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    Mothering Mother: A Daughter’S Experience in Caregiving
    Mothering Mother: A Daughter’S Experience in Caregiving
    Mothering Mother: A Daughter’S Experience in Caregiving
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    Mothering Mother: A Daughter’S Experience in Caregiving

    By Martha Cooper Eischen

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    About this ebook

    It is a transforming time for everyone involved when an aging adult begins to require more assistance and care from loved ones. Little by little, as elderly adults are asked to let go of things they have always done or cherished, caregivers attempt to fill their lives with love, warmth, and securityall while blindly navigating through an uncertain time.

    Martha Eischen has been there. Over the course of ten years, she was responsible for her mothers total care. In Mothering Mother, she shares not only her perspective, but also practical advice and valuable resources as she leads other caregiversboth novice and experienceddown a road of compassion and complete understanding. Martha shares a deeply emotional story as she details her mothers end-of-life journey and how she, in turn, learned how to provide personal care, partner with medical professionals, and deal with altered family dynamics. As she describes her life as a caregiver, she clearly identifies emotions, changes in roles, keys to keeping her mother active, and day-to-day care issues.

    Mothering Mother is a loving, encouraging guidebook that will help caregivers everywhere fill the last days of a loved ones life with love, security, and fond memories.

    As a caregiver and a professional in Aging, I found this wonderful book very uplifting. It reinforced all that I knew to be true. I was reminded, when the going gets tough, that the opportunity to do the giving is a treasure. Ruth Mooney, PhD, MN, Nursing Research Facilitator, ChristianaCare Health System

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateDec 14, 2010
    ISBN9781450273541
    Mothering Mother: A Daughter’S Experience in Caregiving
    Author

    Martha Cooper Eischen

    Martha Cooper Eischen is a retired business owner. For ten years, she provided all levels of care for her elderly mother. She now puts that experience, along with her years as a business professional, to work as an advocate for the elderly and their families. She currently resides outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

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      Book preview

      Mothering Mother - Martha Cooper Eischen

      Table of Contents

      Acknowledgements

      Introduction

      1. The Certainty of Decline

      Dealing with Dementia

      Tricky Things – In Dementia

      Personality Changes

      Accepting the Change

      Things she no longer can/will do

      Making Mistakes

      Sharing with Others

      2. Engaging her

      Surround Her with the Familiar

      Habits and Routine

      Challenge versus Coercion

      Keep It Simple

      3. Personal Care

      Her Body

      Privacy

      Bathing

      Clothes and Dressing

      Toileting

      Standing and Walking

      Food and Feeding

      4. A Day in the Caregiver’s Life

      Feelings are not Facts!

      Saving Time/Being Organized

      Fears

      Strange Things that Just Happen

      Humor

      Pets

      Thankfulness

      Pray

      Sleep

      Goodnight

      5. Relationships

      Sibling or Family Responsibility

      Quality Time

      The Advocate

      6. Resources

      Help!

      7. Keeping Her Well

      Physical Healing

      Hospitals

      Therapy

      The Physician

      Other Health Care Professionals

      Home Remedies

      8. In the End of Life

      Honesty

      End Things

      Love to the Last

      Afterword

      Testimonials

      Acknowledgements

      glyph.jpg

      It would be impossible to name all those who deserve my special thanks for helping me to help Mother Love live life to its fullest during her twilight years. To those nameless, I pour out my deepest gratitude. To the others, whose names remain fresh in my heart, I especially mention here:

      My Family:

      •   Brother Paul and wife, Terry, always an unquestioning rock of support and love.

      •   Sister Mary and husband Al Malischewski, unconditionally available, no call too late, no task too great. They were always there with extraordinary devotion and love. The title of this work was Mary’s inspiration!

      •   Brothers David and wife, Gay; Stephen; Andrew and wife, Mary Ann, who from afar lent uplifting love, encouragement and cheer in ways too numerous to mention.

      Caregivers:

      •   Callie Brown – who shared the precious journey with us, not just as caregiver extraordinaire, but truly another daughter to Mother Love. Any thank you is inadequate.

      •   The staff of the Main Line Adult Day Center, whose 5 years of loving care made the center her home by day.

      Personal Physician:

      •   James Morris, MD, Main Line Health, our family physician - a real partner to me, on whose practical wisdom and advice I depended.

      Kind and Generous Testimonials:

      •   Charles L. Cooper, PhD, CEO, Human Resource Consultants, PA, Mental Health Group Practice, Central North Carolina

      •   William W. Lander, MD, Family Physician

      •   Kent Bream, MD, University of Pennsylvania, Director Sayre Health Center

      •   Stephanie J. Yocum, Past Director, Main Line Adult Day Center

      •   The Rev. Michael Pearson, Rector, St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, Wayne, PA

      •   Ruth L. Mooney, PhD, MN, Nursing Research Facilitator, ChristianaCare Health System

      •   Hermine Isaak, Lupus Foundation

      •   Dorianne N. O’Hara, R.N. (Retired) Critical Care Clinician

      Reviewing of this work:

      •   William and Rebecca Creese

      •   Mary E. Hamilton

      Idea:

      •   The Scriptorium, All Saints Convent, Catonsville MD – for capturing the essence of my message in a single phrase (See Rose Photo Back Cover)

      Introduction

      glyph.jpg

      I was never a mother. Today I am. I never had parenting skills. Now I have them. Everything I learned about caregiving, I learned in the last seven years, and I am now of retirement age! This book is dedicated to all the caregivers and their loved ones who are journeying now, or will be, down the road to the end of the rainbow. Though it is written from the perspective of the care of a mother, I mean to embrace both men and women. For, it is the men and women of our lives, entering their twilight years, and we, the men and women who care for them, who are the subject and concern of this book.

      Books and pamphlets on the subject of caregiving, take many different perspectives. There are clinical, pastoral, practical, and perhaps many other approaches to this monumental task. The job really encompasses them all. I hope that this little book will feed the caregiver or caregiver-to-be the nourishment from all those perspectives, and be a kind of well, from which to draw much comfort, love, and support, along with helpful ideas for daily use.

      Fortunately, we are often given plenty of time to grow into the job. Our fears, mistakes, anger, frustration, joys, gratitude, love, and the ultimate of stress are wrapped up in the new and immense chore in front of us - caring for our loved one, often our parent, as the days wane in that treasured life. It is a privilege and a joy to be called to do this work. It is transforming. Although we are doing so much giving, so is our loved one. We trudge along, not knowing how long the road is, how bumpy it will be, or how many turns we will have to make just to stay on the target. As we know, the target is to bring her safely through the twilight years of life, bolstered by the comforts of home and all that that means to a now very vulnerable human being.

      We try to fill her life with love, warmth and security, in what has likely become the ultimate insecurity for her – old age, with all its relentless stripping away of life as she once knew it. She is old and fading. She is likely more scared than she can tell you. She knows where she has been and, probably has some idea where she is going. Thus, little by little, she has reason to be afraid as she loses her grip of just about everything she ever was or had. Fortunately for her as well, it comes slowly, by and large. Little by little, she is asked to let go of things she has always done or cherished, habits she has always kept, disciplines that have been her mainstay, and finally her health, physical and often mental. Her surrender is downright frightening. And all the while we think she should have nothing to worry about, because we are taking care of everything! What a journey this is. She needs our security, and we need her patience, wisdom, and willingness. We need each other. This is a journey in

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