A Broken Paradise Series: Chasing Fears: a Written Biblical Affiliation of Awen Morgan, ‘The First’

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© 2013 by Ellie Williams. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

All events and characters in this publication are fictitious, any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental by all standards. Whereas you may read historical events taken place in Earth’s history, these written scenes are otherwise fictitious and should not be taken into account as ‘actual’ events.

Covers by Dannielle (Ellie) Williams

Published by AuthorHouse 03/13/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-8611-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-8612-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-8613-3 (e)

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Contents

Authors Bio

Acknowledgements

My Dear John!

Coming Out Of the Closet!

Welcome to Heaven

God sends the dawn that we might see

The Day My World Stood Still

The Final Goodbyes

Thank you Tim Berners-Lee for the Internet!

Deep Breathes

The Outward Realms of Earth

Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam

Cafe Rembrandt

Megan Baker

You can’t stop the Future.

My arrival in Pennsylvania

New Castle, Pennsylvania

Something New, Always Something New

Confessions

For once you have tasted Flight

Tell me so I won’t Forget

Where hope would otherwise become Hopelessness

What you see isn’t always what you get

Judas Kiss

I Urged Myself Not To Look Back

Are You the Alpha & the Omega?

So I’m In the Army Now

Patience Is a Virtue.

Entrapment

A Careful Foot Can Walk Anywhere

A Week Later

In Lei, Nois Fiducia

Where hope would otherwise become Hopelessness—Robert Brault

C’est la vie

LA

Somewhere in between this world and theirs

Authors Bio:

Ellie Williams (Born: Dannielle Williams)

16th October 1983 Cardiff/S.Wales.

Ellie is the youngest of four.

Straight after high school Ellie and her family moved to the south to start a new life. Ellie planned to go to college that summer to study her first love ‘Performing Arts’ but ended up joined the cabin crew of Condor Ferries at port Weymouth / Dorset for a few years, then moved on to Clinton Cards during winter seasons while off the boats. She also joined JD Weatherspoons and later Peacocks LTD as a retail assistant. Ellie is the mother of a wonderful little boy, Alex. Alex has CP (Cerebral Palsy) which as you can imagine is a full-time job in itself. But Ellie didn’t falter. rom spring 2007, she decided to restart her writing, an escape from the harsh reality she lived when taking care of a sick child, Ellie didn’t go out because of Alex health and his needs; she had become prisoners in her own home. So she found her escape in old school work she found inside a box in her attic one day, she found her old English Lit books and folders. It sparked an idea: A Broken Paradise. Awen started it at school almost 12 years ago back then, it was an English lit paper for an exam. But of course back then it was just 100 pages long, yep!

Back then the first book was called This Way to Paradise (which is now book 3). This is where it all began, when one 100 page essay for English Lit turned into potentially a 6 book series. Who knew?

Ellie says "It would seem I started from the end and worked myself back to the beginning. This is true in many cases, except This Way to Paradise isn’t the last and final book now, there are in fact two more after that even. So far I have written three books: Chasing Fears/The Alliance and This Way to Paradise, which leaves only Books Four & Five (possibly six) left to do?"

Acknowledgements:

With thanks . . .

I would like to dedicate this book to my son, Alex. You are my Muse, my Heart, my Life and my Soul. Everything I have ever done I did for you, son. I know you’ll never understand that, but you are the wind beneath my wings, I love you 4eva. Thank you for giving me something to believe in and thank you for giving me purpose. XxX

My Sister, Emma: my slave driver! You gave me a gentle sways, constructive criticisms, forethought and inspiration. If anyone needs credit for the completion of this book it’s you. Thank you for reading all the drafts before its official curtain! Thank you for your patience. X

My Brother, Master AK! Thank you for the collaboration. Thank you for the Planet Llangaer and thank you for Goskaboriau. The only thing I can say are the words of Goska himself as he seethes the fear into the heart of his enemies; I have many faces and many names. I am your enemy not your friend, don’t cross my path you’ll die by my hands, I am a curse and the end, to find me, is your death: only then will you be a friend x

There are two more people I’d like to thank are my parents: My Mam & Tad! You’ve always been there for me, you’ve given up so much for Alex and I and all I can say about that is; I’ll take care of you x

A Broken Paradise:

*Chasing Fears*

*The Alliance*

*This Way to Paradise*

A.C.M.S

~* My Dear John! *~

So, Hey!

I err… guess if you’re reading this… it means I didn’t make it. It’s okay though, because it also means that I did what I was supposed to do: I saved the World! Ha! Such a cliché nowadays huh! But the main thing is that you’re safe—even if it is just for now.

I need you to listen to me—but before I go into further instruction I need to get a few things off my chest.

Firstly—I wanna say that I don’t regret my life. I don’t regret a thing. I’m truly thankful for everything and everyone I have ever encountered throughout and I hope I made a difference in their lives as much as they did in mine. A brief remembrance—Someone once asked me ‘what I wanted out of life?’ I didn’t answer then, but I’ll tell ya now—the answer is and always was that ‘All I ever wanted was to be loved’. It sounds and seems trivial now but it was simple things like this that made me who I was. Don’t forget that ;P

Even today, the most famous of people all want to die knowing and believing that they were known for something great, that they made a difference, made a mark on the World. But the truth is—no matter how much you accomplish in this life you’ll always be known as a ‘were’, ‘was’ and/or ‘has’. It’s not your fault, and it’s not a wasted effort.

