The Amazing Power of Our Errors: A Manual for Living

Copyright © 2013 Pedro Martín-Moreno.

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Author website: www.thepowerofourerrors.com

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-1647-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-1648-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-1649-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013921915

iUniverse rev. date: 1/10/2014

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Part I - Errors and Mistakes

Chapter 1: How We Understand Errors and Mistakes

•   How Do Errors Differ from Mistakes?

•   A Mistake That Had the Potential to Become a Fatal Error

•   Common Reactions to Errors

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 2: Why Don’t We Recognize Our Errors?

•   The Cost of Not Correcting Our Mistakes

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 3: Proven in Personal Experience

•   It Happens All the Time

•   A Simple but Revealing Poll

•   Consequences of the Way We Think and Act

•   Points for Reflection

Part II - The React Without Thinking Virus (RW T Virus)

Chapter 4: Causes and Symptoms of the RWT Virus

•   The RWT Virus and Its Causes

•   Symptoms of the RWT Virus

-   The Denial of Our Errors

-   Negative Energy

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 5: Beware of Negative Energy!

•   Errors, RWT Virus, and Bad Attitude: How Are They Related?

•   Once Infected, What Should a Person Do?

•   Negative Energy Is Dangerous

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 6: Wallowing in Negativity

•   The Role of Our Attention

•   Is the Solution the Problem Itself?

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 7: Fear: An Enemy of Productivity

•   All CEOs Should Avoid It

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 8: Strengthening Our Relationships

•   Anger and Frustration

•   What Do We Do When We Are about to Lose Control?

-   Effects of the RWT Virus

-   The Need to Argue

-   Gouging Ourselves in the Eyes

-   Transforming Negativity

-   A Foolproof Solution

•   Applying the Above

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 9: Guilt: An Undiscovered Wonder

•   My Own Life in the Hands of Others

•   Making a Mistake Is Not the Most Serious Matter

•   My Awakening

•   The Unsuspected Value of Guilt

•   The Power of Assuming Responsibility

-   Guilty without Reason?

•   Let’s Create a Better World

-   Work with Kids to Relieve Guilt

-   Take Disciplinary Action, Forgive, and Move On

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 10: Justifications: Our Worst Enemy

•   What Are Justifications?

•   The Mechanism of Justifications

•   The Difference between an Explanation and a Justification

•   You Alone Can Rescue Yourself without Anyone’s Help

•   Sensitivity, a Word That Says It All

•   An Unforgettable Interview with Evil

•   The Sense of Belonging

•   Points for Reflection

Part III - The Medicine that Cures the RW T Virus

Chapter 11: Deciding to Change: We Have Our Lives in Our Hands

•   The Secret of Attitude Change

•   Attitude Change and Personal Improvement Are Predictable

•   If We Don’t See the Error, It’s Impossible to Change It

•   I’m Right Even Though I’m Wrong

•   From What Point Do We Trigger Our Own Change?

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 12: One Way to Give Ourselves Life

•   Deviations from Purpose

•   Holding Fast to What We Really Want (The Pickax Principle)

•   Applying the Pickax Principle in Life

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 13: An Essential Angle on Character

•   Bridging the RWT Virus

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 14: A Solution for the Need for Approval

•   The Wonderful Reward for Endeavor

•   One Detail That Can Change the Future of Many

•   Scars from the Past

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 15: The Magic of a Simple Apology

•   What’s Behind an Apology?

•   Obstacles to Making Apologies

-   Misunderstandings

-   Respect for Ourselves and Low Self-Esteem

-   The RWT Virus

•   Always Give Your Best to Others

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 16: We Can Live in Peace

•   Another Way of Opening the Door to Communication

•   The Hidden Power of Individual Responsibility

•   The Upset Is Yours, but I Decide How Much It Bothers You!

•   Points for Reflection

Chapter 17: The Future Begins Today

•   Two Sides of a Mistake

Conclusion

•   Understanding Self-Esteem

-   Why Must Our Actions Have the Least Possible Negative Impact?

-   How to Love Ourselves More

•   Applying the Information: The Secret of Continuous Improvement

-   A Change of Attitude

-   Breaking Harmful Long-Time Habits

-   The Change to Improve Formula

Part IV - Stories and Life Experiences

Topic 1: Change Can Be Achieved

•   If It Gives Results When Applied … It’s Worth the Effort

•   The Day a Friend Was at the Point of Giving Up

Topic 2: Guilty Feelings

•   What Guilt Taught Me

Topic 3: Respect for Oneself

•   Was It Really You Who Destroyed My Life?

Topic 4: The Best of All Punishments

•   Winning with a Reprimand

•   The Purpose of a Reprimand

Topic 5: Suffering That Should Not Exist

•   A Way to Self-Forgiveness

Topic 6: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

•   What Really Matters

Topic 7: Denial of Reality

•   The Danger of Not Seeing What We See

•   The Scorpion and the Frog

Topic 8. A Brief Comment on Envy

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Pedro Martin-Moreno:

The Great Mysteries of Individual Responsibility

If I’d Only Known This Before

Me First, Then the Customers

To you, my reader, with all my admiration for having the courage and determination to struggle to continually become a better person.

To Maruca, my wife: Other than inhabiting two bodies, we are truly one.

There is nothing in this world that has been improved that is not the result of the correction of an error.

—Pedro Martín-Moreno

PREFACE

As I write about errors and mistakes, I’m the first to raise my hand and recognize that throughout the years, even though I knew I was wrong, I continually tried to convince myself and those who tried to show me otherwise that I was right. Why did I do that? Did acting that way have any benefit for my life, or quite the contrary?

