AMERICAN STYLES OF APOLOGIES, COMPLIMENTS,

COMPLAINTS, REFUSALS AND THANKS

http://www.carla.umn.edu/speechacts/descriptions.html

American Apologies

In American English people typically use apologies for a variety of reasons such as:
1. To say that they are sorry
2. To explain why the offense happened
3. To make a repair for the offense and maintain a good relationship with the
addressee
Complex speech acts like apologies actually consist of a set of routinized patterns or
strategies typically used by native speakers of the language. There are five possible
strategies for making an apology (Cohen & Olshtain, 1981. pp. 119-125).
A. An expression of an apology. The speaker uses a word, expression, or
sentence containing a verb such as "sorry," "excuse," "forgive," or "apologize."
Languages have certain words that are used to express an oral apology more
than others. For example, in American English, "I apologize..." is found more in
writing than it is in oral language. An expression of an apology can be intensified
whenever the apologizer feels the need to do so. Such intensification is usually
accomplished by adding intensifiers such as "really" or "very" -- e.g., "I'm really
sorry."
B. Acknowledgement of responsibility. The offender recognizes his/her fault in
causing the infraction. The degree of such recognition on the part of the
apologizer can be placed on a scale. The highest level of intensity is an
acceptance of the blame: "It's my fault." At a somewhat lower level would be an
expression of self-deficiency: "I was confused/I didn't see/You are right." At a still
lower level would be the expression of lack of intent: "I didn't mean to." Lower still
would be an implicit expression of responsibility: "I was sure I had given you the
right directions." Finally, the apologizer may not accept the blame at all, in which
case there may be a denial of responsibility: "It wasn't my fault," or even blaming
of the hearer: "It's your own fault."
C. An explanation or account. The speaker describes the situation which caused
him/her to commit the offense and which is used by this speaker as an indirect
way of apologizing. The explanation is intended to set things right. In some
cultures this may be a more acceptable way of apologizing than in others. Thus,
in cultures where public transportation is unreliable, coming late to a meeting and
giving an explanation like, "The bus was late," might be perfectly acceptable.
D. An offer of repair. The apologizer makes a bid to carry out an action or provide
payment for some kind of damage resulting from his/her infraction.

If someone is late for an appointment with a friend s/he might say something
like,
"How can I make it up to you -- why dont I buy you lunch on Friday?"

Or someone who fails to make it to an appointment might say,
"Would you be willing to reschedule the meeting?"

E. A promise of non-recurrence. The apologizer commits him/herself to not
having the offense happen again, which is again situation-specific and less
frequent than the other strategies.
The five major patterns or strategies that make up the apology speech act are available
to speakers across languages, yet preference for any one of them or for a combination
of them will depend on the specific situation within the given language and culture
group.
Perhaps equally as important as knowing which strategies to use when, is knowing how
to modify these strategies in a given situation. Factors that may affect how you would
deliver an apology in your native language (and ideally in the target language as well)
include:
your familiarity with the person being apologized to (intimate to very formal)
the intensity of the act (its gravity, seriousness, or importance)
the relative authority that each of you has
your relative ages
your sex and that of the other person
the place where the exchange takes place
Here is an example of an apology situation calling for modification of the speech act
since the offense is relatively severe and the recipient is a friend:
In a cafeteria, you accidentally bump into a friend who is holding a cup of hot coffee.
The coffee spills all over your friend, scalding his/her arm and soaking his/her clothing.
You friend shouts, startled: "Oooh! Ouch!" ~ Cohen, Olshtain, & Rosenstein, 1986, p.
73.
As an American speaker of English, you may appropriately select the strategy of
expressing an apology, you are likely to say "Im really sorry," or "Im really very sorry" in
order for it to sound sincere enough. You would probably not say just "Sorry!" or "Im
very sorry." Although this might be a textbook answer, there actually is a difference in
American English between "very" and "really," with "really" implying more regret and
"very" more etiquette. Thus, this latter apology may not sound very sincere to your
friend. Your friend is probably expecting something more like, "I'm really sorry. Are you
O.K.?" (Cohen, Olshtain, & Rosenstein, 1986, pp. 66-67)
Intensifiers
Not only could an intensifier play an important role, but even an interjection like "Oh!"
could have an important role. In fact, there could be times when a well-placed "Oh!" and
an offer of repair could take the place of an expression of apology in American English:
e.g., "Oh! Here, let me help get something on that burn and clean up the mess," as
opposed to, "I'm very sorry that I bumped into you."

