MY FIRST DEAD SHOW

Excerpt from the working draft of Memoirs of an Artist: My Life in Transition

penned by Charles Burnell 2014
Saturday, August 24th, 1985, Boreal Ridge elt li!e the hottest pla"e on earth# $a!ing our %ay through
the "ro%ds, &y &other and her riends, loaded %ith bags and blan!ets, dragged &e up the bright
hillside# 'here %ere so &any people# (hat elt li!e hours passed as %e tried to ind an e&pty spa"e or
our group to set up# )*entually, %e stopped and laid out our blan!ets# + i&&ediately began ta!ing ood
out# $y logi" said it %as pi"ni" ti&e# $o& didn,t see& to &ind# (e had sna"!s, "olored pen"ils and
paper, sot blan!ets, and &e in the &iddle#
-eople "a&e and %ent# .ru&s %ere played# -eople %ere ni"e to ea"h other in e*ery dire"tion around
&e# 'he &ore + s%eated and sleepily soa!ed up &y surroundings, the &ore euphori" they be"a&e# +
&o*ed in and out o &y body, loating abo*e the "ro%d, + %at"hed as ti&e see&ed to ta!e a brea! in
the shado%s o the %oods on either side o our great "ro%d o people#
'i&e passed e/traordinarily slo% that aternoon# $usi" played# -eople dan"ed# + dan"ed# (e %ere all
together %ea*ing in and out and around ea"h other# Children and adults# 0obody 1udged anyone#
)*eryone %as happy, blissul, e/uding lo*e# + slipped in and out o reality as the day progressed# By the
ti&e the sun set behind the stage at the botto& o the hill, + elt li!e + had been on an ad*enture a
lieti&e long, and all + %anted to do %as ind a "o2y pla"e to go to sleep#
3ea*ing the "on"ert, %as a sleepy, gru&py, &uddled 1ourney through thi"! "ro%ds o other sleepy
people# )/"ited, dan"ing, and hal drea&ing %e poured do%n the hill into the par!ing lot# 4n"e ba"! at
the tru"!, + ound &ysel buried ba"! under the blan!ets again# Asleep beore the tru"! &ade it out o
the par!ing lot, the %orld o noisy "ars and dusty roads disappeared# (hen + a%o!e, %e %ere turning
around in the &iddle o no%here# 'he dri*er %as lost trying to ind a "a&pground# So&eho% or
another, + &anaged to %a!e up in the &orning, in a tent by a beautiul ri*er#
'he early &orning %as &isty and 5uiet# A star! "ontrast to the loud dusty ri*er o people gurgling
through the ebb and lo% o the pre*ious e*enings "on"ert, the 6uba Ri*er %as see&ingly silent# +
5uietly &ade &y %ay do%n a path that led to a great slab o "e&ent# 'he slab appeared alien in this
other%ise untou"hed lands"ape# +t sat at the edge o the ri*er, li!e a great ro"! ro& %hi"h one "ould
peer out into the ri*er al&ost a third o the %ay a"ross# + "rou"hed do%n to listen to the %ater and dip
&y ingers in the "urrent# 7ish &o*ed do%nstrea& so naturally, no resistan"e ro& outside# 'he ish
and the %ater, the s&ooth ro"!s "o*ered %ith algae beneath the sura"e, %ere all e/a"tly %here they
should be# 'he only thing unnatural %as the great "e&ent slab#
'ra*eling up the path ollo%ing the ri*er, + ound &ore great "e&ent slabs# 'hey loo!ed so out o pla"e#
+ re&e&ber %ondering ho% they got there# Re"ogni2ing these as strange and dierent in the lands"ape,
+ %as re&inded o ho% &u"h + did not %ant to go ba"! to the reality o suburbia# + did not %ant to go
ba"! to &y athers house# + %as sure that $iddle S"hool %ould pro*e to be a terriying e/perien"e o
1udg&ent and peer re1e"tion# + %anted to stay here in the &agi"al paradise ore*er#
Slo%ly other people in our group began to %a!e up# 'he s&ell o "a&pire and s&o!y "oee is
so&ething that al%ays gi*es &e a good eeling# 'he s&ells and sounds o happy people en1oying
