From: Fr-endzone

Dear out of Sight, Out of Suite, It seems like you have quite the issue on your hands. As I was reading your letter, it seems to me that one of the main problems with your suite is Jane. o offense, she!s probably a

really ni"e girl, but it seems to me that whatever the issues are in the suite, it has to do with Jane and some of her habits or living style. I say this be"ause it seems like no matter what the living situation is for her, she is not satisfied with the rooming situations. #owever, by reading this and doing some resear"h, I "ame up with a few pie"es of advi"e that I hope "an help you and this, $not so suite,% situation. &irst, based on e'perien"e, I a"tually had an issue in my suite this year with two of my suitemates. (efore moving into our suite, we did not know the two people in the suite, and it was )ust not a good situation from the beginning of the semester. *hey didn!t talk to us or do any of the "hores around the suite, like "leaning the bathroom or taking out the trash. *hey would always "omplain about the noise level at hours that the rest of the suite thought were normal hours to stay up and talk. It )ust seemed like they wanted to e'"lude themselves from the suite and not want to talk to any of us. Our suite de"ided that they would not room with us ne't semester, and we had to tell them that things were not working out in the suite. +e felt bad for ki"king them out, but it )ust seemed like it would be better if they weren!t in our suite. ow, our situations differ be"ause Jane is your friend, and you knew her before all of this happened. +hen I read the first in"ident, when Jane didn!t want to talk to ,atrina, the first pie"e of advi"e would have been for her to talk to Jane dire"tly. -ven though she didn!t want to "ause a fight between her and ,atrina, she should have )ust been upfront about the issues that she had with ,atrina. If she didn!t "ommuni"ate with her, then it would have been a very big stress bubble, and "ould and probably started more problems in the suite .#ow to be a /ood

From: Fr-endzone

0oommate, 12. 0esear"h has shown that if two people don!t talk about things or issues that they have, it "an "reate tension that "ould go on and make other problems for the two people .#ow to be a /ood 0oommate, 12. +hen I read the first issue, I thought that it would )ust be )ust a small issue, and on"e Jane had another roommate, then she would be able to have a ni"e living situation. #owever, after reading that she was still unhappy with 3oe, I knew there had to be something with Jane. 4nless it was "oin"iden"e that she had two bad roommates, then there must be something with Jane!s style or her "hara"teristi"s that make it diffi"ult for her to "ohabitate with other people. I!m not saying anything bad about your friend, but sometimes it is tougher for people to live with other people be"ause of "ertain aspe"ts about themselves. +hen it "omes to her not hanging out with the suite or not doing things at the suite, it "ould be a variety of things that "ould fa"tor into why she doesn!t want to be at the suite. #owever, if she really wanted to be a part of the suite, then she would want to hang out with you and your suitemates. 0esear"h shows that one of ways to "onne"t with your suitemates is to spend time with your suitemates. It also shows that showing interest in what is going on with other suitemates, or even asking how things are going with them "an in"rease "onne"tions and help build relationships with suitemates .#ow to be a /ood 0oommate, 12. As to her saying that she feels left out of the group, but doesn!t hang out with you and your suitemates, there are two reasons why people feel like they are left out of groups. It is either be"ause the group of friends is not interested in that person, or be"ause they are open to being friends, but that person has other ways of going about it. After reading this situation, it seems like Jane is )ust the type that has other ways of making friends. Sin"e she didn!t want to

From: Fr-endzone

talk to ,atrina about the problems she had in the suite, there "ould be other ways that she has of making friends. Some of these ways in"lude waiting for people to initiate "onversation or invitations to events or even people don!t like to hang out after a setba"k .+hen 5eople, 12. -ven though she is a good friend, after reading your last paragraph, it seems like the suite doesn!t want to room with her ne't semester. 6ou may feel bad be"ause she is leaving and may not have another group or suite to go to, but if she isn!t "omfortable with the habits of other suitemates, then it may be better for you, your suitemates, and her to go separate ways. 0esear"hers have said that "lose friends do not make great suitemates, be"ause people have a la"k of responsibility when they are with their friends. So, if you were worried about sending a good friend out of the suite, suites that have really "lose friends in them sometimes don!t work out .&riends as suite mates, 12. 0esear"her Amy 3alneraitis says that if there is something that doesn!t work in the suite or there )ust is something that isn!t right about the situation, then go with your gut and go with it .-state, 12. If you do want to talk to her about this, it will be diffi"ult to e'plain. #owever, if she doesn!t want to be in the suite that badly, if you )ust tell her what everyone in the suite is thinking, then she will understand about having to leave the suite. As long as ea"h other respe"t the others! ideas and reasons, then there shouldn!t be any issues with her having to go to another suite. #owever, if you feel that she is a good friend and don!t want to send her to another suite, then there are a few things you "an do to help with this pro"ess. 6ou would have to have you, Jane, and the other suitemates sit down and have her talk about what her problems are in the suite. *hree of the main aspe"ts of being able to live with other people are respe"ting