American Compliments

Functions of Compliments
In American English we use compliments for a variety of reasons:
To express admiration or approval of someones work/appearance/taste (Manes,
1983; Herbert, 1990).
To establish/confirm/maintain solidarity (Manes & Wolfson, 1981; Wolfson,
1989).
To replace greetings/gratitude/apologies/congratulations (Wolfson, 1983, 1989).
To soften face-threatening acts such as apologies, requests and criticism (Brown
& Levinson, 1978; Wolfson, 1983).
To open and sustain conversation (conversation strategy) (Wolfson, 1983;
Billmyer, 1990; Dunham, 1992).
To reinforce desired behavior (Manes, 1983).
A great majority of compliments are addressed to people of similar age and status to the
compliment giver (Knapp, Hopper, & Bell, 1984 []).
Acceptance responses occur only about a third of the time. In American English, two
thirds of the time respondents to compliments do something other than to accept them
(Herbert, 1990 []).
Major compliment topics can be classified into 3 categories:
1. appearance/possessions
2. Compliments on someones appearance or possessions are the most common
type of compliments in American English. "Your blouse looks beautiful!" is an
example of an adjectival compliment. About 2/3 of adjectival compliments use
the words nice, good, pretty, great, or beautiful (Manes & Wolfson, 1981). Good
is often used for performance and nice is mostly used for appearance/attire
(Knapp et al., 1984 []).
3. "I really love your car!" is an example of a compliment that contains a
semantically positive verb. Like or love are used 90% of the time in this type of
compliment. Some other semantically positive verbs that are used would be
admire and be impressed (Wolfson, 1989).
4. performance/skills/abilities
5. "You did a good job!" and "You are such a wonderful writer" are examples of
compliments on performance/skills/abilities.
6. Concise compliments such as "Nice shot!" are typically given by male speakers
(Herbert, 1990 []).
7. personality traits
8. Such comments as "Good boy" and "Youre so sweet" are compliments on the
addressees personality traits. This category of compliments occurs less
frequently than those on appearance/possessions and performance/skills/abilities
(Holmes, 1988 []).
In terms of sentence structure, compliments in American English can be classified into 9
categories.
NP = noun phrase ADJ = adjective PRO = pronoun V = verb ADV = adverb
1. Your blouse is/looks (really) beautiful. (NP is/looks (really) ADJ)
2. I (really) like/love your car. (I (really) like/love NP)
3. Thats a (really) nice wall hanging. (PRO is (really) a ADJ NP)
4. You did a (really) good job. (You V a (really) ADV NP)
5. You really handled that situation well. (You V (NP) (really) ADV)
6. You have such beautiful hair! (You have (a) ADJ NP!)
7. What a lovely baby you have! (What (a) ADJ NP!)
8. Nice game! (ADJ NP!)
9. Isnt your ring beautiful! (Isnt NP ADJ!)
Above passages from Manes & Wolfson (1981), p. 120.
[ Research notes on the section above... ]
Responses to Compliments
As noted in the introduction to this website, and at the beginning of this compliment
page, Americans rarely accept compliments. Deflecting or rejecting compliments
negates the implication that the addressee is superior to the speaker in any way. In
American English, the preference of response strategies other than acceptance may be
related to the notion of democracy and equality of all human beings (Herbert & Straight,
1989, p. 39 []).
Compliment Response Strategies
A. Accept
Appreciation Token (Thanks/Thank you)*
Comment Acceptance (Yeah, its my favorite, too)*
Praise Upgrade (Really brings out the blue in my eyes, doesnt it?)**
B. Mitigate
Comment History (I bought it for the trip to Arizona)**
Shift credit (My brother gave it to me/It really knitted itself)**
Questioning or Request Reassurance/Repetition (Do you really like
them?)*
Return (Sos yours)**
Scale Down/Downgrade (Its really quite old)**
C. Reject
Disagreeing Utterance (A: You look good and healthy. B: I feel fat)*
D. No Response**
E. Request Interpretation**
Addressee interprets the compliment as a request: (You wanna borrow
this one too?)
[ Research notes on the section above... ]