Like my predecessor—all I needed to do was protect you, to show you the World you deserved to be a part of, for you to be free Men & Women of the Planet they christened ‘EliLi’. This World truly was the land of opportunity on the Eve of its birth. So much promise and compromise that it was dragged through the hedge of envy and inevitable antipathy, doomed for failure since the Worlds we don’t yet understand are far more, at best, in their furtherance than we. And us… unable at this point, adolescent in a Universe we cannot fathom our disadvantage between them all; is what keeps us childlike in their eyes. And still, only now, the final four—Galina, Damson, Will and I, a gift to you from your true God, Tezca. He delivered not sent us to help you realise how truly amazing you were—you are. You needed to realise the dream that was once Earth, but I leave that in your capable hands now. I grant you the World as she is to you now. I grace you with the knowledge that is the truth behind the reality of this tangled Webb we all are trapped in.

It is on this day that you will live your life as if it were your last, because it is up to you if that will be so. Life isn’t to be taken for granted, but to be loved and adored like you would a child. You may never get another chance and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to secure your future here, but I leave behind an army that would give their last breath and inspire the others to stand tall against any who might take it from you.

Let me babble a bit… I don’t get to do it often ha-ha!

Let me laugh and smile about things that humour even me on this day, let us talk about the one simple word that gives many people hope and gives so many heartache—no, not love… let’s leave that ’til last!. Let us talk Religion

—Religion was your biggest downfall. You allowed it to destroy you, to control you and restrict you from life. Even though, the stories were true and every religion is right, you just needed to understand that after a time, just like a ‘Chinese Whisper’, things get elaborated or changed or forgotten, that eventually the people who believe one thing and the people who believe another built their own beliefs on their own versions of the truth… but that doesn’t make it a lie—I know that many of you would have come to that conclusion on your own, but I’m saying it now… There were no lies about, or within the truth: they just got mixed up. I guess you can say that this is what inspired me to write this to you, to all of you. Your first and only written account of the truth behind the life I lead and the journey I took to get here. And of course—over time this story too will also be changed and elaborated and maybe forgotten, but don’t despair that is what happens to truth. ‘It withers away in darkness, but only if you don’t keep it alive.’

Let us forget our old ways and begin a new, begin as fresh, give the benefit of the doubt where it’s due, forgive in some strange way since we’re only here once and once is enough to remember that maybe ‘I’m only human’ can be the answer you need to the question ‘why?’.

Trust: What a beautiful concept, a noun that means…

Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability and surety of a person or thing; confidence.

Confident expectation of something: hope.

The condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

I have all of that in you. X

Anyway…

In here you’ll notice different passages. Some will be hand-written accounts; others will unwillingly use computer text to avoid my ‘personal’ intentions… Lol You knows who you are!

And before I forget, I wish to apologise if most of this may seem like a book. On my part, it is what I did for a living as many of you may know and I was an author before I became whom I am today, funny how things turn out. X

And never-the-less, these passages are also from people I know and love. These people are what tradition would call my disciples/my followers/my Ambassadors/ my alliance. They are all of these things, they are my family and my friends and they deserve just as much recognition as I for all the loyalty and faith they put into making this possible for me and for you.

I know what you’re thinking… but I’m hoping that the ones that don’t believe this will at least keep an open mind since unfortunately this will be forced into your face regardless whether you believe or not. We’ve run out of time to change this now—this is for real. Already by now you’ll begin to notice the panic in the voice of the media, the chances and the forces in which everything around you will change. Already you’ll begin to feel the heaviness in the air, that overwhelming sense of uncertainty, loss of hope and strength: we cannot hide this anymore.

As a gift I give to you . . .

I know that I keep calling you a brave new World, but it’s because you are. You are a World that isn’t alone anymore. Look beyond our skies, past our World, past our stars, because there are many more like ours and they now know that they don’t have to hide or be alone anymore. This is your chance to change, New Earth. Think for the now and not tomorrow. If you had seen what I have seen you’d never feel alone again. You’d never take life with your eyes closed, you’d walk and feel, see and touch like it were your first or even your last. I know you are scared, I know the prospects of change worries you… but what you don’t do today you may live to regret tomorrow. Every chance and every moment counts for the future of our home and your life and your families lives. Now I guess for the worrying part of this whole letter to you and I’m sorry if this is too much, but… with the truth you must also have a warning—‘Judgement Day’ is very real. For what lies out there isn’t always your comforting neighbour, you’d be surprised of the facts surrounding our well-being that has kept us so safe until now. You are a World of hope, a World created because of who you are and what you can be. But there will be no mistaking; you are a real threat to those who’d take this life away from you at any given moment.

War is impending, my Brothers/my Sisters. The dawn of a new Sun, the birth of a new age, the rise and fall of an old enemy or friend, I beg you… forget the Mayan Calendar, forget the Prophecies, forget about anything you think you may know because out here… it means nothing. The time to start doing something is now!

