Promising and Troubling Trends in Family Life

In the organic family identity is first formed. A child is innocent and needy requiring the care of its parents. Whatever the parents do shapes their offspring either for good or bad. As the child grows he begins to mimmick or mirror his or her parents actions. It is crucial that the child feels a sense of belonging and love so that they can form properly and become a successful adult. However many kids grow up in a very unstable environment with little structure, or in a single parent home, or a blended step family. This can be very hard for a young person who is trying to find them-self in a unstable/chaotic world. For Children to develop an independent self they will require a variety of things. -The ability to feel safe in the context of the familiar and unfamiliar -The ability to read emotion in others, to practice self control, to empathize and to engage in caring for others and being cared for. -The ability to accept ones self while simultaneously accepting differences in others. - The ability to consider other people and future generations when evaluating sociopolitical issues such as the evironment and human rights. (Expanded Family Life Cycle, Carter, B. McGoldrick, M.) When People understand themselves and are connected/grounded in a healthy psychological way they can function with others in a prosperous dynamic manner. This most closely resembles the person. - Participating in cooperative activities of many kinds at home, work, and at play. - Expressing a full range of emotions and tolerating emotions in others. - Expressing ones differences in belief or opinions to others without attacking them or becoming defensive. - Relating with openness, curiousity, tolerance, and respect to people who are different from onself. - Nurture, care for, and mentor others. - Accept the help and mentoring of others. (Expanded Family Life Cycle While these traits and characteristics are Ideal few people possess all of them, probably even the majority of them. Families are broken, dysfunctional, and blended, creating an environment of poor family dynamics if left to pan out on its on. How do people survive when families break and or are in constant upheaval. When families are in constant tension everyone pays the toll. The patterns of the parents are passed down to the children (Unlocking Your Families Patterns, Swindoll, C.). Many things are overlooked nor rarely discussed in dysfunctional families. Meal times where families would be able to discuss what took place throughout the day, or have meetings about changes that want to be made in the family just arent happening anymore. Dad comes home after a hard days work and retires in front of the TV. Kids come it from soccer practice and go to their room where they blare loud music or surf the computer. Mom is left frazzeled wondering how to bring the family together. This scenario happens all to often, families just are not talking anymore.

For families to work they must learn to talk, bond, have structure, and set boundaries. When Jesus formed Adam and Eve he would spend time with them, they would go on walks together in the cool of the day. This was a time where the couple and the Lord could be intimate and they could talk about whatever they wished. Families must learn to do this. Often talking is taking place but nothing is really said, and intimacy is not occurring. People must be vulnerable with each other and open so that true intimacy can happen (Unlocking your Family Patterns). There needs to be a measure of safety so that people will not feel threatened in sharing deep things of the heart. When people open up families can flourish they way God designed them to do. Structure is necessary in families; kids will do whatever their hands find to do when left alone. Set rules, and times must be enforced otherwise children will seek out deviant pastimes and break family rules. Spending time with children will allow them to feel loved. Doing activities together such as sports, and vacations will keep them from doing things they should not. Lastly boundaries are necessary to create a sense of separateness. Families can either be enmeshed or detached. But a healthy sense of separateness is good. People need to be able to differentiate from each other, families who try to control one another by pushing views on each other is unhealthy and wrong.