Vanessa Nelson Psychology 1100 Term Project Life and Finding Fish

The psychological growth of a human being from infancy into maturity explains what developmental scientists call the life span perspective. Throughout our lives we grow physically and mentally, we change over time and aspects of our self are transformed by what we perceive as experiences. The reason behind why people do what they do is attributed to personal biases all throughout their lives; observational studies define human characteristics as being multidirectional so much that all people share some similarities, while the vast differences are numerous (Berger, 2010, p. 6-7). To interpret human development all contexts have to be considered including gender, race, culture, genetic composition and the uniqueness that constitutes each individual person. Their influences mold our minds and in some cases lead to strong analytical theories about behavior and life in general (Berger, 2010, p. 17). Biographies and memoirs are helpful tools in psychology, allowing the reader to experience someone elses life, a first person account of what shaped them, their milestones, memories, success, failures and personal analogies of self existence. I see them as a device to increase awareness toward personality differences like tolerance and acceptance. Information that can help us understand each others minds supports our multi dimensional world in a positive way. Antwone Fishers memoir Finding Fish is a gripping account of some truly amazing and inspiring real life moments, from his early abandonment by his biological parents to the raw details of growing up as a ward of the state. He defies the odds of so many negative influences known to be detrimental and eventually becomes a strong, smart, driven human with goals, ambitions and the humanity I can only hope to obtain one day. His ability to rise above the many challenges he

was faced with from infancy to adulthood, is an exceptional display of resilience that from an outsiders point of view is nothing short of a miracle (Berger, 2010, p. 276). I think his attitude about life is remarkable, no matter how many ways he was short changed in his life he never gave up hope that he was a good person and he would make it as a positive contributing citizen. The degree of stress Antwone lived under showed how human beings adapt to their environment every time a new strain is introduced to them. His resilience was supported by the connections he made with his foster brothers and sisters and friends growing up (Berger, 2010, p. 277). The gathering of his strengths enabled him to survive horrendous cruelties of racially steamed emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse and the constant attack of his own personal identity. His self esteem was so badly damaged it is no wonder he questioned his worthiness of dignity or respect in life, or how he managed to develop and conquer goals others with half the setbacks have let lead to their personal demise. From a very young age it is important for a caregiver to show love, support, guidance and understanding to build a childs confidence in order for them regulate their own emotions properly. Antwone took many blows directly to his self esteem for any little slip up or even when there were none. When Mizz Pickett would tell the boy Nigga, Ill take ya back where I gotcha from.Youall wit ya no-account mammies, they dont wont-cha. Dont nobody wont-cha. If they did, ya wouldnt be here. (Fisher, 2001, p. 63) Instead of encouragement and initiating a sense of self worth, especially important in a foster care environment, she constantly belittled them using derogatory racial terms and the most abrasive criticism techniques, more closely related with a mental patient than a parent. Healthy self esteem brings independence and confidence needed for children to learn new things; it gives them motivation to engage in hard tasks and emphasizes their positive qualities (Berger, 2010, p. 198). In contrast the emotional abuse Antwone suffered to his

self esteem was at a critical time period, a time when learning to balance your emotions directly effects the formation of self concept. When kids start to understand themselves we say they are forming their own self concept. Repeatedly the message in the Picketts home was that they were caring for unwanted kids, a burden to society these children were, and that any trait the kids possessed was fair game to attack. The children learned to be on high alert all the time, to react instead of consider the situation, they were told they couldnt handle life, they werent strong or smart, they were dumb and were only capable of criminal thoughts and actions like lying and stealing. They were shamed into believing that because they behaved so badly nobody would want them and even more, their own gender was a flaw because nobody could love a wild unruly boy. No self image was spared by referring to the African American kids as niggas now even their race wasnt good enough for the world and they should be guilty and shamed for the color of their skin (Fisher, 2001, p. 70-71). This pitted the kids against each other as some were more black than the others. Seeing the lighter skinned kids receive better treatment at school and home planted the seed of self resentment in Antwone. Not only did he doubt himself but now he disliked his physical appearance another setback he had no way controlling. The issue of race in Antwones home toward one other contributed to the low morale growth of the kids in general. By keeping the kids divided, it stripped them of bonding in a peer cooperative way that should have helped them conceive ideas of fairness and friendliness. It kept them from being honest with each other and developing the logic needed to act in a truthful sincere way (Berger, 2010, p. 298-299). Such powerful attempts to break a kids spirit lead to the inexperience of handling emotions and more importantly unhealthy coping mechanisms of problematic situations. Children start to

