Funny Thing I Heard At The Doctor's Office

" Funny Thing I Heard At The Doctor’s Office"

By Namref H. Tims

Copyright 2020

Table Of Contents

Foreword

Part I Assorted Statements And Comments Made By Doctors

Chapter 1 Patient Has An Unusual Countenance And Stare

Chapter 2 Is There Some Invisible Excrement On My Body?

Chapter 3 I Found My Doctor At BustedMugshots.com

Chapter 4 The Trouble With Doctors: Personality , Race or IQ?

Chapter 5 Silence Is Not Always Golden

Part II How To Deal Effectively With Insurance Companies

Chapter 1 United Health Care

PartIII The Tale Of Two Hospital Visits

Chapter 1 Anatomy Of A Heart Attack – Hospital Visit Number One

Chapter 2 Home Again—Sleep Tight Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Chapter 3 Hospital Stay Number Two—A Virtual Nightmare

Part IV Home Health Care

Part V The Need For A Diagnostic Department In Hospitals

Chapter1 Is There A Doctor House In The House?

Part VI The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways

Chapter 1 Did I Really Save Chuck’s Life?

Chapter 2 More About Zoll And The Life Vest

The Functional Appendix

Chapter 1 Complete Letter To The Plan Administrator Re: United Health Care

Chapter 2 Doctor , Doctor I Have Paranormal Abilities But I Have Throbbin’ In My Noggin

Chapter 3 The Power Of Touch + Intention = Healing?

Jocularity Alert : Ode To The Pompous Ass Physicist

Chapter 4 Biorhythm Theory And My Very First Day At Home

Chapter 5 The Flawed Scientific Method

Chapter 6 Cultivate A Healthy Relationship With Your Pharmacist—It Could Save Your Life

Chapter 7 What To Do About Inappropriate Behavior By Doctors

Chapter 8 The Good Doctors—Texas Woman’s Hospital

Chapter 9 The Bad Doctor I Never Saw—Dr. Denise

Afterword

Foreword

The title of this book is actually a misnomer. What I have heard at doctor’s offices in the past four years-- I would not call comical. If there was comedy generated –it was by me and some of the patients I engaged in conversation.

These comments came mostly from the attending doctors themselves. While it is true that some of them had a sense of humor—for the most part there was nothing comical that came from their mouths.

Some of these comments I actually laughed about – at first. Later when I reflected on the impact of these statements-- a sobering mood set in.

What is that cliche – Laughter is the best medicine?

Apparently these doctors never met Patch Adams!

At first I thought about entitling this book : The 101 Kraziest Things I Heard At The Doctor’s Office. Or perhaps : The 101 Stupidest Things I Heard At The Doctor’s Office.

I opted for a less harsh, critical title instead.

Reason?

To imply doctors are crazy or stupid would NOT be accurate or Fair.

Fair?

Yes I want to be Fair.

In this vein I will NOT give the doctor’s actual name. Instead I will invent a name or in some cases use the doctor’s actual initials. I will give the hospital or hospital system.

I endeavor to be fair because : I saw an episode on 60 minutes a year ago. There is a medical hospital in New York that offers free tuition for medical students. Of course, this is an historic occasion. The narrative about student loans and debt made me more aware and appreciative what doctors do.

For me to criticize without a thorough examination would be total hypocrisy on my part.

Yet --- I have seen much that disturbs me in my microcosm of the medical world.

But before we begin—my pulmonologist actually did tell me a joke recently:

A man in a white coat kept bumping into the revolving doors at the entrance of a hospital. An onlooker inquired what was going on.

An astute observer quipped : "Oh he’s a doctor... thinks he is God.... He cannot figure out why the door will NOT move for him."

Actually , I am not sure that is the way the joke was supposed to go. I am terrible at telling jokes-- sometimes just recalling the punch lines.

But I think you get the gist!

My motivation for writing this book :

I am writing this First-- for the benefit of the consumer-- the general public – but also I am hopeful that some in the medical profession actually read this book.

The doctors put on display represent the following institutions

St. Luke Hospital of Houston, Texas

Memorial Hermann Hospital System of Houston,Texas

UT Physicians of Texas

Gulf Coast Medical Group of Webster, Texas

M.D. Anderson of Houston, Texas

The VA Hospital of Houston, Texas

Zoll and The Life Vest-- Beware !!

United Health Care

Medicare

Memorial Hermann Home Health Care (services in affiliation with Memorial Hermann)

Doctor’s VIP Program

The James Randi Org.

The Flawed Scientific Method

The Pompous Ass Physicist

Carl Jung Center of Houston, Texas

Texas Woman’s Hospital – The Good Doctors !! **

Texas Medical Board ( Pending report)

Texas State Optical—An optometrist actually asked me to mention him in one of my books by name. Perhaps I will—If so he will be one of only one or two.

So without further adieu—let’s begin our journey!

Part I Assorted Comments And Statements Made By Doctors

Doctors are like Teachers : They can inspire you--Or They can injure you for life!

Namref H.Tims Feb. 23, 2020

A Frown Keeps Others Away-- So Smile Freely

Panda Express February 23, 2020

(message in their signature cookie)

Chapter 1 Patient Has An Unusual Countenance And Stare ( Dr. Card at St. Luke Hospital in Houston)

Translation : I am tired of you questioning my professional ability.

I did not actually hear this at the doctor’s office. I read it at home. After my annual visits to my cardiologist I always requested records of my visit. In 2016 after my left catheter procedure, I had a follow up office appointment. A week after the appointment , I was looking at the notes from the cardiologist -- Dr. Card . Along with other technical medical information was this curious statement :

Patient has an unusual countenance and stare....

