Autobiographical Introduction I was born February 28th, 1989, in Savannah, Georgia.

I have a sister named Princess Letbetter who is a year and two months older then me. My mother, Denise Letbetter was born in New York City to a family of seven. My mother parents did not attend high school and never furthered their education. My mother siblings and mother ended up moving to Savannah, Georgia due to her mother health issues. She ran track through high school in Savannah and ended up getting a full athletic scholarship to Albany State University. She attended ASU for a year after getting pregnant and dropping out of college. My mother only participated in sports during her short time at ASU. My father, Prince Letbetter is from Savannah, Georgia and the youngest out of five siblings. He attended and graduated from high school but never attended college. My father parents did not attended college either. My family can be labeled as lower class. From my earliest childhood we always stayed in apartments until I was probably six. My mother always worked two jobs and my father held down a full time job with Savannah city bus transit. Both of my parents worked really hard and were finally able to get a house but it wasnt long before we would be moving to another city. My father took a job with MARTA, which is Atlanta transit system. Prince has been working with MARTA for over twenty years to date. The move to Atlanta was a struggle and we stayed in plenty of apartments until I was in the fifth grade when they rented a house. Around my seventh grade year my parents were able to build a house from the ground up. My family lost the house my tenth grade year during their divorce. My mother and father to date are still lower class. Racial & Ethnic Identity Development

My race is Black. I identify my race as being strong, weak minded, greedy, courageous, beautiful, talented, and stupid. I like that my race represents power and strength. Being black is honorable and it gives me a sense of pride. Although I think being Black is one of the most powerful races in todays society I believe it to be stupid and fall short to society stereotypes. I think black rappers and singers now mainstream most stereotypes of Black people. I always get mad when someone asks me if I strip or treat me as if I am dumb because of my body. I know I am beautiful but I think when people compliment on certain features they take away from my beauty and make it something negative. I also think my race could be great but we lack the ability to be one. I want my race to actually come together and be great and succeed. Black people continue to kill each other for power and money. I think the main thing I do not like about my race, black people never try to help one another we are selfish and greedy. Growing up I knew it was great to be black but I couldnt say why I felt that way. I did not question or notice race was an issue until a childhood friend called me a nigger. When I was growing up in Savannah it was a mixture as far as race so I had black and white neighbors. I use to always play with my white friend until she got mad at me one day and called me a nigger. I fought her but never asked my parents why she would say that to me because I knew it was a bad word. My family did not really sit down and teach me about race and the difference between black and white. I can remember my parents saying little racial slurs, which made me, realize that there was a difference between white and black. I was always told growing up that I had to be better and work harder because I am a black female. I grew up thinking a black female is one of the worst things to be in America.

From my childhood experiences, family racial slurs, and society I have developed racial biases. I think people with the confederate flag are red neck racist hicks. I think white people have it easier in life. I think black men are violent. I think black people carry all of the hurt and pain in this world. I think black males are bound to go to prison at least once in their life. These are a few of my biases that I am aware of. I think the first step was identifying the biases I hold. I know the bias about black males going to prison at least once comes from the fact all the males in my family on my mother side has been imprisoned except for three. Once I was able to identify the biases I was able to sit down and really figure out where they came from. I was able to see where my black and white biases came from and I constantly remind myself of them so they can be on my conscious mind. I also seek out education to better understand my biases and have a better understanding of them. Seeking education is something I not only use with my biases but also with getting an understanding of sexuality. Sexual Identity Development Sexuality is a topic that I never really explored in my life. Most of my sexual identity was developed based on my religion. I grew up in the church so I was brought up to not have sex until marriage and was never educated on selfpleasuring. I can remember my parents sitting me down when I was ten years old and tried to have the, sex talk, with my sister and I. By the time I was ten I knew what sexual intercourse was but that was the only thing I knew. Since I never explored my sexual identity the things I thought was beautiful about myself were the things people thought was beautiful about me. I never took the time to

