My Beautiful Daughter: An Inspirational True Story About a Daughters Fight to Conquer Her Drug Addiction Through the Eyes of Her Mother.

© 2011 by Vanessa Wales. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 12/09/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4678-8716-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4678-8715-1 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

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Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1

IN THE BEGINNING

Chapter 2

THE CHANGE

Chapter 3

COMING TO TERMS WITH THE NEWS

Chapter 4

THE FIGHT BEGINS

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

THE SECOND COMING

Chapter 7

THE PAY OFF

Chapter 8

LIES AND DECEIT

Chapter 9

TOUGH LOVE

Chapter 10

THE AFTERMATH

Chapter 11

REVELATIONS

Chapter 12

IT ALL MADE SENSE

Chapter 13

A DANGEROUS PLACE

Chapter 14

THE MOVE

Chapter 15

I WALK AWAY

Chapter 16

CALM

Chapter 17

THE REHAB BEGINS

Chapter 18

NO QUICK FIX

Chapter 19

BACK TO REALITY

Chapter 20

OUTCOMES

The Authors View

About The Book

Louise’s Story

Dedication

I have dedicated this book to the memory of my father Frederick Gomer whose courage and unconditional love for his family inspired me to write.

Acknowledgements

I have so many people to thank.

To Richard for being my rock, whilst putting up with my insanity and tunnel vision.

Rachel for having the courage to help all the family whilst coping with her own heartache.

Jane for taking the time to give love and support to me and her family.

Mathew my son and my joy who battled with his feelings and won.

Joan my mother a constant support.

To my friends and neighbours Barbara, Jane, Heather and Richard.

My heartfelt thanks for always being there for us and helping whenever you could.

To Sue a treasured friend.

To Mike and Bobbi my thanks for being the best employers and friends that I could wish for, never judging only supporting.

For Gerry a shoulder for Richard.

And Shirley the voice of reason.

I thank all the doctors, nurses, key workers and counsellors that looked after my daughter and helped cure her of her addiction and health problems.

To my sister Julie I am grateful for your advice and loyalty.

To my Publishers for helping a novice writer to get her little book printed and her message across.

And finally my Beautiful Daughter and her partner for allowing this book to be written.

I am so proud of you.

An hour passed and I was just going to bed when I heard a loud sobbing on the landing. I thought this was just another tantrum, and went upstairs to see what Louise was doing, and to my horror the scene that unfolded to me was Louise standing on the landing holding my gift wrapped birthday present, crying with blood pouring from her wrists, and shouting I am so sorry Mum.

What on earth have you done? I screamed and just managed to get her back into the bedroom. By this time James and Ryan had come upstairs only to witness the bloody scene in the bedroom. I wiped her wounds, and saw that she had been self harming, and although she had cut herself in several places, had luckily avoided her main arteries. Mum she whimpered Don’t hate me.

Hate her, what kind of a statement was that? I could never hate her, I loved her, Lou what is it? I asked, Why are you doing this? I was scared of the answer as I didn’t know what the answer would be. Her father and brother stood in the doorway stunned and confused. Mum I am going to tell you something. She mumbled through the tears, I have been taking drugs. What drugs I asked, expecting her to say ecstasy, or dope or something like that. Heroin! she gasped. My heart seemed to surge, the words couldn’t seem to come.

James and Ryan stood for what seemed to be an age everything seemed to go into slow motion, Mum I’m sorry so sorry. Louise was now shaking and in that instant I knew we were not hearing lies, this was reality, our darling daughter was taking heroin, the one thing that all parents dread had happened to Louise, she was taking heroin.

Chapter 1

IN THE BEGINNING

As I drove into the car park of the college I was excited but a little apprehensive. The building was very formidable and there were hundreds of people wandering around and entering the great hall. After battling to park my car without having to reverse into a space, as this is not my strongest skill, I followed the ensuing crowd into the building and made my way to a table in the corner, trying to be inconspicuous, and sat alone watching the hustle and bustle around me.

As I observed the shuffling of seats and general mumblings from the crowd, my mind wandered back twenty three years,

I found myself thinking about how the events of the past years had changed the way I thought about life and the challenges it brought on a daily basis.

Everyone in the hall probably had a story to tell, but how many had experienced what I considered the devastation of drug addiction I wondered.

As the noise from the crowd dimmed into the background I thought back to the time that my life changed from hair salon owner to becoming a new Mum again.

It was nineteen eighty seven and we were in the era of big hair, and leg warmers, lycra footless tights, baggy tops and high waisted jeans.

On Top of the pops was George Benson, and in between selling my hairdressing business, and getting re-married, I was about to give birth to my third child.

From a previously unhappy marriage, I had managed to produce two lovely girls now aged seventeen and fourteen.

Emma being the eldest had just started work, and was enjoying a bit of freedom with her friends.

She was commuting to London every day working in a jewellers, and although at first had found the travelling a bit daunting, was looking forward to passing her driving test and having her first car.

Holly on the other hand was in the throes of thinking she was misunderstood by me, and being a teenager, she had found it difficult to change schools and make new friends, as we had moved to a different area.

Both my daughters had been affected in different ways by the divorce of my first husband, and understandably were very suspicious of Ryan when he first entered their lives.

Emma being the eldest had witnessed first-hand the obvious animosity between her father and myself, but had never really got on with him as they clashed on many occasions, so was glad when the marriage was over. Holly though, being younger, had not experienced the same, therefore missed her father and was angry for a while about the break up.