At first I was taken aback at this statement. I actually laughed and joked a bit about it with my ex wife who was at my home at the time.

After a while it settled in and I began to wonder why would he make such a statement.

Was it true?

If so-- what was his point?

Why did he not mention this to me ?

This statement sounded like something perhaps either a psychologist or psychiatrist might make—not a cardioligist!

Of course, my ex wife would agree with him. Over the years she would from time to time draw my ire and when I reacted she would sometimes say :

Your face looks like an African mask..."

To top that off my youngest son once told me :

It looks like you have a smirk on your face....

Both of these statements shocked me when I first heard them.

From the ex wife—OK.

My youngest son—Had just revealed something very personal-- I was a bit embarrassed-- was pondering how I should respond. He interpreted chagrine as a smirk!

So I suppose what Dr. Card wrote was feasible.

Yet—my best friend for years had told me :

You always have a smile on your face..

In fact he thought I was probably too friendly with people.

So to some extent-- it is a matter of how people perceive you.

At either rate it seemed inappropriate for a cardiologist to make such a statement.

The next puzzling element : I had been a patient of Dr. Card now for over twelve years! Never before had he made such a statement before.

Although I felt the statement was unwarranted –I began to analyze why it may have been made. With my annual visits to Dr. Card there was always a large discrepancy in the blood pressure readings I got at home and the blood pressure readings at the office.

Of course, I had heard of white coat hypertension.

On this particular visit I brought my blood pressure kit from home.

Dr. Card checked my blood pressure with the mercury blood pressure unit mounted on the wall. He got 170/90 ! Which was much higher than what I was getting with my cuff model. I was puzzled. I mentioned this to him.

He said jokingly : Is it me making your blood pressure go up?

I responded No but I was still puzzled.

Dr. Card decided he would send a colleague in to make sure I was taking my blood pressure properly. I guess he wanted to take himself out of the equation ( but also maybe my countenance and stare was bothering him—all of which I was unaware of at the time).

When Dr. Card walked out, I checked my blood pressure – I got 130/80. Of course, I was still puzzled how the results could be so dramatically different. The colleague came in. He instructed me to always place my arm over my heart when using the wrist model. He observed me and walked out. What he did NOT do : document the number with the cuff model and then take my blood pressure with the wall model.

Dr. Card returned again. He checked my blood pressure again with the wall monitor—again he announced 170/90.

Again I told him of the lower number when his colleague instructed me.

Dr. Card tried to keep a calm composure but I could discern he was a bit perturbed with me. Little did I know how perturbed with me until I read his statement.

I felt the statement was unwarranted but now upon reflection – I understood why it was most likely made.

What You And Your Doctor Do Not Know

About Blood Pressure Kits

Could Kill You !

But there was yet another problem – The discrepancy between the blood pressure readings. After a discussion about Dr. Card with my PCP( primary care physician) – she recommended I get a reliable cuff model rather than a wrist model.

So I bought an Omron cuff model from CVS.

I kept my wrist model however. I also read an online article at Consumer Reports. I found that even with some of the top cuff models, there were sometimes discrepancies in blood pressure readings. I began to compare my cuff model readings with the wrist model readings. The wrist model readings were invariably lower than the cuff model readings—sometimes much lower !

I did not stop there. I took my wrist model to CVS , Walgreens and Sam’s. Sometimes the wrist model agreed –sometimes it did not. Consumer Reports says kits need to be re-calibrated. Supposedly they do this on a routine basis at CVS, Walgreens and Sam’s.

Home blood pressure kits are NEVER re-calibrated!

Of course—the Gold standard is the mercury wall monitor—but not even all cardiologists have mercury wall monitors.

What To Do About Doctor Card?

As previously mentioned , I had no previous complaints or issues with Dr. Card. I originally met him by referral. I was trying to become a patient of a cardiologist who had workd with Dr. Michael De Bakey.I was scheduled for an appointment with him – was told he was booked solid. Like many patients I was trying to get the best available. This particular doctor –partly because of his association with Dr. De Bakey was reputed to be top notch.

He was unavailable and I was scheduled with Dr. Card. Dr. Card however, seemed quite capable and appeared to have what people call a good bedside manner.

Dr. Card made some of the right calls. He brought in a colleague to take himself out of the equation. What he did NOT do was – Be thorough. He should have patiently waited—observed me with the wrist monitor—note the results. Then four to five minutes later observe me with the mercury wall monitor. He would have then seen the discrepancy that I saw.

Instead he grew frustrated with me. He was old and tired of me questioning his numbers. Did I say old?

Yes he is like me—Old? In fact he is two or three years older. In 2016 I was seventy years old. Dr. Card was either 72 or 73. How do I know? I googled him.

When I discussed Dr. Card with my PCP—she gave me a recommendation. It was a cardiologist two blocks away from her office. I called Dr. Card and left word that his services were no longer required.

What About Dr. Card’s Statement?

When I posed this question to my PCP she just looked at me with a non-committal stare. She would not confirm or deny what Dr. Card said. So I pressed the issue.

If I did have an unusual countenance or stare... how would you tell me this... I am getting older now.. when people get older they can suffer from dementia... Alzheimer’s etc... how would you communicate this to me rather than write it in a report like Dr. Card....?

I cannot recall her saying anything definitive. She was very careful not to criticize Dr. Card. She simply gave me the new recommendation.

I did get a small chuckle from her after I made this statement and laughed :

Sounded to me like he thought: I am looking at a psycopath ....

She actually loosened up and laughed with me.

Doctors are very careful about criticizing their colleagues—unless they feel in competition with them or feel threatened by them somehow.

So after over twelve years