Free to Be Fabulous: 100 Ways to Look and Feel Younger at 40, 50 and Beyond

INTRODUCTION

What is fabulous?

• Is it the way you look, making people stop and gawk as you walk by? Not really.

• Maybe it’s a beautiful face. No, that part only gets harder as we age. I know. I’ve tried, but I’ll never be Hollywood or Madison-Avenue beautiful.

• Could it be bling on your clothes or in your hair? Uh, no.

• Is it hosting the best parties ever? Not really, although that sounds like fun!

• How about popularity? Well, that could be a benefit of fabulous, but not a definition.

So what is fabulous?

Fabulous is looking great, thinking great, and being a great friend. It’s being attractive, but not just your appearance. It’s magnetism, being the type of person others want to be around. It’s caring about others, using the talents you’ve been given, and being the best you can be.

Tall order? Not really. Anyone can achieve fabulous. I did. For years I was an unremarkable, frumpy wife and mother. I was a good person, but didn’t feel good about myself or my appearance. You’d never tell that by looking at me today. In fact, I look and feel younger than I did 25 years ago!

When you’re fabulous, people feel good around you. They want you at their parties, their picnics, their social gatherings. After all, you bring the fun and they notice when you’re missing. Also, fabulous people rise above their circumstances and their past hurts. They know that life is a blessing and they live to the fullest.

You can achieve fabulous inside and out with suggestions from this book. You don’t need to read it from cover to cover. Just choose what you want to change, and go for it.

There are six sections, all beginning with the letter B. Cute, I know, but they’re easy to remember this way:

• Basics will give you my story and explain Fabulosity.

• Beauty covers outward appearance from head to toe. The chapters are Makeup, Skin, Hair, and Clothing.

• Beliefs helps us look at what’s going on in our heads and why we do what we do. Chapters are Attitude, Faith, Brain, and Dreams & Wishes.

• Body is about what goes on inside, and keeping it working the best it can. These Chapters are Health, Eating, and Exercise.

• Behavior includes Relationships, Sleep, and Surroundings.

• Better You wraps it all up and ushers you into the world of a new, fabulous you.

Decide what you want to focus on, and work on that. Each day involves doing things with your skin, hair, clothes, and every other topic in here, so you could work on one from each chapter.

I’ll start off with my story—how I went from frumpy to fabulous. Then I’ll take you through steps to chart your own course to becoming the fabulous person you want to be, the one that’s been hiding inside.

A little about me—my regular job is writing and speaking. Topics are:

• Being fabulous

• Letting go of past hurts

• Moving toward your life goals

• Spending smarter for the savvy shopper

• Finding more time in your day and space in your house

Also, I teach at writers’ conferences, where I meet with attendees and encourage them in their writing and publishing. My first book, Stepping Through Cancer: A Guide for the Journey shares what I learned about caregiving while my husband was dying. I’ve also written Steps in Writing and Publishing a Book for all the would-be authors wanting to fulfill a dream of getting their own books published.

Many others have been through terrible things in their life, and managed to bounce back from them. I like to say that some speakers claim to be resilience experts, but I’ve been through so much that I am their queen. As Queen of Resilience, I wear a tiara when I speak or teach. That gets people’s attention, but being fabulous is what keeps them interested in getting to know me.

Enough about me for now. Ready for a transformation? Let’s get started!

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire.

This is your moment. Own it.

–Oprah Winfrey

Section 1

BASICS

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

–Coco Chanel

Everybody has sets of before and after: before and after high school, before and after a wedding, before and after kids, before and after a move, and so on.

Many adults over 40 believe they’re past all the befores and are living in the after-life, so they’re done with change. I’ve heard some folks say, I’ve been this way all my life and I’m too old to change, so people will just have to deal with it.

I reply, Hogwash! Just as we control what we eat or don’t eat, read or don’t read, watch or don’t watch on TV, we can control many things and transform ourselves, but only if we really want to.

Have you ever met someone who made you feel special just by talking with them? Someone you invite to all your parties because they’re so much fun to be around? That’s what fabulous is—not something you can take a picture of, but something that makes you feel better about yourself, your life, or the time you spend with them.

