Praying Home the Mantis: Terry's Garden, #4

Chapter One

SAVANNAH

The day I found Sebastian, he startled me half to death. I was running around the house, because my big sister Meg had hidden things in the yard for us littler kids to find, and a boy was in the yard a couple doors down on the other side of Grandma Smith’s house. He was just standing in the yard looking lost, and I thought he really was lost, because that house didn’t have kids. A man had moved in a few months ago. Just a man. No wife, no kids.  I also thought this kid was young, because he was small. A lost, young kid was the kind of kid my parents would want to meet, so I stopped fast and ran over to him. He looked at me with no expression.

Hey, I said. I’m Savannah Kenton. Are you lost?

He bristled. No. I live here.

You don’t live here, I said. I was a little arrogant and full of myself when I was ten. A man moved in here. Mr. Cross.

Mr. Cross is my dad. He’s divorced, so I get to spend the summer here. Lucky me.

Now it was my turn to bristle. Hey, it’s not bad here. Wanna come over?

He gave me a long look. I don’t know. To do what?

I rolled my eyes. My big sister is leading us in a game of hide and seek. Only she hides things in the gardens. Have you seen the gardens?

Now he perked up a little bit. Um, yeah, I live next to them. I can come see them?

The thing to know about my family is that we have these gardens. My dad went to college and studied plants, and he has a huge garden in our yard and our grandparents’ yards, three yards in a row. My grandma and grandpa live on one side of us with their foster kids, Finn and Leo. Aunt Maddie lives there, too, since Grandma and Grandpa are her parents. Her husband had left her, and she moved in along with Colt, her son. So that house had six people in it, but the old Victorians on our street were big enough that six people doesn’t feel like a lot. Grandpa helped a lot with the part of the garden in that yard.

On the other side was my mom’s mom, Grandma Smith. She lived alone, so her house seemed huge and echoed. She let the rest of us do most of the work in the garden on her yard.

Sebastian now lived next to Grandma Smith’s house, and he wanted to see the garden, so I was going to show him the garden.

Hey, guys, I called as I led Sebastian into the yard. Only I didn’t know his name was Sebastian. I’d forgotten to ask. Mom never would have forgotten, but I wasn’t Mom. Look, we have a new neighbor.

Colt and Violet came from various spots in the yards, and they looked at me expectantly while I introduced this guy, this guy whose name I didn’t know.

Um, I don’t know your name, I said to the kid. He grinned.

Sebastian. I’m Sebastian Cross. I’m here for the summer. I live two doors down. And I’ll be ten in a couple weeks. I’m going into the fifth grade.

I looked at him in surprise. He wasn’t big, but he was my age. We were about to go into the same grade. Except he wouldn’t be here, since he was just here for the summer.

Colt, Colt said shortly, nodding. Savvy’s cousin. And Violet.

I’m eight. I’m Savvy’s sister. Violet said. You’re just here for the summer? Why?

My parents just got divorced, Sebastian said. He shrugged, but I knew it wasn’t that easy. Colt’s parents were divorced. Finn and Leo had troubles in their family, which was why they were foster kids. Grandma Smith was divorced. I knew it wasn’t just a shrug thing.

Sorry, Colt said. He was a lot taller than Sebastian, bigger. My parents got divorced a few years ago. It’s not so bad.

Do you stay with your dad sometimes? Sebastian asked.

I live with my mom right there, he said, pointing to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I saw my dad a lot at first, but not so much now. It’s okay. We didn’t have that much in common. Then he got married and had another kid, and he doesn’t bother that much.

I looked at Colt. Colt never said much, so this was a lot, and it was kind of sad. I thought it mattered more than he said. Maybe everything mattered more than people said.

Sebastian just looked at him. It was pretty obvious what Colt had said didn’t make Sebastian happy.

My dad won’t get married and not want me, he said defiantly. Colt looked startled. I was pretty sure he realized what he’d said sounded a little sad.

