conner wasn't a bad guy, just a broken one and I think she achieved that. In the beginning of the book I hated Conner, to witness what was going on was sickening and stupid but towards the end when you start to see the good sides of Conner you can't help but just feel bad for him. He never asked for this life or this responsibility. But it still doesn't give him the right to take it out on Ann. Abusive relationships are like that; full of fun and butterflies and intensity in the beginning then the next thing you know you're spiraling out of control and you don't know when everything started going wrong. I love that there are so many YA titles being released this year based on abusive relationships, I think this is an issue that hasn't been focused on that really needs to be
    • 4/5
      Ann is starting her senior year, she's a track star, and has a great boyfriend and she thinks she has it all together, but Conner is not liked by her friends or by Ann's mother, they think he is bad for her, and with good reason. Conner is possessive and abusive both physically and emotionally. Ann has given Conner all the pieces of her heart, Literally. But what happens when she forgot to save a piece of it for herself?But I love him opened my eyes to a way I once felt about abusive relationships. I always said that if a man every laid a hand on me, I would be gone so fast their heads would spin, and thank God i've never had to go through that situation, but this book made me see why leaving isn't always the easiest thing to do. Conner was very malipulative and made her feel bad for him, he'd break down after the abuse, and say that he'd never do it again, and don't know what came over him, etc. I could see how Ann felt trapped by his love, because when it was good it was really good, but the lows were even worse then the highs.I think every teen/adult should read this book. It was very eye-opening to me, and i'm sure that EVERYONE has been in an abusive relationship or has known someone else that has, and if this book dosen't help you, then maybe it will help you help someone you know that's dealing with this. Amanda Grace's writing style in this book was real, emotional, and pulled at your emotions, and i loved it! The only reason why this book didn't get 5 stars for me is because of the jumping around of the timeline, I know a lot of people enjoyed that but for me I found it took away from the story and was a bit confusing at times.
    • 5/5
      Domestic abuses is something that is on the rise and not talked about often. People think that when they see someone getting beat up by a spouse, significant other, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, that all you have to do it get out and your done with that person. They are so wrong on so many levels. It is not just about getting out. The emotional stress of the relationship, the devotion to help the person change, its always on the victim. They think it their fault, that there is no way out. It also makes it worse when you have kids. But then, you really have a connection with the abuser for the rest of your life and there is no way of getting out of that.I really enjoyed and connected with the character Ann. She knew this boy Connor and fell for him in the since of not so much pity but she wanted to help him. She had a heart for him and knew that he wouldn't be like his father. That he would be different. The thing is with this, hurt people..hurt people. Victims don't realize that they to will express angry, rage, and even hit because that is what they grew up with. I like that Connor fought himself. He knew what he what he doing was wrong and did what he could. But he did needed help.Ann I adored her. She stayed by his side giving each piece of her to him to help him in what ever way she can. She never left his side, but she herself was drowning in her own anger. I am glad that she had her mom and friends who reached out to her and let her know that whenever she is ready they will be there.For victims, reaching out is hard. As much as you love the person, you have to get away. Ann had such amazing strength throughout the whole story. I am glad that she made the right choice. This book is a great insight on what happens to domestic abuse victims. This shows ever flaw, every bit of hurt, rage, anger that lashes out. I loved how the reader, got a good idea of what not only what Ann was going through but Connor as well. And I don't care what anyone else says, Connor is victim too. He was raised this way, he saw beatings everyday. While I am glad that Ann made her choice, I can only hope that Connor gets help too.
    • 4/5
      3.5 - 4 star range

      ‘But I Love Him’ by Amanda Grace tells the story of Ann, an eighteen year old straight A student who loves her boyfriend, Conner, even though he hurts her physically and emotionally. She goes from being an outgoing normal teenager to someone who is empty and constantly on edge. Despite the many times she’s hurt, she still goes back to Conner because she loves him and knows that she has the power to erase his wounds and make him better.

      I want to start off by saying despite how this review may sound, I did like the story. It’s a fast-paced engaging novel that compels you to keep reading, even though you know Ann is only going to get herself hurt.

      Instead of telling us how Ann ended up like this, Grace goes a different route. Told in reverse order, we first meet Ann as she lies on the floor after Conner’s latest attack on her. Once that’s established, we’re shown what happened during their relationship and finally, at the end, we’re shown how they met.

      Was this storytelling technique successful? In some ways it was. I did like the constant stream of flashbacks and noticing the changes in Ann’s behaviour. On the other hand, this didn’t really allow me to fully connect with any of the characters. I suppose one could say that this book was mostly about Ann and her struggles, but there still has to be something there. I thought Grace did a great job showing how empty Ann felt, but we never really see the triggers for this to happen. When did he start acting so angry and controlling, when did he make it clear that she’s not suppose to hang out with any guys, when did start to realize that he was her everything? Things like that were never really shown.

