Academic Writing Help Centre (AWHC)

The Body - Examples

Primary Ideas
Example thesis: The red-tailed Ungolu swallow is nearing extinction, and such an event would have dire consequences for the Ungolu rainforest ecosystem.

Strong primary ideas:

The previous years clear-cutting practices have eliminated much of the red-tailed swallows habitat and mating grounds, drastically reducing its population growth rate. The red-tailed swallow does not frequently mate and has never existed in large numbers, so it is even more vulnerable to extinction due to human interference. The red-tailed swallow is a vital part of the Ungolu ecosystem; if removed, it will allow the corkscrew beetle to reproduce unchecked and destroy even more forest, along with the ecology it supports.

Unfocused primary idea:

Last year, over $3 000 000 was spent on clearing the forest in the Ungolu region, and not a cent was spent on conservation efforts. o No clear link to the thesis o Doesnt even mention the red-tailed swallow o No mention of any relationship between the clearing of forests and consequences for the ecosystem

Incomplete primary idea:

The red-tailed swallow is very vulnerable to extinction, and human interference must be limited in order to preserve it. o Does not explain why the swallow is vulnerable o Doesnt explain or suggest a link between human interference and extinction

Undeveloped primary idea:

Although no solid data exists on the subject, it seems that every time the red-tailed swallows population drops, the rate of rainforest destruction increases accordingly. o Gives the impression of lack of research o Uses weak language to attempt to cover up lack of evidence

2010 ACADEMIC WRITING HELP CENTRE (AWHC), University of Ottawa

Secondary Ideas
Example primary idea: The red-tailed swallow is a vital part of the Ungolu ecosystem; if removed, it will allow the corkscrew beetle to reproduce unchecked and destroy even more forest, along with the ecology it supports.

Strong secondary ideas:

Without a predator, the beetle population grows unchecked. Populations of corkscrew beetles bore into trees and consume them from the inside out. Multiple beetles usually live in and feed off of the same tree, killing it in less than three weeks before moving to the next (Andrews 43). The beetle also tends to produce prodigious amounts of offspring, mating frequently and productively, with hundreds of young (Andrews 14). Researchers have observed that, when there is no predator to keep the corkscrew beetles from growing to massive numbers, they can reduce a hectare of forest to a graveyard of fallen, hollow trees in less than a month (Higgins 59). The corkscrew beetles numbers have already begun to grow dramatically in Ungolu (Smith 82). Numerous studies point to the correlation between this growth and the drop in the red-tailed swallow population. The redtailed swallow is the only insectivorous predator in the region that has a long beak suitable for digging the corkscrew beetle out of its tunnels in the bark of a tree and so it is the only major predator that keeps the beetle population from exploding (Andrews 235). The abrupt drop in the red-tail population, combined with the corkscrew beetles rapid destructive capabilities, can only result in serious damage to Ungolu forest. The short timeframe of such damage means that the usual lifecycle of the forest that allows trees to be replaced will not take place (Billook, 91). All the ecosystems that depend on it animals which live in the branches and the canopy, plants that live in a symbiotic relationship with the trees, anything that feeds on seeds or fruit from the trees will be disrupted quite severely (Billook 104). Combine this with the existing deforestation that is driving the red-tailed swallow out in the first place, and the picture looks even worse. Together, the two might mean the total destruction of multiple ecosystems.

No development of primary idea:

The corkscrew beetles numbers have already begun to grow dramatically. In summer last year, there were 2 516 trees that showed noticeable signs of corkscrew beetle infestation; this summer, there were almost 12 000 (Smith 82). It is very difficult to get exact numbers for insect populations, as they are so numerous (especially beetles), but observable signs of insect presence like hornet nests or termite mounds are usually effective (McDougall 10). However, the corkscrew beetle has not been extensively studied in terms of habitation or migration, so it is possible that there are far more living underground than above it (Smith 86). o No link to the primary idea o No explanation of food chain relationship or reason for beetles population growth o Too much focus on details that are irrelevant to the primary idea

No basis in evidence:
It seems likely that the corkscrew beetles population will increase with the drop in the red-tailed swallow population. The red-tailed swallow likely eats insects, since many birds are insectivores, and its long beak seems to be well-suited to digging the beetles from their burrows, suggesting that it could even be the main predator keeping the corkscrew beetle in check. o Presents only conjecture and guesswork o No basis in evidence; no sources for information are cited

No connection between evidence and primary idea:

The corkscrew beetles numbers have already begun to grow dramatically. In summer last year, there were 2 516 trees that showed noticeable signs of corkscrew beetle infestation; this summer, there were almost 12 000 (Smith 82). In addition, the red-tailed swallow is the only insectivorous predator in the region that has a long beak suitable for digging the corkscrew beetle out of its tunnels in the bark of a tree. (Andrews 235) o No explicit connection between the evidence and the primary idea o Evidence is presented, but no link is established with the primary idea
2010 ACADEMIC WRITING HELP CENTRE (AWHC), University of Ottawa

Evidence
Example evidence: This particular beetle is strictly herbivorous - it bores into trees and consumes them from the inside out. Multiple beetles usually live in and feed off of the same tree, killing it in less than three weeks before moving to the next.

Quotation:
The corkscrew beetle, on the other hand, is strictly herbivorous it bores into trees and consumes them from the inside out. Multiple beetles usually live in and feed off of the same tree, killing it in less than three weeks before moving to the next (Andrews 43). o Introduces the quote by giving context and using transitions o Uses exact words from source, surrounded by quotation marks o Uses correct parenthetical citation method in MLA style

Paraphrase:
The corkscrew beetle, on the other hand, is an herbivore. It gets its name from its feeding methods, which involve burrowing into the tree and eating the living wood from within. Multiple beetles usually do this, living in their burrows until the damage kills the tree, which usually takes less than three weeks (Andrews 43). o Maintains key points and detail while using noticeably different phrasing and word choice o Uses correct parenthetical citation method in MLA style

Summary:
Communities of corkscrew beetles, on the other hand, eat their way into a tree, killing it very quickly (Andrews 43). o Expresses the main point of the information o Omits details and significantly shortens the text o Uses correct parenthetical citation method in MLA style

2010 ACADEMIC WRITING HELP CENTRE (AWHC), University of Ottawa