I’m sure he won’t, Colt said. My dad left my mom. How about you?

Mom made him leave. He changed, she said.

Did one of them have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Colt asked.

No, Sebastian said. Dad got a church, and Mom didn’t like that. She said he was different. I don’t know if there was more.

Colt nodded. Then yours is different. I’m sure it won’t go like mine.

Sebastian took a deep breath, like he really needed to hear that.

Hey, Meg called, coming from the back of the yard. She and Dad were out there working today. The garden had berries and vegetables and flowers and ponds and even a fairy path which was really a grove of trees with twinkle lights. It was beautiful, but it needed a lot of work. I didn’t like the work part very much. Dad and Mom and Meg did, though. When Leo was here, he did, too. Did you guys find it? Oh, hey, hi. I’m Meg.

Sebastian smiled. That wasn’t a surprise. Meg was older, about to start senior year, and she was pretty. Meg was outside a lot this summer because Leo, the boy she really liked, was at piano camp, so she was lonely. I liked that she had so much time to play with us.

This is Sebastian, Violet said in her little voice. She was pretty, too, but since she was little, everyone said she was cute. I wasn’t as pretty as either of them, but that was okay. I didn’t mind. I was ten and didn’t really care about pretty. He lives next to Grandma Smith, but just for the summer. With his dad, who’s like Colt’s dad.

No, Colt said. Not like my dad. But divorced.

I hadn’t heard Colt talk much about his dad, and that day I realized the pair had some problems. It made me sad that I didn’t know that. I spent a lot of time with Colt. But he was older and had his own friends at school, so I assumed he talked to them about hard things.

Welcome, Sebastian, Meg said. Meg was really friendly, and she smiled a lot, and people liked her. You can come play in the gardens whenever you want. My dad planted a lot of this, along with my mom and the old man who used to live in this house, and they say the gardens like visitors. So, come and hang out here.

Sebastian nodded, his eyes wide as he took in the entirety of the three yards. It was pretty impressive. Some of the gardens were about color. Some were about smell. Some were vegetables, and we had berry bushes. And there were paths that led to hidden areas, so it looked mysterious. I loved to watch people meet the garden.

You want the tour? Violet asked.

Sure, Sebastian said. So we gave him the tour, from the flowers to the edibles to the ponds. We spent a lot of time in the fairy garden, with trees and vines and twinkle lights. He asked if he could see it sometime in the dark, when the lights would shine, and we told him he could. When we finished, we all sat on the ground at the large pond and put our feet in. The big orange fish swam near our toes.

It’s great back here, Sebastian said. Your families don’t mind people back here?

Colt laughed. "No, they really don’t. They talk about this place like it’s alive. And apparently, as Meg said, it likes visitors.

So, where do you live when it isn’t summer? I asked Sebastian.

One state north, he answered. Takes about three hours to get here. When Dad came to get me, he tried to be nice to Mom, but she’s pretty angry. When I was in the car, we stopped right away so he could use the bathroom because she wouldn’t even let him in the house to use the bathroom. I didn’t like it. I don’t like any of it. I wish he hadn’t changed, but really, it seems like she’s the one that changed. Anyway, it’s no fun moving around and having them hate each other.

Colt nodded. Yeah.

What’s it like? I asked. They looked at me like it was a dumb question. I mean, I know what Sebastian just said, but what was it like when it first happened? Was it scary when your parents stopped loving each other?

Colt shrugged. It was. But my parents never got along that well. I mean, Grandma and Grandpa love each other. And your parents, Savvy, are like a romance novel. Mine were never like that. Of course, I didn’t know how bad they were until I saw all the other couples. All of my aunts have good marriages, too.

I was scared, Sebastian said. I cried. I didn’t want to, but it made me sad. And now Mom is angry, and Dad has to go to the bathroom at the gas station, and I wish it never happened. And I’m here all summer and not with my friends. It stinks.

