A Dream of Friendship by sleepii

Characters: Shoo, Eugene, Bada, MinWoo, HwanHee, me/narrator

NOTE: (Date o dream ! "u#$ % &''( )*M+ This stor$ was actua##$ a dream , had- Some .arts , ma$ ha/e ta0en out 1ecause the$
were irre#e/ant i written in a stor$ ormat- This dream had such an im.act on me that , cou#dn2t go 1ac0 to s#ee.- ,t wo0e me u. )*M
in the morning and , had to get it down 1eore , cou#d orget- ,t was incredi1#$ strange how each o the characters were actua##$ in m$
dream 1ut in their auras/sou#s were m$ riends2- Whoa3cree.$ descri.tion- *## right, #et me c#ari$, it was as i m$ riends2 minds
were in the gasoos 1odies- Oh $eh3and sorr$ in ad/ance i it2s a #itt#e 1it cho..$, this was a dream and , was tr$ing to get the who#e
thing down 1eore , cou#d orget it-
Intro
, used to 1e#ie/e in something ca##ed riendshi.- That was unti# the da$ that , had awo0en- The da$ , rea#i4ed that e/er$thing was 5ust a
dream-
Part 1
,t had a#wa$s 1een the three o us- Eugene, Shoo and me- We grew u. together- , guess , shou#d start rom the irst time we met- ,n
ourth grade, Shoo had mo/ed in, a1out a street o/er rom mine- We had instant#$ 1ecome riends since meeting in the same
c#assroom- , guess it had 1een ate- We s.ent da$s together, going to the same acti/ities together, or we wou#d 5ust sit there in each
other2s .resence en5o$ing a summer e/ening2s 1ree4e- ,t was in si6th grade when things started to change a #itt#e- ,t was when Eugene
mo/ed two streets rom mine, the o..osite wa$ o Shoo2s- There must ha/e some strange .ro.hec$ to where we were #ocated- , was
ne/er as c#ose to Eugene as , wou#d 1e to Shoo- But nonethe#ess, the three o us soon 1ecame inse.ara1#e- *## or one and one or a##-
,n those $oung da$s, each o us rea##$ cou#d 1e there or each other, no matter the situation- We didn2t ha/e the wor0, schoo# or
.ersona# #i/es to interere with our riendshi.-
,n se/enth grade, things started 1ecoming a #itt#e #ess ami#iar- Shoo and , had grown u. as tom1o$s together- *nd Eugene added to
ma0e the num1er three- , guess it was in se/enth grade when she irst started #i0ing 1o$s was when e/er$thing started getting a #itt#e
1it dierent- Eugene was the irst to actua##$ dress #i0e a gir# out o the three o us- *nd sur.rising#$, she was a#so the irst to act #i0e
one- This sudden change had near#$ 0noc0ed me out- *s or Shoo, , cou#d te## she was starting to e6.eriment with the gir#ish c#othes
and ma0e7u.- The two o them had #et me 1ehind- ,t was in se/enth grade when other things started to change a#so- There were two
more neigh1ors on m$ 1#oc0- One named 8ee MinWoo and the other Hwang 9oonSu0 (he .reerred we ca## him HwanHee+- MinWoo
#i/ed a1out ten houses down m$ side o the street and HwanHee was #ocated two houses across rom mine- The$ came at dierent
times 1ut had the same aect on a## the gir#s at schoo#- This was when m$ transormation into a :gir#; 1egan-
B$ eighth grade, the three o us had 1ecome 1#oc0 1uddies- We hung out together, went out together, and we##, it was #i0e ha/ing Shoo
and Eugene with me- With MinWoo and HwanHee, it wou#d 1e #i0e ha/ing the gir#s in a .er.etua# tom1o$ .hase- *nd , hate to admit
it, 1ut , rea##$ wanted things to 1e that wa$- , was ne/er ond o ma0e u. or the c#othes- E/en though , was a 1it gir#7ier than 1eore,
m$ tom1o$ side had won o/er man$ times- *nd whene/er , was with the 1o$s, , didn2t ha/e to worr$ a1out m$ a..earance or
an$thing- We cou#d 5ust act #i0e 0ids again- MinWoo was a#wa$s the one who wou#d entertain me whi#e HwanHee ed us with
whate/er concoction he wou#d come u. with in the 0itchen- 8ie was good-
, was c#ose as e/er with m$ two sets o 1est riends- But , had ne/er to#d one set a1out the other- Wh$< , didn2t 0now wh$- ,t wasn2t
unti# ninth grade when , 0new things were going downhi##- *nd the irst mista0e that sent me on the descending 5ourne$ was
introducing m$ two sets o 1est riends to each other- ,t was then , 0new what 5ea#ous$ e#t #i0e- *nd it ate me inside out- MinWoo had
a#wa$s 1een a #irt- To an$ other gir# at schoo#, , didn2t .a$ much mind 1ecause , 0new he wou#dn2t a##ow them to interere with our
riendshi.s- He had to#d me in secret that he had ne/er had a gir#riend 1eore- , rea##$ didn2t 1e#ie/e it at irst 1ut he was te##ing the
truth- *## o m$ riends were rea##$ honest with each other- We didn2t ho#d man$ secrets 1ac0- *nd it created a /er$ comorta1#e
en/ironment or the i/e o us- But 1etween the 1o$s and me, we2/e a#wa$s had this t$.e o en/ironment-
MinWoo was a#wa$s the t$.e who wasn2t araid to .#a$ around 1$ sa$ing things #i0e: , #i0e $ou- The two o us were the 1est o riends
and , understood that it was on#$ good7natured 1anter- ,t was m$ e/er7disgusted res.onses that made him smi#e and that was enough
or him to 1e satisied- HwanHee a#wa$s thought o our .#a$ as chi#dish- He ne/er rea##$ said too much at times, a#wa$s the =uiet and
