Chili con Corpses

Cover

Chili con Corpses

Dreading another week of dieting, librarian James Henry and his supper club friends decide to spice things up by taking a Mexican cooking class. The mood is festive and the meals are almost good enough to make James forget about cheese doodles. But when another member of the class is found dead, what started as a quest to make the perfect quesadilla turns into a sizzling murder investigation.

Determined to track down the culprit, the Flab Five are stunned to learn that one of their own is being grilled as the main suspect. With time running out and Quincy’s Gap boiling over with fear, James and the supper club will have to concoct a plan to trap an elusive criminal with an appetite for murder.

Title Page

Copyright

Chili con Corpses

Ellery Adams

Copyright © 2008, 2013 by J. B. Stanley

Cover design by Dar Albert, Wicked Smart Designs

Published by Beyond the Page at Smashwords

Beyond the Page Books

are published by

Beyond the Page Publishing

www.beyondthepagepub.com

ISBN: 978-1-946069-58-0

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

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Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Books by Ellery Adams

About the Author

Epigraph

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

—Orson Welles

Chapter One

Turkey Bacon Ranch Wrap

I’m sick to death of being on a diet, Bennett complained as he curled a set of free weights down to his waist and up to his collarbone again and again.

James heartily agreed. The lunch he’d eaten, a turkey bacon wrap with lettuce, tomato, and fat-free ranch dressing served on a whole-wheat tortilla, was nothing but an unsatisfying memory. James had been hungry right after finishing it, let alone hours later.

I know what you mean. He pushed himself backward on the leg press machine, his thighs and buttocks burning as he moved the grudging stack of weights into the air. Thinking about the nutritional content of every item in my shopping cart is killing me. I used to enjoy going to the grocery store.

As James got up from the leg press machine and selected a pair of twenty-five-pound free weights, Murphy Alistair, the editor and foremost reporter of the Shenandoah Star Ledger, entered the cardio/weight-training room. Even though this was the only YMCA within a hundred-mile radius, and was always crowded, Murphy was hard to miss in her black nylon sweats, a form-fitting yellow tank top, and a yellow headband.

Waving hello to James in the mirror, she stepped onto a treadmill and immediately began to jog. She didn’t bother walking to warm up, but set the machine on a fast pace and took off. Murphy’s chin-length brown hair, streaked with golden highlights, flapped up and down over her ears like wings as she moved. She looked completely at ease as she ran, her hazel eyes glued to the early news program playing on the wall-mounted TV, a towel draped casually around her neck.

Spot me while I bench, will you? Bennett asked James while preparing to lift a heavy dumbbell above his torso.

James examined the size of the circular weights attached to each end of the bar positioned over his friend’s chest. Two hundred pounds, eh?

Bennett scowled. Hey, man. I’m gonna do more than one set.

I’m impressed. That’s quite a load you’re lifting, James quickly soothed his friend, noting how muscular Bennett’s arms and legs had become over the past several months. You meant it when you said you’d be spending the summer getting buff. Well, you’re buff.

Thanks, but I’m still the short mailman with the big gut. Bennett took a deep breath and removed the weights from the stand. "You’re the guy who needed all new belts and pants."

James stole a glance at himself in the wall-length mirror. It was true. After pursuing a low-carb diet with his supper club friends followed by a diet of counting points and pursuing a regular exercise routine, James had lost over thirty pounds of unwanted flab and several inches from his doughy waist. Even his second chin, which had once given him a rather bullfroggish profile, was nearly gone. His jowls were still a little bit floppy and he was a long way from the fit and toned specimens parading around the cardio room in tight biker shorts and even tighter T-shirts advertising the last marathon they’d run.

Okay, man. That’s the first set. Bennett lifted the barbell so that James could return in to the stand straddling the padded bench. Let me just catch my breath before the next round. Bennett closed his eyes and focused on his breathing.

While he waited, James watched Murphy’s trim figure as she ran with a seemingly effortless stride. The black rubber treadmill moved under her feet like a fast-flowing stream. As he stared, Murphy’s attention was drawn to the reflection of two blondes entering the cardio room. Her face broke into a smile and she waved vigorously at the ladies.

