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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Ms. Understood versus Ms. Fortune

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Ms. Understood versus Ms. Fortune

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Ms. Understood versus Ms. Fortune

223 pages
3 hours
Nov 23, 2020


This journal is a few hundred pages of unpopular opinion, I wrote this ball of rage between 2014–2016 and I planned to give to my gender studies professor after I took her class. When I left her class I noticed that there's a lot of misleading information about people that disagree with feminists and feminism, and this book will help demystify some of those notions. I may have written this book for her but I believe it can help others as well. The 1st group of people that this book will help are people that don't like feminists and feminism you'll agree with almost everything I have to say, trust me you're not alone. This book is full of red pills you're going to love it. The 2nd group of people are people that are on the fence about feminists. Yeah, feminists may have told you the dictionary definition of feminism, and you might have heard some things about the feminist movement but you're still not quite sure what to make of them. I think you will gain the most from what I went through. I will show you the tactics some feminists use to get what they want. These are all things you should know before you engage with any feminist. The 3rd group of people are the people that don't understand why so many people have such hard opinions on feminism and feminists. Hopefully this book will help you understand were the first group of people are coming from. I use jokes, satire and personal experiences to bring levity to this hot topic issue. I don't want to tell you what to think. I want to show you what I went through so you can make up your own mind, and even if you disagree with me I hope you enjoy the ride. Now onto the 4th group, these are the feminists that are vexed and can't figure out why so many people dislike feminism and why feminists can't crack 18 percent of the population. I think you will benefit the most from what I have to say. I'm not going to berate you or attack you I'm just going to make my claims on why I disagree with your dogmatic ideology and hopefully you can respect that. I really want you to understand where I'm coming from and maybe we can build a bridge from there. Now on to the big mama of them all the 5th group, if you are the type of feminist that believes everything is sexist and everything is racist and every man is a misogynist. Put this book down, you are going to have a bad time. I deconstruct almost everything you believe in with ruthless and logical precision and I know for a fact that this book is going to trigger you into oblivion. Hell, you might even do something crazy, like set this book on fire and I don't want to see my book set a blaze. So save your money save your time and continue to smash the patriarchy. But to the other 4 out of 5 of you crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine and enjoy my descent into madness.

Nov 23, 2020

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - Eli Maxwell


Before the Class

Before class starts up, I walk into my professor’s office, and say with a smile, Hey, how are you doing? I’m glad I can take this class with you.

She smiles back and says, Yeah, I was kind of nervous that you wouldn’t take it.

I am so happy that I’m finally getting this credit that I need. I don’t notice the obvious red flag waving in my face. We talk for a bit, and I’m happy to see that she is doing well. Then after a few minutes of small talk, I take my leave.

As I’m walking to the game room, I run into my friend’s sister, and she says, Hey, are you okay? You look mad. Why aren’t you smiling?

I laugh it off, flash her a smile and say, No, I’m fine. It’s just my face. I’m actually in a pretty good mood.

As we were talking, I tell her I am taking a feminist class and that’s when the conversation comes to a screeching halt, and she says, All feminists hate men and want to tell men how awful they are.

I was taken aback by that and responded with "No, feminists are just people that want to be heard and tell other people how somethings can be unfair for women. I’m in politics, so I understand how propaganda works. I think it’s just the media trying to paint feminists as the other or as the problem. It’s a way to keep us divided." She doesn’t look convinced at all.

I continue with We’ve all seen that meme of a woman yelling at the top of her lungs and it says, ‘This is what a feminist looks like!!!’ Or the other meme that has a woman wearing a pantsuit standing outside of Hooters with a sign that says, ‘Women are not for decoration.’ I think these are just extreme cases and it doesn’t paint a full picture.

She’s still not buying it, so I pull up the video of the woman that attacked the bus driver and received a Mortal Kombat styled uppercut to her jaw.

I say, See? Most of the comments are saying she deserved it, she hit him first.

She smiles and says unconvincingly I guess.