It gets better, Colt said. I promise. You know, nobody has met Sebastian yet, right? Except us and Meg?

I grinned. I knew what he was planning. My mom and the grandmas loved to spoil people. When they found out we had a new neighbor, they would get all excited, and we’d get cookies or Popsicles.

Let’s go tell them, Violet said, a gleam in her eye.

It was the beginning. The first of many summers when Sebastian Cross would make our world a little nicer place to be. And sometimes a horrible place to be. And then, somehow, he would get so far under my skin that with him was the only place to be.

I WAS WEEDING. I DIDN’T like weeding, but sometimes Mom or Dad guilted me into it, since I liked berries and zucchini bread and tomatoes and flowers on the kitchen table and pretty much everything the garden had to offer. I just wished it could offer it without work. Especially weeding.

And apparently I was singing. I liked singing. Violet had a prettier voice, but mine was fine, and I liked to sing while I worked. Sometimes I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but Sebastian showed up that day and pointed it out.

Oh, I said, startling when I saw him watching me from his back yard. Hey, want to help me weed?

He laughed. He had dark hair and dark eyes and a friendly smile. I don’t know. Sounds like work.

I shrugged. Yeah, it is. But it’s easier with two.

Okay. He came into the yard and knelt beside me. It was still early in the year, and this was the cutting garden, so the weeds and plants looked similar. I showed him what not to pull up, and he crossed his legs and started to work. So, you were singing.

I looked at him. Maybe. I do that.

Again with the smile. He had dimples. You do it good. Well.

I laughed. Thanks.

Savannah, he said. I could tell he wasn’t talking to me, exactly, just saying the word. That’s a cool name.

Sebastian is pretty okay, too.

Not my favorite, he said. But I guess my parents must have liked it. So. You spend a lot of time weeding?

As little as I can get away with. But I like all the stuff that comes out of the garden, so I have to help with the garden. My parents are all about working hard and pulling one’s weight and all that.

My dad’s like that. He grimaced. Mom’s different. Since she and Dad split, she treats me like I’m broken, and I don’t have to do much. Dad, though, is like your parents.

Do you feel broken? I paused, because I really wanted to know the answer. I was surrounded by people from broken families. Sometimes they seemed fine, but then sometimes I agreed they were broken. Sebastian didn’t look broken.

No. I guess not. It’s hard, though. Nobody thinks their parents will be the ones.

I guess not, I said. I’m sorry. I can’t really imagine it.

I kind of got that from the questions.

I was sure I blushed. Sorry. Not trying to be pushy.

No, it’s okay. At school, people tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Not a big school, and nobody else’s parents split last year. They talked about it, but only when they thought I wasn’t listening.

I nodded. My parents are pretty great together. I don’t think they’ll separate. I know they won’t.

I thought that, too.

But mine both go to church already.

He nodded. I go now with Dad. It’s strange. Not really fun. But it means a lot to him. It means more to him than Mom did, I guess.

No, I said. It’s not like that. God is big. If God wanted your dad, he never had a chance. Maybe you should just pray He wants your mom someday, too. God is good. He’s strong. He makes things work.

Sebastian sighed. From this side, doesn’t feel like things are working.

Sure they are. You get to spend the summer in my garden.

He laughed at that. With a really humble girl.

I giggled. Yep. Just trying to put a good spin on it.

We stayed put, working for a long time. Meg and Dad came out, and they were working when my grandpa came and talked to them. They didn’t know Sebastian and I could hear them, but we could, so we found out that Leo was being thrown out of piano camp for smoking. It made me sad. Leo was the greatest. He and his brother lived with my grandparents because their mom died and their dad beat Leo and almost killed him. Of all the people I knew with messy families, Leo was the most broken. But he was also really nice. So was his younger brother Finn.

Meg left with Grandpa to go get Leo, and Sebastian looked at me, his eyes wide.

Leo. He’s a kid, right?

Well, he’s about to start senior year.