James did his best not to drool, nudge Bennett in the side, or blatantly ogle the newcomers. The women had to be visitors, because he would have certainly noticed such gorgeous ladies if they lived in the county. After all, his town, Quincy’s Gap, was located in a rather isolated area of Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains. Quincy’s Gap didn’t have a shopping mall, trendy restaurants, or boutiques selling the latest in haute couture. But today, apparently, two movie stars were gracing Shenandoah County with their presence. James reasoned that no one else but a starlet could have such shiny hair, flawless skin, enormous blue eyes, or a body with more curves than Skyline Drive. And what’s more, there were two of them. Twins, in fact!

The young women moved with languid grace as they crossed the room. They appeared not to notice that every man—and some of the women—in the gym had suddenly stopped working out. People stood, stunned, in front of weight machines, ellipticals, or stair climbers.

A squeaking noise below James’s chest distracted him from the sight of the beautiful women. Bennett, who was slowly suffocating beneath the weight of the barbell resting on his chest, was desperately trying to get his friend’s attention.

Sorry! James grabbed the barbell and struggled to return it to its metal holder.

Bennett took in a great breath and then, his lungs recovered, hollered, What kind of spotting is that? You almost killed me, man! Bennett sat up, rubbing his sore pectorals. Do I have to send you to Gillian for some of her hocus-pocus herbal remedies to improve your attention span? Jeez!

Hey, you can’t blame me. Look. James poked Bennett and pointed in the mirror so that he’d see the two blondes standing next to Murphy’s treadmill. Both women were beaming at Murphy with blindingly white teeth.

Damn. Bennett stopped rubbing his chest. "Those gals are not from around here. You think Murphy’s doing some kind of Miss America story or something?"

Twins in the same pageant? James asked. Doubtful.

They could be from two different states, Bennett argued. The one on the left could be Miss Virginia, and her sister could be Miss West Virginia.

That’s pretty unlikely, Bennett. James observed the women more closely for clues. Here’s a hint. The one on the right is wearing shorts with the Blue Ridge High Red-Tailed Hawks logo.

Bennett cleared his throat as he gawked. Those shorts never fit any high school girl like that. They’re tight as a wetsuit. That gal must have dug those shorts out of the lost and found at the elementary school.

James laughed. They’re a bit snug, that’s for sure.

And those two are almost as dark as me, Bennett continued his appraisal. Where’d they get color like that?

Probably from tanning.

In the dead of fall? Bennett asked in disbelief.

Sure. They cold have gone to a tanning salon. James smiled at his friend. Some people spend their hard-earned money to look like they’ve been to the beach when they’ve been sitting inside a claustrophobic capsule instead. They fry their skin beneath lightbulbs supposedly free from ultraviolet rays, while wearing purple goggles and listening to relaxing music.

Sounds like sitting in a coffin during your own cremation. Bennett gave James a strange look. "And exactly why do you know so much about this tanning business?"

I’m a librarian, remember? James said as they headed over to the water fountain. "I read lots of magazines. In this month’s issue of Time, there was an article about ‘tanorexia.’ Fascinating stuff."

Tan-a-what?

It’s a new addiction, like alcoholism or a dependency on drugs, shopping, coffee—

Now, now. There’s nothing wrong with coffee, Bennett interrupted defensively. The caffeine in regular coffee speeds up the metabolism, reduces the risk of heart disease and certain types of cancer, and can even stop an asthma attack.

"Bennett, I’ve never met someone who knew as much trivia as you. You have to try out for Jeopardy! someday."

They’re comin’ to DC again this year, his friend said quietly. You know, for a contestant search.

James took a long drink of cold water and then patted his dripping mouth with his sweat-soaked gym towel. When?

Bennett shrugged. This winter.

"You have to go! You always said it was your big dream to appear on Jeopardy!"

His friend looked forlorn. I don’t think I’m ready.

Just go to the tryouts. What have you got to lose?