appreciate my body because I was always getting confirmation from males that it was beautiful. I am now able to see the beauty I poses. Externally I have a beautiful face, lushes lips, well-defined cheekbones, great smile and a curvy body. Internally I am kind hearted, giving, sensitive, powerful, strong, and intelligent. All of these characteristics play a major role in what I look for in the opposite sex. I am physically attractive to guys with nice bodies and smiles, which helps when we are trying to be sexual. A man who is strong and dominant during sex sexually pleases me. I also derive sexual pleasure from giving and getting oral sex. I am a sexual person and I express my sexual side by being flirtatious and verbal about when I want sex. I never considered masturbation as an outlet to express my sexuality since I thought it was wrong and dirty. I grew up thinking males should only sexually pleasure me and anything outside of that was bad. I believe sexuality is always developing but does not necessarily mean its fluid. I do not agree with people being with men and women. When I think of fluidity and sexuality I think about men and women being with multiple people with the opposite sex. Growing up as a Christian I was taught homosexuals are going to hell and it was very bad to be gay and to have gay thoughts. Due to my religious background there is always a voice telling me its wrong and they are going to hell. My views on sexuality also define my sexual orientation as being a heterosexual woman. Even as a heterosexual woman I have rules and boundaries that were instilled in me since infancy. Some of those boundaries is I am suppose to wait till

marriage to have sex, I am suppose to be subordinate to my husband, have children, cook, clean, and follow the rules my husband set forth. My background with religion and family has impacted my comfort level with sexuality. I feel comfortable having sex and being sexual with the opposite sex but not with myself and with people of the same sex. I do not believe in masturbation and feel uncomfortable when I have tried in the past to masturbate. Something in my mind tells me that what I am doing is wrong and I should stop. I just always thought that males are supposed to please me and I am supposed to get married. I would put my comfort level with sexuality at a very low score. Since I am not comfortable with my sexuality I do not feel comfortable with other people sexuality. I could not imagine at this point in my life counseling someone who is transgendered and is struggling with sexuality and religion. When it comes to my sexuality I am uncomfortable with exploring sexuality and believing sexuality is fluid. I think through obtaining an understanding of my sexuality I will be able to understand someone elses sexuality. Religious & Spirituality Identity Development Sexuality and spirituality are two paths that intertwine in my life often. I believe God is a spirit that is everywhere in everyone. God created the heavens and the earth. God is forgiving and loving. God will deliver not only me but also the rest of the world into salvation. I believe the story about God that consists of God created the world and sent his only begotten son to this world for our sins. I believe the human race started with Adam and Eve. I believe in the old and new testament of the bible. Since God is merciful I believe that if someone repent and ask for

forgiveness one may be able to get into heaven. After death I think someone soul goes to heaven. In order to go to heaven one has to be saved with the Holy Ghost and had accepted God in their heart. I believe heaven to be a place without sin, death, famine, and evilness. I think this world is clouded with evilness and greed. The people in this world have traded their humanity and God for money and power. Humanity serves as a barrier between being evil and good. Being humane and keeping in touch with ones humanity will keep people good. When people start losing their humanity they become evil and do these evil acts like killing a class full of students. Humanity in a person governs their actions, attitudes, and beliefs that can be good and evil. I know the difference between right and wrong because of my father who practiced capital punishment often. My father believed that by beating my sister and I we would behave the way he wanted us to. I can remember being held by one foot and my father beating me with a belt until he got tired. All I could remember thinking is I was wrong and I wanted to be good. I relate right and wrong with how I grew up and also with my conscious. I think people have a little voice in their head that tells them what is right and what is wrong. As I stated previously I believe money altars people sense of right and wrong along with peoples humanity. Social Class Identity Money was something I never heard or seen my family fight about. Growing up I thought my family had money and we were well off. I remember always getting the new shoes and all the clothes I wanted. I did not realize my family was lower class until I was in elementary and all the other kids had houses and we stayed in an

apartment. My mother always worked and I remember her being tired but still able to cook and clean. I remember my father complaining about working but saying its necessary. Growing up I just remembered that in order to have nice things working hard was not an option. Attaining money kept my family busy and also got my family into some legal trouble when I was in the eighth grade. Growing up watching my parents work so hard I told myself I would be rich. Now that I am older I want to be wealthy and live comfortably. I like to spend more money then I save. I believe that I should save more money then I spend but I havent been able to save lately. It is hard to save when bills are due, family needs help, and I have wants. I usually spend my money on bills and wants that comes up. I have rent, lights, cable, car note, car insurance, credit card bill, and cellphone bill. When my money isnt going to bills I like technology and tend to spend way much money. I havent worried about money when it comes to my education because I have the military plus grants. I used Hope, Pell, and TA. Now that I am in graduated school I use loans. I am an independent student and have been since I was sixteen years old, my mother do not give me financial support and neither does the rest of my family. Getting financial support for school was one of the best things that happened in my life. I grew up lower class and knew I could not afford college so I made major decisions like joining the army to help me achieve my life goals. I knew I was not poor but I also knew I was not rich. I think someone is poor if they lack the basic necessities to survive. Someone who is rich have a surplus of there wants and needs. I think a surplus is when someone has more then they need of their basic

