Come Together

appreciated

crossing the divide

connecting across division & mistrust

tools .

constructive listening

empathetic respect

the art of conversation

whole earth dialogue

The divisive tribalism that has arisen like putrid smoke to cloud our senses and fog logic is contagious. Negative energy can be a match firing up mistrust and righteous indignation. This primal uproar may be based deep within each of us from back when we guarded our scrubby caves from intruders. Once someone stands their ground, any attempts to question or disarm can feel like an assault.

To move ahead into civility requires simple tools. Remaining calm works better to smother a squabble than picking up a stick.

Offering respect and listening without judgement may help to set another who is on edge, at ease.

Many of the tools I offer here are already in each of our toolboxes. Like any tool that is increasingly employed, more use will result in making it a natural go-to. Cultural swings in social behavior set new norms for interactions between people.

Right now, we could be nicer.

constructive listening

I’m a very strong believer

in listening and

learning from others.

…. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Listen up.

Dictating a command,

talking past or over others,

stating your position as fact,

attempting to win an exchange ….

Puts others in a defensive position.

Multi-task listening, self-absorbed listening,

or a focus on gathering your response….

Means you are not listening.

A difference of opinion

does not necessarily mean

someone is wrong.

. explore .

Why do they have this notion?

Can you learn something new or better understand an alternative view?

Is it possible to engage this person in a positive way and agree to disagree …. and move ahead together?

10 ways to improve listening skills

1 . Open your heart

Existentially each of us is bumbling through our lives without a map, so why not cut yourself and others some slack.

2 . Fully engage one another

Face each other. take time to make eye contact and truly listen.

3 . Be present & relaxed

Consider what is being said. Quiet any distractions or your own thoughts, feelings or biases. Unplug ego.

4 . Keep an open mind

Try not to judge even if the speaker says things that alarm or annoy you. Keep in mind that words may reflect someone’s life experience, thoughts or feelings. In listening, you may gain a more complete idea of why they think like they do.

5 . Imagine what is being said

Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are listening to. Feel the words from their perspective. Listen with empathy.

6 . Don’t interrupt

People think and speak at different rates. If you are good at expressing yourself, try not to jump in if someone is slower at communicating. Interrupting signals that you don’t really care what the other person is saying.

7 . Ask questions to clarify

Wait for a pause in the conversation, if you wish to gain a better understanding of something, then refer back to the statement in question.

8 . Give positive feedback

While you don’t have to agree, you can draw people out by showing you are interested in the speaker’s point of view.

9 . Note what isn’t said

You can learn a lot by noting what is left out of a conversation. People’s faces sometimes convey far more than what they actually say.

10 . Briefly summarize your understanding at the end of a conversation

Make sure you both are on the same page. Frequently the same sentence can be heard differently by two people. Summarizing also verifies you cared to listen.

empathetic respect

Follow the three R’s

Respect for self

Respect for others

Responsibility for

all of your actions.

… Dalai Lama

Respect is underrated as a tool in good communication. In the past it formed the very basis for how one would speak to another. Currently on TV, in public or even with friends or family, people insult or interrupt, loudly talking past each other without really listening.

Respect allows for polite interaction by all parties.

Sometimes we have to deal with pretty sketchy people at our gallery. Anyone can walk in the front door: drunks, vagrants, crooks or angry mentally unstable people. It’s important to greet them as you would any customer and shower them with attention to keep them on an even keel until they leave. A positive approach does a good job of keeping bad behavior at bay.

Empathetic respect is feeling where the other person is coming from.

Reserve judgment

A bad first impression may lead to a disrespectful exchange that is unwarranted. One person may assume that they are more knowledgeable than another, speaking down to them. This behavior is very off-putting. I have witnessed this degrading posture from doctor to patient, men to women, across races, ethnicities, age, political stances, economic standing and stature.

Why bring someone down?

A disrespectful person loses respect from others immediately.

If your goal is to convince someone of something or have a productive dialogue, work to keep the playing field level and welcoming.

There is a difference between an argument and a discussion, that is, whether you feel angry or enriched afterward.

We need to make sure we’re all working together to change mindsets, to change attitudes, and to fight against the bad habits that we have as a society.

…. Justin Trudeau the art of conversation

the art of conversation

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory.

…. Emily Post

Social media, email, and even phone calls have undermined what has been called the art of conversation. We converse in short sound bites, rarely taking time to truly connect.

con·ver·sa·tion . noun

the informal exchange of ideas by spoken words.

the two men were deep in conversation

Synonyms: discussion, talk, chat, gossip, tête-à-tête, heart-to-heart, exchange, dialogue

Ideas and shared consensus are born through conversation. Difficult issues like global warming must be discussed to find useful solutions. Talking together about our concerns, exploring positive action or taking steps toward collective goals must start with an engaged conversation that unites us.

As each one of us chooses an environmentally responsible path we can respectfully welcome others along on the journey.

A great conversation

is like playing a fun ping-pong game without keeping score.

