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Effects of Helicopter Parenting

(Final Position Synthesis)


Michael Newell
English 1010

Raising a child in todays world seems to get harder and harder each day with all of the
bad influences that are constantly trying to persuade todays youth to throw away their dreams of
the future for momentary happiness. By momentary happiness I mean the happiness of living
in the now and not planning for the future or worry about how your decisions may affect your
life.
The need for parents that teach their children to set goals and aspire for higher standards
is very prevalent. It is true that not all children are the same and dont all require the same style
of parenting. However the need for high moral values and positive influences are all things that a
child needs to become a responsible adult that contributes to society. To be more clear on whom
these children are I would like to explain that Im talking about any one from the time they
begin using their agency and on. This could include a lot of adults, since parents really never
stop parenting. For the most part however there is a certain point when a child is considered an
adult and should be self-sufficient. That age to me would be around nineteen years old. In some
cases not enough attention is paid to children and not enough dedication or effort is put into
teaching them good values. In this paper I will be talking about those parents who choose to put
too much pressure on their children and who have taken good parenting to the extreme and when
anything good is given too much it has negative side effects.

Helicopter parenting is what many parents resort to in order to secure that their
children dont stray from what they consider to be right. Helicopter parenting is what many call
hovering over your children, coddling, spoiling and the list could go on. Its been debated by
Educators and Doctors whether this type of parenting is detrimental to the development of a
child into an adult. One of the main points that I have against helicopter parenting is one of the
points that James Edgar uses in his article Give your children time to be bored, pushy parents
are urged. The point is that in order for children to develop their thinking skills and ability to be
creative they need to be put in situations where these processes are used. Many parents will say
that allowing their children to be bored would cause them to get involved in things that could
cause them harm physically or psychologically as in drugs or risky behavior. Some are
concerned that it will cause laziness and that they will develop the habit of not planning or not
wanting to be active.
To all those I would say if you want your children to do those things keep planning out their
lives to the point where they cant take it anymore. Keep making them feel as if they need to be
perfect with unrealistic expectations. Those parents who plan out everything for their children,
first to music lessons then to basketball practice and then to swimming arent preparing their
children to be high functioning active adults. This would only force a child to despise having a
busy schedule that an adult does. Julie Robinson, the education and training director of the
Independent Association of Prep Schools has found that helicopter parenting isnt healthy for a
child. She speaks out and says that time to relax and reflect is just as important as time to study
and learn. She affirmed the following: "It is all too easy for parents to be sucked into a
competitive busyness, ensuring that children are constantly occupied and stimulated," she said.
"We should not fear boredom however. Quiet, reflective time is just as important as purposeful
activity." She continues and leaves the impression on us that happiness doesn't come from all of
the extracurricular activities that we were involved in. Only that it comes from developing
relationships and spending time with others while having a balanced lifestyle with work and
play.
I agree that playing with other children and socializing is very important for children in
order to become what a future employer would want. Someone who knows how to communicate
effectively with another person. Children learn from being rejected by other children how to
problem solve and develop better communication ability. They learn how to understand
emotional cues, all of which are very essential to someone who is going to be working with
people one day. Therefore boredom and having time to relax are not bad things but something
good that allows for the development of independence. It greatly prepares a child emotionally for
what is to come in the future and how to handle different social situations. Dr Mary Bousted, the
general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers adds her two cents with a quote
that summarizes everything I have written on this particular topic. Her view is: "Expecting life to
be a roller-coaster of constant entertainment is not a good preparation for the adult world.
In several of the articles that I was able to research on the topic of helicopter parenting I
found that there were common reasons to why it is detrimental to a child. There are many
medical side effects that child develop because of the pressure and high expectations their
parents inflict on them. Amanda Oglesby the Author of the article: "Parenting in the age of
competition" gives us valuable information from a Clinical Psychologist named Madeline levine
who has written 4 different books on parenting. She holds as does Julie Robinson the other
article that the pressures being placed on children to achieve the goals their parents have set are
proving to cause Anxiety, drug abuse and sometimes suicide. The stress and fear of failure are
turning children into the next generations psych ward patients, not into the next generation of
wall street businessmen. How do you expect a business to recruit someone who lacks creativity,
the ability to work in a team, and has mental disorders? A survey done by Keene State College
in New Hampshire found that children who had helicopter parents were less likely to be open to
new ideas and were more dependent on their parents. Successful people don't become successful
because mommy and daddy took them by the hand and lead them to it. Successful people
become successful because they want it and they work for it. Failure and trial and error are
necessary in order to become successful in anything. I'm willing to bet that almost anyone who
has opened a business or who has had to work for years to achieve their career goals has learned
how to depend on themselves and not on their parents. Tim Blackmore, a professor at Western
University in Ontario gives an example of just how ridiculously involved parents are getting into
their children's lives even on the college level. He recalls this experience: "The student gets on
the phone and says, 'Mom, she won't raise my grade' and then hands the phone to the counselor
and says, 'You talk to her.'" If this student would have been taught values and would have been
given time to solve problems for them self and develop independence they would have never had
to have students like me telling their story and using them as an example of what not to do. They
would have been respected by their teacher and not look at like a child but the responsible adult
that their parents thought they were molding. Not only are parents hovering over the education
that their child is receiving but they also get involved in their careers and jobs. Ben Trahan who
works for a Canadian transportation company give several examples of how parents are invading
the lives of their children in the workforce as well. He gives his examples in his own words as
follows. "I have guys get their parents to call in sick (for them) all the time, or parents asking
why supervisors yelled at their children - even though they're in their late twenties," said Trahan,
who is based in Edmonton. "Even had a mom ask if we knew her son's whereabouts on a
weekend because he hadn't been home straight after work."
A study done by Brigham Young University showed that one third of students reported
that their parents made all personal decisions for them. The same researchers found that the
laziness of students and their tendency to skip class and turn in assignments late was due to the
fact that their parents were invading their private life. Helicopter parenting truly debilitates a
person and doesn't give them room to value the opportunities they have. If mommy and daddy do
everything and make sure all is well, the child will never really become an adult. Perhaps they
may look and have the age of one. But inside they will be about as mature and responsible as a
8th grader.
I truly believe that most parents have good intentions and do what they do because they
care. I sincerely doubt that they plan to cause their child emotional complications as well as a
bad attitude towards authoritative figures. The best of intentions are there, however good
intentions when coupled with the obsession to raise the perfect child leads to overbearing parents
who only set their children up for rebellion and resistance to their parents. I respect those parents
for their desire and persistence however proper use of that drive that they want to instill in their
children would allow them to become motivated and mature adults that had learned from
failures and being on their own. I've noticed in my own life that when you are left alone and only
can rely on yourself its very humbling and allows for growth. I believe that it is essential to be
left to make your own decisions and learn from failures in order to become a responsible and
mature adult.
Some parents believe it to be necessary to guide their child's every move, however as I
have shown with my research this belief is proving to be untrue. Children don't need to be
hovered over constantly they need to be instructed and taught morals and values and then let
loose to see how they choose to practice the values they have been taught. People who have tasks
forced upon them rarely perform those tasks out of good will. Rather they resist and learn to hate
the things that are being enforced. Helicopter parenting does not allow for failure and learning
but it allows for rebellion that eventually leads to ultimate failure and disappointment. Children
need space and they need trials and mistakes in order to become a high functioning responsible
adult in our society.

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