Bennett brightened. You’re right! Besides—he opened the gym door, casting one last look over his shoulder at the three attractive women clustered by the treadmill—I could use a bit of a shake-up. My life has gotten kind of dull these days. Same old routine, day in and day out.

I know what you mean, James said, eyeing the beige parka he’d worn for the last six winters with distaste. He looked at his watch. He didn’t want to go home, as his father was repainting the dining room and would demand help, and he didn’t feel like making a last-minute date with Lucy because their previous one had ended awkwardly. Still, he felt strangely restless and wanted to do something other than drop by the grocery store or rent another lackluster movie. Suddenly, he had an idea. Feel like spoiling your dinner? James asked Bennett once they were in the parking lot. We could stop by Custard Cottage.

Bennett zipped his navy blue uniform coat provided by the United States Postal Service and shivered. Frozen custard in November?

Willy has a coffee-and-custard deal going on right now. We’ll get Sweet Lucy Light custard and skim milk in our coffees. A no-guilt snack.

Twist my arm, why don’t you? Bennett sniggered. You’re on.

Well, well! Willy beamed as James opened the canary-yellow door of the purple and pink Victorian building known as the Custard Cottage. It’s good to see you, my friends!

What happened to your garbage cans? James asked, pointing out the window where the trash cans shaped like giant ice cream cones were normally placed.

Graffiti. The jolly proprietor issued a deep belly laugh. Apparently, Billy loves Jamie, and he loves her in ways I don’t think Jamie’s parents would appreciate.

Ah, James and Bennett replied in unison.

I’ve got the stuff to clean ’em up with, but I figure they can stay inside for the winter. No one’s eatin’ outside these days—not even the teenagers who like to act like they’re too cool to feel the cold. He tugged on his starched, pinstriped apron. Now, what can I get for the most eligible bachelors in Quincy’s Gap? I’ve got the most delicious pumpkin nutmeg custard you’ll ever taste in this lifetime. Wanna try some?

Better not, thanks. James gestured at the chalkboard menu. We’ll each take your Cup and Cone special. Decaf and Sweet Lucy for me, please.

I’ll have full octane and a chocolate mousse cone. Bennett shot a glance at James. I burned enough calories today—I need to give myself a reward sometimes.

Willy gave Bennett a thumbs-up. Nothin’ wrong with that.

After completing their orders, Willy came out from behind the counter to sit with them while they ate. He stirred a packet of sugar into his own coffee and took a sip. Suddenly, he looked out the front picture window and began spluttering and fighting for air. Bennett thumped him on the back while Willy gasped. During the commotion, the front door opened to the tinkle of merry bells.

"What a darling place!" exclaimed an unfamiliar female voice. James turned to identify the speaker and was surprised to see Murphy and the gorgeous blondes hurrying through the doorway as they rubbed their bare hands together against the chilly November air.

Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you guys, Murphy teased, winking at James. I’d like you all to meet my friends, Parker and Kinsley Willis.

The twins said, Hi, y’all, and smiled.

James felt his heart flutter like a butterfly inside his chest.

Parker and Kinsley? Aren’t those two towns in Kansas? Bennett asked once he found his tongue.

Wow! You’re the only person who’s ever known that! the twin named Parker cried. You must be a master of geography.

Well . . . Embarrassed, Bennett looked to Willy for help, but the proprietor seemed to have forgotten that it was his role to provide customer service.

Can we interrupt you for some hot tea, Willy? Murphy prompted kindly.

Willy leapt out of his chair while issuing apologies. Forgive a man for staring, ladies, but are you two famous or something?

Kinsley laughed. Nope. Just tall, blonde, American girls with white teeth. And these teeth would like to sink into a double scoop of Chocolate Cookie Dough Chunk, if you please.

Her sister examined the ice cream flavors carefully. They all look delicious, but I’ll just have a Diet Coke.

And for you, Ms. Alistair? Willy handed the twins their orders. The usual Peanut Butter Cup Perfection?

You got it, Willy. And hot tea in a take-out cup, please.