And he was smoking? That’s bad.

I had to smile at that. I guess so. He doesn’t do it much. Just when he’s really upset. His dad... I thought about this. Was this gossip? Mom really hated gossip. But I wanted him to understand Leo. He’s living with my grandparents because his dad almost killed him. We were talking about being broken. Leo is kind of broken. But he’s mending because my grandparents love him. And Meg. She loves him most of all, even though she says they’re just friends.

Sebastian tilted his head. Wow. His dad hurt him?

I nodded, and Grandma poked her head out her back door and saw us.

Savannah, she said with a smile. My mom was pretty, and so was her mom. She had a really warm smile, and her house always smelled like cookies.  And this is our new neighbor?

We’d introduced Sebastian to my parents and to my other grandparents. I thought this would be a great chance to introduce him to Grandma Smith, because I could smell cookies from her kitchen all the way out here.

It is. This is Sebastian. He lives with Mr. Cross next door to you, at least for the summer.

Well, this is fortunate. I just pulled some cookies out of the oven. I tried a new recipe. Would you like to try it?

Sebastian dropped his weed and ran for the door. The guy wasn’t shy. I followed him, and we washed our hands in Grandma’s little downstairs bathroom and then sat at the table with cookies and milk. I’d been told our family was too good to be true, with the grandparents who did grandparent things, and the parents who were together. But then we also had Leo, who couldn’t seem to find his way, and Aunt Maddie, whose husband had left her. Daddy, too, who had to walk with a cane even though he wasn’t old. People tried to make me feel like our blessings didn’t count, but I was just thankful. God had given us some really good things, and I wasn’t going to shun them. Cookies at Grandma’s house was one of the really good things.

These are good, Sebastian said, taking a bite out of his second cookie. My mom doesn’t like to bake. She works all the time and doesn’t even cook much. We eat out or have stuff from boxes.

That doesn’t sound good, I said.

No, it’s good, Sebastian said. She’s not a good cook, so it’s better when she doesn’t try.

We all laughed at that.

So, you’re weeding today, Grandma said as we ate.

And listening, Sebastian said. Then he cringed. No, just weeding.

I giggled. This guy was funny. Grandma, sounds like Leo is in trouble. He was smoking. Meg and Grandpa Kenton went to get him.

Grandma nodded. I’m sorry to hear that. I know he was looking forward to the summer.

I looked at Sebastian. Leo plays the piano. He got to go to a summer workshop. It was special.

Piano, Sebastian said. My mom got me lessons, but I was never good. I like the guitar, though. Dad said maybe I could have lessons over the summer. And Savannah could sing. I heard her sing.

I shrugged. It made me uncomfortable when people talked about me, even good things. Maybe.

Savannah, you have a beautiful voice, Grandma said.

Not like Violet’s.

Grandma laughed. No, not like Violet’s. It’s Savannah’s. And that’s fine. Just because it’s different than someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I thought it was pretty, Sebastian said, and then he looked at his cookie and not at us. I think he’d embarrassed himself.

Sebastian, do you have any siblings? Grandma asked.

No, he said. Just me.

I only had one child, too, Grandma said. Of course, she met Terry when she was eight. He has six sisters. That was enough for both of them.

Do you like being the only one? Savannah asked.

It’s okay. Sometimes I wished I had someone to play with, when I was little, of course. But I never had to share anything. That was cool.

I wondered about that. I couldn’t imagine being the only one. Colt was, too, and yet he’d always liked playing with us, his cousins. Or I thought he did.

You can come to our yards this summer when you get tired of being the only one, I said. Sebastian smiled.

Yeah, I’ll do that.

And I’ll bake a lot of cookies. Since you’re only here for a few months, we need to bake as many as we can before we send you back.

Sebastian looked a little sad about that. I wondered if he wanted to go back right now, or maybe he didn’t want to go back at all. It was hard to tell. He wasn’t broken, but still, some things in his life I couldn’t understand.

