Building Positive Self Talk for Confidence and Self-Esteem
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director: AllCEUs Counselor Education
Host: Counselor Toolbox Podcast
CEUs for this podcast are available at: https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/1030/c/
Objectives
~ Identify the function of negative self talk
~ Explain the benefits of positive self talk
~ Describe 15 methods for teaching positive self talk to people of all ages
Function of Negative Self Talk
~ Protection from threats and failure
~ I can’t do this.
~ I’m not smart enough to…
~ I cannot find a decent partner
~ Nobody wants to be my friend
~ I am ugly
~ I could lost my job at any moment
~ Attention (See UFD Game…)
Ugly, Fat and Dumb Game
~ The ugly, fat, and dumb game is a method of attaining attention by the individual in any given group whom needs the most attention (not necessarily the individual with the lowest self-esteem).
~ An individual draws attention to their own (perceived or real) flaws in order to get others to announce their own in an attempt to make the first person feel better and subsequently, lowering their own self-esteem
~ For example:
~ While eating dinner, Sally announces her weight to the table and calls herself fat causing all the other girls at the table (who nearly all clearly weigh more) to announce their weight in an attempt to make Sally feel better about herself.
~ If someone at the table isn’t of lower weight, they find another deprecating thing to say about themselves– “But you are so pretty. I would kill to have your hair. Mine is like a rats nest.”
Benefits of Positive Self Talk
~ Reduced cortisol and HPA-Axis activation
~ Reduced pain
~ Improved physical health (Less stress-related disease)
~ Increased energy
~ Greater life satisfaction
~ Improved immunity
Unconditional Positive Regard
~ From attachment figures who teach positive talk
~ From self
~ Encourage the use of the phrase
~ “I love you even if…”
Self Awareness
~ Who you are
~ I have the ability to… (things you do)
~ I am… (inner qualities)
~ Keep a daily journal or account of your successes, good qualities and accomplishments
~ What you say to yourself
~ Journaling
Mantras
~ Don’t wait until you are stressed. Practice positive self talk throughout the day—Every day (Positive Thinking Apps)
~ Mantras
~ I am capable.
~ I am lovable.
~ Today is going to be an awesome day.
~ I choose to be present in all that I do.
~ I feel energetic and alive.
~ I can achieve my goals.
~ I love challenges and what I learn from overcoming them.
~ I’ve got this
Visualization
~ Visualization helps people’s brains “see” how they can succeed (or fail)
~ Negative self talk “teaches” the brain that negative things will happen which increases anxiety and distress, reduces concentration and increases a sense of helplessness.
~ Positive self-talk helps people’s brains “see” that
~ Success is possible
~ Happiness is possible
~ The person has power
Visualization
~ Visualizations combined with desensitization help reduce anxiety and distress around…
~ Public speaking
~ Tryouts or job interviews
~ Driving
~ Starting a new school/job
~ Taking a test
~ …
~ Have people watch others who are successful and/or role play then use that data to visualize.
Environments
~ Surround yourself with positivity
~ Parents model positivity
~ Listen to positive songs
~ Have family members bring a positive quote or song (lyrics) with them to dinner once a week and put it on the fridge.
~ Give yourself a pep talk every morning.
~ Keep a success wall/scrapboo