sh$ one- *nd what , rea##$ admired him or was his steadast aithu#ness to our grou. o riends- We cou#d a#wa$s count on him to 1e
there when one o us cou#dn2t-
So now, it was the i/e o us- We2d a## hang out, do things together> we did what grou.s o riends did 1ecause that was what we had
a## 1ecome- Shoo was rea##$ a great riend to 1oth MinWoo and HwanHee- The$ res.ected her as i she were a sister- Eugene was a 1it
dierent in her a..roach- She was a 1it o a #irt around gu$s- Something #i0e the ema#e /ersion o MinWoo- But nonethe#ess, we a##
remained good riends- We were sti## in that two7sets7o71est7riends mode howe/er- Shoo and Eugene cou#d ne/er 1e as c#ose to
MinWoo and HwanHee as the$ were to each other (and me+ and it was the same or the 1o$s- But we a## got a#ong /er$ we## and that
was enough or me- Eugene was going out with some gu$ named ?angTa at the time, so , wasn2t too worried a1out her getting with
MinWoo or HwanHee- To me, MinWoo and HwanHee were the same as we were 1eore Shoo and Eugene came into the .icture- Sti##
c#ose as e/er- *nd it was the same or Shoo and Eugene- Things were good- , shou#d ha/e 0nown good things weren2t going to #ast-
Part 2
Tenth grade was when e/er$thing turned u.side down- There was a new gir#, Bada- *nd she didn2t #i/e an$where near the i/e o us-
But sti##, she 1ro0e into our circ#e- , wasn2t too sure whether she shou#d 1e #et in so easi#$- *ter a##, it too0 us se/en $ears to 1ecome
as c#ose as we were now, our or the gu$s- Shoo, Eugene and , went through so much together since the ourth grade- Time had
e/entua##$ 1rought Eugene and me c#oser as riends- B$ now, m$ 1e#ie in true riends was sti## intact- With the ho.e o ha/ing another
c#ose riend, we #et her into our c#i=ue- This was how we were now di/ided: Shoo and , are once again a .air, MinWoo had HwanHee,
and Eugene was with Bada- The two gir#s shared a .assion or acting and entertainment- ,t 1rought then together 5ust #i0e gooing o
and 1u11#e tea had 1rought Shoo and me together-
This was when m$ .aranoia started to de/e#o.- , hated the act that Bada was an :outsider;- She hadn2t 1een with us or more than a
$ear and she was a#read$ acting #i0e she was Eugene2s 1est riend- M$ 5ea#ous rage added to the #ame- , e#t #i0e Eugene was 1eing
ta0en awa$ rom us- @rom the grou. that we grew to 0now as a second ami#$- Someone who didn2t ha/e or 0now an$ o the histor$
that had 1ui#t u. since the ourth grade was stea#ing OAB Eugene rom us-
,2/e ne/er e#t so 5ea#ous in m$ #ie- , to#d m$se# , wasn2t going to #et that ha..en to an$one e#se in our grou.- , had 1rought us a##
together and now, it was u. to me to 0ee. us a## together- , e#t that res.onsi1i#it$ weigh so hea/i#$ on m$ shou#ders that it too0 o/er
m$ e/er$ thought- ,t consumed m$ mind with a .aranoia that 1ecame a#most un1rea0a1#e- But no one 0new- None o them 0new o
m$ ear- The /er$ ear that ate at m$ sou# was on#$ too o1#i/ious to them- , was ta#ented in hiding secrets rom them- , didn2t #i0e
doing it 1ut it was m$ own c#andestine 1att#e that had to 1e ought and won 1$ me- "ust the thought o us not 1eing a grou. an$more
sent shi/ers down m$ s.ine- , didn2t want it to ha..en- , wasn2t going to #et it ha..en-
The i/e o us were as c#ose as we e/er were- There was on#$ one #aw now: Bada- * sot si#ence cre.t into the each o us and we
retreated to our other ha#/es or conso#ation- This had 1een the time o the Di/ision- Shoo and , had 1een re71onding- HwanHee and
MinWoo had their own #itt#e wor#d o /ideo games and 5un0 ood- Eugene now #et us or Bada- There wasn2t an$thing rea##$ wrong
with Bada, 1ut , 5ust had a strong dis#i0e o her- M$ intuition tugged at me so hard that , cou#dn2t ignore it an$more- Something 1ad
was going to come out o her sta$ing with us-
,t was e#e/enth grade now and m$ dee. dis#i0e o Bada had not decrease 1ut instead, grew- We a## sti## got a#ong 1ut we 5ust didn2t
hang out a## together as we used to- Eugene and Bada has acting #essons se/era# times a wee0, HwanHee 5ust seemed to 1ecome
in/isi1#e, Shoo had sudden#$ turned =uiet, and MinWoo was the same as e/er- His charisma cou#dn2t ha/e 1een daunted 1$ the
s#ightest o things- But , 0now he e#t things were changing now- *nd the$ were changing or the worse- , had 5ust thought HwanHee
and Shoo had other things .reoccu.$ing them 5ust as acting #essons were to Eugene- Besides, HwanHee had a#wa$s 1een =uiet- *nd
Shoo had her 1outs o it-
Since Eugene was a#read$ :#ost;, m$ concentration was now on MinWoo- He was .o.u#ar gu$, es.ecia##$ with the gir#s- *nd me
1eing .aranoid, , saw them as a .otentia# threat to the remains o our grou.- The on#$ #ogica# so#ution was to 0ee. MinWoo in our
grou. 1$ an$ means, e/en i it meant he was going to 1e with one o us- E/en i that .erson had to 1e me-
Part 3
To 1e com.#ete#$ honest, MinWoo was 5ust a good riend and , rea##$ didn2t want to #ose him to an$one e#se- , had a#read$ #ost
