Raising a child in todays world seems to get harder and harder each day with all of the bad influences that are constantly trying to persuade todays youth to throw away their dreams of the future for momentary happiness. By momentary happiness I mean the happiness of living in the now and not planning for the future or worry about how your decisions may affect your life. The need for parents that teach their children to set goals and aspire for higher standards is very prevalent. It is true that not all children are the same and dont all require the same style of parenting. However the need for high moral values and positive influences are all things that a child needs to become a responsible adult that contributes to society. To be more clear on whom these children are I would like to explain that Im talking about any one from the time they begin using their agency and on. This could include a lot of adults, since parents really never stop parenting. For the most part however there is a certain point when a child is considered an adult and should be self-sufficient. That age to me would be around nineteen years old. In some cases not enough attention is paid to children and not enough dedication or effort is put into teaching them good values. In this paper I will be talking about those parents who choose to put too much pressure on their children and who have taken good parenting to the extreme and when anything good is given too much it has negative side effects.
Helicopter parenting is what many parents resort to in order to secure that their children dont stray from what they consider to be right. Helicopter parenting is what many call hovering over your children, coddling, spoiling and the list could go on. Its been debated by Educators and Doctors whether this type of parenting is detrimental to the development of a child into an adult. One of the main points that I have against helicopter parenting is one of the points that James Edgar uses in his article Give your children time to be bored, pushy parents are urged. The point is that in order for children to develop their thinking skills and ability to be creative they need to be put in situations where these processes are used. Many parents will say that allowing their children to be bored would cause them to get involved in things that could cause them harm physically or psychologically as in drugs or risky behavior. Some are concerned that it will cause laziness and that they will develop the habit of not planning or not wanting to be active. To all those I would say if you want your children to do those things keep planning out their lives to the point where they cant take it anymore. Keep making them feel as if they need to be perfect with unrealistic expectations. Those parents who plan out everything for their children, first to music lessons then to basketball practice and then to swimming arent preparing their children to be high functioning active adults. This would only force a child to despise having a busy schedule that an adult does. Julie Robinson, the education and training director of the Independent Association of Prep Schools has found that helicopter parenting isnt healthy for a child. She speaks out and says that time to relax and reflect is just as important as time to study and learn. She affirmed the following: "It is all too easy for parents to be sucked into a competitive busyness, ensuring that children are constantly occupied and stimulated," she said. "We should not fear boredom however. Quiet, reflective time is just as important as purposeful activity." She continues and leaves the impression on us that happiness doesn't come from all of the extracurricular activities that we were involved in. Only that it comes from developing relationships and spending time with others while having a balanced lifestyle with work and play. I agree that playing with other children and socializing is very important for children in order to become what a future employer would want. Someone who knows how to communicate effectively with another person. Children learn from being rejected by other children how to problem solve and develop better communication ability. They learn how to understand emotional cues, all of which are very essential to someone who is going to be working with people one day. Therefore boredom and having time to relax are not bad things but something good that allows for the development of independence. It greatly prepares a child emotionally for what is to come in the future and how to handle different social situations. Dr Mary Bousted, the general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers adds her two cents with a quote that summarizes everything I have written on this particular topic. Her view is: "Expecting life to be a roller-coaster of constant entertainment is not a good preparation for the adult world. In several of the articles that I was able to research on the topic of helicopter parenting I found that there were common reasons to why it is detrimental to a child. There are many medical side effects that child develop because of the pressure and high expectations their parents inflict on them. Amanda Oglesby the Author of the article: "Parenting in the age of competition" gives us valuable information from a Clinical Psychologist named Madeline levine who has written 4 different books on parenting. She holds as does Julie Robinson the other article that the pressures being placed on children to achieve the goals their parents have set are proving to cause Anxiety, drug abuse and sometimes suicide. The stress and fear of failure are turning children into the next generations psych ward patients, not into the next generation of wall street businessmen. How do you expect a business to recruit someone who lacks creativity, the ability to work in a team, and has mental disorders? A survey done by Keene State College in New Hampshire found that children who had helicopter parents were less likely to be open to new ideas and were more dependent on their parents. Successful people don't become successful because mommy and daddy took them by the hand and lead them to it. Successful people become successful because they want it and they work for it. Failure and trial and error are necessary in order to become successful in anything. I'm willing to bet that almost anyone who has opened a business or who has had to work for years to achieve their career goals has learned how to depend on themselves and not on their parents. Tim Blackmore, a professor at Western University in Ontario gives an example of just how ridiculously involved parents are getting into their children's lives even on the college level. He recalls this experience: "The student gets on the phone and says, 'Mom, she won't raise my grade' and then hands the phone to the counselor and says, 'You talk to her.'" If this student would have been taught values and would have been given time to solve problems for them self and develop independence they would have never had to have students like me telling their story and using them as an example of what not to do. They would have been respected by their teacher and not look at like a child but the responsible adult that their parents thought they were molding. Not only are parents hovering over the education that their child is receiving but they also get involved in their careers and jobs. Ben Trahan who works for a Canadian transportation company give several examples of how parents are invading the lives of their children in the workforce as well. He gives his examples in his own words as follows. "I have guys get their parents to call in sick (for them) all the time, or parents asking why supervisors yelled at their children - even though they're in their late twenties," said Trahan, who is based in Edmonton. "Even had a mom ask if we knew her son's whereabouts on a weekend because he hadn't been home straight after work." A study done by Brigham Young University showed that one third of students reported that their parents made all personal decisions for them. The same researchers found that the laziness of students and their tendency to skip class and turn in assignments late was due to the fact that their parents were invading their private life. Helicopter parenting truly debilitates a person and doesn't give them room to value the opportunities they have. If mommy and daddy do everything and make sure all is well, the child will never really become an adult. Perhaps they may look and have the age of one. But inside they will be about as mature and responsible as a 8th grader. I truly believe that most parents have good intentions and do what they do because they care. I sincerely doubt that they plan to cause their child emotional complications as well as a bad attitude towards authoritative figures. The best of intentions are there, however good intentions when coupled with the obsession to raise the perfect child leads to overbearing parents who only set their children up for rebellion and resistance to their parents. I respect those parents for their desire and persistence however proper use of that drive that they want to instill in their children would allow them to become motivated and mature adults that had learned from failures and being on their own. I've noticed in my own life that when you are left alone and only can rely on yourself its very humbling and allows for growth. I believe that it is essential to be left to make your own decisions and learn from failures in order to become a responsible and mature adult. Some parents believe it to be necessary to guide their child's every move, however as I have shown with my research this belief is proving to be untrue. Children don't need to be hovered over constantly they need to be instructed and taught morals and values and then let loose to see how they choose to practice the values they have been taught. People who have tasks forced upon them rarely perform those tasks out of good will. Rather they resist and learn to hate the things that are being enforced. Helicopter parenting does not allow for failure and learning but it allows for rebellion that eventually leads to ultimate failure and disappointment. Children need space and they need trials and mistakes in order to become a high functioning responsible adult in our society.
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