the&sel*es in paradise really is a %onderul thing to per"ei*e# (hy "ouldn,t + eel this "areree %hen +
%as %ith &y ather8 As &ore and &ore people "a&e out o tents, + reali2ed that there %ere a lot &ore
people than had tra*eled in the tru"! + had allen asleep in# + re"ogni2ed &any o the& as being riends
%ith &y &o&, but + didn,t see her# + briely entertained the thought that + had allen asleep in so&eone
else,s *ehi"le, and that + %as on a great ad*enture in %hi"h + %as no longer being tra"!ed by &y
parents# )*entually &y &other e&erged as %ell#
'hat %as %hen + began to reali2e that people %ere not getting dressed# )*eryone %as na!ed, or only
partly "lothed# 'hey see&ed only to be "on"erned about "o&ort# 'he rules o the outside %orld did not
apply here in this pla"e# 'i&e did not see& to ha*e any ae"t on this %orld# Beautiul# + %as asha&ed
o &y o%n body# + 5uietly obser*ed, sear"hing or the "lues to their se"ret# 9o% "ould they sit
"o&ortably being openly na!ed8 (here %as their sha&e8 'hey see&ingly had none# 'hey %ere ree
ro& sha&e, ree ro& the guilt o non:"onor&ing# + %anted to eel that reedo&# + %anted to absorb
their sel assuran"e# + %anted to eel good about &ysel#
(at"hing the &en and %o&en roli" li!e "hildren in the sun and %ater all day %as a 1oyous e/perien"e#
'he great slabs o "e&ent peppered along the ri*erbed helped to "reate a series o pools# So&e pools
%ere deeper and "ooler, so&e %ere shallo% and %ar&# (ateralls "onne"ted the pools, *arious si2es
and lengths bro!e up the *isage li!e pu22le pie"es# + %at"hed the pie"es &o*e around and ba"! again,
&y *ie% s"ra&bling itsel as + &o*ed in and out o &y body# 'his pla"e %as sae and + "ould see so
&u"h &ore ro& the air#
'he last big %ee!end trip beore + had to return to &y athers house or the ne% s"hool year# + tasted
e*ery last breath, as i it %ere &y last breath# )*ery drop o %ater, + e/pe"ted to be the last drop +
%ould e*er eel on &y par"hed s!in in the destitute lies"ape that reality %as ine*itably bound to thro%
at &e# 'he last thing + %anted to go ba"! to %as s"hool# + %at"hed the sha&eless people playing on the
ro"!s, in and out o the %ater# (hat did they !no% that + %as &issing8 + %as araid, and + elt
un"o&ortable# 0one o the& loo!ed li!e they %ere un"o&ortable %ith the&sel*es# + elt alien in &y
o%n s!in and + did not understand that %as %hat + %as eeling# + "ould not put this tension into %ords,
but + elt an/ious#
$y &other assured &e that + "ould %ear as e% or as &any "lothes as + elt "o&ortable# +t %as
"o&pletely up to &e# She tried to be supporti*e in her o%n %ay# + %as loo!ing or a point o reeren"e,
and she ga*e &e an open ans%er# + opted or partial "lothes# 'hey "a&e and %ent throughout the day as
&y an/iety %a/ed and %aned#
)/ploring dierent pools, + !ept &ysel 1ust ar enough ro& the group to isolate &ysel# Being able to
obser*e, %ithout eeling li!e + had to intera"t elt sae# And lonely# + &e&ori2ed the te/ture o e*ery
&oss "o*ered ro"!# So &any shades o green and grey and bro%n# Araid the ish %ould nip at &y legs,
+ too! spe"ial pre"autions to !eep ro& s%i&&ing %ith the ish# + per"hed on ro"!s o*erloo!ing
sunsplashed %indo%s into their %orld# 7ish had no sha&e# 'hey %ere in their ele&ent# + %anted to ind
a pla"e %here + "ould eel that natural# + %anted be so&e%here + elt at ho&e, "o&ortable, and in &y
ele&ent# + let &y body laying in the sun on the ro"!s %hile + loated abo*e the s"ene# + elt se"ure in
the reedo& that "a&e %ith loating abo*e e*eryone, unseen, untou"hable#