Eugene> , cou#dn2t #ose another .erson who ,2/e grown to #o/e and res.ect- The thought o #i0ing MinWoo or HwanHee had ne/er
crossed m$ mind 1eore- The$ were a#wa$s the 1o$s to me- The$ were whom , cou#d go to com.#ain a1out how 1eing a gir# suc0ed,
as0 =uestions a1out wh$ gu$s were so mean, and most o a## 5ust 1e m$se#- , was a#wa$s a tom1o$ and wi## .ro1a1#$ a#wa$s 1e one
des.ite how , dress or #oo0-
M$ .#an had 1een decided and what a 1etter da$ or it to 1e de.#o$ed- Asua##$, it wou#d 1e Shoo, Eugene, HwanHee, MinWoo, and ,
who wou#d wa#0 home together- We2d dro. o Shoo irst since she #i/ed the arthest awa$, then MinWoo, me, and HwanHee wou#d
end u. wa#0ing a ew eet a#one towards his house across rom mine- ,t 1ecame tradition- E6ce.t now, Eugene cou#dn2t 1e with us
an$more- She2d a#wa$s 1e 1us$ with her #essons- B$ now, she had 1ecome a sma## time mode#- The sessions .re/ent her rom seeing
us ater schoo#- The on#$ .erson who got to see Eugene an$more was Bada since the$ attended the same acting schoo#- Toda$ was one
o those da$s where Eugene wasn2t with us- We2d a#read$ dro..ed o Shoo and now it was 5ust the three o us- , had nothing 1etter to
do that da$ so when MinWoo as0ed me to sta$ or ice cream , o1#iged- HwanHee had to get home and do his homewor0-
He had a#wa$s 1een the smartest out o a## o us- *nd his grandmother was =uite a character- She was an eccentric o#d #ad$ who sent
ear into .oor HwanHee- His .arents were sti## o in some other states attending to 1usiness meetings so he sta$ed at home with his
grandmother most o the time- Don2t get me wrong 1ut she was a /er$ sweet #ad$, 5ust not to HwanHee- ,t wasn2t that she didn2t care
or him> it was 5ust that she wanted to show his .arents that she was ta0ing good care o him, e/en i it came at a harsh .rice-
HwanHee was too sot s.o0en and res.ectu# to e/er diso1e$ his grandmother- *t times, , rea##$ did worr$ a1out him 1ecause she had
sometimes made him cr$- To see someone so sweet shed tears tore me u.- He2d come to me since , #i/ed the c#osest- *nd he2d te## me
what degrading remar0s she wou#d s.it at him- , e#t so .ained 1$ his tears- He rea##$ did tr$ hard to .#ease his ami#$- His .arents had
a#wa$s e6.ected him to 1e on to. o the c#ass and it was his grandmother that wou#d insure that their e6.ectations were met- HwanHee
in turn, wor0ed himse# to the 1one in schoo#- He too0 *C courses and was in the Dited c#asses- We a## 0new he too0 such courses
and a..#auded him in his academic success, 1ut no one 0new what dro/e him to wor0 so hard- The on#$ .erson he had e/er$ shared
the truth was me-
MinWoo had gone inside to get some Co.sic#es and , was sitting on the edge o the ront dec0 with m$ #egs s.raw#ed u.on the three
ste.s 1e#ow and m$ arms e6tended 1ehind, .ro..ing me u.- ,t wasn2t the irst time , s.ent and aternoon with MinWoo- But this
wou#d 1e the irst time since a #ong time we wou#d do this- Since the Di/ision, none o us had s.ent much time with an$one e#se other
than our 1est riends- We were a## 1est riends 1ut we had our twins in the grou.- Mine2s was Shoo and MinWoo2s was HwanHee-
Eugene now had Bada-
That da$ hadn2t 1een the 1est o da$s- There was no sun 1ut instead a sing#e mass o gra$ish materia# en/e#o.ed the s0$ in a dreadu#
shade o 1oredom- There had 1een a ew showers ear#ier in the da$ 1ut the ground had dried u. again-
, was sti## thin0ing a1out how no one 0new how much , had dis#i0e Bada and how , was ho#ding des.erate#$ onto what was #et o the
strong 1ond we a## once shared- , missed those da$s when , had two sets o 1est riends- The$ were times where , cou#d c#ear#$ #a1e#
m$se#, and e/er$one around me, as ha..$- We had each other and that was a## we e/er needed to sta$ ha..$- That was a time where
riendshi. wou#d 1e the so#ution or e/er$thing-
, hadn2t rea#i4ed that MinWoo came 1ac0 unti# he 0ic0ed m$ arm- , #eaned u. and o m$ arms and continued to sit there with #egs
s.raw#ed- He handed me a canar$ co#ored chun0 o ice and he#d onto his scar#et one- Damn him, he a#wa$s got the cherr$ ones- He
to#d me that there weren2t an$more o the #ime ones (m$ a/orite+ and , shrugged- To me, the$ a#wa$s taste the same- Wh$ cou#dn2t
riendshi. 1e #i0e Co.sic#es< Ca.tured in an e/er#asting stance o /i1rant co#ors and artiicia# #a/or- *nd then, , came to rea#i4e that
was what riendshi.s were- *nd #i0e the Co.sic#es, we a## me#ted awa$ rom what we origina##$ were-
There were a ew minutes o si#ence as we soa0ed in the aternoon- *nother anno$ing da$ o schoo# had .assed and the *terschoo#
had started- MinWoo then started as0ing me a1out m$ da$- , re.#ied as , usua##$ wou#d a1out schoo# and another si#ence ensued- ,
thin0 it was then when , as0ed him wh$ he ne/er had a gir#riend- Beore, he had a#wa$s a/oided ta#0ing a1out it- Wh$< , don2t 0now-