I had met and fallen in love with Ryan after my divorce eighteen months before. He had come into my salon to have a haircut and we seemed to click almost immediately. For some unknown reason not only was I attracted to him, but I had a strange feeling that he would be part of my life, so I was over the moon when he asked me out to dinner. We became inseparable and he set about slowly starting to get to know the girls, never pushing himself on them as he was not that sort of person and he wanted them to feel happy and comfortable in his company, and this he felt had to come naturally.

My parents had met him and had taken an instant liking to him.

After a few months he popped the question, and I accepted, although we needed to see if Emma and Holly were ok about it as they had been through so much upheaval and I wanted them to be happy to. I was nervous as we sat them down to ask if they would be happy if we got married and became a family.

They were not surprised at our question as they knew we were in love.

Both said it was great and there were hugs all round.

My phone became very hot as I rang everyone on the planet to give the good news. It was wonderful that my parents were so pleased that I had found a new partner that would look after me and the girls, and Dad especially looked forward to giving me away, while Mum started organising the event.

At last we were married and I discovered I was pregnant.

We were overjoyed and couldn’t wait to tell everyone, but we had to tell the girls first. Both Ryan and I were nervous as we had no idea what the reaction might be. Again we sat them down and told them of our news, expecting them to be a bit taken back, but this time they did not seem to be happy at all, Emma was silent and Holly started to cry. We did not understand why, as we assumed they would have been pleased. Ryan and I looked at each other both a bit stunned at the reaction, so he left me to have a private conversation with them to get to the bottom of it.

It turned out that they both thought they would not be loved as much as the new arrival, as they were not Ryan’s children, and felt as though they were going to be pushed aside. I was so upset that they would think that, as they meant everything to me, so I turned to Emma and said. When I had Holly, I did not stop loving you, so why would I stop loving both of you by having another child? They sat for a moment and realised what I had just said, and both looked relieved. With that explained we all celebrated by going out to dinner as a family. After a shaky start, both of my daughters were getting used to their new life with my husband Ryan, and were looking forward to having either a new brother or sister.

We had moved to a flat on the Isle of Dogs and we were all settling in to our new surroundings. Ryan was thrilled at the prospect of having his first child.

Having already taken on two teenage girls, he now had a great insight to what being a good dad involved, and he was up for the challenge. I had realised early on in our relationship that he was going to be a wonderful father as he was proving that already, with the love and support he had shown to my other children.

He was very patient when being challenged by my daughters about what times to be home, or keeping their rooms tidy, all the normal clashes that occur when a new a family is getting to know each other. Through all this I was confident that they were happy, as I was watching my girls beginning to accept him as their new male role model.

Ryan conscious of his new role of provider, had been training to be a financial advisor. This took a lot of study and hard work but he managed to pass all his exams with distinctions, enabling him to start working self-employed as an independent pension specialist. Emma in the meantime passed her driving test and Ryan put money towards buying her first car. She was thrilled at the prospect of being able to be more independent and I was happy seeing her blossom into such a beautiful woman.

Well the day finally came, my waters had broken in the early hours of the morning and Ryan was trying to be cool and calm while phoning the hospital.

I was more concerned that I was standing in the lounge not knowing what to put on or how to stop the continue flow of the water.

The fact that it was Friday the 13th didn’t worry me; I was convinced that this was my lucky day.

I had decided that being the third time in labour, I would be cool calm and collected. I was determined to enjoy the experience with full makeup and wearing a pretty nightie.

I woke up Holly and Emma, and informed them that we were leaving.

Needless to say both girls were less than excited at being disturbed so early in the morning, and we left with some strange grunts of Ok then! coming from the bedrooms.

Everything was going to plan as I lay in splendour in the private room, sipping fruit juice and being told by my midwife how good I was being and that I was near to delivery. The mood in the room was calm, Ryan held my hand and I felt safe. After a 12 hour labour my Louise made her first appearance, weighing in at 8 pounds 11 ounces. I looked at her and immediately had the same wonderful feeling of love for her as I did with my other babies.

Ryan had been with me all through the labour, popping out for a bite to eat on my insistence, just managing to get back just in time to see his daughter arrive.

He knew he had to hurry up the corridor as he heard a lot of noise coming from my room. As he entered the bay, I was in throws of giving birth with full makeup smeared all over the bed sheets and white knuckles holding on to the gas and air. If he had come within one inch of the gas mask he would have been in serious trouble. My idea of a calm serene enjoyable birth was long forgotten I just wanted my baby to be born. Then all at once it was over. Louise gave a cry and I was hooked, and memories of the pain disappeared in an instance.

As I looked at Ryan I saw the same look in his eyes too, he was so proud and excited and couldn’t wait to hold her close. Does Dad want to hold his daughter? enquired the midwife. Before she got an answer Ryan held out his hands and Louise was placed in his arms. Both Ryan and I stared at this little angel for what seemed an age, whilst the midwife was sorting me out at the other end. My dignity had gone out the window but all I could think about was how wonderful this tiny baby was.

She was so beautiful, she had a hint of blond hair and her skin was so clear and pink, she had little chubby cheeks and cupid bow lips.

Her eyes were wide open looking at the world she had entered. She’s perfect whispered Ryan. Yes as far as we were concerned she was the most perfect baby in the world. I was so