Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

Looking into Relationships with a Religious Eye There are over 1,000,000 couples in the world right now as I type. From that you can determine that over 2,000,000 people are building a relationship together, growing together, and practicing a life together or at least trying to. The question that makes sparks an inquisitive bone in me is whether or not these people in these intimate relationships share a religion and if it makes their relationships stronger or has no effect on their devotedness. Relationships are based on common values systems and you experience this truth every day. You want to be with those who share your interests and moral ideas, said Darren Twa. Darren pointed out a very important view, which in all honesty is beyond true. But who follows this idea? Curiosity flashes like lightning before my eyes as we bring up the topic of religion in intimate relationships. And when I say intimate relationship, I am not only referring to two people engaging in sexual activity, but by intimate relationship I am signifying two people that share emotional and/or physical intimacy. So many people throw the religious card on the table, but fail to dish out their beliefs in their intimate relationships. So I plot to discover just that. How does and how is religion performing a role in intimate relationships? So the first question that lead will lead to my answer is does religion affect ones behavior? Patrick F. Fagan, PhD amplifies his claim with evidence that religious belief and practice contribute substantially to the formation of personal moral criteria and sound moral judgment. Considerable evidence indicates that religious involvement reduces such problems
Comment [KF1]: Is there a difference between being religious and spiritual?

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

as sexual permissiveness, teen pregnancy, suicide, drug abuse, alcoholism, and to some extent deviant and delinquent acts, and increases self-esteem, family cohesiveness and general wellbeing, says Allen Bergin, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University. Some religious influences have a modest impact whereas another portion seems like the mental equivalent of nuclear energy. More generally, social scientists are discovering the continuing power of religion to protect the family from the forces that would tear it down, claims Bergin. So we conclude that religion is a massive factor in behaviorism, which could potentially affect intimate relationships and how people in relationships react with one another. Behavior in a relationship is one of the most important aspects and how you feed off one another. However it seems that even if people are religious in relationships, they still tend to make their own decisions and not decisions based upon their faith. Why do people in intimate relationships make unreligious decisions? For example, pre-marital sex is one of the most practiced sins in America. "The reality of the situation is that most people had premarital sex, and it's been that way for several decades," says Lawrence Finer, director of domestic research at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York City-based non-profit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health. Just to let this sink in, according to the American Religious Identification Survey, roughly 73-80% of people are said to be Christians in America. But on the other hand, of those interviewed in 2002, 95% reported they had had premarital sex; 93% said they did so by age 30, says Finer. In I Corinthians 6:9-11, Paul writes "Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Be not deceived, neither fornicators, nor
Comment [KF2]: The following highlighted is very interesting.

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the Kingdom of God". Fornication is sexual intercourse between two people who do not share marriage. So the question is does the practice of sin in most American relationships harming the relationship or helping it? In so many relationships I have seen where people treat their religion like a buffet. They pick and choose which of the rules or commandments to put on their plate of their relationship. But how many people actually truly share the same beliefs and practice them? Mike Develin of Facebook Data Science says, 86% of married couples in America share the same religion, however according to Develin, "One interesting finding is that people are generally more willing to date people of a different religion than they are to marry them, especially in their twenties. Why is that? If not willing to marry, why enter intimate relationships with one without the same morals or values as you? Many people put a focal point on age in relationships, like that is the most important thing to come across. However, while people are focusing on age maybe they should turn their attention to shared spirituality. Jerry M. Lewis, M.D, found that personality maturation across the lifespan has been attributed to the internalization of admirable qualities of important others. So while amongst people might believe age is a factor in relationships, it is the maturation of a couple that deciphers how issues might be handled. Age doesnt tie a person together or creates a stronger bond with someone, however believing in the same things and building morals and

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

values together are the connection that makes a relationship have relations. From studies shown, it has been discovered that religion has psychological effects on people that therefore have effects your relationships. It is concluded that praying creates a mediating compassionate attitude that promotes health and reduces stress and depression. While amongst I have discovered that religious people grow happier in faith with their partner, it is also proven that religious people are happier than non-religious people. Ed Diener, Department of Psychology at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and Dr. Martin Seligman, American psychologist attendee of University of Pennsylvania and Princeton University, found that statistically controlling for social relationships eliminates the association between religiosity and well-being. In other words, religious people report having more social ties and if you take this into account statistically, religion by itself does not predict happiness. So, really how happy are the people who are non-religious? While amongst many say religion brings peace and happiness and comfort through life struggles, From whats been said, it is actually confusing. People will enter an intimate relationship and not practice their religion, but marry someone with the same beliefs. So if most do not throw their religion in their relationship, who are they marrying? So many people set an age on entering serious relationship, but maybe they should focus on more of someone who shares the same values. Sullivan in Journal of Family Psychology, found religiosity affected couples

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

attitudes; higher levels were associated with more conservative divorce attitudes, increased levels of marital commitment, and more willingness to seek help for marital difficulties. Before I started researching my topic, I was muddled about how shared religion makes intimate relationships stronger or weaker. Alice Fryling, spiritual leader and author of nine books, once said True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate." Some people ideally do not have the same morals and beliefs, which made me more interested in how some might try to make these intimate relationships work. It has come to my vision that someone who doesnt believe in the same things as another will constantly bumps heads and can lead to fights. Likewise Muslims and Christians, who often battle religion, someone who doesnt believe in what you believe could potentially be a mammoth issue unless you have a very open mind. Inter-faith relationships are starting to grow in some areas, and although most dont see a problem in this altercation, I have seen the problems arise already. For instance, if a couple decides to have children, from what faith will the child be grown into? As I came to this conclusion of how sharing a religion in an intimate relationship is important, I believe that if you believe in the same thing you should practice it. Why let your beliefs and values blow in the wind? Let your partner know what you believe in the beginning, and you wont have to waste your time if they dont believe in the same things. Also, search for someone who shares the same things as you. Why hop into an intimate relationship with

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

someone who is expecting something different from what you have in concentration? I now understand that religion is a huge impact on behavior which is how one acts in an intimate relationship.

Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 2/13/2014

Lewis, Jerry. "CME Activity." PsychiatryOnline. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Mar. 2014.

Kims Review: I really like your essay and find it very interesting. One of the biggest question that arose is, Is there a difference between being religious and spiritual? Does this difference differ in relationships? What about not that atheism is arising? There was also a part where you said that people come together with different religions but doesnt mean they arent religious. Does this cause a set back in the relationship religiously? Or how does combining two people of two religions turn out? Overall, like I said, very interesting article and your citations to support it are very valid. These are just suggestions you dont have to follow.