We laugh uncomfortably at a few more videos of men punching women in the face, and then I realize class is about to start. I say good bye and head off.

As I walk to class her words ring in my ears like an early alert system trying to warn me of the dangers ahead, but I’m trying to ignore it. The only reason why I’m having such a hard time accepting her warning is because I’ve never encountered a feminist before and I like to come to my own conclusions about people. But I can’t shake the feeling that she might be right, and if she is. I owe her an apology because she is the only person that tried to warn me.

* * * * *

Part One

The Class

I’ve always hated school, but I love learning. I hate the fact that my performance and grades are based on someone else’s opinion of me, so I’m a little tense. But luckily, I know the professor, and that calms me down. I walk in, and I don’t see any crazy people wearing shirts that say Kill All Men and no one is wearing necklaces made out of severed penises. This is a prime example on why you should never judge a book by its cover. Everybody looks normal, a bunch of ladies, a few gay guys, and one or two straight guys were in the class as well.

I wave at the professor, and she waves back and starts the class off with a question: What are some things women are told to do that a man would never hear?

Someone screams out, Smile! men are never told to smile.

I look a little perplexed because I’m told to smile all the time. People have told me that I have such a pretty smile and I should smile more. You look so much nicer when you smile. People like smiling faces. To which I normally respond with It’s just my face. I can’t do anything about it. I have a permanent scowl on, and I can’t help it. I’m sure the main reason why people are told to smile is because people want to feel comfortable around other people. If one person is in a bad mood, it can be contagious and bring everybody around them down. I don’t think it has anything to do with sexism or men trying to control women.

I look at the professor, and she says, YES! Men are never told to smile.

Now I’m pissed, because one of the first conversation the professor and I had was about smiling. I walked into her office a few years back just to say hi, and she started to tell me that this looked like a mean class. I asked why. She told me that all the guys that were enrolled in her class were not smiling in their school IDs. I smiled, laughed, and said, "Oh, yeah, since I’m so tall, the person taking my picture told me to bend down. I couldn’t hear her clearly and when I leaned in and said, ‘What?’ Boom they took my picture. Now it looks like I’m scowling! She laughed. I laughed. And sometimes when I would go and see the professor on her off hours, she would say, You look so angry. I would reply with It’s just my face. I can’t do much about it. Then she would tell me, You should smile more. People like happy faces."

I look at the professor, she looks at me with a you-caught-me-in-a-lie face, but I don’t say anything. Mainly because I don’t want to chip away at her credibility within the first ten minutes of class. So I let it slide.

The professor moves on to how society perceives women and why they don’t like it. Some people start talking and say women always need to be pretty or that women are bad at math or pink is a woman’s color.

Now it’s starting to get a little tense, I try to ease the tension and say, Some people say women aren’t funny.

I personally don’t believe that. I like Tina Fey, Caroline Rhea, Tammy Pescatelli, Wanda Sykes, and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. She was my first crush, by the way. I think the reason why some people believe women aren’t funny is because men and women have different reference points, and if the comedian can’t bridge the gap or make a proper connection with the audience, their jokes won’t land. But to say all women aren’t funny is stupid.

Luckily, the professor knows where I’m coming from and smoothed it over for most of the class. But a few women do give me the stank eye.

I look at them and say, "Relax, I almost said drive, so calm it down."

Everybody laughs.

Situation properly defused. That could have been bad. This conversation reminds me of what Colin Quinn said in his Unconstitutional comedy special. He was talking about how black and white people have never had an honest conversation about race. I’ve also come to notice that men and women haven’t had an honest conversation about each other either.

The conversation continues, and one of the ladies starts saying, Pink is oppressive, and it degrades women. Which I find weird, because a lot of the women in the class are wearing pink, including the professor. So that’s a pretty risky stance to take. I don’t recommend this course of action.

As she goes on, I can feel the tension in the room building. Someone is about to pop. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! So you are saying, just because I have pink nail polish on, I don’t like women or I don’t respect myself? a woman in the back yells. They go back and forth for a while until the professor defuses the situation.

