A House of Grace

Grace-based parenting doesnt look like

perfection. It just looks like Christ.
By Ryan Mason

36 PARENTING TEENS

But we also want her to understand

that grace is connected to the very
heart of God. It is the heart of God that
gives grace in order that we can be in
relationship with Him. As parents, we
want our children to learn how to both
give and receive grace as they mature in
their faith.

For you are saved by grace through faith,

and this is not from yourselves; it is Gods
gift not from works, so that no one can
boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
The word grace [Greek: charis,
pronounced kh-rs] is a small word
with life-changing implications.
Some have defined grace as Gods
unmerited favor. It is receiving
something good that you do not
deserve. A. W. Tozer stated that,

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OUR DAUGHTER HAS A POSTER

in her room that reads, I will
hold myself to a standard of grace,
not perfection.
We like that poster for a couple of
reasons. First, we want her to know that
she is loved because of who she is and
not for what she does. Our personal
standard is not the fashion industry,
sports arena, or reality TV. Our
standard is Jesus and our desire is to
grow into His likeness.

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Grace is the good pleasure of God
that inclines him to bestow benefits on
the undeserving.
Grace is not just showing kindness
to others, but it is showing kindness to
the undeserving. It is easy to be kind
to those we like but it is altogether
different to extend grace to those who
have wronged us. That is why we must
understand Gods grace and learn to
freely give it away.
The application to our role as
parents is monumental and its benefits
extend well beyond mere behavioral
change. A home built upon grace
creates a new family culturea
culture marked by trust, freedom to
be yourself, and a place where you can
be transparent about your struggles.
Grace holds each other accountable but
is quick to forgive even when things do
not go well.
I recently had a milestone birthday.
It was one of those birthdays that cause
you to consider the reality of getting
older. My wife had worked hard to
prepare a special meal and go to the
trouble of trying to surprise me with a
couple of gifts. The kids were excited
to celebrate and have a little fun at
my expense. Then it happened. My
son blurted out what they had gotten
me as a surprise gift. My daughter
was deeply wounded because she
wanted it to remain a surprise. The
meltdown ensued. We spent the next
few moments in awkward silence at the
dinner table.

The grace that God

gives us is a lavish
grace. It is a grace that
cost Him everything. If
God was willing to give
up His only son so that
we might walk in grace
then how much more
should we be willing to
extend grace to those
that have offended us?

The fun and laughter quickly turned

into tears and tempers as our special
meal was drained of all joy. Grace in
that moment did not come easily. The
temptation was to send everyone to
their rooms or to hand out punishment
for bad behavior. Why is it so difficult to
live and breathe grace? There seems to
be a connection between difficulty and
the things that are life transforming.
The lavish grace that God gives to His
children is free, but it certainly was not
realized without difficulty.
It is the fact that we are imperfect
and struggle with showing grace that
makes us dependent on the Lords
powerand that is the point. The
apostle Paul came face to face with this
reality when he recorded, My grace is
sufficient for you, for power is perfected
in weakness. Therefore, I will most
gladly boast all the more about my
weaknesses, so that Christs power may
reside in me (2 Cor. 12:9).

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5 Reminders for
Grace-Based Parenting

It is easy to look at other families

and think that they have it all together.
This is called a comparison trap
because it traps you from being what
God desires for you. It is good to learn
from others, but never doubt that
God is doing a good work in you, your
spouse, and your children. It is not
about being perfect, because that is an
illusion, but it is about being real and
striving to grow more in the likeness
of Christ.

1. God Gave it First

We have redemption in Him
through His blood, the forgiveness of
our trespasses, according to the riches
of His grace that He lavished on us
with all wisdom and understanding.
Ephesians 1:7-8
The grace that God gives us is a
lavish grace. It is a grace that cost Him
everything. If God was willing to give
up His only son so that we might walk
in grace, then how much more should
we be willing to extend grace to those
that have offended us?
One of the best ways for us to model
grace in the home is to give lavish
grace to our spouses. There may be
no better lesson for our children than
to generously love our spouses and to
freely pour out grace in daily living.

3. Acknowledge Your Own Mistakes

For by the grace given to me, I
tell everyone among you not to think
of himself more highly than he should
think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has
distributed a measure of faith to each
one. Romans 12:3
Our children push back hard
against anything that even smells like
hypocrisy. Grace-based parenting
requires a level of authenticity that
is willing to acknowledge mistakes.
Do not pretend to always get it right,
but use your failures as teachable
moments that will draw your family
closer together.

2. Release Yourself From Perfection

But by Gods grace I am what I
am, and His grace toward me was not
ineffective. 1 Corinthians 15:10

4. C
 larify Boundaries and Hold Each
Other Accountable
For the grace of God that brings
salvation has appeared to all men. It

38 PARENTING TEENS

teaches us to say No to ungodliness

and worldly passions, and to live selfcontrolled, upright and godly lives
Titus 2:11-12, NIV
Creating a culture of grace in the
home does not mean that all rules get
thrown out the window. Grace clearly
defines the boundaries and holds each
other accountable as the family builds
their home on biblical principles.
5. Encourage Your Family Members
to Forgive Easily
Bear with each other and forgive
one another if any of you has a grievance
against someone. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you. Colossians 3:13, NIV
Forgiveness is a choice. Pray for it,
model it, and reward it. Do whatever
you can to prevent unforgiveness from
turning into bitterness. Bitterness
quickly becomes like an acid that
destroys its container from the inside
out. Teach your teens to accept Gods
forgiveness and help them learn to
easily forgive others.
RYAN MASON serves as Minister
of Education at Hillcrest Baptist
Church in Dallas, Texas, and loves to
write about real life issues and help
others apply biblical truths to daily
living. He is married to Kilie and they
have two amazing children.

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Grace-based parenting is not

without challenges, but it is absolutely
worth the commitment. Consider these
reminders to create a culture of grace in
your home.