The doorbell rang, and a couple minutes after Grandma went to open it, she came back with Mr. Cross behind her. He looked tired. I’d only seen him a few times, but he’d looked tired every time. He wasn’t old, and he looked really good. He had a nice face and a strong body. Sebastian was kind of small and skinny, but his dad wasn’t.

I told Savannah about guitar lessons, Sebastian said when he saw his dad. She can sing if I play. And we had cookies. You want a cookie?

Mr. Cross looked at Grandma and then me and then Sebastian. Um, kiddo, I don’t know if lessons will happen this summer.

But you said, Sebastian said. He shook his head. Fine. I know, Dad. It’s hard.

Mr. Cross looked really sad. I said I’d try. I’m still trying.

Grandma opened the cookie jar, but Mr. Cross shook his head.

Come on, she said. I’m a grandmother. I have to feed people cookies. It’s part of the code.

Mr. Cross smiled at that and took a cookie. Then he grinned.

Wow, he said. Grandma laughed.

I don’t have much of a life, so I bake. It entices the kids to my kitchen. That makes me sound like the witch from Hansel and Gretel, but I promise I only fatten them up for the company.

Mr. Cross laughed. Good to know. Sebastian, I have to get to work, so you need to head home.

Dad, I’d be fine here, Sebastian said. He looked at Grandma and me. Right?

He’s welcome any time, Grandma said.

I, um, I just need him to stay home while I work. I work second shift. I can’t have him running around late.

Grandma nodded. Isaac. That’s what you said your name was, right? Isaac?

Yes, ma’am. Please call me Isaac.

And you call me Trish, Grandma said. Or Grandma, if Trish is too hard. You work nights?

I work four to midnight. Tried to get another shift with Seb here, but even that’s not easy, having him home alone all day. I just worry about him at night.

It’s fine, Dad, Sebastian said. I go to bed at ten like you said. Sometimes at eleven. It’s not scary or anything. I’ll be ten in a few days. I’m fine home alone.

Mr. Cross sighed, and Grandma Smith put her hand on his arm. He had a great arm, and I wondered what it felt like. And that was a dumb thing to think. Dad had strong arms, too. Probably Mr. Cross’s arm felt just like Dad’s. Warm and hard and safe.

Isaac, may I have a moment?

They left, and Sebastian raised one eyebrow. My brother Neville could raise one eyebrow, too. I couldn’t.

Do you think my dad is in trouble? Sebastian asked. I’m not supposed to be home alone when I’m nine, but it’s just a few more days. And not after midnight, but Dad doesn’t have any choice. Mom doesn’t know about that, his job being late. She wouldn’t like it.

I don’t think he’s in trouble, I said. I didn’t know why Grandma wanted to talk to his dad, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t to get Mr. Cross in trouble.

Will Leo be in trouble? Sebastian asked. He was smoking, and they had to go get him. He’ll be in trouble, won’t he?

I wasn’t sure why Sebastian was so worried about people being in trouble. I don’t know. Grandpa and Daddy will do the right thing for him.

Sebastian nodded. I hope my dad isn’t in trouble. I want to keep coming here.

But you were mad about having to come this summer, I said. He shrugged.

I’m not mad any more. I like the garden and the cookies. And you guys are okay. I can come over every day. At home my friends aren’t so close. And Mom works, so I don’t see them every day.

I smiled. I’m glad you’re here, too.

Grandma and Mr. Cross returned, and instead of there being trouble, Grandma told us she was going to watch Sebastian this summer. He would come here to her house when his dad went to work, and she would make sure he had dinner and then got a bath and got to bed. He’d sleep in his own house, although he could also sleep in one of her guest rooms if he wanted.

Sometimes, you’ll have to stay and we can watch movies and eat popcorn, Grandma said. Sebastian laughed.

And if you stay here, I’ll come get you in the morning when I wake up, Mr. Cross said. What do you think?