From: Fr-endzone

differen"es, handling disagreements, and respe"ting priva"y of others .,eeping the 5ea"e, 72. If you sat down and asked her about the issues, then she would be able to tell you how she feels about ea"h of these issues and what she sees as ideal in ea"h situation. Other things to ask a potential roommate about to build a good living situation in"lude noise levels, study times, and spa"e within the suite .Suite8Style, 12. It almost sounds like an interview, but you have to be able to start fresh and be able to rea"h "ommon ground, where no one has seniority in the suite .-state, 12. If she lives in the suite and there is "onfli"t that arises, then there are a few things that you "an do to help resolve the "onfli"t in the suite. *here are four steps to resolving "onfli"ts among people in suites. 5eople must be able to "ommuni"ate with ea"h other, and people must also listen to ea"h other in these dis"ussions. Also, ea"h person has to be understanding and fle'ible and see ea"h others! points of views in ea"h situation. In addition, ea"h member should try to "ome to "ommon ground and "ompromise, so that there is a solution that "an help everyone in the suite .Suite8Style, 12. One pie"e of interesting information that "ould help you while talking to Jane or anyone that may have issues in the suite is that when talking about a "onfli"t in the suite, don!t use words that "an be asso"iated with blame while talking about "onfli"t. 4sing words su"h as don!t, "an!t, and won!t "an es"alate a problem. #owever, words that "an help dees"alate the issue in"lude sometimes, I feel, and maybe, when it "omes to talking about issues in the suite .0oommate 0elations, 12. *hese are )ust some helpful hints to resolve issues in the suite.

From: Fr-endzone

So, these are some of the ways that you "an help work out your issues with Jane and the rest of the suite. I hope that some of this advi"e helped with your situation, and if you have any questions we "an talk it.

Sin"erely, Justin (eau"age

From: Fr-endzone

(ibliography -state,. S. .n.d.2. 0oommate survival guide9 17 strategies to make it work 8 :S 0eal -state. Home Buying, Selling and Renting Advice - MSN Real Estate - MSN Real Estate. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>realestate.msn."om>arti"le.asp'?"p8do"umentid@1AB7;;=1 #ow to (e a /ood 0oommate9 Step8by8Step Instru"tions 8 wiki#ow. .n.d.2. wikiHow - The How-to Manual That You an Edit. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>www.wikihow."om>(e8a8/ood80oommate Is it a good idea to have best friends as suite mates? 8 College Confidential. .n.d.2. ollege on!idential. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>talk."ollege"onfidential."om>"ollege8 life>11=ADA;8good8idea8have8best8friends8suite8mates.html ,eeping the 5ea"e with College 0oommates and Suitemates9 *he &irst8 ight *alk E -du"ation."om. .n.d.2. Education"com # An Education $ hild %evelo&ment Site !o' (a'ents # (a'enting $ Educational Resou'ce. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>www.edu"ation."om>referen"e>arti"le>"ollege8roommates8suitemates8talk>?page@7 0oommate 0elations. .n.d.2. New Yo'k )nive'sity. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>www.nyu.edu>life>living8at8nyu>on8"ampus8living>get8involved>roomate8relations.html Suite8style Fiving E Innis College 0esiden"e. .n.d.2. *nnis ollege Residence. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>innisresiden"e.utoronto."a>"urrent8residents>suite8style8living? wpmpGswit"her@mobile +hen 5eople DonHt Seem Interested In Starting &riendships +ith 6ou E www.su""eedso"ially."om. .n.d.2. Succeed Socially"com # A +'ee ,uide -n How To *m&'ove Social Skills +o' Adults. 0etrieved April ;<, =<1=, from http9>>www.su""eedso"ially."om>notinterested

From: Fr-endzone

0esponse to9 Out of Sight, Out of Suite (y9 Justin (eau"age (ryant 4niversity