This section will explain how I took a dowdy middle-aged woman with a few college credits and morphed her into the vibrant, educated, and self-confident woman I am today. It was simple, but not easy. It required a decision and follow-through, but I did it—and so can you.

If you’re dedicated to improving your life, you can make major changes just like me. You can become fabulous at any age!

Let’s walk this road together. I’ve already taken steps and researched paths others have taken, so I’ll provide the map. Start with these ideas and branch out from there. If you know another person who has traveled this road, feel free to imitate her (or him). After all, there’s more than one way to become fabulous.

The most important thing I can tell you about aging is this: If you really feel that you want to have an off-the-shoulder blouse and some big beads and thong sandals and a dirndl skirt and a magnolia in your hair, do it. Even if you’re wrinkled.

–Maya Angelou

Chapter 1

BEFORE I WAS FABULOUS

The thing I’m the most proud of in my personal life is that my daughter actually thinks that I’m fabulous.

–Brooke Shields

I wasn’t always fabulous. It’s not something I aspired to as a child or a teen, and it didn’t seem possible when I was a young adult.

My early childhood was spent living in subsidized housing, commonly called the projects, where no one was fabulous and I had no hope of ever being so. It was a dreary existence, not something I would wish on anyone.

Then my life changed.

This section will cover my before and after becoming fabulous, and show you how to do the same. Stick with me. You’ll be amazed at how you and your life can change.

1. Don’t be as old as you used to be.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

–Henry Ford

I was an old lady at 39, much older than I am today. No, I’m not like Benjamin Button, the fictional character who lived his life backwards, growing from an old man to a young boy. But in my heart and mind, I really am younger than I used to be. And I look it, too.

Back in my late thirties, I was unhappy in my marriage and my career, grossly overweight, insecure, and hiding from the world inside extra-large black and navy-blue garments.

When clothes shopping (which was seldom), I would start with the last size I bought, discover that it didn’t fit, have to try on a larger garment, and then go home teary-eyed and empty-handed. Makeup was minimal and I cut my own hair, which was less than flattering. I’ll admit it—I was a frumpy old woman.

When I wasn’t working at a job I hated, I took care of a home, a husband, a teen and a preteen, resenting the fact that I didn’t get to finish my college education. I didn’t have, or rather didn’t take, time for myself. I did just like my mother and so many other women: spent all my time and energy on everyone else and nothing on me.

I had one particularly ugly day. You know what that is: your makeup looks clownish, your hair has a mind of its own, your clothes don’t fit right, and your body feels like it belongs in the hippo exhibit at the zoo. Eventually, I burst into tears.

My loving husband, ever the sensitive one, took me in his arms and asked what the problem was.

Between sobs, everything spilled out in one long sentence: My-teeth-stick-out,-I’m-fat-,my-clothes-look-horrible,-my-hair-is-a-mess,-I-can’t-do-anything-right,and-I’m-ugly. Then I took a breath, waiting for a supportive response.

He looked me in the eye and gently replied, But you try harder than anyone I know.

Well, that was less than what I had hoped for. But at least it brought a laugh, which I really needed. His comment described what I did all the time: I tried. Didn’t succeed at much of anything, but I definitely tried.

Compare that to today. I am many years older but not nearly as heavy. I’ve earned two college degrees, am an author and a public speaker, and have self-confidence. I wear brightly-colored clothing and I like what I see in the mirror. I look and feel fabulous and secure in who I am.

What made the difference?

I did the laundry. No, really! I did the laundry.

As I was folding clothes one day, I held up a pair of my sturdy white cotton briefs and was instantly transported to childhood, when my sister and I would fold the family’s laundry. We held up a pair of Mom’s underwear and laughed hysterically. They were huge! And now, here I was, holding up that same huge pair of underwear. Well, not literally the same pair, but they looked the same and were just as big as Mom’s.

That was my Aha! moment. I realized I was becoming my mother and I was thinking, acting, and looking much older than my age.

My family has a history of dying young, mostly from weight-related illnesses and heart problems, things that are preventable. Understanding how similar I was to my mother shook me to the core. She never finished high school, had her first heart attack at the age of 49, and died fourteen years later after many surgeries and hospital stays. Dreading the same fate, I decided not to let that happen to me.

