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    I Hate Everyone
    I Hate Everyone
    I Hate Everyone
    Ebook93 pages1 hour

    I Hate Everyone

    By Matthew DiBenedetti

    ()

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    About this ebook

    It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certaineveryone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster
    Release dateDec 18, 2011
    ISBN9781440533600
    I Hate Everyone
    Author

    Matthew DiBenedetti

    Matthew DiBenedetti is an equal-opportunity hater. After working in the advertising industry for over twenty years, how could he not be? Matthew has worked on corporate marketing campaigns for everything from major sporting good brands and financial institutions to bookstore chains and fine china. He is the author of Everything Is Terrible, I Hate Everyone, and I Hate Everything. He lives and loathes in New Jersey.

    Read more from Matthew Di Benedetti

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      Book preview

      I Hate Everyone - Matthew DiBenedetti

      Introduction

      Have you reached that point in your life where everybody around you annoys you? Where anything anyone says aggravates you? Where each and every thing–big or small–anybody does irritates you? Me too.

      The good thing is, we’re not alone. For all of those people in the world, there are plenty of us people. The kind of people who are sick and tired of being aggravated and irritated and just can’t stand it a moment longer. It’s not that we’re angry or intolerant; it’s that we’re annoyed these people are allowed to be so, well, annoying. Thankfully, for all of us people, there’s this book.

      It’s a way to tell those people: I hate everyone!

      I hate people who start long stories with,

      Long story short….

      I hate bubbly morning people.

      I hate people who say, Good morning,

      but their tone suggests otherwise.

      I hate people who smile at me when

      I’m driving.

      I hate everyone who has those stick-figure-family stickers stuck on the back window of their car.

      I hate people who name their car.

      I hate people who don’t name their private parts.

      I hate people who call their private parts by their clinical name.

      I hate people who have pet names for their significant other.

      I hate people who have figured out their

      special talent.

      I hate people who enjoy their job.

      I hate born athletes.

      I hate people who get to play for a living.

      I hate young doctors.

      I hate young pilots.

      I hate people who live over 100.

      I hate fortunate people who look younger than they actually are.

      I hate dull people who act older than they actually are.

      I hate immature people who can’t act their age.

      I hate everyone who uses an avatar that’s better looking than they really are.

      I hate studio execs who think all movies

      are better in 3-D.

      I hate actors and actresses who look better

      in 2-D.

      I hate writers who make their characters one-dimensional.

      I hate people who don’t wipe the ketchup spout clean before closing the cap.

      I hate macho men who take over the grill, but have no idea how to barbecue.

      I hate people who don’t eat corn on the cob the right way.

      I hate clueless picnickers who eat corn on the cob and squirt me in the face.

      I hate people who schedule picnics on

      rainy days.

      I hate people who hog the umbrella.

      I hate anyone who steals the sheets.

      I hate people who encroach on MY side of

      the bed.

      I hate people who have sides of the bed.

      I hate people who invade my space.

      I hate lovers who have the lost romance.

      I hate people who play dreadful

      songs on jukeboxes.

      I hate people who make me listen

      to their music.

      I hate people who share bad iTunes libraries.

      I hate people who won’t tell me how much money they make.

      I hate people who will.

      I hate unfriendly store greeters.

      I hate the perky cashier.

      I hate fast food attendants who get my

      order wrong.

      I hate the guy on the phone

      who takes my food order,

      who I just can’t understand.

      I hate people who just don’t care.

      I hate people who order diet soda at McDonald’s.

      I hate everyone whose diet starts tomorrow.

      I hate anyone who doesn’t have to diet.

      I hate the smartass who invented a size zero.

      I hate whoever decided male, female, and children’s clothing should follow different rules.

      I hate any seamstress who

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