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    Capricorn & Cancer
    Capricorn & Cancer
    Capricorn & Cancer
    Ebook99 pages1 hour

    Capricorn & Cancer

    By James Hilgendorf

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    About this ebook

    During the unparalleled covid pandemic of 2020, author James Hilgendorf and his wife Elizabeth, faced the second year of battling Elizabeth's pancreatic cancer.  This was during the 50th year of their marriage.

    Their story is told, going back through their parents' lives, including the high points of their own extraordinary marriage, to the final day-to-day account and diary of their confrontation near the end of the year with death itself.

    At the same time, chaos and division and anger surged all across America, as America itself faces its own reckoning with life and death.

    This is a story of the unfolding within two peoples' lives, and, at the same time, within America, of a deep transformation.

    It is a story of love. A story of life and death.  A story unfolding in eternity.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJames Hilgendorf
    Release dateJan 7, 2021
    ISBN9781393283720
    Capricorn & Cancer
    Author

    James Hilgendorf

    James Hilgendorf is the author of nine books - "Life & Death: A Buddhist Perspective", "The Great New Emerging Civilization", "The New Superpower", "The Buddha and the Dream of America", "A New Myth for America", "Poems of Death: Time for Eternity", "Handbook for Youth in a Muddied Age", "Maybe We Need a New Religion", and "Forever Here". He is also the producer of The Tribute Series, a series of highly-acclaimed travel films that are in homes, libraries, and schools all across the United States, several of which have appeared on PBs and international television.

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      Book preview

      Capricorn & Cancer - James Hilgendorf

      CAPRICORN & CANCER

      by James and Elizabeth Hilgendorf

      Copyright 2021 James Hilgendorf

      Published by James Hilgendorf

      www.jameshilgendorf.org

      All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, without permission in writing from the author or publisher.

      *****

      CAPRICORN & CANCER

      Love is born out of opposites colliding.

      Look at the universe, with its swirling galaxies of stars, whole nebulae clashing and devouring phalanxes of suns.  It is not a peaceful picture.

      We advance by facing that which we do not know.

      The love that becomes the strongest is the love that grows by circling each other in contrapuntal rhythms, held in place by an inward and outward attraction perfectly balanced, like moons circling a planet, like planets a sun.

      As planets arc through their journey, you can hear them crying and sighing, the tension of irrepressible joy.

      I never knew you, and did not ask for your presence, yet from out the darkness and eternity, you appear, and we become caught up in tides of memories and fate from an unfathomable past.

      We are Capricorn and Cancer.  We are winter and summer.  We are night and day.

      Tears and laughter, fondness and spite, pulling at the orbits of each other, circling in the gravity of old bonds.

      Merging, breaking down disparate identities, becoming one.

      Love is born of a battle, no easy quest this one, no easy prize.

      We merge and shine like the sun.

      *****

      CANCER

      On Christmas Day, 2018, my wife Elizabeth underwent a three and a half hour surgery for pancreatic cancer.

      The surgery – named the Whipple Procedure – was successful, removing a two centimeter cancer on the pancreas, as well as part of the pancreas itself; removal of the gall bladder and parts of the intestines; and a reworking of her internal plumbing. 

      Six or seven days later, my wife was up and about in a limited way, and I remember us attending a large New Year's day celebration.

      Pancreatic cancer is a deadly cancer, rarely recognized until it is too late.  My wife was one of the lucky ones – only 10-15% of pancreatic cancer patients even qualify for surgery, because by the time it is discovered, the cancer has already spread to other parts of the body and is beyond the reach of surgery.

      Our journey with the cancer began in late 2018 when Elizabeth was suddenly feeling a lack of energy, as well as a lack of appetite – which is something she had never experienced before.  Our doctor took a blood test, and a few days later Elizabeth was sent to have a CT scan.  She had finished the scan, and we were both on our way to lunch at a nearby restaurant, when her cell phone rang, and she was notified to immediately report to a nearby emergency room.  Other tests being done, it was revealed that she had the malignant cancer on her pancreas.  We opted for surgery.

      The surgery was only the beginning, because if you ask any doctor, the verdict is always the same: pancreatic cancer is incurable. 

      Many oncology doctors invariably prescribe some type of chemotherapy after the Whipple procedure, to try to clear up whatever traces of the disease may still linger in hiding.  The effectiveness of this approach is debatable, since doctors almost universally believe the cancer, at its roots, cannot be cured.  The chemotherapy should ideally take place within the first two or three months after the operation at the most. 

      After many talks with our doctor, Elizabeth finally decided to forego chemotherapy.  Our doctor was completely supportive of our decision. 

      I must say, we both felt in great hands with our doctor.  He had been an oncologist for many years, and had a tremendous number of patients who both trusted and loved him; but he was not liked by many of the other doctors in the business, primarily I think because his approach was different from the standard procedures.  From our own experience, looking back, I feel he was motivated first and foremost with the quality of life of his patients.  He was dealing with a cancer that was remorseless, one that decimated many of its victims in the first six months after prognosis.  He knew the odds, and was always listening to his patients, aware of the grim reality of the situation.

      So we went along for several months, and everything seemed normal.

      Then in October, 2019, a new test showed the cancer had returned in force.  A normal blood test reading for tumor markers is less than 35.  My wife's test returned a level about 18,000.

      Our doctor immediately moved us to a strong combination of chemotherapy drugs, and Elizabeth endured this for about three months.  The chemo was difficult.  There were some days when she was like a zombie.  But she kept going, and at the end of the three months, her tumor marker had plummeted from 18,000 to 215.

      Elizabeth needed a reprieve from the chemo, and the doctor agreed.  She went off the chemo for about five months.  Tests at the end of that time revealed the cancer had returned in force, with a tumor marker in the 13,000 range, and a PET scan (an electronic procedure enabling a very detailed look at her internal body) revealing that the cancer had spread and metastasized.

      About this same time, our doctor finally retired from his practice after several decades of service.  We were channeled to a new doctor, a younger woman, who started Elizabeth on a new regimen of chemotherapy drugs. 

      Complications developed.  Elizabeth's legs both swelled badly, turned red and warm.  The doctor was concerned about blood clots and began administering a blood thinner.  The tumor marker, originally about 13,000, dropped on the next test to about 5000; but the test after that showed a rise to 6000, then 9000, and again back up to 13,000.  The cancer was not being slowed down this time. 

      On October 21, 2020, in the middle of the night, I was asking a question of Elizabeth while in bed, and she suddenly sat up and began shaking and making inaudible noises.  I held her in my arms.  As hard as she tried, she could not talk.  She wanted to write something on paper, but could not hold a pen or write.  She was hysterical.  It was a very frightening time.  I called 911, and four men came soon and took Elizabeth away in an ambulance to the emergency department of a major hospital.

      She had had a major stroke.

      The next day, her speech was slowed, and she could not

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