internalize or hold onto to their feelings; they are withdrawn and fearful leading to overcontrolling other aspects of their lives such as food intake, bathroom practices or even hygiene (Berger, 2010, p.202). Another effort in seeking emotional balance is to interpret strong feelings by externalizing or lashing out at others. Aggressive behavior, violence, tantrums and outbursts are examples of externalizing matters (Berger, 2010, p. 201). Antwone often fought with others and had uncontrollable anger he could only express through a sharp tongue or a closed fist; these were later addressed through counseling and supported by positive feedback on how to deal with daily stresses, something he hadnt learned as a kid. Specific abuse types have distinct correlations in a persons life, the psychological control of a child early on in the forms of parenting styles, punishments and rewards are sometimes extreme and damaging. Physical abuse or as some authoritarian style of parenting people call it: punishment, has definite long-term effects. The impacts on kids that are physically punished include delinquent behaviors, risk of becoming a bully and/or risk of becoming an abusive adult (Berger, 2010, p. 218). Judging by the extreme beatings Antwone endured at a young age to the point of unconsciousness and the sheer terror of being tied up in a dark basement, inevitably led to bouts of bed wetting and strange survival techniques like day dreaming and disconnection to the abuser, sometimes even sympathizing with Mr. Pickett as he beat them less and only half heartedly (Fisher, 2001, p. 66). Among the various forms of abuse Antwone encountered, one that truly weakened his soul and oppressed his natural sexuality into adulthood was being sexually molested starting at age four. He refers to it as a nightmare that was so scary it produced copious amounts of unspeakable shame (Fisher, 2010, p. 44). He was so intimidated by the abuser, a neighbor girl other people describe as attractive and helpful, that he only ever tells his best friend of the maltreatment. He questions

whether something he did solicited the illicit events, his innocence and numerous contributing abuses and stresses have him thinking that it could possibly be his own fault. How tragic! Adults are supposed to keep children safe they are expected to protect you from abuse, not put you in harms way. I think exposure to this magnitude of abuse is nothing short of torture and studies show that any developmental problems an adolescent can run into, occur more frequently in sexually abuse victims. Consequences include early pregnancy, exploitation and trauma. However the lifelong effects tend to make the victim devalue themselves and others, they can also contribute, like in Antwones case, to the fear of sexual relationships as an adult (Berger, 2010, p. 323-324). Although in some ways the fear of sex may have led to positive results in terms of disease and possible fatherhood for Antwone, they also instilled dread and phobia about relationships and once again fed his self doubt of whether he was maturing as a normal young man. Many events trigger the identity of a person and the self realization of who you are and what youre capable of can be your motivation or your downfall. From the age of six Antwone wondered who his mother was, even more when he discovered he was a foster child. His imagination runs rampant as he asks himself, who is my mother? Again confusion invades his thoughts as he mistakenly imagines a doctor with the same name as him, as his father. He makes impractical promises to himself that if this father accepts him he will be good for the rest of his life and even though he has heard his father called a thief he cannot make sense of how someone as seemingly helpful such as a doctor could possibly be a bad guy (Fisher, 2010, p. 87-90). Out of all of these memories you start to see the formation of a rational logic, one that defies the consistent negative thought pattern he had witnessed almost exclusively.

It must be an innate quality, one not dependant on experience; because before he can meet people such as his incredibly patient and understanding school teacher Mrs. Profit, or the motherly and warm Mrs. Brown from the orphanage, Antwone increasingly shows signs of formal operational thought. This is the cognitive ability to reason without relation to real life experience (Berger, 2010, p. 328). The abstract idea that he can be somebody, he can rise out of all he has ever known and become a husband, a father, a photographer, a passionate person who is nice, successful and contributes something meaningful to the world. In closing Antwones life comes full circle with his personal achievements in the Navy, proving his difficult upbringing actually helped him prepare for rigorous challenges in adulthood. He finally accomplishes the exception of his peers and possesses a sense of belonging and camaraderie with his fellow recruits. His overwhelming feeling of pride upon graduation and his eventual status of husband and father are the signs of true personal success. And how even without a glimmer of hope to cling to, human resilience can never be underestimated.

Works Cited Fisher, Antwone Quenton. (2001) . Finding Fish: A Memoir. New York, NY. First Perennial edition, Harper Collins Publisher.

Berger, Kathleen Stassen. (2010) . Invitation to the Life Span. New York, NY. Worth Publishers