This is crazy! I didn’t know pink was such a hot-button issue in the feminist community.

Another interesting argument breaks out. Something about marriage.

One of the women says, Society tells women that they need to be attached to a man to be respected.

One of the ladies in the class is not having any of that. She starts going off. What are you talking about? Women can be respected! Women don’t need men to be respected! That’s crazy! Why would anyone think that? What do you call a woman that just wants to be left alone, live by herself, and not get married?

I scream, A witch!

And everybody laughs. That was close! Two tense situations defused in one class. Not too bad.

I really like the professor, so I’m going to do my best and try to make this class as easy as I can for the both of us. I like to use jokes and humor to bring levity to tense situations because I believe you can’t get anything done if everyone is so high-strung and stressed out that the slightest thing can set them off.

Things begin to calm down after that, and at the end of class, the professor starts talking about looks and how women are judged on their looks and how women judge other women on their looks and how society tells women how to look. She says, I must put on makeup and dress nice for work. I can’t come in looking like a hot mess. Women always have to be presentable and pretty. Can you imagine how much time we would save if we didn’t have to put on makeup and look nice?

I thought to myself, Society tells men that we need to follow The 6 rule. "Men need to be six feet tall, make six figures and have a six-inch dick." Which I always found unacceptable because there’s no way in hell I’m chopping six inches off of my dick, but I’m not going to bring up any of these facts just yet. I want to see how this plays out.

One of the straight guys says, Hey, you know we are judged on how we look as well. We have to be presentable just like women. Men are also looked at too.

Introducing Mr. Builder, because he was always trying to build a bridge to find common ground.

The professor looks at him, nods, and says, True, but society looks at women with a little more scrutiny than men.

Then another woman jumps in, and they start talking about how hard it is to look pretty in this society.

HHMMM, that was interesting. He was completely ignored and cut off.

This is the start of a phenomenon that I call equal-but-separate. Equal-but-separate is when a man says men face the same problem that women face. Then the women say, Yeah, we mean that as well and we know it affects you, but we are going to put the focus back on the women, where it belongs.

The class ends with the professor saying, We are all culpable in it. We all judge people on how they look. I know I’m guilty of it. I like a nice back and broad shoulders.

Women are attracted to backs? That’s new information.

We are all guilty of it, the professor reiterated.

One of the women says, So how do we stop it?

That’s a damn good question. Yes, how do we stop it?

The professor looks perplexed for a moment and says, I guess there is no real way to stop it.

What? Then how is this a problem. Why are you bringing this up? We all look at one another, either to see if you want to interact with that person. Or what clothes they are wearing, to know what profession they are in. Or to make sure that the person you are about to talk to isn’t crazy. Yeah, we all look at one another because we all have eyes and that’s how we gauge things. But if you only judge things on how they look, you are a fool and don’t think things through. It felt like the professor was trying to guilt me into feeling bad for looking at people. She was like, We all stabbed Cesar, and I was like, I didn’t stab shit! You aren’t putting that on me.

* * * * *

Wow, that was a crazy first day! That wasn’t at all what I was expecting. I thought this class was going to talk about the differences between men and women, not just how women are oppressed every day by the tiniest of slightest. I thought we were going to have conversations about how men and women are different, but also focus on our similarities so we can have some common ground to build from. None of that happened. This class is where women learn to see threats in everything and it’s somehow men’s fault. One thing I noticed was the groupthink in the class was thick. There were no dissenting voices. And if there were, they were promptly ignored or shouted down as they should have been. The smallest slight was an attack on all womankind.

This gender studies class is a lot like those religious freedom laws: they really only focus on one religion. Just like this class, they only study one gender. The women in this class are not interested in the problems that men face or some of the problems that women bring upon themselves. My first impressions of this class is, the women in this class tear down the bridges that could have been used to close the gaps between men and women, then they use the rubble of those destroyed bridges to build women up while simultaneously tearing men down.