He had to#d me he 5ust wasn2t interested in an$one- But , cou#d sense his ear, his ear o commitment- , had a#wa$s 0nown it was one
o his #aws- The on#$ thing , had e/er rea##$ seen him :commit; to was our grou., his riends- That was it-
, don2t 0now what ha..ened ater that, 1ut we ended u. .#a$ing again- 8i0e we a#wa$s did- We2d a#wa$s 5o0e around at the most
ina..ro.riate times- See, he cou#dn2t e/en sta$ to a to.ic-
, guess it was when , was getting u. to go home when it ha..ened- We had ended u. with him sa$ing, :, #o/e $ouE; in some chi#dish
singsong wa$- *nd or once, , didn2t res.ond with an :EwwE; 1ut instead , .ec0ed him =uic0#$ on the #i.s and returned his 1anter- ,
had shoc0ed him as much as , shoc0ed m$se#- What was , doing< This wasn2t me- *nd then , remem1ered- This was or the grou.-
This was the on#$ wa$ to 1e sure he wou#d sta$ with us- , was a1out our houses rom m$ own when , heard him running towards me-
, guess he had ina##$ rea#i4ed that , wasn2t standing ne6t to him an$more- MinWoo as0ed i he cou#d wa#0 me home and , 5ust ro##ed
m$ e$es- , heard him gigg#e and we resumed our wa#0 towards m$ house- The who#e time we 5o0ed around whi#e wa#0ing, it was #i0e
we a#wa$s did- ,t was as i what , did ne/er ha..ened-
,t was when we got to the ront o m$ house when rea#it$ had ina##$ caught u.- , was on m$ wa$ towards the door, as a#wa$s, and he
ca##ed out to me- , turned to see him wa#0ing towards me rom the sidewa#0- When he reached me, a string o mum1#ed words e##
rom his #i.s- , didn2t com.rehend what he was sa$ing 1ut , #istened nonethe#ess- M$ attention 1egan to wander and a strange
sensation ina##$ 1rought me 1ac0- ,t was a sot 0iss rom MinWoo that had near#$ winded me- He then to#d me the rea# reason wh$ he
ne/er had a gir#riend> he said it was 1ecause he had me- , e#t #i0e such a 1rat 5ust then- , wasn2t doing this 1ecause , #i0ed him, 1ut
1ecause , didn2t want him to stra$ awa$- , e#t e/en worse 1ecause he had ee#ings or me a## a#ong-
, 0new it was going to hurt, 1ut 5ust not this much- , cou#dn2t 1e#ie/e , was doing this to one o the dearest .eo.#e in m$ #ie- But it had
to 1e done- , cou#dn2t #ose him to an$one an$more- , cou#dn2t stand to #ose another riend to the wor#d-
That e/ening, things too0 a change or the 1etter- MinWoo and , had oicia##$ 1ecome a cou.#e and it seemed #i0e the grou. was
ina##$ coming 1ac0 together- Ma$1e3it was returning to the wa$ it had 1een 1eore<
Part4
@or a1out a $ear, MinWoo and , had 1een together- ,t was now F&
th
grade and Crom was a..roaching- Our re#ationshi. had 1een as it
a#wa$s was- We sti## .#a$ed around, 1ut , guess we actua##$ meant it now- ,t was a cute t$.e o re#ationshi.- More o a riendshi. with
more mush rather than something romantic- Which was .ro1a1#$ the wa$ , .reerred it- , 5ust wanted to 1e his riend 1ut there was a
constant act that had to 1e .#a$ed when , was with him- , was so araid o #osing another riend that this was what , resorted to- ,t was
such a #ow#$ act o deceit> , sun0 dee.er into se#7hate as time .assed- , hated doing this to him 1ut m$ mind was too 1us$ tr$ing to
con/ince m$se# that it was the on#$ wa$ to actua##$ #et it sin0 in-
The da$s were .assing more s#ow#$ now- *nd , cou#d once more, see that things were turning sta#e- Not sour31ut sta#e- The un
re#ationshi. that MinWoo and , had was now s#ow#$ diminishing- ,t had #ost a## o the #uster and un it was so u## o when we irst
agreed to go out and when we were nothing more than riends- , cou#d te## he was starting to sense that , had ne/er u##$ returned his
ee#ings the wa$ that , shou#d ha/e-
,t was during this time when , rea#i4ed that Shoo had a#most disa..eared- , hadn2t seen her in such a #ong time that , near#$ orgot
a1out herE , was so .reoccu.ied with MinWoo> , didn2t see m$ 1est riend s#i..ing awa$- M$ irst and truest riend was s#ow#$
de.arting rom me- During these times , went to see her, there was a /er$ distinct #ac0 o #ie in her motions and e6.ressions- M$
worr$ or her heightened as , continued to see her in such a dead state- One da$, she ina##$ to#d me what had 1een 1othering her: her
ather had 1een diagnosed with cancer- That night, , sta$ed o/er her house to ma0e sure she wou#d 1e o0- We cried and we ta#0ed the
who#e o that night- , a.o#ogi4e or not 1eing here or her when she irst ound out and she a.o#ogi4ed or not coming to te## me- , to#d
her a1out the esca.ade that was su..osed to MinWoo and m$ re#ationshi. and she understood- ,t was so hard dea#ing with things #i0e
this on m$ own- , was good at 0ee.ing secrets 1ut in turn, the$ tore me a.art- We had ta#0ed as i it were the irst time we had e/er
ta#0ed- There were 5ust so man$ things going on that had se.arated us or such a #ong time- ,t e#t #i0e , wou#d ne/er 1e as c#ose, as ,
was in the o#d da$s, to Shoo-
,t had now 1een another ew wee0s 1eore Shoo and , cou#d see each other again- ,t had 1ecome such an erratic thing, this meeting u.