Sebastian ate another cookie and grinned. I think I’ll get fat this summer.

Chapter Two

WHEN I GOT HOME THAT evening, Meg was back, and she said Leo was staying at the conference. She said there had simply been a misunderstanding, and he wouldn’t have to leave. She didn’t stop smiling all evening, and I thought the whole romance thing was kind of strange. Leo had tied Meg in knots for years, and I didn’t know why that appealed to her. But it did. Not that I didn’t like Leo. I liked Leo a lot, but I still wasn’t sure a guy was worth all the trouble.

That afternoon Violet and I were eating granola bars with our feet in the pond when Sebastian came over. He was smiling, and he sat down with us.

Did you stay at home last night, or did you stay with Grandma? Savannah asked. He frowned a little bit.

Home, he said. I’m big enough to stay at home. I’m not scared.

I would be scared, Violet said. I would stay with Grandma. But I really like Grandma.

I like her, too, Sebastian said. She said if I stayed, she would make pancakes. And then we could hang out until Dad woke up. But I’m not scared. And I don’t need pancakes.

I laughed. Then you’ve never had really good pancakes. Grandma puts in blueberries. Sometimes chocolate chips. And they’re really good. You should stay. How long does your dad sleep?

Sebastian wrinkled his nose a little bit. He gets up around nine. Sometimes ten, if he has to work late. So I have to stay inside and be quiet.

Stay with Grandma, Violet said. She was only eight, but she never acted like she was younger than us. She was kind of bossy sometimes. But she was cute, too, so she got away with it.

I agree, I said. It’s not about being scared. It’s about pancakes and going outside in the morning. We like to be in the gardens early in the summer. When there’s dew on everything in the morning, it’s like a fairy land.

Sebastian looked across the garden and shrugged, but the look in his eyes said that was what he really wanted, to be out here early and to eat pancakes. I figured it was scary in his house at night and he didn’t want to say it. He reminded me a little of Colt and Leo and Finn. Always pretending everything was fine. Maybe all boys did that.

Are there shadows in your house? Violet asked. I hate shadows at night. I have Mommy close the blinds so I won’t see shadows from the trees blowing. They scare me.

Sebastian gave her a long look. Sometimes. Yeah, I might let your grandma make me pancakes. And she said we could watch movies or play games or something.

I bet she’s lonely, I said. I wasn’t lying. I thought Grandma was lonely. But I also said it so Sebastian could stay for her and not for him.

I wouldn’t want her lonely, he said. Hey, is Leo here now? I want to meet him. I think I met everyone else.

I shook my head. No. He stayed. Meg said it was a misunderstanding.

So he wasn’t smoking?

I think he was smoking, Violet said. I heard them talking. I guess someone hit Leo. A teacher. He hits their hands when they play the wrong things. An old teacher. And Grandpa said nobody could hit Leo. So, they let him stay.

Because Violet was little and cute, Mom and Dad forgot to keep their secrets around her, and she always knew everything going on.

A teacher can hit kids? Sebastian asked. That doesn’t sound good.

No. But Leo can stay. That’s good.

And his dad hurt him? Sebastian asked. I understood why he kept asking. It was hard to imagine a dad hurting his own kid. But I’d seen Leo. He’d been bloody and bruised, and it had been scary. So I knew it was true.

He did, Violet said. And he’s in jail now. So Leo is safe. And everyone takes care of him, so he’s really safe.

Sebastian didn’t say anything else about this, but he narrowed his eyes just a little bit, and I wondered what he was thinking. I knew we were a strange family. We were big, and we kept getting bigger. My house was one of the biggest houses around, and my grandparents lived on either side, and my dad was a baseball coach with a cane, and we were just strange. And everyone knew us. But Sebastian didn’t know us. We were new to him, and I wondered if he liked us or thought we were too weird.

So, your big sister is here today? he asked.

She is.

Then can she help us play hide and seek? he asked. Violet laughed.