1. Reach out

Start a conversation by finding shared experiences. It may start with a compliment, observation, or comment on something as simple as the weather.

2. Take the conversation deeper by focusing on a common interest or topic you’re both interested in.

3. Share the floor, equal contributions from both parties allow each speaker to feel listened to and engaged.

4. Ask open-ended questions that encourage a deeper understanding.

5. Be polite. Don’t impose your view or argue with the other person.

6. Be mindful of the other person’s time. A good conversation is a gift of time and attention.

whole earth dialogue

Some may still deny

the overwhelming judgment of science,

but none can avoid the

devastating impact of raging fires

and crippling drought and

more powerful storms.

…. Barack Obama

Even though we find ourselves undermined by climate deniers in places of power determined to roll back important environmental advances, local and state governments, as well as, much of the global community are taking measures to stem climate change.

There are thousands of organizations big and small, worldwide, working on various aspects of this important issue. Their focus ranges from global warming’s effects on animals, cities, agribusiness, political/social implications, sea level rise & acidity, to extreme weather and increasing temperatures globally. Scientists and inventors are developing exciting solutions (visit Drawdown.org). Sustainable practices used for centuries are being revisited, such as rainwater collection systems, no till farming and a trend back to organics.

The issue of global warming offers us an important opportunity to rethink and retool the way we have been doing things. Instead of paralysis or despair, this can be a creative time of working together, signaling a return to living responsibly for long-term gain for everyone.

let’s see what we can do

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid

The toxic din of real or fake news, hearsay and chatter can be quieted. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by conditions we may face as the earth warms. This stress may actually contribute to deniers, general ignorance or the problem of motivating action to make the changes we need to, both personally and globally.

Small steps taken as an individual are helpful in securing some control over our planet’s future.

a movement of one

Imagine if the small actions we discuss in the next chapters become a mindful lifestyle adopted by you, then your friends, your family, next, their circles of contacts, and building outward. Happily these simple changes will also save you money, lessen daily stress, reduce clutter and fill you with an empowered joy of doing something proactive.

We live in a world of excess. It barely scratches the surface of our comfort zone to knock things back a few notches. So, let’s get started…

small steps for big change

living for the future

bottom up change to slow global warming

tools .

finding a new comfort zone

proactive convenience

mining the past

enough already

When you start your day tomorrow, focus on noting areas of excess. Grab a pencil and pad to list things you can change right now in your home, at work, and throughout your immediate environment. Lists are great because as you address each thing you get to tick it off, which is a wonderfully fulfilling act.

Channel your dad in the 1970s

Or if your dad didn’t do this,

I will let you channel my dad; Bruce.

There was a big recession back then with gas lines and lots of penny pinching. We hand-washed & air-dried the dishes. When you left a room the lights had to be turned off, pronto! In winter, window shades went up to catch heat during the day and down to retain warmth inside at night. Showers were short. Water was conserved. Clothing was handed down. People carpooled. We ate little meat. Soda cans and bottles were always picked up because you got a nickel back for each one you returned. The house heat was kept low and we piled on sweaters. In summer, instead of AC, we just opened the windows, ate Popsicles, and ran through the sprinkler when it was hot. Clothing dried on the line. The washer was run only when it was full. Paper bags and refillable glass milk bottles were the norm. Straws and most containers were made of paper.

a new comfort zone

Everyone used far less power. People read or played board games instead of watching hours of TV or hanging on their computers. As teenagers, a bike was our primary mode of transportation and most families got by with one car. We drank water from the faucet. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Our current comfort zone has risen to wasteful levels.

NOTE: a single leaf blower in continuous use for an hour produces the same amount of pollution as seventeen cars.

Today we indulge in big cars, parades of energy sucking appliances, ridiculous trends like mail-order meals (with each ingredient packed in individual plastic bags), night assaulting residential yard lighting, heated swimming pools and garages, bottled water, mountains of throwaway single-use containers and piles of cheap products made thousands of miles away. Electronics must be replaced frequently with the latest model. There is widespread use of pesticides that clear weeds but also contaminate aquifers and kill honeybees. People use deafening leaf blowers to blast leaves into the street or a neighbor’s yard instead of just raking them up.

Comparatively our current comfort level borders on ridiculous wretched excess or at least collective absurdity.

So enjoy making that list.

Where there is too much

something is missing.

…. Leo Rosten

a new comfort zone

Dialing back what we use is a mindset to use or take less.

You may find yourself far more comfortable with more money in your pocket.

Global warming is the result of many ills.

In changing our habits to lessen the footprint we leave behind, living in an environmentally responsible manner is the first step. We have trusted the products, cultural trends, and decisions marketed to us politically and economically. I admit to rarely reading labels—ok never reading labels in the past. I also click agree, consistently ignoring paragraphs of tiny type of what I agree to on websites. It sure would be great if we could trust those getting our dollar or vote to treat us honestly, but unfortunately that asumption has not served