5ust to ta#0- , 0new it then that , had #ost her- *nd , des.erate#$ wanted m$ 1est riend 1ac0- , 5ust didn2t 0now how to get her 1ac0-
These were the times were m$ se#7hate rose to an a## time high- , was a misera1#e teen inside 1ut it ne/er showed on the outside-
MinWoo cou#d see .ast it sometimes and cornered me- , 5ust cou#dn2t hide some things rom him- True, he was su..osed to 1e m$
:1o$riend; 1ut he wou#d a#wa$s 1e m$ riend- MinWoo 0new m$ ha1its and .ersona#it$ 5ust as Shoo does- But , wou#d a#wa$s .ush
him awa$- , didn2t want him to 1e concerned a1out m$ .ro1#ems- ,t was during this time where he started to ade rom me- , 0new
MinWoo #i0ed someone e#se-
Eugene was .ro1a1#$ the on#$ one who didn2t undergo immense inner turmoi# as the rest o us- She had it good- Becent#$ she2s made
it into a 1ig mo/ie and e/er$one now 0new her name- She had 1ecome amous in our communit$ and town- Eugene #o/ed e/er$
moment o it, , mean, who wou#dn2t< She caught the attention o #oads o .eo.#e 1ecause o her mo/ie dea#- *nd one o those was
MinWoo2s- , 0new she had a#wa$s thought he was handsome 1ut she wou#d ne/er act on it- MinWoo had ne/er seen her or an$thing
more than a riend 1ecause at that time, he #i0ed me- But now, things were dierent- MinWoo sees her- *nd sur.rising#$, , #et it
ha..en- *ter a##, , didn2t get with him 1ecause , e#t something or him, 1ut instead, it was 5ust to ma0e sure he2d sta$ c#ose 1$- But ,
guess now, he was seeing her dierent#$- , 0new he had a#wa$s wanted to 1e an entertainer o some sort and now, the two shared a
common interest-
, was #etting him s#i. awa$ rom me- Ma$1e intentiona##$ or not, , was too .reoccu.ied in m$ de.ression and at the #oss o Shoo> it
5ust didn2t matter whether MinWoo was there or not an$more- , sti## cou#dn2t 1e#ie/e how our riendshi.s 5ust weren2t the same as
1eore-
Beore #ong, MinWoo and , had ina##$ come to our end- ,t wasn2t as hard as , thought it was going to 1e cause , ne/er had an$ rea#
heart to 1e with him in the irst .#ace- ,t was me who ended u. 1eing the 1ringer o 1ad news- , had caught him on the wa$ to the caG-
He as0ed i , wanted to 5oin him a#ong with Eugene and Bada or 1u11#e tea- ,t was then that , to#d him that , had to #et him go- O
course he acted as he a#wa$s did and .rotested 1ut , sim.#$ denied him- , to#d him that , 0new o his newound ee#ings or Eugene,
and that3it was o0a$- , didn2t want to 1e in the wa$ o him inding someone to return his ee#ings- E/en3i that .erson was one o
m$ c#osest riends- ,t must ha/e hurt him more than , thought 1ecause as he wa#0ed awa$, his gait had 1een so de5ected and his eet
dragged across the .a/ement- Sighs were so common nowada$s- , cou#d he#. 1ut hea/e an es.ecia##$ hea/$ one as , too0 one good
#oo0 at him 1eore turning m$ 1ac0 to #ea/e-
, went to see Shoo again the da$ , had 1ro0en u. with MinWoo-
She had 1een the same as the .re/ious times , had seen her, #i0e her sou# had 1een suc0ed rom her 1od$ and now she was nothing 1ut
a mere she##- Toda$ she seemed =uite unocused, we##3more than usua#- , to#d her a1out what had ha..ened and she conso#ed me to
the 1est o her a1i#ities, this was when she rea#i4ed that , wasn2t cr$ing or ussing a1out it- , to#d her that , was a#most ha..$ , #et him
go3a#most- ,t was 1etter to ha/e sta$ed riends- That was the on#$ reason , missed him right now- He##, , missed e/er$one- Shoo
0new that , was in a s#um.- ,t rea##$ crushed me to ha/e such a se##ess .#an go to ruin- , 5ust wanted our grou. 1ac0> , wanted #ie to
1e the wa$ it used to 1e-
Part 5
O/er the ne6t wee0, , had 1ecome a rec#use- C#inging to the shadows and ma0ing m$se# as in/isi1#e as .ossi1#e were m$ constant
goa#s throughout the da$s- ,t was the @rida$ again and , ound m$se# wa#0ing a#one towards m$ house- , didn2t want to wa#0 with
an$one, so , 5ust #et ear#ier to a/oid them a##- Haha, the act that we #i/ed so c#ose was once a 1#essing 1ut now, it had 1ecome a curse-
E/er$ time , wa#0ed .ast MinWoo2s house, , was ha# ho.ing that he2d 1e there with Co.sic#es and a con/ersation- Or ma$1e
HwanHee wou#d 1e outside waiting or me with a smi#e- But no one wou#d 1e home $et- There was sti## a so#id ten minutes 1eore
the$2d a## reach this 1#oc0- , e#t re#ie/ed not ha/ing to dea# with an$one at the moment- *ter , dro..ed o m$ 1oo0s and things at
home, , e#t a rest#essness o/ercome m$ senses- The on#$ thing that , cou#d thin0 o to do at the moment wou#d 1e to wa#0- Asua##$
HwanHee2s house wou#d 1e o.en to me whene/er , had the sudden urge to .#a$ DDB, 1ut he wasn2t home $et- *nd , .ro1a1#$
wou#dn2t ha/e gone there e/en i he were home- , needed to 1e a#one- *wa$ rom a## the noise and distur1ances o human0ind-
M$ eet too0 me a## o/er the .#ace- @rom one 1#oc0 to another without a second thought o where it was- When , ina##$ #oo0ed u.