I know that you know nothing about what is awaiting for you out there. It is and was a downfall of our World to hide this from you when we should have been preparing you for it. For centuries you knew nothing and they knew everything, warning after warning was given and still we took no notice, almost tempting fate. And now we change all that… you need to stand up and fight. Fight as the Brave New World I know you to be… I’ve seen you to be. Become the Nation of capabilities, stand together with the others and take your freedom with both hands, be the Race you were created to be, you are the Civilization that was held back but with good reason, you’re a breed of something far more important than you may think and this is why you are a threat to them. I have laid out your path; all you must do is lead, not follow. Let us show our foes that we are not afraid, that we are not pawns to be used and we’re just as deserving as any. We’ll not step aside, we’ll not be pushed around, we will lead this War and we will take back what belongs to us, the right to stand among the rest. Then, and only then we will show them why? Why we ‘the children of EliLi’, of all other Worlds of ‘The Secret Sanctum of Civilisations’, we are the ones to fear, that we are the aggressors, we are the most feared, we will not go without a fight. We maybe human my brothers and sisters but we are strong and I tell you what… we’ll win because we’re human not because we believe above all else. Together we can win and if you should die… fear no death, for it is I who awaits you on the other side: there is only peace after death. Believe that on this day, you shall see your loved ones again, trust in that if not in me. Mistake me not for there is neither Heaven nor Hell, there is only peace, only tranquillity and eternal rest. Take no comfort in mistaken glory, peace is granted far more easier than the confusion of firmament, the only Heaven you should see is the one you already live on, Earth. Trust me! I’ve died a few times and my heart swells to return home each time, but of course… not even I can cheat death this time.

As your proud Sister, I wish you well.

May the light find you in darkness, may you attain strength when you fall weak, may you also find hope when you find yourself in a blunder

Farewell x

A.C.M.S

. . . Cualli…

Hello there. I’m Cualli. You must please excuse my hand writing as I have not prepared for this. When I was asked to write in somewhat formal conditions, I must admit it has been centuries since I’ve used ink to quill let alone the modern day using pen. I beg that you will bear with me on this. I was asked to give my passage a name, one that I thought was appropriate for the cause.

So I call this;

* The Prologue of Life*

My Planet is Bavola, Fourth inhabitant from the ‘life source’ in the concealed regions of this universe which we call Esrev-inu.

At this time, it is the Era of the 2nd Sun; the life source of our Worlds has already begun its new cycle. A space of time you cannot comprehend since your planet does not yet exist, it isn’t anything yet, it is just ‘a rock’ as you would say. As far as life goes on our Planet, it is not unlike your own. Some 7 Million known Aquatic Vertebrate, 201,004 known Wild Invertebrate, 533,010 known Insectums and then of course, the main species of the Planet being the sum of 15,242,407,501 Humanoids, that consists of 14,242,407,501 species of what we call the Native Bavolian people and 1,000,000,000 known species of the Exo-duobus species we call B’akab.

As a child born after the 1st sun, you are a species of what we call ‘Curators’; known as ‘The Guardians’. With the two species that now live here on Bavola, a natural law had to be introduced. Bavolian life is limited to the B’akab nation since they were created by our leader and God Tezca, their blood tainted by the essence of something weaker than us but more than Tezca and their presence is not to be disparaged; they are a new ‘supreme nature’ at work here. Their bloodline is to be explained by the meaning of their name ‘Exo Duobus’, ‘made of two’, these were made from two B’akab beings; an incredible source of ‘Lifton’ which you call ‘Genetics’. Procreation is isolated to B’akab beings here in Bavola. An unknown essence occurs in the balance of two that acquiring a child, unless of course they are guided by an Overseer. B’akab are a breed controlled by Ancient blood; a rare thing never to be practised, a sacred development that only Tezca prevailed. Outside B’akab life, procreation is forbidden. B’akab beings are matched before birth and written for life, predetermined and marked without change, made for the other and vise-verser. B’akab and Bavolian procreation is forbidden, although, two Bavolian’s are somewhat limited to two children to a family, B’akab beings in some cases fail to procreate, but there were advancements in that technology after a time.

We are active from birth, each child born for a purpose, each child born for something for good. Orientation is simple here, even for B’akab-beings;

Always love thine soul, love thine self, love thine match and I shall overcome any. Disbelief is forbidden, encouragement is everything.

I was born with one mother. She and a friend brought me into this life, no father really was I given, but a family life I had, friends I had and one day; a purpose. From as little as three days old, you are marked with a governing, a Lifton emblem of your destiny and then prepared for your duties of life. I was destined for directions I could not fathom. A delegator, for our leader himself ‘Tezca’; I soon learned that, that honour was short lived. Reasons of why we do not see our leader in the flesh became visible on my knighting… withered and old from age he was, something my people cannot grasp, something my people do not experience, something we realised in the new species of Bavola too.

No single being here possesses the knowledge of age, our leader’s surpasses. Only of his legacy and prophecy do we know him just. He too began a chosen B’akab of his generation, given control of what we called; ‘The Secret Sanctum of Civilizations’, Esrev—inu, the Universe to you.

The Bavolian people would scurry into trepidation if they were to learn the complications of being a B’akab Leader, complications I myself wished I did not know. The idea of being the ruler of such a grace was that you would rebuild life, keep the balance, strive and survive. But like two kids at a science-fare, the best creation wins first prize, the best creation wins the best prize of all, eternal life and totally control of Esrev-inu and the Secret Sanctum of Civilizations.

