Leader Lies: Ten Truths I Learned as a Liar

Copyright © 2014 Matt Wade.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

If you would like to do any of the above, please seek permission first by contacting the author at www.mattwade.tv.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

1 (866) 928-1240

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4385-8 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/19/2014

Copy Editor: Blake Atwood

Cover Design: Ali Lopez

Interior Design: WestBow Press

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

1.   The Phone Fritz

2.   The Sick Child

3.   The Overspoken God

4.   The Secret Keeper

5.   The Coffee Companion

6.   The Measurement Motto

7.   The Honest Abe

8.   The Prayer Partner

9.   The Hopeful Helper

10.   The Biggest Lie of All

11.   A Culture of Truth

My Next Project

Final Thoughts

BLURBS

I know this guy better than anyone, because I’m married to him. Wow, he used to lie a lot. He now lives in the freedom of these truths.

- Amber Wade, Wife

"Honest. Refreshing. Needed. Leader Lies shines a light in the dark places of our minds." – Micah Pelkey, pastor of CitiChurch, OH

Matt uses humor to make us laugh so it won’t hurt as much when he slaps us with the truth!

- Marc Grimes, pastor of Spurgeon GBC, Spurgeon, IN

"In Leader Lies, my friend Matt Wade deals a blow to the deceptive plans of the enemy to drag you into a life of lies."

- Dr. Shannon Cook, pastor of DCFC, Louisville, KY

"In his book Leader Lies, my good friend Matt Wade gets to the heart of the matter and bluntly deals with our fears. If we confront them, we can overcome them! Highly recommend!"

- Jana Alcorn, Life Coach, Speaker and Trainer

"Matt Wade is a liar, but he knows it. In Leader Lies he gets honest with himself and unmasks the fears that motivated his actions so that we might discover the truth about him—and ourselves."

- Blake Atwood, FaithVillage Editor, Dallas, TX

"In Leader Lies, my friend Matt Wade destroys the deceptive plans of the enemy to drag you into a life of lies … a life that will leave you burned out, empty, and searching for, but never finding peace." - Stephen Brewster, Creative Arts Pastor, Cross Point Church, Nashville, TN

"In Leader Lies, Matt doesn’t just challenge leaders to lead the church with truth, but to love them in the process. Matt does this with humor, honesty, and real, raw truth." - Kendall Harris, pastor of BWC, Richmond, IN

My friend Matt Wade takes a hard and controversial truth about leadership and gives you tools to overcome the very simple truth that all leaders lie. - CJ England, Singer/Songwriter, KY

Matt has an ability to pair his humor with solid biblical truths to make a tough subject simple.

- KeVon Pippens, Church Planter, Murfreesboro, TN

#LEADERLIES

At the end of each chapter, you will find sharable content that has been pre-written for your convenience. Please utilize the hashtag above when posting to social media. I encourage you to find your own phrases to share as well.

Connect with Matt on social media:

Facebook | /matthewlwade1

Twitter | @mattwade

Instagram | @matt_wade

You can enjoy more of Matt’s writing by browsing his blog at www.mattwade.tv.

DEDICATION

The dedication part of a book is always a bit weird to me. How does one dedicate a book about lying to another? Well, maybe it goes something like this:

To all who feel that they must lie in order to live, to all who want to be perceived as greater than they really are, to those who reach for acceptance at all costs, and to those who are exhausted from keeping up the façade.

This book is for you.

Hear, for I will speak noble things, and from my lips will come what is right, for my mouth will utter truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are righteous; there is nothing twisted or crooked in them. They are all straight to him who understands, and right to those who find knowledge.

— Proverbs 8:6-9

PREFACE

This book should actually be entitled Christian Lies. All the lies in this book apply to every person who is a believer. However, my heart for leaders always pushes me to write to that specific people group. My hope is that by the end of Chapter 10, you will encounter a freedom discovered through humor and rich, biblical truths.

So, what causes human beings, and particularly Christian leaders, to think their lies are so original or unique that they become convinced others will believe them? Sure, the list of ways to lie is innumerable, but original? Not so much.

Actually, said Jace, "I prefer to think that I am a liar in a way that’s uniquely my own.

— Cassandra Claire, City of Ashes

Why write about a subject of this nature? Other than it being somewhat comical, choosing to write about lying could potentially open a truthful dialogue on the unimportant things about which we lie. No, I am not suggesting that we should lie on important things, but there is an underlying receptivity that says, I’m OK with a small lie, particularly by those in church leadership.

Many have the proclivity to view lying as a way of being shrewd or wise in the things we say and do. Regardless of how we paint the picture, if we are not painting with truthful strokes, we paint a picture of lies. If our actions continue, we end up with an ugly picture of all we have discombobulated by our words. The unfortunate reality is that others begin to believe the lie you have told them. What’s more, you too begin to believe the lies you tell.

James 3:1-12 brings it home in his dynamic epistle concerning the danger of the tongue. This passage is certainly applicable to lying and not just all the unnecessary, unwise words we utter in everyday life.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

How often does our tongue become the enemy of our soul? For me it is a constant struggle, not just with choosing not to lie, but also how I speak about and to myself. I am constantly guarding against negative words that tend to easily flow out of my mouth.

Like other Christians, do you struggle with a tendency to lie? What about withholding the full truth? Do you find yourself attempting to justify your actions? Have you ever wondered why you lie? Do you ever want to call someone else out for lying to you?

So what causes us to lie, particularly about things that really do not matter? Obviously, if you live in the light of the Christian framework, we believe lying is a by-product of sin and that all have sinned. We have all been stained by sin, so therefore we sin. (Romans 3:23)

On a practical level, there is no reason to lie. If we were to tell the truth from the onset of a conversation or a situation, most things would resolve on the same note as if we had told a lie. Nothing would have changed, so why lie?

Here is a good church example:

Hey, did I preach too long today?

No way! I actually like long sermons.

Two benefits could have emerged from this humorous example:

1. The gracious liar could have been honest and responded, You know, the content was good, but the length is a little much for anyone to digest.

2. An honest response could have potentially rescued future audiences from long sermons.

Stating the truth in love is the only acceptable way to respond in situations where truth is required.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. — Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

So I ask again, what causes us to lie? Let us take off another layer in order to discover more truth about our tendency to harm the truth.

Let us begin unpacking with scripture.

"When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

God called to the Man: ‘Where are you?’

He said, ‘I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.’"