* * * * *

The next couple of classes aren’t much better. The professor puts us into groups as she’s done in the past. The professor says, I know that there are more girls than guys in the class, but I tried to put at least one guy in each group. I know that’s not fair.

I jump in and say, Life’s not fair.

Then everyone laughs, as she tells us our assigned seats.

After I introduce myself to my two new group members. The class starts up with the highly controversial anti-date-rape straw. I’m a bit confused. Isn’t the anti-date-rape straw a good thing? Because you can’t point out murderers and rapists, so if you have some way of protecting yourself, isn’t that a good thing? I think these anti-date-rape straws should be standard in every bar. It’s awful that we live in a world where this may have to be the norm, but that’s just the reality that we live in. I mean, hell, even guys are being roofied now then they are robbed in the parking lot! It’s a dangerous world out there. Some protection is better than no protection, right? I’d rather have a condom and not need it than need a condom and not have it. It just makes sense to me. But luckily for me, there is a blue-haired gay guy here to set me straight.

How do I know he is gay? Well, he does have blue hair and shorts so high and tight they left nothing to the imagination. But the main giveaway has to be when he was talking about how straight people talk about gay people. Or how gay men mistreat women in gay clubs and how he loves being gay. So I’m just going to take his word on it and assume he’s gay.

Mr. Blue Hair says, It’s awful that we live in a world where women have to live in fear of being drugged and raped.

I agree with all that, but what can we do about it? He also left out the part of men being drugged, raped, and robbed. But this is a gender studies class—why would you want to include both genders in your comments?

Then he says something that blows my mind. Stop telling women how not to get raped. Teach men not to rape! Then everyone applauds and cheers.

I might be in the wrong class; this might have been a mistake. I’ve only read that statement online, and whenever someone says that, they get flamed immediately. Not here, though. Crazy statements like people are teaching men to rape don’t only go unchallenged they are also applauded.

I sink into my seat, trying my best to make myself less noticeable. Eventually, that dies down.

Then another argument starts up, and it’s about toys. That’s right—toys. They think the big toy companies are training boys and girls differently.

There was a lot of training talk in this class, as if people can’t think for themselves. Feminists are probably projecting that onto men as well.

The way she explains it is toy stores are set up and designed to divide little boys and girls.

Right, having boys’ and girls’ toys separated is a subtle way to breed division between the sexes at such a young age. Yeah, that makes sense, in Crazy Town.

She talks about action figures versus dolls. We’ve all heard the argument; I’m not going to repeat it. Now we reach the insane part. She starts saying, Look at how all the girls’ toys are pink while boys’ toys have so many colors to choose from.

Ah, pink, we meet again. It can’t be that these color options are most likely focus-grouped and went through some crazy algorithm or they had some metrics on what’s the best color to paint toys? Probably not. It has to have something to do with sexism. The simplest answer is usually right according to Occam’s razor.

She says, The toy that bothered me the most was a bow-and-arrow set, and of course, it was pink.

Mr. Blue Hair says, Yeah, like a girl don’t want to get into the fray and fight close like men.

What!? The people that use the bow and arrow are usually the most dangerous people to fight. They can kill you from about eighty yards away. How do you defend against that? You can’t stop arrows to the back. Archers were the snipers of ancient times. Genghis Khan knew how deadly bows and arrows are; they were the main weapons of his army. What were these two people talking about? I calm down and think to myself there’s probably a movie out there that has a heroine that uses a bow and arrow and that’s why they made this toy for girls. When the Hunger Games franchise came out, some toy maker saw that and said, Oh my god, little girls are going to eat this shit up! Run the algorithm and sell a billion of them. Not everything is set in your gender lens. Please take a step back and look at things pragmatically.

She agrees with him and says, Yes, like women can’t fight you face-to-face.

I mumble Xena under my breath.

She continues with "Men are always getting in close, and women need to fight from afar. Like women can’t have

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