Since Tezca’s creation of EliLi, our great leader labelled days of the birth of a new age, a new being to live alongside B’akab. Bavola long before created, EliLi was the creation of something more, something tangible, an existence we never believed possible; Free-Will. Even us who live a higher existence to man, are laid victim to our innocence, our trust stamped on by Ancient Civilizations to our own, captive at this hard time. Bavolian life revolved around the stories told of EliLi, the planet you know as ‘Earth’.

I was one of three that sat and watched, I watched EliLi form, I watched her develop like she were my own and I also watched her burn. Even still today I can’t grasp the reality of what happened. I even still, cannot begin to understand how we all just stood back and watched it happen, watched the leader of Orithia destroy your home and ‘why’ you might ask; jealousy.

After EliLi’s destruction, Tezca lacked in leadership, only once were we able to convince him of deception, only once did he try and flight back against the other Civilization ‘Orithia’ and take his kingdom back. Tenoch, high Priest of Bavola and Captain of ‘Capabilities’, our leader’s ‘left hand’ came to us with a plan;

Send forth a child of B’akab to EliLi. We will guide him in his quest. He will be the start of a new order for new Earth, he can spread the word and create you an army against the Orithians Tenoch concluded.

It was a smile of hope that crossed our leaders face that day, but it was also a start of misadventure on my part. The plan I had amended for a greater purpose (or so I thought), had failed. My answer was, instead of creating the panic and worry among the children of EliLi about our worries of Orithia, I conducted the approach of a missionary, a messenger be sent instead. Someone to spread the word of our leader and his beliefs for a better world, to sway them in favour of their ‘true leader’ Tezca; but it back fired. The children of EliLi were completely untouchable, already corrupt and egocentric from the way they were created, the leader of Orithia had already conquered the idea of ‘New Earth’ and it was destroyed before our eyes. Helplessly we watched our missionary come to pass, assassinated by the people we had sent him to protect. Our leader was devastated, he fled, leaving us in the hands of another, the fiend; Casius.

Casius was born of the Ancient Civilization ‘Orithia’ not of Bavola. She took us under her darkness and reigned for two and a half suns; Bavola suffered. Casius was cruel as the day she walked the plains of existence, for once we needed a rescue, and for once we needed a saviour.

Hope came to us. A joining of Bavola and New Earth had been established. A united front gathered and brought to us by a child… and not just any child, a living breathing ‘B’akab’ child on the planet EliLi, somehow survived and bred among them unnoticed. She spoke through Our Oracle, our window to others. She stating a prophecy we could have only have dreamt a chance for Bavola to lead a path to freedom; the dream of EliLi lived once more.

For centuries we planned, we plotted; we stirred, until finally, the prophecy was put to the test. Our councilmen of Bavola over threw Casius; there was no turning back now. I and two other councilmen of Bavola took trek to the new world Earth to visit two very special people. That day they delivered the miracle we needed, that day… we incarcerated Our Queen into a human child, and on that day… . the plan had been successful.

The prophecy was of four children born B’akab, half human and half B’akab was well on its way to being completed. The prophecy was true, it was proven possible that this child, Awen Morgan would lead the next generation of B’akab-beings on the Planet Earth, thus breeding us the pure bloodline of royal blood, just what our leader Tezca tried to accomplish here on Bavola, it was accomplished here on Earth.

After the Second and the Third were born, it was now a certainty of success, but no one could prepare us more for the birth of the First and her mate, Will. He would complete the circle of four that remained on Earth. His birth to follow hers some Earth months apart and I believe that on that distinctive moment, when his presence is assured like it was on hers… the whole nation of Civilizations would have held their breaths in awe. I recall it was like we could all fell their presence come into the world, we could feel their essence, and the power that came from them was unmatched. It was not quite a shiver, nor a tremble, it was not quite a pain, nor a cramping feeling; it was love? I believe so. From the moment they were all born, they did not know that hundreds of other civilizations had fallen in love with their very existence. Born for the purpose of Equal and Neutral balance, each one governed for a purpose, each one labelled to form that perfect 1st to 4th.

I protected the 1st, Tenoch the 4th, Eleuia the 2nd, Yolotli the 3rd. I loved the 1st before she was even born, I have responsibility for her.

The stories were all about her and only her. And I had dreamed of her birth for centuries. She was exactly how I pictured her right down to those perfectly beautiful eyes. As Tenoch would admit, so was the 4th. Tenoch too laid down his life to protect Will as I did Awen, there would never be another chance at this. Their lives, their being, they had to survive at any cost, and as I watched her Earth parents smile over her crib, I could not help but be a part of it too, while of course Tenoch watched and waited for the arrival of the 4th, it was truly a monumental day. We have never left their sides since and will not until ascertain is confirmed, anyone who stood before us and the Prophets will meet their maker in darkness, we have come too far to fail them now, I bet my life we shall succeed.

A.C.M.S

A Chapter in my life I’d like to call . . .

~* Coming Out Of the Closet! *~

~* Day 1 *~

~* 3 years ago today *~

May 12th 2008.

It all happened here, at my family home in Mumbles Swansea. A rapid eye movement, angry lips and twisted words changed my life forever. I was tapping away on my keyboard, you know how it goes… computer doing, words bouncing, ideas flying, hope fading, fingers tiring, mind going… and then it… stops! . . .

I looked down to my screen to see what I wrote and this is what I came up with. By the time you read this I will be dead! . . . No!

A long pause had occurred, I didn’t like what I’d wrote, I was angry about what I’d wrote.