necessities like food, water, shelter, and clothing. When it comes to wants a person who is rich can afford any want they want or desire. Being rich and poor in America relates to many factors including gender. I feel like women are not granted the same opportunities as men. Although women arent awarded the same benefits as men, so stated by (Ward, 1990), women have found a way to empower themselves by working formally, informally, and housework. Gender Identity Development In America I feel as though males are afforded more benefits then females. I identify myself as a black female. Being a female is beneficial when I get to use my femininity and sexual attraction to get things that I want. I also thinks being a female is a blessing because I am able to create life. A disadvantage would be having a menstrual for the rest of my life until I hit menopause. I also feel like females are looked at as the lower species and weak. Females get passed over for many things just because we are not considered dominant. Authors Padavic and Reskin (2002), talked about how higher value is placed on males. I believe women are strong, smart, beautiful, and significant in many ways that men will never understand. Men are dominant, strong, easily swayed by females, aggressive, animalistic, and smart. I developed gender roles from watching my parents and society. I watched my mother and cook and clean and my father work and discipline. My mother was soft spoken and passive about a lot of things so I never saw her be aggressive or yell. I did not see my mother lose her composure until my father got caught up with his mistress. My father on the other hand was emotionless and mean. He did not tolerate disrespect and would discipline my sister and I if he felt like we were out of

line. He only showed emotions when we were in church and I am not sure if that counts as him even showing emotions. He instilled in me that he was the man of the household and it was his responsibility to protect the family and be the head. I never saw my mother dispute that concept and felt like it was normal. Although I think women are strong I believe women to have weak roles in society and get treated as so. When it comes to my sexuality as a woman I feel like I must be submissive and give my man sex whenever he desires it. As I got older and challenge these beliefs that I did not even know exist I saw myself thinking about to how my mother and father was when I was growing up. I had no other male and female couple role models to observe so most of my beliefs came from my parents. When their marriage failed I felt like there was no hope for me to get married and to have a family if my husband wanted a family. I formed strong beliefs about adulteress and divorce because of my parents marriage. I am terrified of having children even if I am married because I am scared my husband will leave me. I do not trust happily ever after ending and is skeptical of men in general. I lost part of my identity when my parents divorced and I now know that it is normal and it happens quite often. In (Root, 2012), talked about when a child goes through a divorce it is a threat to the childs ontology. The child loses a sense of who they are and is lost in life. I felt like my world had crashed and God betrayed me and I had nothing. I buried myself in school and work so I would not have to feel or think. I did not attempt to acknowledge my feelings until I started having panic attacks. I am still working on all the feelings I did not allow myself to feel back then and have confronted my mother and father.

Reflection of Privilege & Oppression It was hard watching my parents go through a divorce. It even harder knows I want to get married in the future but the divorce rate for African American is at 50%. I feel hopeless and defeated even at a young age of twenty-four. On top of thinking about marriage I have to think about the stereotypes society has on young black educated females. I feel like the older I get and the higher I go in my education the likelihood of me being single steadily increases. I think about how I might get looked over for a job because I am a black female and my degree wont mean anything in cooperate America. I feel oppressed by cooperate America even though I havent officially entered cooperate America. The only time I feel privilege is when I know I only got an interview or my foot in the door because I am in the military. Once I go to drill and have to wake up four am in the morning and bust my butt all day I no longer feel privileged. I worked throughout high school, undergrad, and I am currently working full time during grad. I have worked almost most of my life because I am black and I am female. I am not awarded many if at all any benefits based on my race or gender. I will continue to work hard throughout my life because of my race and gender. As a counselor I want to work with everyone around the world. I would like to go on missionaries and start up my own youth centers in urban communities. My life is a story and as a counselor I plan to touch the people that not only share a life story similar to mines but to people who never even had to go through half the stuff I went through. I plan to leave a legacy through my career and come up with a leading theory to keep black males out of prison and to help veterans with PTSD.

Starting the program I knew exactly whom I wanted to work with and that was veterans and juvenile delinquents. As I can continue through the program I am realizing I honestly want to counsel the world. Staying true to myself and life story I know my passion is with troubled teens and veterans. I know how it feels to be silenced and feel like I do not have a voice or an ear to listen to me. I was that muted teenager to ready to end my life troubles. I am that soldier who feels like I have to be strong and cannot be weak and speak up. As a counselor I plan to be that ear thats listening and helping. I plan to be present so that my client whoever that might be in the future can finally have a voice.