Above passages adapted from *Nelson, Al-Batal, & Echols (1996), p.419 and **Herbert,
1990, p. 208 [].

Gender Differences in American Compliments
There are some interesting gender differences in the giving of compliments:
Compliments given by female speakers tend to have a personal focus and use
1
st
and 2
nd
person pronouns: "I love your purse!" "You look great!" (Herbert, 1990
[]).
Compliments given by male speakers are often impersonal: "Nice game!" "Good
job!" (Herbert, 1990 []; Holmes, 1988 []).
Women give and receive significantly more compliments to each other than they
do to men or men do to each other (Holmes, 1988 []).
Male compliments are more likely to be accepted than female compliments
(Herbert, 1990 []).

American Complaints

Indirect Complaints
Although the common image of complaining is negative, indirect complaints are utilized
frequently in a positive manner to establish points of commonality -- ELT textbooks tend
to center on direct complaints and exclude important information on this underlying
social strategy (Boxer & Pickering, 1995 []).
Interpreting Complaints
In presenting or interpreting complaints, non-verbal features are important part of the
communication (e.g., gestures, motions, gaze, postural shifts, tone of voice) (Boxer,
1993a).
Gender Differences
Women tend to commiserate about twice as much as men do, while men are more likely
to give advice, especially in response to complaints by female speakers. Males are
likely to think logically and want to solve problems, whereas females tend to provide
emotional support (Boxer, 1996).

Function of Complaints
Americans use complaints:
to express displeasure, disapproval, annoyance, blame, censure, threats, or
reprimand as a reaction to a perceived offense/ violation of social rules (Olshtain
& Weinbach, 1985, 1993; Trosborg, 1995)
to hold the hearer accountable for the offensive action and possibly
suggest/request a repair (Olshtain & Weinbach, 1985, 1993)
to confront a problem with an intention to improve the situation ("a face-
threatening activity", Brown & Levinson, 1978)
to share a specific negative evaluation, obtain agreement, and establish a
common bond between the speaker and addressee"trouble sharing" (Hatch,
1992), "troubles talk" (Tannen, 1990) ~ (Boxer, 1993a, 1996). For example:
1. "I can't believe I didn't get an A on this paper. I worked so hard!"
2. "Same here. She doesn't give away A's very easily, that's for sure."
to vent anger or anxiety/let off steam (Boxer, 1993a, 1996)
to open and sustain conversations (Boxer, 1993a, 1996)
Two categories of complaints, direct and indirect complaints, are often investigated
separately. While direct complaints are addressed to a complainee who is held
responsible for the offensive action (Could you be a little quieter? Im trying to sleep),
indirect complaints are given to addressees who are not responsible for the perceived
offense (She never cleans up after her. Isnt that horrible?). Indirect complaints often
open a conversation and establish solidarity between the speakers.
Above passages from Boxer (1993a).