That’s stupid! I concurred beating myself up about it.

Let’s try that again… Keyboard tapping, computer doing, words bouncing, ideas flying, fingers tiring, mind going… mind losing… . mind lost… . and block!

What are the chances of that happened twice in one sitting? I asked myself.

Little did I know at this point that this is supposed to be an uninformative introduction to my recent epic novel? Well it’s not really a novel; it’s more like a dream. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a continuity of dreams where I meet up with this boy, well he’s not a boy he’s a guy, a man, Lol he’s one of those, yeah, can’t describe type, I know you can’t tell but I’m blushing right now!.

We sort of grew up together he and I… just in my head… in my dreams or maybe in our dreams: a girl can hope can’t she ;)

The dreams started when I was five. We would venture out together to beaches and farms, wherever the dreams took us. We would play together happily with no one else around but us. We’d have no limits to where we would go or what we could do, it was Paradise, one that was to be broken one day soon, all good things come to an end, they say.

We were seven before we realised that we were not dreams to each other that we existed in the real world as well as in here. But, then that became a struggle every time we met. For a seven year old to comprehend we didn’t know where each other really was in the real world or even what would happen if we actually met, it was a fear we both had since we were so young. After a time it didn’t matter, the older we got the better the world we created, we felt no need to worry ourselves over little dilemmas such as that. In here, we could be anything and go anywhere and we’d be together. You wouldn’t be wrong to say I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember, he only gets better with age and so does the feeling. My creativity should come to me as easy as it does while I’m asleep, but for some reason I struggle to put into words just how amazing it feels to be with him, how amazing he is and how painful it is to wake each day because of those simple facts.

#I’m crazy in love. So crazy that I don’t even know his real name all I do know is he likes me to call him ‘Solely’ and that’s what his name has always been for me. Solely & Awen 4eva x

This was around the time I had my first peck from him. As innocent as it was, it was a first of many we’d enjoy together. Our first real kiss was my seventeenth birthday… yeah you know how amazing it was Lol! He chills me with his words and warms me with his touch, his face smiles with me, his eyes sing the most beautiful of songs, and we are one. But it’s like any dream—as I’m sure you can imagine? It is as short as they come; they’re just not long enough.

A.C.M.S

While I sat at my desk looking at a semi blank screen of my laptop with sod all to write and only the humour of that days failures to keep me sane, this being exactly the days I have had those past few months. Sitting there without a clue of what the hell it was I was trying to say, I was distracted, I just wanted to close my eyes and dream away. I wanted to get away and go to him, the best story I’d ever be a part of, the best story I’d ever tell.

I rolled my eyes and sighed at the emptiness I once again felt, soon I would expect Cualli to join me but there was no sign of him either, I’d been abandoned. I guessed there’s no real reason he’d need to be here, I was using my emotions to distract me from the fact I couldn’t write a single sentence without crashing and burning. I recall asking myself whether I’d completely lost my mind at that point, had my idyllic realms of sleep taken control of my life that I no longer bared living the real world: alone. I remembered I hoped that that was a start of what people had mentioned quite frequently that week, could this be a freaking ‘Writer’s Block’. Back then I’d given anything to receive a break, I was three years behind on work, and I had 17 missed calls, 33 text messages and 4 house call attempts from my Agent Siobhan: you would have thought after the missed calls she would have got the hint.

My eyes narrowed as I stared at the screen begging it to write itself, begging it to do something other than blink at me mindlessly.

Speak to me! I growled.

I was getting angry with a computer which was rather poor standards, even for me. I knew it wasn’t special, I knew it wasn’t designed to psychically take thoughts from my head and place them on the computer screen, it was a normal computer with normal functions, it was just me, and I was the problem. I tilted my head slightly to the left then to the other side, squinting like I was trying to do Jedi mind tricks on the bloody thing, it clearly wasn’t working. Around that moment I’d given up on that prospect and accepted that there were no other unnatural talents other than the ones I was aware of, and none of them could make this happen even if I tried.

My mind was clouded with thoughts from several different conversations that were taking place at this very moment, two in which you, the normal person can’t hear and one that I was trying to get through that actually belongs to me. At this time I’m intently getting to grips with the fact that this could actually be a sign that I should have given up and abandon all hope or do something else until all those insignificant thoughts that distracted me around this time of day, all went to bed, or did something else other than think! Until suddenly I came up with something

Typing away hard and fast like a pro’ at work, I thought I was onto something. I got so excited I didn’t even look at what I was typing: it was just flooding out of me like a waterfall… .

"And there he was, when I looked I saw this . . . beggar’s belief, unable to describe him for if I tried, I feared how wrong the words were or if they did him justice . . ."

Then I stopped and exhaled deeply, grinning I thought I had something. I was thankful that I had come up with something after two days of trying. As I looked down to the laptop screen feeling proud of myself, the grin immediately flew off my face.

THAT WAS IT! I moaned to myself in the latest disbelief of that whole day.

I couldn’t help but marvel in my disgrace. I call myself a writer!! I thought I’d have more than that with the speed my fingers were going, where the hell did the rest of the text go?

I nodded my head and collapsed to the desk lifelessly, I began to butt my head against my forearms crossed over the desk in an attempt to punish myself further.

YOU are incrEDIBLE! I bullied myself further.