again, , was in ront o Shoo2s house- How , had ended u. here, no idea- But in an$ case, , headed u. towards the door- She was
.ro1a1#$ home 1$ now, , had wa#0ed or a good ort$ minutes, and so she must ha/e 1een home 1$ now- *nd there she was- @or some
reason, she #oo0ed e6treme#$ .a#e and unhea#th$- ,t was #i0e the co#or was 1eing drained rom her- Her .a##or sent me into an
immediate .anic- She had to#d me, that da$ that , came to ta#0 to her a1out MinWoo, her ather had died in a car accident the da$
1eore- The #itt#e ee#ing , had #et s#i..ed rom m$ #im1s and , 1ecame who##$ num1- That was the reason she was so out o it that
da$- The gui#t , e#t cou#d not 1e e6.ressed in an$ words or motions- She had 1een so generous as to conso#e me a1out m$ .ro1#ems
that she cou#dn2t e/en 1ring hers u.- , wanted to cr$- *nd , wanted to smac0 m$se# or 1eing such a oo#ish gir#-
*ter a so#id i/e minutes o si#ence, she in/ited me in- The atmos.here was com.#ete#$ wrong- Her mother had #ost her mind due to
her .recious hus1and2s death and was now s#ouching on their couches with an em.t$ ga4e i6ed in her e$es- She had 1ecome a human
/egeta1#e- She was .h$sica##$ #i/ing 1ut her sou# and mind were not there- , stared at her or the #ongest time unti# Shoo ca##ed me into
the 0itchen-
She was 1us$ .re.aring dinner- Her mother had taught her man$ reci.es when she was $oung- She grew u. ma0ing them or her
ather 1ecause the$ were his a/orite dishes- ,t was a## she 0new how to ma0e and , cou#d ee# her .ain seethe rom within- , 0new she
wanted to cr$- How 1ad#$ she wanted to #et it a## go- ,t was so .ainu# or her that e/en , cou#d ee# each searing .aro6$sm- M$ heart
c#enched u. and , .ushed 1ac0 the tears- , ca##ed to her and she shoo0- , cou#d te## she was cr$ing now- The 1oth o us we.t or the
#ongest time in the 0itchen- There was now an immense res.onsi1i#it$ that was sho/ed onto Shoo2s shou#ders- She had to inish schoo#
and ta0e care o her mother- This 5ust a## wasn2t air or someone who had 1are#$ turned eighteen- When it was time or m$ .arting, ,
wa/ed and smi#ed or Shoo2s mother- Ma$1e it wou#d gi/e her a #itt#e ho.e and 1ring her ormer se# 1ac0< She smi#ed and returned
the wa/e unti# , 1id her good hea#th and ho.e o her getting 1etter- Her ace e## and 1ecame sad once more- She shoo0 her head at m$
comment as i to sa$, :No, , won2t 1e getting 1etter3;
,t was one o those moments where 5ust the sma##est o things made $ou want to cr$- , ended u. wa#0ing home in 1right e/ening
sunshine- , cursed at the weather or not conorming to m$ mood, , cursed the wor#d or doing this to one o the sweetest .eo.#e ,
0now, and , cursed m$se# or not 1eing a1#e to do a thing- *s , wa#0ed home, the tears e## end#ess#$- There 5ust was no .oint in
wi.ing them awa$ an$more since the$ 0e.t .ouring without .ause- M$ .arents 0new what had ha..ened, 1ut the$ 0e.t it rom me-
Wh$< , don2t 0now, and , cou#dn2t 1e angr$ with them since the$ were constant#$ worried a1out me now- The si#ence grew with each
moment o the .assing da$s- Soon , had sto..ed ta#0ing to e/er$1od$- *## , wished or now was to cur# u. in a corner and shut the
wor#d out o m$ #ie-
The ne6t ew wee0s had 1een so .ainu#- Our grou. had 1een so di/ided> there was 5ust no re.air that cou#d sa#/age what we once had-
HwanHee had attem.ted to reconci#e with me 1ut , wou#d a#wa$s ind an e6cuse to #ea/e him 1ehind- ,t had 1een Shoo who to#d me in
our ear#ier da$s that HwanHee #i0ed me- But he was a#wa$s too sh$ to do an$thing, and he didn2t want to ruin the wonderu#
riendshi. we a#read$ had- Ma$1e , shou#d ha/e #et him 1ac0 into m$ #ie< Or wi## that 5ust e/entua##$ ade< , had tried so hard to 0ee.
e/er$one together- , tried, and , ai#ed- This ai#ure must ha/e 1een the 1iggest in m$ #ie since , sti## ee# the re.ercussions o what
ha..ened that $ear-
,t was now months since we were out o high schoo#- , sti## #i/e at m$ .arents2 house on the same 1#oc0 with the same .eo.#e-
HwanHee had #et or co##ege in the cit$ near ours and MinWoo had gone o to schoo# somewhere e#se- Eugene was ma0ing it 1ig in
the mo/ies and Bada was somewhere, trai#ing 1ehind her- Shoo was going to a co##ege near1$ so she cou#d sti## su..ort her mother
and attend c#asses without too much hass#e- , went to a uni/ersit$ the o..osite direct o e/er$one e#se2s- , did it to a/oid them a##- ,t
was strange- , sti## remem1er that ee#ing , had $ears .rior when , had introduced them a## to each other, that ee#ing o unease and
wrongness- , 0new something was going to ha..en rom the start, 1ut it #et it a## go thin0ing it was going to 1e or the 1etter- , had
once 1e#ie/ed that a## o us wou#d 1e as c#ose to each other as we were indi/idua##$- How so /er$ wrong , had 1een3so wrong3
Part 6
,t has 1een near#$ a $ear since ,2/e transerred out o the co##ege near m$ hometown- *ter months o coa6ing, m$ .arents ga/e in and
#et me transer out o the co##ege near1$ to one urther rom the house- ,t wasn2t that much 1etter o a co##ege 1ut it .ut mi#es 1etween
me and m$ .ast and that was a## , needed at the moment- The ee#ing o u#timate ai#ure had ne/er #et me- *nd e/er$da$ 1rought a