I bet she will. She’s in a really good mood today because Leo was okay. Let’s go find her.

We played all afternoon, and then Grandma Smith invited Violet, Colt, and me to come eat dinner with her and Sebastian. Later, we played Uno, and when we left, Sebastian said he would stay there tonight. He went home to get a change of clothes and a toothbrush, and Grandma was calling his dad to let him know where he was. Colt, Violet, and I headed home. Colt lived one door past us, but he came into our house, because his mom, Aunt Maddie, was at our house this evening. It didn’t really matter where any of us lived. We wandered around a lot.

Did you have a good time? Maddie asked Colt. He rolled his eyes.

Mom, we had dinner and played games. It was no big deal.

I think it’s a big deal to Grandma Smith, she said.

Okay, yeah, Colt said. That might be true. It’s always a lot quieter over there than anywhere else.

It was fun, Violet said.

And it’s late, Mom said. Mom and Maddie were in the kitchen. Dad came in, resting his cane against the counter. He was hurt being born, so he had to walk with a cane. I thought that kind of bothered Meg, but it didn’t bother me. He was just Dad. He was a good daddy, too.

It’s summer, Violet mumbled. Why do we have to go to bed now? Sebastian and Grandma are going to watch a whole movie tonight. And we have to go to bed?

Dad laughed. Your grandmother can keep Sebastian up as long as she wants. But we want you in bed. You girls get up with the sun regardless, so you have to sleep.

The others get to stay up, Violet said. She fought going to bed all the time. She was talking about our older siblings. Meg was the oldest, and then Quen was one year younger than Meg, and Neville was in between, almost three years after Quentin and three years before me.

They’re older, and they sleep later, Dad said.

We’re leaving and heading to bed, too, Aunt Maddie said. I looked at her and thought she looked sad tonight. She was around all the time, but I didn’t really know Aunt Maddie very well. Colt talked about her, but not much. He didn’t talk about real things very often. And tonight, for the first time ever, that made me suspicious. We have to get up early, too.

They left, and Dad shooed Violet and me up to our room. I closed the blinds so the shadows wouldn’t scare Violet, and after we brushed our teeth, we climbed into our beds.

I think Sebastian is staying because he’s scared, Violet said. I laughed.

Yep.

But he’s a boy. And he’s big. He shouldn’t be scared.

I laughed again. He’s not that big. And I think it would still be scary to be home alone at night. Boys can get scared, Violet.

She said nothing about this. Although she complained about going to bed, Violet usually fell asleep in about two minutes. But that night I couldn’t fall asleep as easily. I thought about Aunt Maddie and her sad eyes, and Colt and his silence. And I thought about Sebastian, who wanted to look brave. I wondered why the boys had to hide so much. Leo had done it, too, and his brother Finn. They’d hid something really bad.

I rolled to my side and said a prayer. I said prayers in bed a lot. In the darkness, I could sometimes get a little scared, too, but Daddy said God was always close, and when I prayed I knew that was true. I could feel it, that he was listening, and I wasn’t alone.

God, help the boys. We have a lot of broken boys. Let them not be scared. Or let them admit when they’re scared. That’s okay, right? Boys can be scared. And I’m really glad Sebastian is here. He’s fun. We never had a friend move in so close, and now he’ll be at Grandma’s, and it’s almost like we have a new cousin. Anyway, thank you. And watch us all while we sleep. And watch Leo while he’s far away. Amen.

LIFT YOUR ELBOW, DAD said. Sebastian grinned and did it, and then he swung the bat around and smacked the ball off the tee. Dad gave him a thumbs up the very same moment Finn caught the ball.

Out, Finn yelled, laughing. "Sorry, Sebastian.

At least I hit it, Sebastian said. You think I could hit it if someone threw it?

Colt ran in from the other side of the field. Um, no. But you’re getting good at the tee.

Finn laughed. "Best place to start. Gus drives us crazy at practice, making us hit the balls off the tee until our arms fall