Direct Complaints
Strategies
Explanation of Purpose / Warning for the Forthcoming Complaint
I just came by to see if I could talk about my paper.*
Uh, I got my paper back here and after looking through it...*
Listen, John, theres something I want to talk to you about. You remember our
agreement, dont you?
Well, look, I might as well start right out.
Look, I dont want to be horrible about it.
Complaint
I think maybe the grade was a little too low.*
I was kind of upset with my grade. I know that a lot of the problems are mine but
there are certain areas that I wasnt totally in agreement with what you said.*
I put a lot of time and effort in this...*
Request for Solution/Repair
I would appreciate it if you would reconsider my grade.*
..so, Id like to maybe set up a time when we can get together and discuss...*
Would you mind doing your share of the duties?**
I presume your insurance will cover the damage.**
Request for non-recurrence (The speaker requests that the complainee never perform
the offence again or improve the behavior.)
Well, Id really like to find out about this because Im hoping it wont happen
again.**
Characteristics*
Use of pronoun "we"
to indicate that both parties share the blame
as a way of negotiating the problem
I know we have a different point of view on this subject.
I hope we could sit down and discuss the paper
Use of questioning
to ask for advice, for permission to explain oneself
to get the listener to recondsider or discuss the problem
Do you have a minute so that we could go over the paper together?
Depersonalization of the problem
to transfer blame from the interlocutor to the problem
I feel this grade may reflect a difference of opinion.
Use of mitigators ("downgraders")
to soften the complaint (e.g., kind of, perhaps, possibly, a little bit, a second,
somehow, I suppose, Im afraid, you know, I mean, right, dont you think?)
I think uh its just in my opinion maybe the grade was a little low.
Maybe you know something about this dent on my car.**
Im a bit annoyed that...**
Are you somehow involved in this affair?**
Use of "upgraders"**
to increase the impact of the complaint (e.g., such, quite, terrible, really,
frightfully, absolutely, Im sure, Im positive, its obvious)
What a frightful mess youve made, Im absolutely shocked.
Im certain that this dent wasnt there when I last drove my car.
Acceptance of partial responsibilities for the problem
and uh, perhaps it wasnt quite as polished as both of us would have liked, but the
content was there, and I think I deserve a better grade.
Severity Scale**
1) Least Severe:
The speaker avoids actually mentioning the offensive event.
Dont worry about it, theres no real damage.
The kitchen was clean and orderly when I left it last.**
There was nothing wrong with my car yesterday.
2) Somewhat Severe:
Neither the offense nor the complainee is explicitly mentioned but general annoyance at
the violation is expressed:
Look at these things all over the place.**
This is really unacceptable behavior.
Theres a horrible dent in my car.**
3) Fairly Severe:
The speaker threatens the complainees face by making a direct complaint but does not
say there will be any other consequences:
Youre inconsiderate!***
You should not postpone this type of operation.***
4) Severe:
The speaker explicitly accuses the complainee of the offense directly and hints that
there may be consequences for the offender:
Look at this mess! Havent you done any cleaning up for the last week?**
You borrowed my car last night, didnt you?**
Next time Ill let you wait for hours.***
5) Very Severe:
The speaker immediately theatens the complainee by attacking him/her:
Youd better pay the money right now.***
Im not going to budge an inch until you change my appointment.***
Now, give me back what you have stolen or I'll call the police.***

Above passages from *Murphy & Neu (1996), pp. 199-204, **Trosborg (1995), pp. 315-
329 and ***Olshtain & Weinbach (1985), pp. 200-201.