In those days, I used to deny my errors to the extent of not realizing that this terrible habit was seriously affecting my life. Unbeknownst to me, I had lost control of my own destiny! If I had corrected and learned from my mistakes, my life would have gone along the course I had planned, never in the direction marked by my errors. Let’s look at one example out of thousands. How many times have we obtained the opposite of what we wanted because we reacted in the wrong way without taking the right steps to correct it?

It has taken me years to realize that the constant denial of my errors manifested itself in my life in multiple ways. I felt guilty, uneasy, unsatisfied, and stressed out and had frequent mood swings. It’s obvious that I was not pleased with life.

When I began to understand what was happening to me, I realized that in reality I was my own worst enemy because I did not allow myself to improve. And in this way, how could I possibly mend any situation in my life that was not going well? I alone was causing myself damage without being aware of it.

Over time, I discovered that I was not alone in that game. Who in the world hasn’t made more than one mistake a day? And how many recognize and remedy them? The answer is obvious, but there is more to be added to the above and we cannot lose sight of the fact that when we don’t know how to handle properly our errors, we end up generating negative energy. Given that in many cases we have no idea what to do with this dangerously toxic energy, it inevitably stays locked inside us, triggering adverse reactions and all kinds of annoying ailments, hence affecting our lives and those around us in one way or another.

Throughout most of my professional life as a personal empowerment coach, I’ve been sharing life lessons that I’ve derived from my own errors. Rather than basing those principles on abstract, motivational concepts that, in real life, would have limited practical applications, this brief but powerful manual contains information that’s derived from real-life experiences—mine and those of many others. That is, the manual you hold in your hands is the result of life itself. Regardless of your age or lifestyle, you are going to see how the daily application of these principles will transform your life, as it has done with mine and those of thousands of others. How could it be otherwise if we are talking about the truth? It’s only lies that ensnare us and affect us negatively throughout our lives. And listen to what Miss Hahne, my kindergarten teacher at the German school, told me many times! Lieber Peter, vergiss nicht dass die Lügen kurze Baine haben, die gehen nicht wait weg. Or in English, Dear Pedro, never forget that lies have very short legs. They won’t get you very far. Likewise, my father said many times, You make your bed; you lie in it. Fortunately, I understood this much later. It’s never too late, although needless to say, it would have helped me avoid many problems if I’d only understood and applied it in my life back then.

INTRODUCTION

No one likes to commit errors. Most people don’t even tolerate talking about them. Why is that? And since that’s the case, why write a manual about errors? Seems like a crazy idea, right? But it turns out to be just the opposite. What would you expect to find in a manual like this? In addition to establishing the book’s premise, these are some of the questions I will explore in a general way in this section.

Why Don’t We Like to Discuss Errors?

Indeed, there are a number of reasons why most of us don’t like to talk about our own errors. Perhaps the most important one is that the topic is normally associated with unpleasant and often painful experiences.

In the equation Error = Guilt = Danger, we may find that these variables match a life experience we have had. Or we may need to replace them with others that have even more negative connotations. Whatever the variables, a dislike for the subject (if this is the case) is precisely the emotion that I would not like for you to have during the reading of this manual. Why? Because there is much, so much, to gain through our mistakes, but not everyone is aware of the benefit we can gain from this wonderful treasure. To learn to profit from our mistakes is to discover a new life—one that is different, in constant development, and quite intense, because to improve it is indispensable to live in the here and now.

This powerful manual doesn’t assume that we are saints, let alone perfect. What it aims to show is how, through our mistakes, we can develop ourselves and improve any aspect of our lives.

More people than we can possibly imagine don’t realize that if they knew how to handle their mistakes the right way, as we will discover together throughout this manual, they would find the reason why there are certain areas of their lives that not only do not improve, but are increasingly getting worse.

They would also understand the reason for their strange, mysterious, and often incomprehensible mood swings. Then too they would also discover why guilt really exists and be able to free themselves of those harmful, corrosive emotions. They’d have no reason to ignore the murky swamp of their past that is often full of pain and suffering. And on the other hand, they’d be able to turn their attention to the now, where life presents itself to them in all its splendor. There’s one clear purpose that I pursue in this manual: To share the way I learned to constantly free myself of negative energy and help you discover how to reap the maximum benefit from your errors with no need to add more suffering to your life. As you read the manual, you will understand where those feelings originate, how to get rid of them, or, ultimately, how to channel and use them for your own improvement as well as for the benefit of others.

You’ll find that the manual is simple yet profound with regard to the type of reflections and the nature of the self-evaluation that it invites you to engage in. As you read, I invite you to pause and consider the different topics that, when applied to your life, will help you grow and expand from within, since that’s the only place where real change begins in an individual. To look within, as we understand the term in this manual, means to carefully examine our own decisions.

I recommend that you read this manual in the order in which it was written so that you will not have any problem capturing the essence of its message. The reading sequence is important. You’ll find that the chapters end with questions that you may use for individual reflection or as a springboard for family or group discussions. On the other hand, you will see that in some parts of the manual there are topics in which we could dig deeper, but that is not the purpose of this endeavor. What we are looking for in this manual is a way to access condensed, understandable information that you can apply immediately in your life.

Through the release of this manual I want to contribute different answers and solutions whose application may bring about a significant and transcendent change in the life of an individual. I have no doubt that it works because I have applied the information in my own life for a long time.

I am eager to show you how you can benefit from your mistakes and in so doing, continue to live an even more worthwhile life. Ready? Then let’s set out on this intense journey together!

PART I

ERRORS AND MISTAKES

CHAPTER 1

How We Understand Errors and Mistakes

Can you imagine how beneficial it would be to have immediate