The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach

1. Dilbert is a documentary. 2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software. 3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world. 4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay? 5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life. 6. Never try to fix the hardware with software. 7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use. 8. Not everything works according to the specs in the data book. 9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work. 10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.

Engineering Terminology What is said

A number of different approaches are being tried. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem. Developed after years of intensive research. Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. Test results were extremely gratifying.

What it means
We don't know where we're going, but we're moving. We just hired three guys... We'll let them kick it around for a while. It was discovered by accident. We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch. The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. It works, and boy are we surprised !

The design will be finalized in the next reporting period. We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something. The entire concept is unworkable. We need close project coordination. The only guy who understood the thing just quit. We should have asked someone else. Alternate: Let's spread the responsibility for this.

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers ? A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets."

-------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx --------

An engineer is someone who washes his hands before going to the toilet.

-------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx -------- xxx --------

Architects and engineers are among the most fortunate of men since they build their own monuments with public consent, public approval and often public money.

I am an Engineer I serve mankind,

by making dreams come true !

The Four Engineers
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
-------- xxx --------