First, I enrolled in night courses at a Christian college near our home. My employer had a tuition-reimbursement program, so it would cost me only time and effort to get that elusive degree.

Then I went shopping, but not for the conservative clothes I normally bought. This time, I was looking for pretty underwear, something Mom would never have worn. I wanted lovely, lacy, and (dare I say it?) sexy undergarments to replace those briefs and functional old-lady bras.

What happened was not just a clothing change but an attitude shift. Wearing something lacy close to my skin made me feel pretty and confident. I developed a positive outlook that I had only been faking up to that point.

That mindset ingrained itself in me and expanded into other areas of my life. I acted like I knew what I was at college, and my classmates and professors began asking for my input. I started wearing splashes of color to brighten my dark wardrobe. I copied makeup from magazines and had my hair cut professionally into a modern style.

Because I was feeling better, I began to smile and laugh more. And since I no longer needed food for comfort, I lost weight.

A few years later, I became single again (not a result of the try harder remark, by the way). In my forties, I remarried and the wedding photographer asked my two sisters which one was my mother. That remark made them angry but made me smile. My new choices had made me younger.

After Bryan and I married, we discussed how we’d like to see the other person change. I was miffed when Bryan said he’d like me to have a closer walk with the Lord. I attended church most of my life and had raised my boys in the church. What could he possibly mean?

But as I began to spend regular time reading my Bible and praying, I learned what a real relationship with God can be. That changed not only how I spent my mornings, but also my attitude toward others and my patience with the world.

I finally discovered what truly fabulous people know: beauty comes from within and starts with the right attitude. All the rest of the stuff, what you see on the outside, is the shell that houses the real beauty. And just because you’re aging, you don’t need to look or feel old.

2. Fabulous is simple, but not easy.

I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work with, all these fabulous women, Believe in yourself and negotiate for yourself. Own your own success. I wish I could tell that to my daughter. But it’s not that simple.

–Sheryl Sandberg

If you read my Table of Contents, you may think that it looks too easy to make a difference in your life. That was done intentionally. I don’t want you to give up before you start.

When I was a teenager, I perused magazines with pictures of beautiful women and wished I could look like them. For a day or two after every televised beauty pageant, I strutted around the house, pretending to have a crown on my head. But as a plain, pimply-faced fat girl, all I could do was dream.

When I became a woman, I resigned myself to being a plain-Jane church lady, with nothing to make me stand out from the crowd. I figured I’d end up looking just like my mother.

Then I read a book by Florence Littauer called It Takes So Little to Be Above Average. Florence made it clear that we can easily be above average in many areas.

I was sure I could never be more than average in appearance, so I decided to be an above-average mom, wife, employee, musician, and everything else.

At times it was difficult not to settle for average, especially in mundane things like mowing my lawn or driving a car. And I probably made it more difficult than it needed to be. But I achieved the results I was seeking.

I hope that, by reading this book, you’ll discover ways to be fabulous without working as hard as I did.

3. Fabulosity 101

Somebody who can reckon with the past, who can live with the past in the present, and move towards the future—that’s fabulous.

–Bruce Springsteen

Free to be Fabulous contains practical ideas to incorporate into your life. Some may work for you and others may not. Take what you like and discard the rest.

There are no magic pills, super cosmetics, or enchanted secrets here, just ideas. They may be secret in that you haven’t heard of them before, but there’s nothing extraordinary about them. No expensive lotions or super creams and definitely no drastic changes like plastic surgery or injections. Most of these ideas are just common sense.

It can take 21 days or longer to make or change a habit. So pick one and try it every day for three weeks to see if it works for you. Once it’s ingrained, move on to another suggestion. At that rate, you could make seventeen changes in the next year. Talk about a makeover!

If you read an idea or try one and decide you don’t like it, no problem. Any change is up to you, so don’t feel pressured. This is an individual journey. Choose your own steps.

Since it’s much easier, quicker and more noticeable to others if you change the outside, you might want to start with the Beauty and Body sections. Changes inside, like attitude and emotions, take longer to show themselves, but they can be the most satisfying. Do whatever feels right for you and have fun along