Indirect Complaints
Indirect complaints usually begin with an introductory expression like one of the
following:
Theres no way...
Im sick and tired...
The problem is...
Its not fair...
I cant take it.
How dare...
Its a shame...
This is not my day!
Im up to here...
I cant stand...
It drives me crazy!
Unfortunately...
Indirect complaints tend to center on three themes:
1. Self (Oh, Im so stupid.)
2. Other (J ohn is the worst manager.)
3. Situation (I feel, in a way, boxed in, you know?/Why did they have to raise
tuition?)
Above passages from Boxer (1993a), pp.30-31.
[ Research notes on the section above... ]
Responses to Indirect Complaints
Responses to indirect complaints can vary, but they typically follow one of the patterns
below:
Commiseration showing agreement or reassurance in an attempt to make the
speaker feel better.*
A: Im getting more and more lost.
B: So am I.
A: And yesterday he went over the homework, which is fine, but it didnt prepare us at
all for this week.
B: No. Hes just not a good teacher.
No response, or a switching of the topic (Notice that in this dialogue, minimal response
to the complaint or topic switch terminates the complaint.)*
A: It takes a day and a half to get anywhere cause you spend six hours on an airplane.
B: So you stayed at X hotel. We liked that place.
A: Yeah, it was great. There was a big pool for the kids.
Question simple clarification requests, elaboration requests, or challenge questions
expressing doubts about the validity of the complaints*
A: His talk was so weak that I wonder how it got accepted for the conference..
B: Oh, really? I think he had a lot of useful things to say.
Contradiction not accepting or approving of the complaint by contradicting the
speaker or providing some kind of defense for the object being complained about.
A: You don't even do your own writing.
B: Yes I do!
Joke/teasing*
A: Wow- I just opened this bag of chips and before I'd eaten even one, they were half
gone!
B: You sure pay a lot for a bag half full of air!
A: Yeah, they should come in a smaller bag. I feel ripped off.
B: Let's write a letter to the chip master!
Advice/lecture offering advice on solving a problem in retrospect.*
A: An annoying thing happened to me. I took my bike in to be repaired- to align the
spokes. They did a lousy job. Now I have to find the receipt and take it back.
B: You should have just bought a new wheel and not bothered to fix it.

Above passages from *Boxer (1993a), pp. 39,44,46.

Above passages from *Murphy & Neu (1996), pp. 199-204, **Trosborg (1995), pp. 315-
329 and ***Olshtain & Weinbach (1985), pp. 200-201.

A: An annoying thing happened to me. I took my bike in to be repaired- to align the
spokes. They did a lousy job. Now I have to find the receipt and take it back.
B: You should have just bought a new wheel and not bothered to fix it.
[ Research notes on the section above... ]

Above passages from *Boxer (1993a), pp. 39,44,46.

American Refusals

Refusals of Requests
Excuses are commonly given as part of American refusals. Americans typically start
with expressing a positive opinion or feeling about the requests or requester (or pause
fillers uhh/well/oh/uhm when talking to a higher-status person), then express regret (I'm
sorry), and finally give an excuse, especially when talking to someone of higher or lower
status than themselves (status unequals). With status equals, Americans generally give
an expression of regret or apology, then give an excuse.
Refusals of Invitations
Americans tend to begin with expressions like "Well," "Thank you," "I'd love to go," then
use an expression of regret/apology followed by an excuse to speakers of either higher,
lower, or equal status. Expressions of regret and gratitude are used frequently in
declining invitations.
Refusal of Offers
When a cleaning woman offers to pay for a broken base, Americans might say, "Don't
worry" or "Never mind" and reinforce it with expressions like "I know it was an accident,"
letting the interlocutor off the hook.
Refusal of Suggestions
Offering an alternative to be pursued by the refuser or making suggestions for the
recipient of the refusal to carry out are common strategies. In few cases, expressions of
gratitude and attempts to dissuade are offered as well.
In general, native speakers of American English tend to be sensitive to status equals
versus status unequals (either higher or lower). They talk to people of higher or lower
status than themselves in a similar way, but they speak to status equals in a different
way than status unequals. For instance, they tend to say "Thank you" at the end of their
refusal to a friend (a status equal) who makes an invitation, but not with others of
unequal status.
Examples of American Refusals
Refusing a friend's birthday invitation:
Oh, I feel bad about this. I'm really sorry. I can't.
Saturday evening? Oh, goodness, I have a date Saturday evening.
Refusing a boss' invitation to a farewell party:
I can't attend on Saturday evening. I apologize.
Refusing a boss' request to stay at work late:
Sorry, I have plans. I would but I have plans. I can't do it today.
I had a prior commitment and since you just told me now, and my shift usually ends at
seven, I probably can't stay late this evening.
I'd really like to. Really. But, you know I can't. I've got a lot of stuff I've got to do.
Perhaps we can do it another time? But tonight's a bad time for me. I'm really sorry.
I can't do it. I've got, uh, I've got some things I need to take care of at home. If, uh, if it's
any consolation, I can come in early tomorrow. But I can't do it tonight.
Refusing to lend a classmate notes:
I just don't feel comfortable giving you my notes because I worked so hard and it doesn't
seem that you've done that much.
Above passages taken from (Felix-Brasdefer, 2002)