That was a new low for me, that was something I could actually give myself a kick up the arse for if I could have been bothered enough to do so: I could have. I had imagined the beating would probably be just like the scene from ‘Liar Liar’ by the shock factory that he is Mr. Jim Carey, but of course no one could do it better.

A.C.M.S

There wasn’t much improvement in those last few minutes or even to my so called career after that. Not even the weather of sometimes sunny Mumbles in the less than perfect lands of ‘Sheepy Hallow’ of Wales, but maybe if I had stopped finding something to beat myself up about and left my room once in a while, I would have probably found someone or something else that would have given me a reason to bully myself further: it was never that difficult. I spend most of my time putting myself down; it’s down to a fine art nowadays. I don’t know why I pity myself so much or why I loathe myself to the point of tears.

That’s when I wondered for a moment where Cualli was? and why hadn’t he heard my groans of despair?, but then a shudder that followed my name that rudely shouted from somewhere in the house would be the new sensation I’d go through that I always wondered was unnecessarily mistaken for a sharp blow to the head.

AWEN The voice called once again.

I choose to ignore this interruption for my own depressing thought of bullying myself sooner rather than later, while I wait for the appearance of this Rude voice, I might as well slip in a quick introduction of myself for those of you who don’t know who I am and give you a little insight into my life from where I class as the beginning. But! . . . if you’re not interested of course, skip a few pages… See if I really care! ;p

As you may or may not already know already but my name is Awen Morgan. For the time this was written as it is dated Monday 12th May 2008, I would have been 25 years old and sadly still, not by choice, living in the family nest and detesting it to the fullest. Back then my family followed with a great annoyance and most of all self-pity. I was the second oldest of six and quite probably the least useful and least conspicuous one of the pack: believe it or not.

~* A message for my family . . . *~

For my oldest sister Crisiant

At this time she was a nurse in the NHS, felt superior because she did the work and got her right to be where she was, it made her feel better than anyone else, her battle was with me. I feel she wanted to be better than me, for years she’d struggled to be first, but there was never a race to be won, never a struggle to become the best and if there was, the race she was running was with her. Mam always says ‘she didn’t cook you long enough’, that because she was premature she was the neediest of all of us. Struggling for attention all the time that it didn’t matter how she got it, it was worth the pain and agony to attain it, that’s your downfall Crisi. The attention you got was always bad, you loved being the victim: you loved people feeling sorry for you until one day… no one felt sorry for you anymore.

You were a huge pain in my arse Crisi, honestly though, sometimes it was impossible to grasp the fact that you believed the shite that came from your own mouth, you’d convince yourself it was real and the more you sold it to others, the more real it became. But what you didn’t realise was people weren’t sorry for you, they feared you… they sort of realised the lengths you would go to get that attention, it’s a drug Crisi, you’re an addict for attention.

You stole, you lied, you cheated and you crapped on your family Crisi, and you did this with all your attention seeking. I know that Mam will forgive you one day, but thankfully I won’t be around to see it, I know we’ve never ever seen eye to eye and I hope one day for your sake that I can forgive you for being you. But right now… that seems so far away… right now it seems impossible, incomprehensible… .

I’m sorry I don’t have anything to say to my Nieces and my Nephew. Even now while I sit here, I still can’t come up with anything to say, and it isn’t because I don’t care or that I don’t love you, it’s because I don’t know you or know what to say to you. My only wish for you is that one day when you’re older… you’ll see the light, you’ll see truth, you’ll need come to us and gain a confidant ground to come find us: well not so much me, but Nain and Taid at least: I wish for you to rebuild or create a relationship with the family you were deprived of, I’m sorry that I can’t even leave you with a memory, but a few short sentences that I hope will inspire you to see some good in time.

My best friend and loyal brother Ceri (Adopted!)

You were on the edge of becoming a flight mechanic, studying hard in College you were or rather you should have been. Ceri you are sort of a free spirit. You do your own thing where you would normally end up down the Bay where you could be yourself. Secretly I know you’re an artist. You wouldn’t want people to know that though because that’s not your style, not your image Lol. You also suffer from delusion hehe! You seem to think time is on your side, you have this impression that you can possibly be a rocket scientist if you wanted, but the schooling you would need and the time you would be willing to put into it, is way passed your potential and capabilities.

I’m sorry Ceri but it’s true x

I’m not gunna lie to you but I was never certain of your future, you must know that every thought that enters your mind can and does change your path; even if it was just a thought Ceri, it was uncertain to which path you would take. Whatever happens, I know that you were by my side when it did and this is why you will be the hardest to let go of when the time comes, just know that I love you and I adore you and Tess will look after you! X

For my poor but recognisable sister Dilys

You were still in high school studying Child Development and Healthcare. You were hoping to become someone good one day, you loved helping out children of all aspects but you will more than likely become a care worker in an elderly hospice or so I saw.

You wouldn’t say Dilys had a ‘Heart of Gold’, although that’s because she certainly didn’t have one at home Lol. She’s a completely different person at work, ‘Indoor Devil, Outdoor Angel’ they say. My interpretations of Dilys while she was still a teenager were that you couldn’t possibly imagine a hormonal teen unless of course you live with one. Dilys was everything the 21st century teen presented to you: including the mood swings and terror tantrums. Dilys struggled with image. Her fair complexion and jet black hair gave you the illusion she is Emo but Innocent, most certainly not Suicidal, but keep that theory deep within you because as soon as she realises you don’t fear her she’ll have you backed into a corner and take you for all your worth!.