new ons#aught o miser$ and gui#t- Se/era# times the ee#ing o wanting to s#ee. ore/er had crossed m$ mind, 1ut there was that
constant ho.e o wa0ing u. to ind m$ riends 1$ m$ side that sto..ed me-
The da$s were #oo0ing =uite 1#ea0 or me and , thought the sun wou#d ne/er shine again- De.ression and the ee#ing o 1#ame c#ouded
m$ thoughts and ha..iness had 1ecome a oreign conce.t to me- , cou#dn2t he#. thin0ing that the reason m$ riends had a##en a.art
was 1ecause o me- , didn2t tr$ hard enough that , didn2t .ut enough eort into each one o them, that it was a## m$ au#t that we were
a## so dis.ersed as we are now- Each da$ had 1ecome so diicu#t to endure nowada$s since m$ c$nica# thoughts 0e.t dragging me
down e/er$ time ,2d ind some wa$ to get 1ac0 u.- E/en 1reathing had 1ecome a tas0 that re=uired e6ertion- M$ gui#t was suocating
me and there was no one to reach in and .u## me out-
That was unti# the da$ m$ sa/ior came or me-
* sa/ior 1$ the name o Brian "oo- We had met 1$ strange coincident at a caG- , had ne/er noticed him 1eore and he c#aimed to 1e in
a#most a## m$ c#asses- He said he needed a tutor or a .ro5ect in .re7#aw and the teacher recommended me- *#though m$ de.ression
tore at m$ sanit$, m$ /igi#ance o/er education was e/er#asting- , had a thirst or 0now#edge and #earning was as eort#ess as
1reathing- We had 1ecome ast riends- But that .ast o gui#t had a#wa$s 1een #oc0ed awa$ in m$ sti##71rea0ing heart- , cou#d ee# that
he was curious 1ut , .ut much more eort into concea#ing m$se# awa$ rom him- *#though he wasn2t HwanHee or MinWoo, , treated
him as , wou#d to them- He was 1ecoming m$ new 1est riend- 8ie seemed to ina##$ #etting .ressure o o me- Breathing had come
with a #itt#e 1it more ease than it was when , irst arri/ed in this new en/ironment- Erasing the .ain was a #ot easier when Brian was
there to he#.-
,t2s 1een a1out two $ears since ,2/e #et home and m$ new #ie was sti## 1eing ad5usted to- The .ast that , cou#d ne/er orget was s#ow#$
#etting go o me> the torture was #osing its gri.- Ma$1e ,2## ind ha..iness again out here- Ma$1e3
, had 5ust arri/ed home rom another e6hausting da$ o c#asses when , recei/ed a ca##- * message that , wou#d ne/er orgi/e m$se#
or-
Shoo had committed suicide-
Her mother had died ear#ier that $ear and Shoo cou#dn2t ta0e it an$more- Mother had 1een o1/ious#$ in tears as she s.o0e- M$ .arents
had a#wa$s #oo0ed to Shoo as a daughter and the$ cared or her as , did- When her ather had .assed on, m$ .arents he#.ed with the
1i##s and whate/er the$ cou#d- Our ami#$ didn2t ha/e the greatest amount o mone$, 1ut we did what we cou#d to he#. them- * $ear
#ater, Shoo2s mother had si#ent#$ committed suicide 1$ o/er7dosage o .ain0i##ers- , guess, she cou#dn2t stand to 1e awa$ rom her
hus1and an$ #onger- Mother has to#d me, Shoo had 1een co.ing or se/era# months with ho.es o reco/ering rom her own de.ression
1ut that da$, she cou#dn2t hand#e it an$more and .ut a gun to her head-
, san0 to m$ 0nees- *nd , sat in that .osition with the ce## .hone somewhere on the #oor sti## o.en- Tears weren2t enough to descri1e
the horri1#e, $et ami#iar, .ain that s#ashed at m$ /er$ core- Each 1eat o m$ wea0ening heart thro11ed with .ain so great 1reathing
was 1are#$ .ossi1#e or me- , wasn2t there or her- ,t was the on#$ thought that ran through m$ mind-
, wasn2t there or her3
, cou#d ha/e sa/ed her- M$ 1est riend- , was too 1us$ out here tr$ing to orget the .ast, and it comes thundering 1ac0 into m$ #ie
with more .ain that , had to endure when , was actua##$ there- M$ 1est riend3
, was too #ate- , shou#d ha/e 1een there a## the time or her- , shou#d ha/e 1een that .erson whom she went to when there were tears- ,
shou#d ha/e 1een there- , shou#d ha/e 1een there3
*nger3Bemorse3Cain3
, e#t them a## with each .a#.itation o m$ d$ing 1od$- M$ mind had its #imits- , cou#d ha/e #ost it a## right there 1ut , didn2t- The
shoc0 was sti## too much or the inormation to register u##$ and the on#$ thing , had on m$ mind was to go 1ac0- , didn2t e/en 1other
to ca## the schoo# or te## an$one- , had to get there- , .ac0ed a ew sets o c#othes and m$ car raced 1ac0 to the .#ace , tried so hard to
run rom-
, had not cried since , got 1ac0- , hadn2t the tears or the .ain , e#t- M$ heart e#t so dead 1ut sti## it .um.ed much needed 1#ood
throughout m$ 1od$- , e#t so num1 and $et , cou#d ee# e/er$ .ric0 o ache throughout m$ heart- This 5ust was not ha..ening- ,t
cou#dn2t ha..en- Shoo was a /i1rant $oung woman who #o/ed #ie as much as , used to- She was destined to 1e a .ediatrician and
ha/e a uture- She was su..osed to 1e m$ 1ridesmaid3
She was su..osed to 1e m$ 1est riend ore/er3
Part 7
The da$ o the unera#, , was the irst there- E/en 1eore an$one e#se, , was there- M$ e$e wou#dn2t #ea/e the coin where m$ 1est
riend #a$- The$ cou#dn2t #oo0 at an$thing e#se- ,t wasn2t ha..ening- , wou#d wa0e u. and 1e in m$ a.artment with te6t, rom the
1oo0s , studied rom, im.rinted on m$ chee0s- , wou#d wa0e u. and see Brian greeting me with coee and a Danish- , wou#d wa0e u.