American Graduate Students' Rejection of Academic Advisors' Suggestions
Students' rejection of their advisers' suggestions in academic advising sessions are out-
of-status acts which require the use of status preserving strategies. Students, as
Refusers, need to take their own status and the face-threatening nature of refusal into
consideration and employ strategies to maintain the status balance.
"Downgraders" are sometimes used to soften the rejection in order to maintain status
relations (e.g., agreement before the rejection (that sounds good but I don't really
want...), downtoner (probably), tentativeness (thinking/I'm not really sure), non-present
tense as a play-down (I've been thinking)).
Yeah, but, the books are, probably the books are in German.
I've been thinking about Korean. Thinking about East Asian languages, cultures as a
minor, I'm really not sure how deep my commitment is to that language.
On the other hand, "upgraders" heighten non-congruence that is already inherent in
the rejection (e.g., Yeah but, but, in fact, I prefer). Although yeah but and but may be
mitigated by other parts of the utterance, they alert the interlocutor to the fact that a
rejection is about to occur and highlight the possibility of refusal. This intensifies the
impact of rejection and tends to lead to advisors' disapproval of the rejection.
Questions or embedded questions are sometimes used. Questions are safe in that they
do not sound like explicit rejections, yet may be ambiguous in that they could either be
interpreted as a refusal or could be seen as not convincing enough to constitute a
refusal:
Is it possible not to take it?
I was wondering if I could take your class Mondays and Wednesdays.
Giving explanation is probably the most common strategy for rejection used by
American graduate students. The content should be appropriate and relatively brief.
Giving an alternative tends to be the second most commonly used strategy. This
strategy depends on specific content and the appropriate form for mitigating the
threatening nature of refusals. Explanations and alternatives are used as part of
refusals, often with downgraders.
[ Research notes on the section above... ]
Above passages taken from (Bardovi-Harlig & Hartford, 1991)
American Thanks

We thank/express gratitude in different ways for different reasons. We may say:
"Thank you so much for the gift!" to show gratitude,

"Thanks for the wonderful meal." to compliment someone, or

"Thats all, thank you." to signal the conclusion of a conversation.
Many examples of thanking appear in a ritualized form, such as saying "Thanks" or
"Thank you" to a bus driver, a cashier, or to a friend who has handed you something.
Some speakers, especially those living in larger cities, may say nothing at all to a bus
driver or a cashier. Others tend to automatically thank others for performing a service
for them.
There are phrases that commonly precede or follow an expression of gratitude or
thanks. These phrases perform another function for the speaker:
Complimenting (Thank you. Youre wonderful.)

Expressing affection (I really appreciate this. Youre a sweetheart.)

Reassuring the listener (I cant thank you enough. This is just what I wanted.
Blue is my favorite color.)

Promising to repay (I dont know how to thank you. Ill pay you back as soon as I
can.)

Expressing surprise and delight (Oh, wow! Thank you!)

Expressing a lack of necessity or obligation (I dont know how to thank you. You
didnt have to do this for me.)