Please Dilys aspire to be something other than Crisiant. Be your own thing. Ascend into a better you. The one I know and see inside you. I love you forever x

To My baby sister Iola

Now you are a star waiting to happen. Your heart lies in theatre, but you talk about becoming a rising Hollywood Star and someday wanting to be as famous as Julie Andrews or your other favourite: Elizabeth Taylor, you loved Cleopatra with a passion, I’d sit for hours with you while we watched it time after time, it is one of my fondest memories x

But one of my most proudest moments were all your performances in your 16 Pantomimes, 7 ballet play and 5 choir assemblies where you on one occasion sang for Princess Diana herself. That’s such a big deal from where we come from. Iola you hits ever leading role and you were planning on dragging Mam and Tad to London that summer I left. Of course it was to see more possible career furthering prospects. Your hope that Mam and Tad would notice auditions to the latest on Broadway show, it works out for you baby-gurl x

I always believe that since you were so independent, that if I hadn’t manage to resist my sudden urge to slice my way out of the family home, that you would have left the nest way before I did Lol. But after a time you will, you’ll marry young and become the star you always dreamt. You’ll go on to directing and if I can ask you one last thing Cariad… Please, please, please don’t do a movie about me because I already see that you like that thought! X

And then there is my baby brother Nidian. My little Bob the builder.

Dear Nidian ‘3 minute brother’ Iola would call you. Whereas Iola might be the Star, you Nidian are the Creator, the Jack Of All Trades. You fixed your first DVD player at age 5 and a half: brilliant parenting skills right there! At this time you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up, you’re all torn by choices and hobbies you’ll soon lose or aspire to. At the moment you know you want to build things or fix things, soon you’ll enjoy the thought of travel like me and you’ll aspire to at least going back-packing before your 19th birthday. Don’t let Mam stop you! X

Eventually you’ll decide a path not unlike Tad’s. You’ll join the Air force but you’ll later become one of the first men to travel to a not so distant planet, you are specialised in mechanics, medicine and theoretic, all of these things you aspired too on your own. Just know that even though you haven’t done any of this yet, I’m proud of you. X

Oh and say Hello to your Wife Clare and my perfect little Niece Tanzia x x x

Congrates Mam with your new partnership . . . not!

But don’t worry… ‘Morganstown Estate Agents’ will grow. Soon you’ll have 53 branches after all your hard work these past twenty years and just so you know, you would have made partner with your rival firm ‘Heights Estates’ but unfortunately for them you will eventually take them over and that is where you’ll begin building your empire through-out Wales… Happy Retirement! X

To My One and Only Tad

Your career was and still is impressive. Even at this point of your life you have accomplished most of the departments of Medicine and ventured into Bio-Technology beyond your expectations. You began your journey at Oxford University where you became a Doctor and worked your way through the list to master in almost everything you possibly could. Time and money went into everything you did and you gained entry to the labs as a Professor in the NHS Research Facilities like you always wanted. You have connections all over the world with Doctors, Professors, Scientist and Aliases Unknown, but nothing prepared you for me. With all that you have accomplished you still managed to dedicate yourself to me, the research and developments you concluded lead you to the discovery that my DNA had requirements for future medications that you believed could be used one day to cure even the worst of curses known to man. Your interest wasn’t to be mistaken, you wanted to be a Doctor way before I was even born, you had just taken it to extremes since you learned I had many fascinating psychological abilities, all in which you HAD to find out how and why?.

I want to ‘Thank you’ most of all because without you and without your dedication and your beliefs, your support and your love, I don’t know where I would be. I love you Tad and I always will. XxX

A.C.M.S

So that’s my family and this is me, to those of you who know me I’m just some washed up has-been writer who’s done nothing since my last release back in 2004. I did manage of course to wage in on some things but mainly on my released books as you know. I did side projects as well: entered 8 poetry competitions, sold two scripts and one screenplay to London directors. But I just seem to have no luck with this sore bastard I was working on: I guess there really isn’t a dying need for fictional love stories anymore.

I don’t know how the World will react to this book, the one you’re reading right now. I don’t know if I’ll l ever be known for anything other than an old author who only released two best-sellers, who knows if this book will truly show you the real me. My intentions were not to frighten, nor inspire, nor direct you. I just believed that you should know the truth, the truth that has been kept from you for centuries, the truth behind the mist of fabricated bullshit supplied by everyday Media. This book started out like a scrap book, a diary if you will. I used to jot ideas down or thoughts that generated, but after this day it had become a regular thing. My scrap book was full of anything, stars and circles I’d draw, lines and dots I’d create, but then I gave it a name: ‘Chasing Fears’, who knows if it will actually stick. Sheriton might get her own way and call it ‘The Secret Life of Awen Morgan!’ I hope not…

I would have like to have begun this story by saying I was your average girl next door, but I’m somewhere in between that and surreal. Although I looked rather normal, I’m certain my human features would deceive you. I was not like most people my age or most people for that matter. To look at me then you’d think I was a hair dye freak! My hair was naturally blonde, the platinum type, but I had this unusual style where the length of my hair changed a cooper ginger all the way to the tip, like my natural roots were coming through as Blonde and my hair was a certain sweet honey copper, brassy and I swear it looks a little apricot pink in there too. I was the average build, a size 14. My skin was quite normal then, tainted pale… faded white from the lack of sunlight. My eyes were somewhat normal then too, but I didn’t quite have an eye colour so to speak, my birth records have always stated ‘undefined’ but normally on a good day they were burgundy brown with greeny centre or on sad days they’d be sky blue with green centre.

