Lilly Plasencia ENC 1102 Courtney Moore January 16, 2014

Dear Courtney, After carefully reading your essay, I have a few tips for you on how to revise it for your final draft. I liked that you took the information about your literacy history and made a connection to who you are as a reader today and how those events in the past influenced the kind of books you read today. I don't think that there is an obvious central theme, but one option might be inspiration. I think this relates to your essay, because your stories show how you did better and improved as a reader when you were inspired by books/people such as: Junie B. Jones book, teacher, mother, AR testing, etc. You chose to organize your information chronologically, which in my opinion is the best way for this essay in particular. However there are other way you could use to organize this essay. One such way might be in order of importance, or impact the different events had on

you as a writer. This would be organized around your central idea, because it goes from most inspirational to least inspirational event. You don't really mention any ideas from the reading, but I think it could be beneficial to make a connection to the Brandt reading. Talking about how your teacher/parent/AR testing, were good sponsors to your literacy, as well as mentioning some negative sponsors you had growing up is a good way to make a connection with the reading. The three sentences that I think you could potentially eliminate in your essay are in the third paragraph. In these sentences you explain what the Junie B. book was about. The reader doesnt need to know the story line of the book, but rather how it affected you. A few other issues are in regards to grammar, punctuation, sentence length, etc. Those issues are local, and could be easily corrected. As far as MLA format goes, you should fix your spacing, also include a heading, and don't forget to cite Brandt if you do include her ideas. All in all, I enjoyed reading your essay!

Sincerely, Lilly Plasencia.