Exaggerating to emphasize the depth of the gratitude (I really appreciate this.
Youre a lifesaver.)
Above passages from Eisenstein & Bodman (1986), pp. 168-172.
[ Anatomy of American thanks... ]
Examples and Strategies of American Thanking
(Eisenstein & Bodman 1986, pp. 179-183).
To a friend who lends you $5:
Thanks a lot. / Thanks. I really appreciate it. (Thanking)
Thanks, Ill give it back to you Monday. (Thanking + promise / reassurance)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. (Expressing surprise + thanking)
Thanks a bunch. Youre a lifesaver. (Thanking + compliment)
To a friend who brings you a birthday present:
Oh, you know me so well. Thanks, I love it. (Expressing surprise + complimenting
+ thanking + espressing liking)
Its beautiful. Thank you. (Complimenting the object + thanking)
Its lovely, but you didnt have to get me anything. (Complimenting the object +
expressing the lack of necessity/generosity)
To a vice-President of the company you are working for who offers you an unexpected
raise:
Gee, thanks. / Wow, thanks. (Expressing surprise + thanking)
Thank you. Im glad you appreciate my work / Im glad youre happy with my work
/ Thats great! (Thanking + expressing pleasure)
Thats very kind of you. Thank you so much. (Complimenting the person +
thanking)
Thank you very much. I really like working here. I'll continue to give it my
best.(Thanking + expressing liking + promising)
To a friend who offers to lend you $500 you suddenly need:
Youre a lifesaver. Ill never forget it. You cant imagine what this means to
me.(Complimenting the person/action + thanking + expressing indebtedness +
expressing gratitude)
Ill return it to you as soon as I can. I really appreciate what youre
doing.(Promising to repay + expressing appreciation)
Wow. I dont know how to thank you. This is a lifesaver. (Expressing relief +
thanking + complimenting the action)
Are you sure this is all right? (Expressing reluctance to accept)
To a friend who took you to lunch at a very nice restaurant:
Thanks for lunch. Ill take you out next week / Next time, its my treat.(Thanking +
promising to reciprocate)
This was very nice. Thanks a lot for the meal. (Complimenting the person/action
+ thanking)
It was a wonderful lunch. Thank you for inviting me. (Complimenting the event +
thanking)
To a colleague at the office who tells you that she has organized a farewell party for you
before you leave for a new job:
Youre wonderful. / Thats very nice of you. (Complimenting the person)
Oh thats really nice! You didnt have to do that! (Expressing surprise +
complimenting the action + expressing the lack of necessity)
To a relatively new friend whose party you have really enjoyed:
You really made me feel at home. / The dinner was delicious. Youll have to
come for dinner at my place when we get a chance / Id like you to come over to
my place next time / Id like to have you over. Ill be in touch with
you.(Complimenting action / person + offering reciprocity)
Thank you very much for the dinner and the company. I really enjoyed myself. Ill
see you later. Good night. (Thanking + expressing pleasure + leave-taking)
Thank you for inviting me. I had a great time. (Thanking + expression of
pleasure)
Thank you for a wonderful evening. I hope well get together again soon /
Perhaps we can get together again soon / Lets get together again
soon.(Thanking + expressing a desire to continue relationship)
Responses to Thanks
How people respond to being thanked typically falls into these categories:
1. Recognizing the gratitude and relieving the speaker of its burden (Youre
welcome.)

2. Indicating that it was gladly done (Thats quite all right.)

3. Denying the existence of the need to thank or playing it down (Not at all / Dont
mention it.)
Above passages from Coulmas (1981), p. 77.
Thanks and apologies can be responded in similar terms (Thats all right / Not at all).
What thanks and apologies have in common is the concept of indebtedness. Thanks
implying the indebtedness of the speaker to the listener closely resembles apologies
where the speaker actually recognizes his indebtedness to his listener. For example:
A. Thank you for all your help. I cant tell you how much I appreciate it.
B. Dont mention it/Thats all right. Its really nothing.
1. Im terrible sorry I did this to you.
2. Thats all right. Its really nothing.
Above passages from Coulmas (1981), p. 72-73.