Back then my cheeks were rosy like Minnie Mouse, my lips were natural beige Cupid bows, my nose rounded, medium button tip. I had 5 ear piercings, 2 on each lobe and 1 top left, I had a thing back then for broken gristle, it feels good! I was very young when I had them done since it’s virtually impossible to penetrate my skin nowadays.

My interests also varied from time to time back then. I was into mythology and fairy tales, I wanted to be a witch, and I wanted to have meaning to my gifts so I pretended, but then I was into Greek Gods and Goddesses where I also pretended. I liked to believe that maybe I was a fallen child and I belonged to them, just like Perseus a child from the God Zeus, the worst thing was I wasn’t far off from where I was playing: even then I had become dangerously close to my own truth.

I entered into Tad’s world of interests. He collected ancient plaques and hung them on the walls of his office and I loved to read them to myself. Many weren’t even written in English, but that was how we had realised I was multilingual. One plaque in particular he didn’t like me to read, which seems so stupid now I think back on it, it read;

"There is a name for which goes on inside her, (it is the name we do not speak)

The voices she hears will find her, (it speaks no truth)

A path of eventual passing, (a gift of truth, love and passion)

A sacrifice of greed, (a human life we need)

To take hold of punishment, (and free those who helped her enshroud its compulsion)

The Oracle has seen she succeeds, (but another path will fail her and set the Queen free)

One thing is certain of this quest and this tale, (someone will succeed)

And someone will fail, (fail)"

With no means to me then Tad explained it spoke of a chosen one from ancient times, quite the tale I’d been drawn to back then, and ironically I envied that girl!

Tad was right to make me stop looking at it or any other mythological tales he was sure would damage me if I continued. I just wish that he had told me why? Because it didn’t stop there either, there was another scroll that was found in a Tibetan Monastery some ways back, the man who gave it to Tad was a very wealthy man and you could say he didn’t buy it off the Monks. It’s not written in Chinese or anything like that as you would expect, it’s some form of Mayan, and it always made me wonder why a Tibetan Monastery would have an ancient scroll written in Mayan? And why it was written in human blood.

I know I was a great deal of pressure on my parents and their relationship. Tad had interest in me whereas Mam didn’t, rather than pursuing knowledge of my possible future ascension, Mam choose to ignore it. Back then I was so angry, I was so lonely and afraid I would have struck out on just about anyone. I didn’t understand my being even at 25… Even today I’m still wondering if I have it all figured out. Often I wondered what made me tick, then I normally came to the conclusion that I’m better off not knowing because if I don’t know what angers me then no one can use it against me, although it’s a pretty certain thing that you guys are probably the only thing that makes me tick, the only thing that can be used against me, you (Earth) are my weakness, but it’s okay… you are worth it. x

So now I think we’ve gathered the part that some of you may have or may not have noticed I wasn’t normal, and there are some of you that knew that all the long. But I want to thank you for your loyalty and for keeping me safe as long as you did. In the beginning Mam and Tad’s side of the family knew, Modryb Gwen I know you used to say to me that ‘the reasons I looked normal was because if someone or something was going to give a child this power, they would definitely make them blend in as much as possible so as not to be detected’, and I can honestly say Modryb you were right, of course that would have been the logical byway.

Before all this, no one really stopped to actually notice more about me other than the obvious, this is how I had remained under the radar for 25 years, until of course, that faithful summer of 2004: That was when I believe this should have been a forewarning.

I had no friends in Wales until I was around 17. The friends I did have they only liked me when they could get me drunk! Here’s a shocker for you girls, I can’t and have never been able to get drunk. I faked it! I was quite good at it back then. I so wish I could see the look on your faces now, I know you’d probably hate me for this but I could also hear every thought, every chat and knew all the times you talked behind me back… no hard feelings Taya!

Furthermore, I’ve never been sick, so you could pretty much rule out medication working too. The older I got, the more I begin to understand the likes and dislikes of being me. I wasn’t sure back then though if it was normal of course, but it was all part of the learning since I don’t bleed or feel pain either. Back then, I hoped there was someone out there with these answers, I have so much to ask and so much I need to know but no one to answer them for me. Tad struggled, there were other issues. I was convinced my family thought I was an outcast, I hated them for making me hate myself, it was differently true about not being able to choose your own family, but the way I see it now is: you can’t pick your family but you can chose who you trust and class as family, the difference between family and being related is… well, being related is about who has your blood running through their veins, family is about who never left your side, stood up for you and more importantly believed in you.

Which brings me to my point here exactly… ? My friends to the end; my adopted family… You guys started off as 7 nutty Americans and 1 British Indian American… not including my long life friend and Guide Cualli. The thing is, even before this whole journey began you guys actually thought it was pretty cool to have me around, I was accepted, I was the real me when I was with you. You called me ‘E.T!’ well Wilko started it but you all caught on to it eventually Lol x

My order of trust started with Sheriton. You being the 1st of now 12 to really known me. If I’m honest about it… you Sheriton are the best friend I ever had.

Taifa and her sister Shawna were the second; we had more in common