How 2 Get F*ked
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Reggie teaches a class down at the community college that helps adult loser virgins figure out how to not be like that anymore.
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How 2 Get F*ked - Ashley Bradley
How 2 Get Fucked
Ashley Bradley
Reggie looked out across at all these losers. All these fucking virgin losers who can’t get pussy and/or penis. Virgin loser niggas with fucked up hairlines. Virgin loser bitches wit’ goiters and shit in their neck.
Disgusting.
No wonder these lames can’t get the puss pumped out of them.
They were worthless.
Nothing.
They were grotesque and made people sick when they looked at them.
Reggie stood up behind his podium, his three and a half cornrows shining and glistening. He had four diamond earrings on the gay side. He smelled like baby powder, and rape crimes.
I fuck horses,
he boomed loudly over the sea of untouchables.
There were gasps.
"That is the fucking level I am on, not only physically, but spiritually. I get cummed in and cum in majestic equine land beasts. I fuck out-species. You lames can’t even get your shits wet in-species. You need help. You recognize you either attend my How 2 Get Fucked classes, or you kill yourself. I assume all of you are here because you are too WEAK-"
And here he paused for an entire two minutes to scan his eyes about the room, looking every. single. one. of them in the eye.
to fucking kill yourself. So you think coming here, is the less extreme option. WRONG. Very wrong. You been wrong all your pathetic, mealy, disgusting, worthless ass lives. Here. Here with me? This is Hell. This is worse than death. If you make it out of here intact—which you will not—your life will be forever changed. For the better? No. Because one of the activities you’ll have to do to complete this course is fucking your mother. So-
Reggie paused because several people in the audience had shot up to escape from the room. He calmly waited for them to realize they were locked in.
No escape.
He waited for them to return dejected to their seats.
If there will be no further interruptions, I shall continue.
A woman cried out in agony.
"Your first assignment will be to drink an entire gallon of milk in one sitting.