and ind the .roessor sco#ding me or a##ing as#ee. in c#ass- , wou#d wa0e u.3and this wou#d a## disa..ear- ,t wou#d a##3go awa$3
But no matter how much , ordered m$ 1od$ to wa0e u. or m$ mind to sto. dreaming, , was a#read$ awa0e, and this was a## rea#it$-
But sti## , reused to 1e#ie/e it- Shoo was not in there- She cou#dn2t ha/e 1een- *nd no matter how #ong , stared at her sti## ace, it sti##
wou#dn2t register- , had 1een there so #ong> , hadn2t rea#i4ed that .eo.#e had started to show u.- The$ surrounded the coin and a wide
circ#e around me- , guess the$ 0new o the two o us and what we2/e 1een through- HwanHee had arri/ed and made a 1ee#ine or me-
Not a word was s.o0en 1etween us during the entire ceremon$- He s#ung a .rotecti/e arm around m$ shou#ders in attem.ts to conso#e
me- But , cou#dn2t ee# an$thing- , cou#d sense the .resence o Eugene, Bada, and MinWoo somewhere in the crowds 1ut made no
attem.ts to ma0e contact with them-
The .astor had made his s.eech and others contri1ution with their own- The entire time , stared- Most o the time, the wish o
switching .#aces was a## that wou#d course through these demented thoughts o mine- The 1e#ie that , shou#d ha/e 1een in there
instead o Shoo was so strong> , wou#d ha/e #ea.t in with her i HwanHee weren2t ho#ding onto me- , was ho.ing that she wou#d wa0e
u. and smi#e again- , wished with a## the energ$ , had #et in m$ 1are sou# or her to wa0e u. and #augh at me, sa$ing that it was 5ust a
ruse or me to come 1ac0- Bust she ne/er did- She ne/er3did3
, had 1een there since 1eore the guests had arri/ed and , was there ater the$ a## had #et- , stared- ,t was a## , cou#d do- ,t was then
when the tears e##- *nd the$ e## as i it were the #ast time the$ were a1#e to- M$ ace was soa0ed 1ut the$ 0e.t on dri..ing rom m$
tired ace- HwanHee had he#d me rom 1ehind with arms wra..ed around m$ stomach and arms, not tr$ing to end m$ tears- He 0new
the$ had to 1e re#eased- *nd , cou#d ee# his tears stream down m$ nec0 and soa0 into the starch$ 1#ouse that hid m$ tired #im1s- ,t
had 1een a1out thirt$ minutes since e/er$one had #et and the two o us were sti## there, so11ing- The gra/estone as a## we had #et to
#oo0 at ater the 1uria#- ,t was a## we had #et o Shoo3
Bada was em1racing Eugene and the two were so11ing ierce#$- But it was Eugene that had e#t the .ain that , did- She had 1een a #ot
c#oser to Shoo than Bada- MinWoo was si#ent in his mourning- There were tears, 1ut he tried not to ma0e a oo# o himse# as
HwanHee was doing- , turned m$ 1ac0 on the stone and 1uried m$ ace into HwanHee2s 1#ac0 1#a4er- During the entire time, the tears
5ust streamed rom m$ e$es without m$ ma0ing a sound- But , had to #et it a## out and HwanHee was here or me to ho#d onto- *## that
time where , needed an anchor to 0ee. me grounded, , shou#d ha/e come 1ac0 to m$ riends- The ee#ing o gui#t had ne/er #et me
and now it strengthened, teno#d- Each tear carried out a minute tric0#e o the agon$ that gnawed at m$ sou# and mind- Sanit$ was
hanging as a s.ider rom a thread and ma$1e, there wou#dn2t 1e an$one to .u## me out this time-
, 1it into his shou#der as , cried- The so1s shoo0 m$ entire 1od$ and , e#t #i0e co##a.sing on the s.ot- The tears HwanHee had now
ceased and it was 5ust me who was #etting a## o tears a##- But the entire time, not one word had 1een e6changed- ,t was as i a## s.eech
1etween the i/e o us had 1een muted and a## that cou#d 1e heard were the so1s o anguish-
HwanHee has ina##$ coa6ed me to turn awa$ rom Shoo and go home- , wanted to resist 1ut , did as he .#eaded- The tears were sti##
a##ing and there wasn2t an$thing , cou#d do to ma0e them sto.- MinWoo had attem.ted to ma0e contact with me as we #et 1ut ,
wa#0ed 1$ him as i he were not e/en there- , cou#d ee# HwanHee 1oring a death g#are straight through MinWoo- But , didn2t #oo0- ,
5ust didn2t see them an$more- E/er$one had 1ecome in/isi1#e to me, e/en HwanHee who he#.ed to escort me home- , had tota##$ shut
out the wor#d and it2s damned nuisances- ,t was a## , cou#d do ater Shoo was gone-
, cou#dn2t he#. ee# that somewhere in that gra/e$ard, $ou2d ind m$ a1i#it$ to 1e ha..$ and smi#e 1uried with m$ 1est riend- * 1etter
.art o m$ sou# had 1een interred with her- *nd , thought ma$1e it wou#d 1e or the 1est- She deser/ed ha..iness more than , did and
so , ga/e her mine-
That was the da$ when , awo0e rom the dream that was m$ .ast- The da$ that , rea#i4ed that riendshi.s were not ore/er- , shou#d
ha/e 1een there or a## m$ riends instead o running awa$- , was araid o their disa..ointment and , turned m$ 1ac0 on them- ,nstead
o re.rimands, , shou#d ha/e rea#i4ed the$ wou#d understand and sti## acce.t me- That da$ was m$ greatest regret- , shou#d ha/e 1een
there a## a#ong- , sti## remem1er the #aughter rom chi#dhood3and , wish it were here to re.#ace the tears o toda$-
Best riends are .eo.#e $ou can ne/er hate3ne/er orgi/e3and ne/er orget- The$ are the .eo.#e who ma0e u. who $ou are- Don2t
#et them s#i. rom $ou31ecause i $ou do3$ou2re s#i..ing rom $ourse#3
TH !D