Willy served the drinks and Murphy linked arms with the woman sipping Diet Coke through a straw. Parker and I were roommates at Virginia Tech, she explained to the three men. Can you imagine what it was like to share a room with someone who looked like a supermodel and had the brains of a neurosurgeon? Murphy smiled fondly at her friend. But Parker was so nice that I liked her despite the fact that boys only hung around me to get inside info on Parker. What was her favorite flower? Was she dating anyone? And so on. Now, she’s a vet with her own practice in Luray. With our crazy jobs and even crazier hours, we don’t get together enough.

But we’re working on it, Parker added. I have a wonderful new partner in my practice, so I can leave knowing the animals are in good hands. That means we can hang out more often.

Don’t leave me out, Kinsley said to her sister. I’m hoping you give Mr. Perfect Partner Dwight lots of furry clients so that you can show me all the sights.

Turning back to the men, Kinsley offered them a winsome smile. I’m brand new to town—a transplant from the North. She paused to eat some of her frozen custard. After licking a dribble of melted custard from the back of her hand, Kinsley said, Don’t hold being a former fast-paced New Yorker against me. We do everything fast up there. Including eating.

I don’t think I could hold much against you, sugar, Willy said while he watched the beautiful young woman devour her frozen treat.

After Kinsley guzzled down a cup of water, she and the other women were ready to leave. The twins thanked Willy and told the three men that it had been a pleasure to meet them before following Murphy outside.

Did you get a load of those blonde bimbos? Lindy asked as she entered Custard Cottage a few seconds later.

They’re hard to miss, James said. And they’re not bimbos.

Lindy ignored James. I saw your mail truck outside, Bennett, and I thought I’d join you. I need some sugar to perk me up after finding out that Barbie Number One is joining the staff at Blue Ridge High.

Bennett gave Lindy an odd look. So what’s the problem? She’s a nice gal.

Lindy thumped her fist on the counter. What’s the problem? I finally decided to ask Principal Chavez out . . . well, by the first of the year anyway. How am I supposed to do that now? I can’t compete with a Jennifer Lawrence look-alike. Every man in this town is going to be licking his chops over that girl.

Ask him out anyway, Lindy, James suggested.

It’s about damn time you did, Bennett said. You’ve been dreaming about dating that man for over a year. Why wait until January?

Lindy ordered a hot chocolate with caramel drizzle and extra whipped cream. "Because I want to lose a few more pounds first. Especially now, with that Sports Illustrated swimsuit model on staff. I need a boost of confidence."

You don’t need to lose any more weight, James said. You look terrific.

It was the truth. Lindy had cut her long black hair just above her shoulders. Layers snipped at sharp angles softened her round face, and she wore subdued makeup that enhanced her latte-hued skin and enormous dark eyes. Though Lindy was still quite curvaceous, especially around the bosom and hips, she had lost enough weight that her new and improved hourglass figure was strikingly voluptuous. Lindy had gone from being pudgy all over to being soft in the right places.

I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eatin’ pork rinds, Willy teased.

Lindy blushed and looked very pleased.

That’s two resolutions for the new year then. Bennett raised his coffee cup in the air. "Here’s to you and your man going on a date, Lindy. Me? I’m trying out for Jeopardy!"

Willy looked at James. And what about you, Professor? You five always do stuff together, so you must be planning something big, too.

James shook his head and stared fixedly at the light brown drips swimming around in the bottom of his mug. No. I’m fine with the status quo.

But he was lying. There was something he would very much like to change. For once, it had nothing to do with his appearance.

Suddenly, James felt the beginnings of a major headache coming on. He never used to get headaches, but lately, they’d been plaguing him more and more frequently. Rubbing his temples, he said goodbye to his friends and climbed into his old white Bronco.

For a moment, he gazed at his reflection in the rearview mirror. Then, in the empty cabin of his car, he honestly answered Willy’s question. I would like to change something. Yes, I would. I’d like to know what a guy’s gotta do to go to bed with his girlfriend.

Chapter Two

Fried Wontons in Soy Sauce

"I have