      I wish that some of the scenes were fleshed out a bit more. We only got snippets of certain events and never really the whole picture. Especially when Ann starts to realize that this needs to stop and that she needs to get out. I know it sounds bad, but I kept wondering what made this beating worse than the others. Was it because he broke bones instead of just bruising her? True, she did start to think that this relationship wasn’t going to work, but she kept going back to him. Maybe it was because of the sculpture she made that he broke? She seemed more offended by that then her own broken body. I suppose this makes sense, but I just wanted something there, so I could fully understand why this beating was so different from the ones before.

      My favourite thing in the novel was Ann’s constant judgments towards Nancy, Conner’s mom. Conner comes from an abusive household and watched his mother get beat up since he was a kid. So when Ann sees how Nancy is towards Conner’s father, she keeps wondering why a grown woman would behave like this. If she’s getting hurt she should leave. I don’t know about you, but I thought the lack of self awareness was perfect. Ann doesn’t realize that whenever she looks at Nancy she’s pretty much seeing herself. She wants to fix Conner and make him whole again and Nancy wants to the same thing. Perhaps the reason why Ann disliked Nancy so much was because she was seeing her future and she didn’t like it. If Ann admitted that this was the case, then it would shatter her illusions about her relationship. It would make her realize that there’s no hope here and that she’s wasted her time. I don’t think she was ready to see that, so she just judged her.

      Overall, I liked the book. It has some flaws, but it was a quick read and had me engaged. It’s not the best book that I’ve read about abuse, but it was still good.

      Review can also be found at BookingRehab
    • 4/5
      But I Love Him breaks my heart. I am left with so much heaviness and uncertainty that it makes me marvel at how much stronger Amanda Grace has become as a writer (compared to her debut Prada & Prejudice). Walking backwards through Ann and Connor’s tumultuous relationship is a stroke of genius – and the question of how these two got to this pivotal moment burns through my mind as I read onward to the very beginning. The warning signs are there, but the troubling and most heart-wrenching thing about them is how much Ann and Connor wanted to their love to counteract all negativity in their lives – and watching them fail. With a bittersweet ending, But I Love Him will be an unforgettable classic that will make you wish that life’s lessons did not always come in hindsight.
    • 3/5
      But I love him by Amanda GraceReviewed by Moirae the fates book reviews.Tonight was so much worse than anything before it. Tonight he didn't stop after the first slap. At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved — and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything — and everyone — in its path.This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.(Synopsis provided by goodreads)I wanted to love this book, but I just didn't. It felt like it was missing something crucial. The writing was good and the idea of the story being told backwards was very original.My biggest issue with this book was Anne, she never felt real and I had a hard time sympathizing with her. I give kudos to Grace for the book and for tackling such a hard subject, but I do think there are better books out there.Another issue I had was that I felt that Grace was almost trying to rationalize Connor's behavior saying that his father was abusive. That maybe true for some abusers, but not all.I know a lot of people liked this story, but for me it fell flat.* Paperback: 264 pages* Publisher: Flux (May 8, 2011)* Author: Amanda Grace* Overall rating: *** 3 out of 5 stars* Cover art: The cover art is okay not my favorite.* Obtained: My personal bookshelf.
    • 4/5
      But I Love Him is a beautifully written story about a young woman named Ann, and her abusive relationship with Conner. Many girls do not think they could ever be sucked into something like this. They say they would leave before it ever got that bad. Amanda Grace shows us that it isn’t always that easy to leave. But I Love Him is told in reverse chronological order and I loved that the author decided to tell us this story in that way. I really got to see where Ann’s “voice” changed. As we read about earlier in the relationship, we see Ann as a happy, energetic, friendly, young girl. When the book starts (a year being in an abusive relationship), Ann is submissive, lonely, and emotionally drained. She doesn’t know how her life turned out the way it did.Reading this book was very hard. I felt Ann’s pain and I wanted to help her. I felt powerless. Just like her friends and family felt. Knowing people who have gone through this makes it that much harder to read. But it is an important story that needs to be told.Ann was in love with Conner and never saw the warning signs until it were too late. She wanted to help Conner heal from the emotional and physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his dad. She thought if she could just help him move on from his pain, then he wouldn’t be so angry, and things would be ok. They would finally be able to be happy.This book shows us that the abuser is, in many cases, is also a victim. Conner needs a lot of professional help to deal with the scars he carries. This is not an excuse though. Many people suffer a lot worse, and never grow up to hurt another person. Either way, I still felt for Conner. I understood why Ann wanted to help him. He didn’t deserve the life he was dealt.But I Love Him is a heart breaking novel that shows the codependency of an abusive relationship. I would recommend this to anyone who is interested in those kinds of dynamics. This is not a light read, but it is a story worth reading.